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Parenting

Parenting is nothing you expected and everything you could have imagined all rolled into one. I have been spit up on, pooped on, vomited on all before 7 a.m. in the newborn years. I’ve watched my toddler shove a pearl up her nose and poop in her mouth, and I’ve even masticated food. Not as fun as it sounds. I’ve survived breast buds and the sex talk. I share everything I ever learned and you might want to know about parenting from pregnancy to labor thru to the teens years.  It’s is hard but it’s the toughest job that you’ll ever love but the salary sucks.

Planning a Trip Your Teens Won't Whine About

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Hey Mamas (and Papas!), remember those pre-teen years when vacations meant building sandcastles and begging for ice cream? Those glorious spring breaks where everyone went with the flow? Sure, you had to carry an ass ton of extras to keep them entertained but in the end, it was absolutely worth it. Yeah, those days are officially over. Now, we’re facing a new foe: the dreaded planning a trip your teens won’t whine about and you might actually enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE traveling with my teens (it’s my favorite thing to do) but life would be easier without the “cool, bruh.” 

The mere mention of a family trip can be met with eye rolls, dramatic sighs, and monosyllabic responses.  Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It happens to the best of us. My girls even refer to me as “cool” on occasion and I get all the eye rolls. Planning a trip that appeals to both your inner wanderlust and your teen’s ever-evolving interests can feel like navigating a minefield. But fear not, fellow travelers!  This mama is here to equip you with secret weapons to conquer the Teen Travel Whine and plan a trip EVERYONE will love. Yes, even that youngest, most entitled and champion “cool, bruh” one. 

Embrace the Collaboration (Without Losing Control)

First things first, ditch the “Surprise! We’re going to Disney!” tactic. Just kidding. Maybe for typical teens but my girls are die-hard Disney teens. We go every year and every year it’s.the.best.time.ever! Teens crave a sense of ownership, so ditch the dictator routine and turn trip planning into a collaborative mission. Dust off that dusty world map (or whip out your phone) and gather your little squad. Get their travel vibes flowing by browsing travel blogs, Instagram accounts, and travel magazines together.

Pro Tip: Let them dream big! Even if a trip to the Maldives is out of budget, exploring their wildest travel desires can spark inspiration for more realistic options.

Location, Location, Location:

Now, the fun part! Once you have a general idea of what kind of trip your teen is digging (beach bumming, city exploration, adventure junkie, etc.), start brainstorming destinations that cater to both your interests. Here are some Teen-Approved Hotspots:

  • Adventure Awaits! For the thrill-seekers, consider national parks like Yosemite or Yellowstone, where hiking, camping, and white-water rafting will have them screaming with excitement (in a good way!). If international travel is on the agenda, Costa Rica offers a perfect blend of adventure and relaxation. Ziplining through rainforests, horseback riding on volcanic beaches, and learning to surf – enough adrenaline to keep those teenage spirits soaring.
  • City Slickers Unite! Let your teen unleash their inner urban explorer in a vibrant city like New Orleans, overflowing with live music, historic sites, and mouthwatering food (beignets, anyone?). London, with its iconic landmarks, museums galore, and a thriving theater scene, is another fantastic option. Explore hidden alleyways, catch a West End show, and maybe even take a day trip to explore the magic of Harry Potter Studios.
  • Beach Bums Welcome! Who doesn’t love a relaxing beach getaway? But ditch the all-inclusive resorts and opt for a location with some personality. Tulum, Mexico, offers stunning beaches, ancient Mayan ruins to explore, and a bohemian vibe your teen will love. The Outer Banks in North Carolina boasts beautiful beaches, charming towns, and even wild horses to keep everyone entertained.

Activities: It’s All About the Experiences

Okay, you’ve nailed the destination. Now, let’s make sure there’s enough action to keep everyone from getting bored (especially those with short attention spans cough teenagers cough).

Pro Tip:  Remember, vacations are about creating lasting memories, so prioritize experiences over souvenirs.

Here are some ideas to keep your teens engaged:

  • Food Tours: Turn mealtimes into mini-adventures with a food tour that explores the local cuisine. From chowing down on tacos in Mexico City to sampling dim sum in Hong Kong, these tours offer a delicious way to experience a new culture.
  • Get Creative: Does your teen have an artistic soul? Seek out workshops or classes that allow them to learn a new skill like pottery making, glass blowing, or graffiti art. This is a fantastic way to create a unique souvenir and a fun memory.
  • Volunteer for a Cause: Looking for a way to give back on your trip? Look into volunteer opportunities with local organizations. This could be anything from helping to build a school in a developing country to working at an animal shelter. Not only is it a rewarding experience, but it allows your teen to connect with the local community on a deeper level.

Don’t Forget the “Me Time” Factor

Remember, a vacation is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable for EVERYONE, including yourself!

Pro Tip: Factor in “me-time” for everyone. Let your teens explore their own interests for a few hours, whether it’s browsing vintage shops or catching a movie. You can head to a museum, get a massage, or simply relax on a beach lounger with a good book.

This isn’t about abandoning your teens on a deserted island (tempting as it may sound sometimes!), but rather creating opportunities for everyone to recharge and pursue their individual interests.

Here are some ideas to create that “me-time” magic:

  • Teen Time: Negotiate a few hours where your teens can explore the city (or beach, or wherever you are) on their own. This could involve browsing vintage shops, catching a local band’s gig, or simply hanging out with friends they may have made on the trip.
  • Adult Adventures: Schedule an activity just for you! Whether it’s a solo museum visit, a relaxing spa treatment, or enjoying a quiet coffee at a local cafe, this dedicated “me-time” allows you to unwind and recharge.

Embrace the Unexpected

Travel is all about creating memories, and sometimes the best ones are the ones you don’t plan. Leave some room for spontaneity on your trip!

Here are some ways to embrace the unexpected:

  • Get Lost (Safely): Instead of sticking rigidly to your itinerary, allow some time to wander and explore. You might stumble upon a hidden gem of a restaurant, a charming local market, or a quirky street performance – these unexpected finds can become the highlights of your trip.
  • Be Open to New Experiences: Don’t shy away from trying something new, even if it’s outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s trying a local dish you can’t pronounce, taking a salsa dancing lesson, or going on a spontaneous hike, embracing new experiences can create lasting memories and stories to tell for years to come.
  • Go with the Flow: Things don’t always go according to plan, especially when traveling. Flights might get delayed, museums might be closed, or the weather might not cooperate. Instead of getting stressed, take a deep breath and roll with the punches. These unexpected hiccups can actually lead to some hilarious stories down the road.

**Remember, Mamas (and Papas, too), a successful family vacation isn’t about achieving Instagram-perfect moments. It’s about creating shared experiences, fostering connection, and making memories that will last a lifetime.  So ditch the stress, embrace the chaos, and get ready to have the best family vacation ever!

Bonus Tip:  Don’t forget to document your adventures! Encourage your teens to take photos, capture videos, and jot down their thoughts in a travel journal.  These little mementos will be precious treasures you can all look back on and reminisce about long after the tan lines fade.

