Oh poop! Monday, I picked the girls up from school and a certain little girl, who may or may not be the fruit of my womb, had a sideways little snicker on her face. Something was up, but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.
“What’s going on, little miss sneaky sneak?” (**Identities are not being revealed to protect the innocent. No one wants to be associated with this particular story but this is one that needs to be saved for the baby book.)
Forgive me little one for sharing this embarrassing story. Mommy loves you but somethings are too priceless to be forgotten.
My question was met with yet another childlike smile. As the doors shut and the girls are buckling themselves in, I hear an outburst of shrill laughter and I turn to see something I never could have expected.
Like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat, this tiny person was pulling her balled up panties from inside her uniform shorts.
What the Hell?
It’s Catholic school, so you can imagine what went through my mind. My heart was fear stricken. OMG!!OMG! Why are her panties balled up inside her shorts but NOT ACTUALLY on her body.
She is laughing so hard that she is turning red and her sister is crying from laughter.
(Me) What happened?
(Little David Copperfield of panties) I had an accident?
(Me) What is it baby? You can tell Mommy. We will take care of it. (My brain is exploding. I’m trying to stay calm.)
(Me) What? Why did you take your panties off? Why didn’t you tell your teacher so I could pick you up or bring you new clothes? No one took your panties off did they?
(Little DC) I didn’t tell my teacher because I was too shy. Ewwww, no one took my panties off, mommy. I took them off because I didn’t want to smell like poop!
(Me) Are you sure no one took your panties off, baby? You can tell mommy. You are not in trouble. I just need to know.
(The underwear snatcher, very annoyed) NO! Mommy, I didn’t want people to think I smelled like poop so I took my panties off (but she crumpled them up in a ball and shoved them back inside her shorts).
At this point I was less hysterical that she had been molested and more concerned that her first point of reference was to snatch her panties off and go commando all day.
There is now in place a strict policy of no removal of panties while on the school grounds for our family. Once that was all cleared up, asses were wiped and panties washed, I told my husband and we both laughed until we cried because it was pretty funny.
What’s the most outrageous thing your child has ever decided to do when left to rely on his/her own good judgment and was poop involved?