Category:

Parenting

Parenting is nothing you expected and everything you could have imagined all rolled into one. I have been spit up on, pooped on, vomited on all before 7 a.m. in the newborn years. I’ve watched my toddler shove a pearl up her nose and poop in her mouth, and I’ve even masticated food. Not as fun as it sounds. I’ve survived breast buds and the sex talk. I share everything I ever learned and you might want to know about parenting from pregnancy to labor thru to the teens years. It’s is hard but it’s the toughest job that you’ll ever love but the salary sucks.

Solea Pfeiffer as Satine and John Cardoza as Christian

I Let My 5-Year-Old Watch Moulin Rouge and Now We’re Seeing the Musical for Her 20th Birthday

by Deborah Cruz 2025/04/17

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Let me tell you about the weekend that’s about to validate one of my most questionable parenting decisions…EVER! Our family of four is heading to Chicago to celebrate Bella turning 20 this Easter weekend by seeing Moulin Rouge! The Musical at the Cadillac Palace Theatre via Broadway in Chicago. Why this show? Because it’s been her favorite movie since she was 5. I know this because she chose Moulin Rouge as her 5th birthday party theme that year. Just one of the many so-called “parenting fails” that actually turned out pretty damn well.

Look, I’m not the mom who clutched her pearls at PG-13 movies ( we all remember the DUFF incident) or frantically covered eyes during kiss scenes. When 5-year-old Bella stumbled upon Moulin Rouge during our movie night, I considered changing it for about three seconds before thinking, “Eh, she’ll either love it or not give one f*ck about it.” Turns out, she was transfixed by the colors, the music, and yes, Ewan McGregor’s face. She still is and I can’t blame her. Obie Wan is quite the silver fox

When her kindergarten teacher called concerned about Bella’s detailed drawings of “the elephant love medley room,” I simply replied, “She has an eye for architecture.” When the other moms at pick-up whispered about my letting her watch “that courtesan movie,” I just smiled, sipped my spicy matcha latte and thought to myself, “Bitch have you not read my blog?”. Fifteen years later, Bella and I still laugh about it while scrolling through TikTok on the couch together. That’s right, if your son’s snapping my daughters, I’ve probably laughed at his Gen-Z failed attempt at “game”. Y’all are from the 90’s R&B era, your sons should know better. Do better Gen X/ Millennial parents.

That’s the thing about Bella and I – we’ve always been more besties than the typical mother-daughter duo. Tbh, since my girls have gotten older, its like living in a sorority house these days; we share clothes, playlists, and an unhealthy obsession with SVU and true crime podcasts. Our group texts would make my own mother faint. So when Broadway in Chicago announced Moulin Rouge was coming through town, you can bet your ever lovin mother butts, we were going. Scoring tickets wasn’t just a birthday gift – it was our next adventure together and getting those tickets was my mission.

I’ve set alerts on my phone for ticket drops and spent more time on the Broadway in Chicago website than I care to admit. Seriously, at this point I feel like either their biggest fan or their stalker. The Tony Award-winning production is running for a limited three-week engagement through April 20, and I refused to miss it. The current cast features Arianna Rosario as Satine and Jay Armstrong Johnson as Christian, and according to my deep-dive research (yes, I stalked their Instagrams), they’re incredible.

Moulin Rouge + Broadway +Chicago = Best.Day.Ever.

Bella’s already planned our entire Chicago weekend – where to eat (some cute fusion gastropub she found), what to wear (something heavily sequined, obviously), and where to take photos for maximum social clout (so we meet again Bean). My husband and other daughter just shake their heads at us, but they’re used to our spontaneous shenanigans by now. Hey, were all on this ride together and no one gets of until I say so. You hear me?

“Do you think they’ll kick us out if we sing along?” Bella texted me yesterday.

“Only one way to find out,” I replied, because that’s the kind of mom I am and we will definitely be singing along.