Now, go forth and plan that epic trip your whole family (even the teens!) will be raving about!**

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Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Welp, it finally happened. The girls have finally “dated” partners that gave me the “ick”. No, it wasn’t anything personal, or even that I could put my finger on. What it was… my mom intuition. We all have it but I’m a bit of a natural bruja and when my mommy senses start tingling, I can’t ignore it.  But how do you talk to your teen when you notice red flags in their partner or bestie? You won’t always love your teens partner but try talking to your teen like an adult instead of at them. 

The girls and I have always had very open, honest, close and transparent relationship and there’s nothing off limits, but I make it a practice not to bash their friends and partners. My girls consider me a friend so I don’t want to switch gears and go all dictator on them. It’s their choice but I’m their mom so I can’t ignore obvious red flags that they may be blind to due to inexperience, the love bubble or an onslaught of love bombing.

Fellow parents in the trenches of parenthood, are you ready to tackle a conversation that can feel trickier than parallel parking after a tequila tasting? I’m referring to talking to your teen about a friend or partner who raises your red flags.

Let’s face it, our teens are navigating the social jungle, and sometimes, they pick up companions who make us want to grab a metaphorical hairbrush and untangle the mess. But before you launch into a full-on “they’re-not-good-enough-for-you” tirade (trust me, been there, done that, resulted in slammed doors and epic eye rolls), let’s pause, take a deep breath, and approach this with the finesse of a seasoned diplomat.

Why the Worries? Buckle Up, Buttercup, Here Comes the Truth:

As parents, we have this built-in radar that goes off when something feels off with our kids. Maybe it’s the way their “friend” manipulates them, constantly needs rescuing, or leaves them feeling drained and down. Or perhaps it’s the partner who exhibits controlling behavior, puts them down, or makes them question their worth. Whatever the reason, our mama and papa bear instincts kick in, and we want to shield our precious offspring from harm.

The Tightrope Walk: Navigating the Conversation Minefield:

Here’s the thing: direct attacks rarely work. Calling someone names or forbidding the relationship altogether might push your teen further away and make them even more defensive. Instead, we need to be strategic ninjas, wielding the power of communication and empathy.

Step 1: Become a Listening Ear, Not a Judgmental Judge:

First, create a safe space for your teen to talk. Let them know you’re concerned, but avoid accusatory language. Phrases like “I’ve noticed you seem different lately” or “I’m curious about this friendship/relationship” can open the door to honest conversation.

Step 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions, Not Leading Ones:

Instead of planting seeds of doubt with questions like “Do you think they’re a good influence?”, encourage critical thinking with prompts like “How does this relationship make you feel?” or “What are your concerns about this person?”

Step 3: Validate Their Feelings, Even the Ones You Disagree With:

Remember, your teen is experiencing this relationship firsthand. Even if you don’t like the person, acknowledge their feelings by saying things like “It sounds like you care about them” or “I understand why this is challenging.”

Step 4: Share Your Observations (But Gently):

Once you’ve established a safe space, you can cautiously share your concerns. Focus on specific behaviors, not personal attacks. For example, instead of saying “They’re manipulative,” you could say “I’ve noticed they tend to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do.”

Step 5: Empower Them, Don’t Dictate:

Ultimately, the decision is up to your teen. You can offer guidance and support, but avoid ultimatums or threats. Encourage them to trust their gut, set healthy boundaries, and know that you’re there for them no matter what.

Remember: This may not be a one-time conversation. Be patient, supportive, and offer a listening ear whenever they need it.

Bonus Tip: Lead by example! Build healthy relationships in your own life and model the kind of love and respect you want your teen to experience.

The Takeaway:

Talking to your teen about a questionable friend or partner can be tricky, but it’s an important conversation to have. By approaching it with empathy, open communication, and a focus on healthy relationships, you can empower your teen to make wise choices and navigate the complexities of their social world. Honestly, the relationship I have with my girls is the most important thing ever so I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe and happy but, at the same time, our relationship is one built on trust, respect and unconditional love so I have to keep it real with them. Also, you are not always going to love who your ten choses to spend their time with or invest their love into but when you see them headed for danger, you should try to talk to them in a way that respects them as young adults. 

Now, onto you, fellow warriors! What are your tips for communicating with your teens about tough topics? Share your experiences and advice in the comments below!

P.S. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial when navigating the sometimes-turbulent waters of parenthood. So, do something small for yourself today – take a walk, read a book, or indulge in your favorite dessert. You deserve it

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Celebrating Our Furry Family on National Love Your Pet Day, Stella

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Remember Saffaron, our brindle-coated whirlwind who stole our hearts as newlyweds? Or Lola, the Victorian Bulldog who brought sunshine after a storm? Today, on National Love Your Pet Day, their stories remind me of the profound impact our furry companions have on our lives.

Saffaron, our first “dog-daughter,” wasn’t just a pet; she was a confidante, a furry therapist, and a champion snuggler. She saw us through thick and thin, from the wobbly first steps of marriage to the joy (and chaos!) of parenthood. Her unconditional love was a constant, a warm paw on our hearts during life’s storms.

Losing her was heartbreaking, leaving a void that felt impossible to fill. But then came Lola, a goofy, lovable Victorian bulldog with a penchant for stealing socks and giving the best wet-nosed kisses. She didn’t replace Saffaron, but her playful spirit and boundless affection slowly mended our cracks. We learned that love comes in many forms, each paw print unique and precious.

Celebrating Our Furry Family on National Love Your Pet Day, StellaAnd then, life surprised us again with Stella, our gentle giant of a French Mastiff. We weren’t looking, but sometimes, the best things find you. Stella arrived just as we were facing another loss, her presence a beacon of hope and unwavering love. She reminded us that even the deepest wounds can heal, and that laughter and joy can bloom even in the midst of sorrow.

These are just three tails in our ever-growing family story, each one a testament to the powerful bond between humans and animals. Today, I urge you to celebrate your own furry family members. Shower them with belly rubs, ear scratches, and their favorite treats. Take them for a walk in the park, play fetch in the backyard, or simply snuggle on the couch. Let them know how much they mean to you, not just with words, but with actions.

So, this National Love Your Pet Day, let’s shower our furry friends with the love they deserve! Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Spoil them rotten! Whip up a batch of homemade dog treats, indulge in a belly rub marathon, or splurge on a new squeaky toy. Remember, the little things matter!
  • Plan a pawsome adventure! Take them on a hike, hit the dog park, or explore a new pet-friendly cafe. Let them sniff out some fun!
  • Shower them with affection! Extra cuddles, playful games, and heartfelt words of appreciation go a long way in their book (or bark, rather!).
  • Give back to the furry community! Donate to your local animal shelter, volunteer at a rescue organization, or simply foster a pet in need. Every act of kindness counts!

Remember, our pets are more than just companions; they’re family. They offer unconditional love, unwavering loyalty, and endless entertainment (hello, squirrel-chasing!). So, let’s celebrate them today and every day!

Now, it’s your turn! Share your own heartwarming pet stories in the comments below. Let’s spread the love and make every day a National Love Your Pet Day!

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Top Things to Learn Now About Sleep

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

I just had a dream last night that I was pregnant.Yeah, it was a pretty weird dream considering that it’s actually impossible, since the great partial hysterectomy of 2018. Not having a uterus makes it pretty much impossible to be pregnant. But, it reminded me of what it was like to be pregnant and becoming a new mom, all those years ago. Those early months of being a parent can be the foggiest of your life. I, honestly, didn’t know which way was up a lot of the time because I was so damn exhausted. Having to try to navigate, keeping a kid alive while keeping yourself organized at the same time is no easy task. It doesn’t leave much space for sleep, especially when your newborn is making your sleep as broken as physically possible. Don’t even get me started on the colicky newborn sleep nights. Trying to learn the way another person sleeps is not easy even if that person has come directly from you. Sleep is one of those things that you expect to lose out on when you become a parent, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy to truly comprehend how much sleep you will actually lose or what that can mean for you as a new mom… and that’s coming from a lifelong insomniac.

When you’re a mom, everything becomes about survival, and sleep is a big part of that survival. You think about when you can nap, about how long the baby is going to sleep through the night, how often you will be waking up to check on their breathing patterns. Babies are brand new to the world and you are learning about them as much as they are learning how to be human beings. The thing is, that’s little consolation when you’re so tired that you can’t see straight. There are guides such as Baby Sleep Positions: The Complete Guide For Parents that can help guide you through how to understand the ways that babies sleep, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. You can anticipate broken sleep and still be in shock and awe when the reality of sleep deprivation hits. Just because you chose to be a parent does not mean that you could have anticipated the gravity of what sleep deprivation can do to your mind, your mood and your health.

If it helps in any way, just know that sleep deprivation has been used as a torturing device in wars, so you’re not alone in feeling like you’re being cruel and unusually  punished. As a new mom, there are lots of things that you’ll be learning and experiencing about motherhood for the first time. Sleep, for baby and mama, is a crucial part of surviving that process so let’s take a look at some of the top things that you need to learn now about how your baby will sleep.

Top things to learn now about newborn sleep

  • Sleep deprivation is very dangerous. You can joke about leaving your car keys in your car, or leaving the chest freezer open in the garage, or falling asleep on the toilet due to lack of sleep but what happens when you are so tired you leave the baby in the carseat in a hot car? It’s scary and it’s dangerous. Severe and prolonged sleep deprivation can cause depression, hallucinations, memory loss and high blood pressure. Not only that, it is exhausting to try to live on very little sleep. Ideally, you’ll be sharing this sleep deprivation load with a partner, but if you’re trying to navigate things by yourself ( and even with help from your partner) then you’ll definitely need to call in some reinforcements in terms of friends and family to have some extra help.
  • Parents often lie when it comes to their baby’s sleep. We all want to pretend we’ve got our mom shit together. If you ask a new parent how their baby is sleeping, they will tell you that their baby is sleeping just fine. But what does “fine” even mean for most people? I can tell you from my own experience, it sure as heck didn’t mean sleeping through the night. It mostly meant, at some point during the night they passed out and then I passed out and none of us died before the next feeding. But it most certainly did not mean we all had a massage and fell asleep at 9 PM and stayed asleep until 8 am the next morning. I never could have told that lie, the baggage under my eyes would have ratted me out. Newborns are not designed to sleep through the night. They have tiny tummies that need feeding every couple of hours, and they require cuddles and contact because they’ve just spent nine months suspended in animation in the coziest womb ever. Some parents feel the need to exaggerate that their babies are getting enough sleep so that they feel like they are competent parents when actually, it’s pretty refreshing if somebody just tells you the truth. Then, we know we’re all in this gangsta ass mother hood together just trying to survive. To be completely honest, when I had 2 babies, 2-years-old and under, I really thought I was going to die from lack of sleep. I survived on coffee, delirium and a partner who helped me up when I thought I could no longer soldier on. 
  • Solid food will not force your child to sleep. So many myths and legends of old parenting will tell you that if you put something heavy in the baby’s tummy, they will sleep for longer. But this doesn’t actually work. Sure, they might drift off into a high sugar, carb coma but that’s not healthy.at.all.Firstly, they’re not designed to sleep through the night. They are babies, they’re not built FORD tough. They are designed to wake up regularly as a survival instinct, to fill their bellies and train you for the zombie apocalypse. Secondly, putting solids into the belly of a newborn baby can lead to a lot of gut issues later on in life. You could also be exacerbating reflux issues and other pain issues that your baby may end up having. Why? Because baby tummies are not designed to hold solid food until beyond six months. There is plenty of research to back up this fact.
  • Great nap times are not an indicator of great night times. Hell no. In fact, you’re baby might just be getting their days and nights mixed up and that’s a whole new level of cruel and unusual torture. Just because your baby sleeps during the day in solid nap time chunks doesn’t mean they’re going to do the same thing at night time, in fact, the opposite is probably true. Oh, in your exhausted state you’ll be tempted to let them sleeping babies just keep on napping but take it from this seasoned mom, don’t do it.  One of the best things that you can do is to put your baby into some kind of a routine that’s based on them and not based on what you believe they should be doing. For example, overtired babies don’t sleep very well, and you’ll notice that within 90 minutes of waking up, your baby’s going to learn to understand your baby’s sleep cues. 
  • Routine is a good thing. Bedtime routines work, but it has to be dependent on what your baby’s wants and needs are. You could try to put your baby down before a certain time of night, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to instantly learn to recognize this as nighttime bedtime. A good winding down with a bath, lavender lotion massage, and story at bedtime is perfect, so just make sure that you are sticking to the same order so as they get older they will learn that this is what they’re bedtime routine is.
  • Babies will always fall asleep when they are tired enough to do so but to be able to drift off into a peaceful slumber is the real goal. If you manage to get your baby off into a nice deep sleep and put them into their crib successfully, then congratulations to you because this only happened because they felt safe and comfortable enough to do so in your care. Believe me, many a night I silently, army crawled backwards out of my daughters’ nursery like some sort of James Bond supervillain so I know, it takes some time to get the process working. 
  • Breastfeeding can help with sleeping. Breast milk is packed with melatonin and as a naturally occurring human hormone, the levels of this hormone increase towards the evening. Those nighttime feeds are packed with all of the good fats and melatonin that your child needs to fall asleep. As our melatonin starts to rise in the evening and reaches that peak in the early hours of the morning, breast milk is melatonin. Breast milk can be quite magical in that way. 
  • Keep the environment dark. Lighting and devices will always interfere with baby’s sleep.I recommend room darkening blinds or blackout curtains. I never had a nursery without them.  If you’re trying to put your baby to sleep, leave your phone behind. Sure you may be tempted to try to multitask during those 3 AM hour long feeding and rocking sessions but try to avoid the phone because that blue light will be shining in their face as much as it will be yours and you both need your rest. 