The show incorporates music spanning 160 years, from classical to contemporary pop. Bella’s already made us a pre-road trip playlist featuring all the mashups from the soundtrack. Our family road trips have always been heavy on the sing-alongs, much to my husband’s chagrin. “It’s like living with a three-person girl band that only knows songs from movie soundtracks,” he complains, but I catch him humming along every time. And if you want to know the truth, what we lack in talent we more than make up for in unquestionable confidence in ourselves.

What I love most about this upcoming weekend isn’t just seeing the show – it’s watching Bella experience it. There’s something magical about seeing your adult kid connect with something that shaped their childhood. That movie sparked her love for theater, art, and music in ways I never could have planned with “age-appropriate” content.

So here’s to the moms who don’t follow the parenting playbook. The ones who let their kids watch slightly inappropriate movies that somehow turn into core memories. The ones whose daughters grow up to be their best friends. Don’t be jealous, you too could have made the unpopular choice to take your 9 and 7-year old to see The DUFF instead of something rated-E for everyone.

This weekend, we’ll be the ones in the theater with the slightly-too-loud reactions, probably tearing up during “Come What May” while squeezing each other’s hands. And later, dissecting every costume detail over late-night drinks, because that’s what best friends do.

No regrets. Not a single one. Happy birthday, baby girl!

2025/04/17 0 comments

Mom Life

‘I Can’t Do This Anymore’

by Deborah Cruz 2025/01/17

written by Deborah Cruz

Since November, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Is it my ADHD? Perhaps, its SAD? Is it the election? Is it perimenopause? Not enough “me” time? Or am I just tapped, touched out and overwhelmed? I don’t know, but I don’t think I’m alone. I’m moved to tears by everything. I feel like I can’t physically feel happiness. Everyone wants everything from me and I have nothing left to give. This is me, feeling like a trapped animal. I just want to flee my life. This isn’t just some sad, perimenopausal mom’s truth about mom overwhelm and toxic relationships and friendships, it’s an all too relatable feeling amongst many women, especially moms. I’m hoping recognizing and acknowledging that I’m feeling a certain type of way, will help me find my way back to truest myself and that’s started by me setting boundaries.

I have been feeling hopelessly overwhlemed and unable to get myself out of this funk. It’s hard to explain but if you know, you know. I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to do this anymore. It’s too much. I quit. I can’t be responsible for everything and everyone anymore. It’s too much. I am being crushed beneath the weight of responsibility and obligations and have no time just to be still; to exist. I just need a break. Can’t I please be alone somewhere, away from everyone who wants and needs anything from me? It doesn’t even matter where? I just want to be somewhere where no one knows me and more importantly, nobody wants anything from me. Nothing. Not even one word.

I never realized how debilitating the mom overwhlem had become.

I don’t know how this has happened but I feel lonely even though I am never alone. NEVER. I feel invisible even though I’m depended on to do everything. This makes things worse because then I feel like I’m doing manual labor not out of love but because that’s what people expect of me.

Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe it’s because one daughter is graduating, one came home from college, and both are leaving in the fall. I’m the one juggling and checking in and checking up. No matter what happens, if a ball drops… I’m the one who dropped it. That’s my absolute awful truth about mom overwhelm.

Nothing is making sense anymore. I’m tired of trying. I’m sick of being the one always making all the effort. I quit. Friendships, relationships and acquaintances ( personal and professional) that are one-sided, I’m out. Life’s too short and I am fucking done trying to make shit work for other people’s sake. What about my sake? What about me?

I no longer have time for toxic relationships or one-sided friendships.

Maybe this is my midlife crisis. Perhaps it’s an awakening. Maybe it’s my reckoning. I’m mad and I’m tired and it feels like we’re all driving a hundred miles an hour toward a cliff and the fucking brakes won’t work and everyone else jumped out of the vehicle but I’m still trying to save the day. Well, I don’t give a fuck about other people’s days anymore. I promise. I quit.