The important thing to remember is that this is temporary and it won’t always be this hard. If you can remind yourself of that from time to time in the early days, it will change your perspective and make it all feel a bit easier. The most important thing is that you and baby get enough rest to live and love and fight again the next day. Motherhood can be really hard and sometimes a bit miserable but then, it’s filled with little hands hugging your neck, loving you unconditionally and even the occasional moments of unadulterated bliss. Take from this mom of a 18 and 16-year-old, with one heading off to college in the fall and the other one about to graduate from high school, I would not trade one second of my exhausted front row seat in their childhood for any amount of sleep. From me to you, motherhood is very hard but it is also very worth it and never forget, you are not alone; we’ve all been where you are.

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How to Balance Running a Business as a Busy Parent

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Being a parent is super tough. It’s the hardest job that you’ll ever love and on some days, you might even hate it. It’s hard. There’s always so much to do and never enough time ( or energy). One huge issue parents experience is balancing their work life with their home life. For many moms, running a business of their own is seen as a perfect way to achieve a better work-life balance because we “think” its going to be easier, more convenient and allow us to be “more present”. Of course, it’s all a lie we tell ourselves powered by hope. The reality is that being in charge of your work life is really helpful and not having a “boss” certainly has its advantages.

Knowing how to balance running a business as a busy parent is crucial.

Because running your own business is an incredible amount of work with no off hours and people misunderstanding your flexibility for free time. You’ll likely find that your work consumes pretty much all of your time ( on call 24 hours a day). Having a business to run can feel like having another child to look after. While it’s a labor of love, its also a lot. This means that there’s a lot of responsibility resting on you. 

Figuring out how you can successfully balance running a business with a personal life is tricky. Hell, at some times, it feels down right impossible. But, understanding how to be a parent while successfully running a business is a question many people want the answer to, especially in today’s increasingly popular remote work and digital nomad culture. This can feel like a really massive challenge because, not to scare anyone but, it is . However, it doesn’t need to be as daunting as it seems. Yes, it will be difficult, but there are ways to ease your workload successfully and it will be worth it. 

Here’s how you can make this happen:

Take a Step Back to Review

The daily running of a business is incredibly intense. It’s so easy to get caught up in the many tasks you need to perform each day. This level of intense working means that it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Taking a tiny bit of time out provides the perfect opportunity to assess your business. While time is at a real premium for you, there’s still loads of benefits to be gained from pausing to assess your business. 

Just a few hours out of your day can help you figure a lot of things out. Assessing your business as a whole can provide a host of insights. This is especially helpful to do if you have been consumed by everyday tasks. Examining the bigger picture will help you to spot the tasks that take up most of your time. You can also then find inefficiencies and areas that could be changed to make your life easier. This review can deliver some really surprising results and ultimately change how you work.

Once you’ve carried out a review of your work, it’s time to take action. It’s great to take a step back. But unless you do something with the information you gather, things won’t change. Make a plan to take action and figure out how you can work more efficiently. Now that you’ve seen how your time is spent, it should be much easier to spot opportunities to cut time spent on certain tasks.

Implement the Right Software

Understanding how you spend your time is an excellent way to identify ways to get more out of your working day. But it’s not the only way to make time savings. You can also help yourself work smarter. Looking at your software and how it supports your business is vital. You may find that your existing software isn’t fit for purpose and makes life complicated. This completely goes against the point of using software in the first place. 

Your company’s software should support your business and make your life easier. All too often, business owners get stuck using software that is frustrating to work with. This can make everyday business tasks a hassle. Worst of all, it can have a serious impact on your time. Switching to new software can completely transform your business. But first, you need to be sure you pick the right software product. 

Choosing software that’s specifically designed for your industry is super helpful. Doing this can really transform the daily running of your company. Look for industry-specific software, such as venue management software. Software that is created to help business owners just like yourself will be packed with handy features to make your life easier. This enhanced functionality can shave time off your regular tasks. This means your working day is more efficient. 

Don’t be Afraid to Delegate

Running a home, raising kids, and managing a business are huge responsibilities. Trying to do all these things alone is an almost impossible task. So, it’s important to know that you don’t need to do it all yourself. Instead, it’s really helpful to delegate. 

Passing some of your to-do list onto others can feel alien to start with. But you’ll soon get into the habit of delegating at home and at work. If you’re super busy and the task can be completed by someone else, simply let them do it.

Be Present

One final way to balance the tricky task of running a business as a busy parent is to change your mindset. Trying to be present in both your home life and work life is one way to master this. So, when you’re at home, focusing on spending time with the kids, running your household, and maintaining relationships. Then, when you’re at work, keeping your mind focused on the job. This may sound impossible. However, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

The benefits of being present in whatever situation you find yourself in are immense. You will find it so much easier to really concentrate. It’s now well known that attempting to multitask can be really harmful to both your wellbeing and your productivity. Ensuring you’re focused on each area of your life, wherever you are, is always really helpful. You should find that this helps you to enjoy the time you spend with your kids so much more.

Being free from the distractions of thinking about work all the time can be really liberating. You’ll probably feel much happier as a result. At work, you can then focus on being as productive as possible. Changing your mindset in this way is really beneficial for anyone that feels like they’re being pulled in all directions. Who knows, you may even be able to shake off that persistent feeling of mom guilt that many working parents struggle with!

How do you balance your work life and home life as a busy parent?

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Jennifer garner, Jennifer Garner had the Audacity to Go Jogging Make-Up Free and the Internet is Showing its Misogyny and Ageism

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

This past Saturday, actress and doting, single mom of three, Jennifer Garner, was spotted in her residential neighborhood of Brentwood jogging with a friend. While doing her best and incorporating some cardio exercise into her almost certainly busy day, she didn’t let the rain stop her. 

The actress was caught running with a makeup-free face, hair pulled back in a messy bun, like most moms I know on most days. This is one of my absolute favorite things about Jennifer Garner, her relatability but at the same time absolute bad ass mom. Not everyone sees it that way. In fact, some critics were calling her names like “old plastic granny” and “platypus”, one man, even had the audacity to say, “Another single mother! She looks…60 years old grandma!” Be careful internet, your misogyny and ageism are showing.

Let me interject something, as a 50 year old woman who walks a 5K everyday rain or shine, sweltering heat or cold 40 degree mornings, without makeup, in a baseball cap, we are not doing any of it for you. Not for any of you. In fact, we give no shits about what you think we look like or think. We’re doing it for us. We are doing it for our children. We are doing it for the people we love and who love us. We give no fucks what 50 something Joe Single, who probably lives in his mama’s basement, thinks. Keep your opinions to yourself. Better yet, just shut all the way the fuck up. 

Why does society think it has the right to comment on women’s looks? I don’t know Jennifer Garner’s “why” but I know mine. I am 50 years-old. I am newly peri menopausal and on some days it feels like my body is foreign to me. I physically and mentally look and feel differently than I did when I was younger. I have different priorities and a different perspective. That doesn’t mean I am less than, it means that I need to do what works for my new state of being. I’m diabetic. I have children and a husband who I adore and choose to revolve my life around because that is what I signed up for. I don’t regret it or begrudge it but, on some days, it can be really fucking hard and I’m human. Jennifer Garner is human and as much as we try to ignore hurtful comments, we’re human. Even if your opinion doesn’t matter, it hurts our feelings.