It’s not me, it’s them. Fuck the vehicle, let it burn. I’m jumping out and living to see another day. Setting boundaries. I’m drawing a clear and concise line in the proverbial sand. You are either with me or you’re not. You’re either reciprocating or getting left behind in 2025. I realize this sounds cold but I have friends that I’ve been trying to hold our relationship together for decades and I finally had to face the hard truth, they don’t give a fuck if they lose me so I have to reciprocate in kind.

I realized I don’t want to invest my time and energy into people who are not investing in me. Why am I caring if you’re okay if you don’t even care if I exist? This is coming from me, the woman who has object permanence. But, I am intentional about checking in on the people who matter the most. Ask anyone, I’m the one sending the Christmas cards and organizing the get togethers. I’m the one McGyvering the relationship and I’m here to tell you that I am no longer stepping into that position.

That is the truth about mom overwhelm and toxic relationships

I’ve been stepping into my traumas, after a couple unexpected triggers lately. Things I thought I forgot or got passed, have been humbling the shit out of me. Why am I being punished for being traumatized? Shouldn’t the perpetrator be the one living with guilt, and random rememberings?

I grew up poor so I’m very hesitant to let go of things. Some people call it hoarding, I collect people and things, just so I never feel afraid or alone. Wow, my therapist would be so impressed by how self-aware I am these days.I have too much because I’m afraid of letting go and not having what I need after doing so. I’m terrified of letting go.

Since the election results, I’ve been overcome with hopelessness in a way I have never felt before. I’ve been through my fair share of difficult times in my life but this is different. This is beyond my control in so many ways. I’m resilient but I’m also very overwhelmed and anxious.

Being out of control is my biggest fear. I’m not a wait & see kind of person. I’m a “give me control, I’ll get us through this” kind of girl.

I’ve been going through an awakening of sorts ( a shift in perspective) and the result is that I’m getting more comfortable with the idea of letting go of people and relationships that are one-sided. Fuck unrequited love and friendship. If we don’t both put in effort, in 2025, I’m walking away and not looking back. If I go missing from your life, you’re going to have to come looking because I’m done. I’m no longer letting my happiness depend on anyone else.

Does my truth about mom overwhelm and toxic friendships resonate?

Are you nodding your head right now? Have you whispered “I can’t do this anymore” into your pillow at night or as you cried in the shower, feeling simultaneously guilty and relieved just to admit it? You’re not alone, and more importantly – you’re not wrong.

If this resonates with you, here are three things you can do right now:

Share this post with another mom who needs to hear she’s not failing – she’s just carrying too much. Use the hashtag #TheTruthAboutMotherhood to connect with others who understand.
Join our judgment-free community in the comments below. Tell us about ONE thing you’re letting go of this year. Your permission slip might be exactly what another mom needs to read today.
Sign up for my weekly newsletter where we dive deeper into setting boundaries, recognizing toxic patterns, and reclaiming our mental health and much more – without the mom guilt.

Remember: Sometimes “I can’t do this anymore” isn’t about giving up – it’s about waking up. Your overwhelm isn’t a weakness; it’s a wake-up call.

Ready to start putting yourself first? Click subscribe to join thousands of moms who are done apologizing for having limits.

2025/01/17 0 comments

Pets

How to Celebrate Your Pet’s Birthday in Style

by Deborah Cruz 2025/01/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Has your pup’s birthday crept up on you, leaving you scrambling to pull together a last-minute celebration? Or perhaps you’re a pet parent who has always wanted to throw an over-the-top party for your fur baby ( you know just like the themed ones I threw for my girls throughout the years….who can forget Bella’s Moulin Rouge 5th birthday party ), but the idea of planning it all has made you want to curl up and take a nap instead of fetching the treats? Well, friends, your prayers have been answered, because PartyAnimal is here to make your dog’s special day an unforgettable extravaganza – with minimal effort on your part. This is how to celebrate your pet’s birthday in style.

Disclosure: I was provided a PartyAnimal party pack and Tiger Toes for review purposes but all opinions are my own.