Do you know how hard it is to carve out 30 minutes to an hour a day to exercise? It feels like a luxury. It’s not. It is maintenance to stay alive. Some men spend hours a day at the gym trying to get shredded and no one is talking shit about them spending too much time away from their family or looking like a ball sack while sweating their asses off and making their taking a shit faces. No, they are commended. But let a mom, who already feels guilty for doing anything for herself, alone, even in the name of her health and everyone and their mom’s got to weigh in. Fuck them.

I walk for my health and sanity. I walk for Vitamin D, for my ADHD, for an hour to clear my mind and focus, honestly, on some days, for the health and safety of my family. I want to live to be a really old lady, one who might actually look like a platypus at 103 and you better believe that I will proudly be walking my 5K and looking like a drowned rat because this is for me and the people I love, not some random assholes who have nothing better than to do than criticize a woman doing what they aren’t capable of doing. 

Getting older is hard for everyone. Nobody relishes the thought of feeling old, irrelevant or forgotten. Even though in this case, feeling forgotten would be the kinder option. Absolutely no one is excited about looking older. We all struggle. It takes time to acclimate and get used to our new state of being on a good day, without anyone pointing it out. 

 the Internet is Showing its Misogyny and Ageism

Society encourages us to grow old gracefully. We try. But that same society either treats us like we are invisible or offensive for simply trying to exist in a society not meant for us. Something I’ve realized as I age, I always feel 25 years old and, some days, I feel 18 and, then, there are the days when my knees feel 87. But on every single one of those days, I am worthy of existing. Aging does not mean that you are useless or have nothing left to contribute. We still have feelings and we are conscious of being pushed out and away. Everyone does. No one likes those feelings, not when we’re teenagers and we like them even less as adults. When I think of how our parents and grandparents must have felt, or feel, watching a world and society progress, while intentionally and aggressively telling them to stay put; treating them like they have nothing of worth to offer, it breaks my heart.

All this to say, it would have been absolutely weirder if Jennifer Garner would have been seen out running in the rain with a face full of makeup. Then the critics would have said she is trying too hard to hold on to her youth. See, you can’t win for losing in other people’s eyes so just be yourself, do you boo and be happy.  Fuck the haters. They will never have what she has and not achieve what she’s achieved. 

The only person any of us are accountable to is ourselves and the only people we owe any care to what they think is those people we love, and even then, it really boils down to what we think about ourselves. Love yourselves like your mama loved you. Run in the rain. Dance like no one’s watching. Speak your truth. The only person you need to care about what they think about you is YOU. Don’t let other people, smaller people than you, people who don’t matter tell you how to live your life. In a world of plastic and filters in a curated existence of perfection that doesn’t really exist, strive to be a real, good human. You are beautiful and you matter; you always have and you always will.

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Mom matriculation, the hardest part of motherhood, college drop off

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Mom matriculation. Have you heard of this? No? Yeah, I just made it up. Its definitely the hardest part of motherhood. It’s the culmination of the letting go that begins with senior year and just when you think its at its hardest, graduation, you unlock a new, unfathomable level of mom heartbreak… college drop off day. Bella is ready to launch but I’m not ready to let go. I don’t know if I ever told you guys the story of how I was supposed to go to Boston University, but,  about 2 weeks before I was supposed to leave, 4  little words from my dad stopped me dead in my tracks, “See you next summer.” What??? Immediate failure to launch..

I had never even spent 1 single night away from my parents because in Mexican culture we just don’t do that. Due to our strong multi-generational family ties, family is not only a big part of who we are,  it’s everything.  My dad’s words had great emotional power over me, in fact, more power than anyone else’s. Not in an intentional manipulative way, its just that his words have always landed like concrete on my heart. His opinion always mattered, and still matters, the most to me.  I’ve always held a tiny grudge about this. But that was all before I was the parent having to let go of my own, precious child. Now, I definitely get it, but,  I refuse to do that to my girls. Even if it kills me, in the process. 

I thought it was all overkill, until I got my first pangs of impending mom matriculation.

Due to this particular incident, and knowing how it completely altered my timeline and changed the trajectory of my life, I swore I’d never say or do anything to hinder my own children’s flight pattern. But again, that was before I knew what I know; that was before I was the parent in the scenario sending my own precious child off into the world, alone,  without me. 

Fast forward to 10 years ago,  when my oldest nephew was heading off to college, a “mere” 65 minutes away from home. Back before I realized that whether it’s 25 minutes or 65 minutes or 12 hours away,  living away from your child is actually the same distance in mom miles because out of your house means out of your house. Your child is no longer bounding through the house, randomly hugging you and asking for a Starby’s run while blasting Swiftie or Megan thee Stallion, while you all sing to your heart’s content.

I vividly remember my nephew going away to college, instantly regretting his decision and my brother and sister-in-law immediately agreeing to pick him up  and bring him back home, regardless of forfeiting his athletic scholarship.  Absolutely without hesitation, they agreed. In my naivate, I was actually disappointed in their decision ( as if it were any of my business) and really couldn’t understand why they hadn’t encouraged him to stay a little while longer. 

None of the baby books warn you about the pain of college drop off. No one warned me that launching my child into adulthood would feel like part of my own body was being ripped away.

When I started Purdue University,  a ” mere” 3 hours from home, I remember in those first few weeks sitting alone in my dorm room feeling that it was the winter of my discontent. Wishing someone, anyone,  would come to my rescue and demand I return home. But that never happened and, in the end, everything worked out. I learned how to navigate life without my parents, eventually became adult-ish and had a terribly good time doing it. After the situation with my nephew, it reaffirmed my belief that I would “never” do what my brother and his wife did. Big words from a mom of elementary schoolers. That was before I was the mom of a college freshman about to matriculate herself out of my orbit. 

If you thought labor and delivery was the hardest part of motherhood, hold on to your Lulus because the mental anguish of letting go makes child birth feel like a cake walk and that’s coming from a woman who did it unmedicated.

Bella decided last spring to defer acceptance to her first choice college and attend a private liberal arts college nearer to home her first year. She realized after several college visits that she prefers the intimate vibe of a smaller campus over a huge bustling one. She decided that she wanted 1 more year at home. I greedily accepted her decision. The school happens to be 25 minutes from my front door. Then, she decided to live at home this year, instead of on campus. Again, I greedily and whole-heartedly accepted her decision. Next year, she has every intention on transferring to her first choice. In fact, it’s already being carefully planned and coordinated with that prestigious university. They are happily awaiting her transfer and, barring any unforeseen circumstances, 356 days from today she’s fully spreading her wings and flying away. 

Those of you who have already survived mom matriculation, the hardest part of motherhood thus far, and are letting go when every single cell in your body wants to hold on for dear life… you are so strong.

I know many of you have dropped your babies off at college in the past couple of days and weeks and have driven away sobbing as you bravely left your hearts on campus. I’ve been watching your posts and feeling those pangs of motherly heartbreak right along with you, mostly for you. But now, something strange has started to happen, I’m getting very overwhelmed and feeling very anxious in anticipation of my impending turn to let go. Fuck, I really don’t want to. ( I’m only saying this here because I can never utter the words “Don’t go” that my heart is screaming inside my head.) Just as I’m sure,  none of you wanted to. I wanted to be cool about all of this but I’m realizing that I’m probably going to be the uncoolest about  it. 

This Friday is move in day for students living on campus at Bella’s school and also, the matriculation ceremony and banquet for freshman, kicking off a weekend long “welcome to campus” extravaganza. While Bella is not moving on campus, as if graduation itself was not the signal of the end… the matriculation ceremony is here to put a fine point on the fact that your child is no longer yours but almost, completely autonomously their own. 

So while she’s still technically here, she’s really there. I know that just like on the day she was born and everything changed, on Friday everything changes again and in 356 days… everything changes forever. No matter how tight my mama heart wants to hold on to the most precious thing in my world, I know I have to let go. And at a time when all I want to do is hold her closer and cling to her more tightly (maybe more than ever), I have to gently push her away with a smile and encouragement, while convincing her that I’m fine and it’s all going to be amazing, because for her, it will be and that’s all that matters right now. 

College drop off feels sort of like we’re heading into this weird parent-child purgatory where we’re both growing, letting go and being let go of, it’s by far the hardest part of motherhood.

Then, I’ll have to hug her, a hug that I know will need to sustain me for weeks or months (this child of mine, who I’ve hugged and kissed several times a day since her existence, who I’ve shared everything with) and I have to release her as mine as she runs towards who she’s meant to be. And I have to do it with grace and unconditional love because this is about her, not me. This is the beginning of her beautiful journey. Then, I’ll have to drive away leaving my child behind, seeing her walking towards her future in the rear view mirror as I become more of her past than her future. If this isn’t the hardest part of motherhood, I don’t know what is and I don’t want to know.

Mom matriculation, the hardest part of motherhood, college drop off

This starts Friday. I can already feel it. I’ve felt the pangs and waves of letting go all summer. I don’t know how I’ll survive my mom matriculation, especially, since I have to do college drop off this Friday, then again next August and then again the following year for my youngest. I know I will survive. Because now I know, living 25 minutes or 12 hours away from your child is actually the same distance in mom miles because in your heart is in your heart and no amount of time or distance can separate the bond between a child and their parent. 

No matter how near or far she flies away, I’ll always just be a phone call, text, car or plane ride away and this is how we survive college drop offs and new beginnings, her and us…mostly us. This is why I smile for her while my heart completely breaks for me. This is how we survive the hardest part of motherhood… the letting go. 

I’m seriously thinking of starting a mom support group for middle-aged, perimenopausal moms who’ve had to send their children off to college and are trying to survive the letting go. If you want in this mom matriculation posse, let me know. We’ll get through this college drop off, suffer being left behind next chapter of our lives together. Freedom is not what its all cracked up to be. Why didn’t the baby books warn us about this bullshit?

If you can relate or just love following along, as I head off into the motherhood unknown, please like, share and follow. 

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Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

We’ve been visiting Boston with our girls every summer since they were littles. Nevertheless, there is just something so fun and conducive to making lifelong memories as a family about New England. Over the years, it has become our home away from home. If you’re planning travel with teenagers to Boston, there are plenty of exciting places to visit and activities to enjoy.

Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

For a wicked good time, here are the top 15 places to visit including must-do, must-see and must-eat ( actually coming in the next post too many to mention here) places to check out with your teenagers while in Boston:

1. Fenway Park: If you’re in Boston during baseball season, catch a Red Sox baseball game at Fenway Park, one of the oldest and most iconic ballparks in the United States. The energetic atmosphere and passionate fans make it an unforgettable experience. It’s like a rock concert but with more peanuts and hot dogs and, finally, they’ll know why everyone gets so hyped and starts singing when “Sweet Caroline” starts playing.

 

Faneuil hall, freedom trail, historical Boston, Boston, family travel, fun, New England, family travel, things to do in Boston, Massachusetts

2. Freedom Trail: I know it might sound boring but I promise it’s cool. I’ve taken my girls multiple times and we still discover new and cool stuff. Take a walk along the Freedom Trail, a 2.5-mile trail that passes by 16 historically significant sites. It’s a great way for teenagers to learn about Boston’s rich history and the American Revolution with a side of cool old graveyards,

 

3. Museum of Science: Explore the Museum of Science, which offers interactive exhibits on various scientific subjects. From the planetarium and IMAX theater to the hands-on exhibits, there’s something to engage teenagers of all interests. Seriously, who can resist getting all hands on with interactive exhibits. Feels like Bill Nye the Science guy and Netflix had a baby.

 

4. New England Aquarium: Visit the New England Aquarium and discover marine life from around the world. Teenagers can enjoy watching penguins, sea turtles, and other fascinating creatures, as well as experience the Giant Ocean Tank. If. you really want to make it an experience to remember, I would highly recommend taking a whale watching tour.whale, Boston harbor cruises, whale watching, New England, family travel, things to do in Boston, Massachusetts

5. Boston Common and Public Garden: Spend time at Boston Common, the oldest public park in the United States, and the adjacent Public Garden. Take a swan boat ride, have a picnic, or simply relax in the green spaces and make sure to see the “Embrace” bronze sculpture memorial to MLK. It is stunning and a fun photo op for the gram.

Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

6. Boston Harbor Islands: Take a ferry to the Boston Harbor Islands, a group of picturesque islands offering hiking trails, beaches, and opportunities for kayaking or paddleboarding. Spectacle Island and Georges Island are particularly popular choices.

 

7. Skywalk Observatory: Head to the Skywalk Observatory at the Prudential Center for breathtaking views of Boston’s skyline. It provides a 360-degree panoramic view of the city, allowing teenagers to appreciate the city’s beauty from above. These views are unbeatable and definitely social media worthy. Your teens will love it.

 

8. Museum of Fine Arts: Art enthusiasts will appreciate the Museum of Fine Arts, which houses an extensive collection of artwork from different cultures and time periods. It’s a great opportunity for teenagers to explore diverse artistic expressions.

 

9. Boston Tea Party Ships and Museum: Experience a unique historical reenactment at the Boston Tea Party Ships and Museum. Teenagers can participate in the interactive exhibits, throw tea overboard ( and you know how much their angsty asses love to rebel), and learn about the events leading to the American Revolution.

 

10. Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall: Visit Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall, bustling marketplaces in the heart of Boston. Teenagers can enjoy shopping, sampling various cuisines, and watching street performers in this vibrant area. Hungry? Obviously, because teenagers always are, food is sport at Quincy Hall. There’s lobster rolls, pastries and all the clam chowder your teen foodies could ever imagine or hope for.

 

11. Duck tour: Undeniably, they are a bit silly but they are a great way to explore Boston. Jump on this amphibious vehicle and check out everything bean town has to offer, including the river. Oh yes, this Boston safari will put your teens in just enough imagined danger to keep things exciting. No, they are not actually in danger but that’s not the way they’ll tell it to their friends back home.

 

12. Charles River Esplanade: There’s nothing like a cool summer or fall stroll on the esplanade. Hang by the river while playing frisbee, people-watching while taking in breathtaking views of the Boston skyline. It is instagram and TikTok heaven.

 

Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

13. Shopping: Newbury Street, downtown crossing, Prudential center and Copley place, oh my! Boston is one of our favorite places to shop. They have something for everyone and if you have girl, like I do, shopping (and eating) are two things we can definitely agree on from Saks to Gucci to Free People and Primark, this is some of the best shopping you and your teenagers will do. May I suggest, if you are not extremely wealthy, hit up Primark first. Great fast-fashion from a European brand but with Target prices. It’s the first place my girls want to hit as soon as we arrive. You’ll thank me later.

Best Things to Do in Boston with Teens and Tweens, things to do in Boston, Boston Commons, Georgetown Cupcakes, Signature swings

14. The Swing Park at the Signature: This is such a fun thing to do for people of every age (honestly you could take your little kids or even your grandparents) but your teens will love this at night. We spent hours there, from sunset until it was dark out swinging on those glowing swings. The Lawn on D at the Signature also offers pickleball, lawn games and adult beverages.

 

15. Visit Harvard and Cambridge: Harvard is just a short drive away from downtown Boston and your teens will have a blast visiting the campus and soaking in all the ivy league vibes. The campus is gorgeous and why not plant that seed? Plus, Cambridge is full of fun little restaurants and shops to explore. My girls loved it.

Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

This is just a get started list of places to visit and things to do with teenagers in Boston.

If you’re looking for a great place to stay with teenagers that’s right in the middle of all the Boston energy and excitement, we’ve been staying at The Hyatt Regency Boston for over a decade. If you’ve followed along over the years on my instagram, you’ve seen the breathtaking views and know, that its in the heart of the downtown crossing area.

Just a stones throw away from Chinatown and easily walkable to almost anywhere your heart could want to go in Boston. However,  most importantly, the customer service and attention to their guests is what keeps us coming back every single year. We’ve tried other hotels but nothing compares to how we are treated at the Hyatt Regency Boston. Bonus: There is nothing quite like a comfortable bed to take a midday vacation nap on and the Hyatt always delivers. Thank you Hyatt for always be such gracious hosts.

Top 15 Places to Visit in Boston, travel with teenagers, Things to Do with Teenagers in Boston

While these attractions offer a mix of history, culture, outdoor adventures, and entertainment that will keep teenagers engaged and entertained during their visit to Boston. Time to unleash your teenagers on Boston and let them explore and soak in all the culture, history, shopping and delicious food that Boston has to offer.

 

What is your top place to visit or thing to do with your teenagers in Boston?

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Things to Keep in Mind When Sending your Kid Away to College, college freshman

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Bella starts college in a couple weeks. Thankfully, she is attending college locally for her first year. I may not have to leave her on campus right now but I know it’s coming. And who are we kidding? Everything changes the moment they graduate. As a mom, you can feel it in your bones. The letting go happens at lightening speed. I barely recognize her from who she was in May. It is the beginning of the end of their time as “your little one” and the beginning of them becoming their own. All of my friends are sending their kids away to college over the next few weeks. Last night, I dreamt of going away to college. It’s been many years since I first went away to college. I’d forgotten how hard it was. There are some things we need to keep in mind when sending our kids off to college.

These days, I mostly remember how amazing it was, much like how these days the pain of labor feels like a very distant memory. The only thing remaining is the insanely immense love for my daughters. But last nights dream was a refresher in going away to college 101 and I wanted to remind some of you, especially those of you whose children will be going away to college later this summer.

Things to Keep in Mind When Sending your Kid Away to College

It’s lonely

Lonelier than I ever thought it could be. Those first few weeks, I wanted to come home 1000 times. I felt so isolated and out of my element. At home, I lived in a small house with a big family and suddenly I was alone in a 12×12 room in a city where I knew no one and had no car (freshman usually aren’t allowed). Cell phones were in existence but what college kid could afford one or the astronomical fees to use one? I’d left behind my life, my family, my friends, my boyfriend and everything I’d ever known. I went from a situation where everyone knew and loved me to no one knowing me and know one caring what I’d done up to that point.

It’s a new beginning

That sounds great, especially if you didn’t necessarily love the reputation you had up until that point. You are free and you can be whomever you want to be. In fact, this is what college is all about…growing up and becoming who you are meant to or want to be. You could start all over from scratch. One little problem, I loved who I was or at least who I appeared to be from the outside. I had worked really hard building my reputation, my circle of friends and how people saw me. At university, I was back to square one and I was all alone. I was finally the boss of me and I wasn’t sure it was all that it was cracked up to be.

It’s time to start adulting

For the first time in my life, I had to make my own decisions and I wasn’t equipped for the choices. Up until then, my parents had kept a very tight leash on my life. They made it very clear that they were the adults and I was the child and they made the rules. How the hell was I supposed to know how to make my own rules? How was I supposed to know what or where my boundaries were? Suddenly, I was faced with questions and situations I’d never been asked before and I had no idea what to do so I floundered ( a lot), made mistakes and got into some sticky situations. I’d like to say luckily I came out unscathed but that would be a lie. I learned the hard way. Adulting for me was like being thrown into the ocean without ever being taught to swim.

It’s wonderful and scary

A lot of the time, I felt like a kid pretending to be an adult and hoping not to get caught. On somedays, I still do. It was empowering to find out who I was apart from my parents. I discovered things I didn’t know about myself before and realized my parents truths were not necessarily mine because we came from different upbringings. But I also realized how scary it is to be the one in charge and making all the decisions for myself. It was terrifying realizing that there was no one to come running to pick up all the pieces when I blew up my life, just me.

It’s exciting

As scary as it was being left in a new place all alone, it was exhilarating. I really thought I might puke and cry when my mom drove away on drop off day. My roommate had made other housing plans and for the first time in my entire life, I was alone in the silence with my thoughts. I remember my first grocery run, walking around the tiny campus grocery choosing late night snacks and drinks that I wanted. It felt empowering because it was the first time I’d ever been able to make the decision solely based on myself. Making new friends, joining clubs, going to classes, learning my way around and just existing was exciting and new. I realize now that’s what college is all about, not just learning but growing into an adult.

It’s super hard and super scary until it’s not. That’s just how life works. There are definitely ways not to make the process so isolating and lonely but at the end of the day, your child has to go through this alone, without you. More if that freaking letting go that I hate so much. All of this to say, your child has no idea what’s in store or the myriad of emotions that they’ll feel once you pull away so try to keep that in mind when they’re trying to push you away.

The truth that no one realizes and you may have forgotten is that they’re even more afraid of being let get of than you are of letting go. Hug them a little tighter over the next few weeks, be a little more compassionate and make sure they know that you will always be their soft place to land. They don’t know, what they don’t know. What they do know, what they feel in their bones, is that life is about to change in huge ways for them and beneath the excitement and bravado, they are, as we’ve always known, still just our little kids underneath, on the brink of becoming who they are meant to be. Be there to help them up and dust them off when they fall but, you have to also let them stumble so they learn the right path for themselves.

What is the one thing you’d like to remind other parents to remember when sending their kids away to college for the first time?

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Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

May has been hell, to say the least and there’s still a few days left. It started on May 1st and only 5 days later, it went from bad to worse. Our dog died. Yep, it sucked even more than you can probably imagine. I’ve lost pets before but out Lola, she hit different because she was the first dog the four of us got together. Not to mention she came into our lives at a crucial time.

My parents never warned me that the price of getting to really and completely love someone or something is unfathomable heartbreak you have to endure when they are no longer here. That’s a shitty lesson that I’ve had to learn all on my own over the years.

I’ve lost people and I’ve lost pets but what we’re going through right now feels heavier and more devastating than almost anything I’ve ever experienced previous. This one, it hit different. On Saturday, May 6th, we lost our beloved Lola. It was more than just losing a pet, she was a decade of our lives. She was my children’s childhood. She was glue and we absolutely adored everything about her and every second we got to spend with her.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

Like a furry little angel, Lola came to us when we needed her most. 2012 was a really hard year for our family. It was marked by transition and loss. We relocated and left behind all of our friends in South Bend and that spring we lost our third baby and a couple months later, our beloved Saffaron (Brindle boxer, our first fur baby) who we adopted right after we were married. As a family, we were devastated and feeling a huge void from two great losses. It felt as if there was no way we could weather the storm of our life.

But on December 14, 2012, we met Lola. The most beautiful, sweet, kind, caring, funny, loving and quirky Victorian Bulldog. It was love at first sight. She even came to us on a day when our hearts were filled with sadness and she made us smile through our tears. That is what our Lola did. She was redemption and hope all wrapped up in fur and a big pink bow.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

All of us loved her just as much as we would any child in our family. I know some of you are scoffing at the fact that I just compared my dog to your child but it’s the truth. I’ve had dogs and I’ve had human children and Lola was closer to human than not. All the love we had to give, to our Saff and our third baby, was poured into our Lola and she reciprocated every single bit of it. If you were sad, she would sense it and come sit by you, snuggle in and fill you up without fail. If anything, we loved her too much and now, the hole is too deep to fill. There will never be another Lola.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

In 2015, when I broke my leg, shattering bones and dislocating ankles, and could not walk for 3 months, Lola was my constant companion. She never left my side. At a time when I felt my most depressed and vulnerable, she was there for me. She was dedicated and loyal to the very end. On her last day, I returned the favor and she died in my arms.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

She’d been sick for months. Late last summer, she was diagnosed with Cushing’s disease right before her 10th birthday. She would have been 11 this upcoming September 6th. She had suddenly started gaining a lot of weight and was very thirsty. We thought maybe she was diabetic. But a series of blood tests determined that it was Cushings.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

We didn’t know much about the disease other than it was an overproduction of cortisol. We followed the doctor’s orders and gave her the medication they prescribed and hoped to prolong her quality of life for as long as we could. However, soon instead of being overweight she was severely underweight. She lost almost 20 pounds in just a few months and looked emaciated despite the fact that we were taking her in every 2-3 months for level checks and giving her medication daily for the disease.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

At some point the medication overworked and our Lola had no cortisol. She became weak and would hardly eat. Some, most, days I had to sit on the floor and hold her while I hand fed her chicken, fruit, pumpkin and water. I didn’t care, as long as she wasn’t in pain, this was the least I could do. The vet said she wasn’t but we could see and feel her declining. I won’t go into all the details because this wound is still too fresh and I may never stop sobbing if I go down that path.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

Long story short, no matter how much you expect it or reconcile yourself to the fact that someone or something you love is dying, when the time comes, it is excruciatingly painful. No amount of preparedness can ready your heart for the monumentally gaping hole that will be left by losing someone you love. Yes, even a dog.

Honestly, losing our Lola may have been more painful than some of the human losses we’ve recently suffered. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to demean any loss. I am only saying that our Lola was more than a dog to our family. She was a sister, a daughter and a friend and she is irreplaceable in our hearts. I spent almost every day of the last 11 years with her at my side, at my feet and in my arms.

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies

On morning that she left us, she woke up and could not steady herself. When she went outside to potty, she vomited. She never vomits. Weakly, she continued to stumble around the yard like a wobbly newborn calf and I knew something wasn’t right. She headed toward me and locked her eyes on mine. Something wasn’t right. As I was holding her, she relieved herself all over me and went limp. My heart broke, I thought she’d died.

Then, she moved. I cleaned myself up as the Big Guy and the girls cleaned up Lola. In my heart, I knew, that this was our last day with our sweet Lola. I was terrified but on the other hand I was ready to help her peacefully transition. She’s been sick for almost a year and, as much as we wanted her here with us, we could not bear to watch her suffer. I promised myself that when the time came, I would sit with her in our favorite chair and hold her until the end.

We all surrounded her and loved on her. Through our sobs we held her and told her we loved her and how good she was. We could not change the inevitable but we knew we could give her a peaceful and loving goodbye, no matter how much it broke our hearts. It’s the least she deserved after being our faithful and loving companion for the past decade. I administered one of her pain pills just to make sure she was comfortable.

I sat in the big brown, leather, oversized recliner (where the two of us sat together countless times over the years) and I put her in my lap, wrapped in her favorite blanket (she was rail thin and always cold lately), she placed her tiny head on my heart and she slept there for hours. Only rousing ever so often to gently raise her head and look at me and then drift back off to sleep much like a milk drunk newborn.

Later in the day, her breathing became labored and shallow. She was no longer conscious and was no longer lifting her head. I placed my hand on her tiny heart and I could feel it racing beneath my hand like a thousand wild mustangs running across the plains. And then suddenly, it slowed down to what felt like 1 lone baby mustang and then it felt as if she disappeared right beneath my fingers.

Her heart was beating so faintly beneath my fingertips that it was almost undetectable. But still, she was very faintly breathing. We couldn’t take it anymore. I’d spent the entire day holding her so that she could pass peacefully in my arms but even when it’s what’s best for the one dying, it is almost impossible to survive for the loved ones watching them fade away. We decided to rush her to the emergency room. Not to be saved but just to make sure that she didn’t linger in between life and death.

We walked into the emergency room sobbing, holding the limp, seemingly lifeless body of our beloved and loyal Lola knowing that this was the last time we would ever see or hug her again. Knowing that this was the last time that we would ever get to rub her neck or kiss her forehead, knowing all of our days with her, were behind us now. We were there when she took her final breath, loving her until the very end. Ushering her to the other side with an abundance of gratitude and love.

We cried all day that Saturday. We’re still crying today, 3 weeks later. I feel like we might cry forever over our Lola. It was one of the worst things we’ve gone through recently. This morning I woke up and saw that my husband had emptied her food bowl (probably to prevent me from having to do it) and I started sobbing. Last night, I slept restlessly. I woke up reaching out for her. My heart can’t get used to her little head not being on the pillow next to mine. I see her in her bed, in the corners, under the chairs and couches, around every corner. I’ve cried for days over this loss. I don’t know how we’ll ever return to normal after losing the tiny angel who saved my family from more loss than our hearts could handle in 2012.

Lola we’ll love you forever. You are, were and will always be the best girl, our sweet Floki Moki.

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