As the proud mom of the world’s cutest Dogue de Bordeaux, Stella, I know firsthand how quickly those birthdays and “gotcha days” can sneak up on you. Between work, family obligations, and keeping those four-legged kiddos entertained, finding the time to plan an epic celebration can feel like an impossible task. That is, until I discovered PartyAnimal. This brilliant brand has revolutionized the way we celebrate our furry friends’ big days, taking all the stress out of party planning so you can focus on showering your pup with all the love (and treats) they deserve.

PartyAnimal’s personalized PartyPacks are the ultimate hassle-free solution for busy pet parents. These ready-to-go kits arrive at your doorstep, packed with everything you need to transform your home into a one-of-a-kind dog birthday bash. From custom decorations featuring your pup’s adorable face to handcrafted accessories they’ll feel like a true VIP (Very Important Pup) wearing, PartyAnimal has thought of it all.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – a personalized party for your pup has to be crazy expensive, right? Wrong! PartyAnimal’s PartyPacks are incredibly affordable, with a one-time purchase price of just $98. And if you want to make this an annual tradition, you can sign up for their subscription service and receive a new, customized PartyPack delivered to your home every year for only $78. That’s 20% off the one-time price!

Ready to celebrate your pet’s birthday in style?

So, what exactly does a PartyPack include, you ask? Prepare to be blown away:

A personalized birthday banner starring your dog’s adorable face
A handmade birthday hat with your dog’s name and new age
A handcrafted bandana embroidered with their name and age
Custom birthday treat toppers featuring your pup
Two personalized party hats so the whole family can join the fun
A 50-piece balloon arch with a giant number balloon
A personalized pack of stickers with your dog’s face
A FREE electric balloon pump for easy installation

Seriously, how cute is all of that?! And the best part is, PartyAnimal has handled every single detail, so all you have to do is throw on your party hat, bust out the pup-friendly cupcakes, and get ready to celebrate in style.

How to celebrate your pet's birthday in style, Tiger Toes, Party Animal Party pack

But PartyAnimal isn’t just about making your dog’s birthday extra special – they’re also on a mission to help other pups in need. The brand donates 10% of their net proceeds to dog rescue-focused charities, ensuring that every PartyPack purchase makes a positive impact on the lives of our four-legged friends. So not only are you giving your own pup the party of a lifetime, but you’re also supporting dogs across the country who are still searching for their forever homes. Talk about a win-win!

Now, I know what you’re thinking – with all these amazing features, a PartyPack must be too good to be true. But let me tell you, the team at PartyAnimal has thought of everything. Their products are made with high-quality materials that are built to last, and their customer service is truly top-notch; friendly and helpful. I felt like I was chatting with a fellow dog parent rather than a faceless brand.

And let’s not forget about the paws-itively perfect paw-cessories that’ll make your dog’s birthday celebration even more special. Take, for example, DOK’s TigerToes – innovative dog socks that provide comfort, stability, and mobility support for senior pets (or any pup who struggles with joint issues). These bad boys are specifically engineered to offer maximum traction on hardwood floors and other slippery surfaces, keeping your furry friend steady on their paws as they strut their stuff in their new birthday ‘fit.

The thick rubber soles also act as a barrier between your dog’s paws and the ground, protecting their precious pads from extreme temperatures and rough terrain. Whether you’re venturing out for a birthday walk on icy sidewalks in the winter or hot pavement in the summer, these versatile socks will keep your pup’s feet safe and comfortable. And let’s not forget about the relief they can provide for excessive paw licking caused by allergies – TigerToes are a game-changer!

So, what are you waiting for, pet parents? It’s time to start planning the ultimate birthday bash for your furry friend! Head to PartyAnimal’s website, choose your pup’s personalized PartyPack, add some TigerToes to the cart, and get ready to throw a celebration that will have tails wagging and mouths drooling (in the best way possible, of course). Your dog deserves to feel like the true VIP they are, and PartyAnimal is here to make that dream a reality.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some party planning to do – my pup’s big day is right around the corner, and I can’t wait to see the look on their face when they see their custom birthday bling. Wishing you and your four-legged bestie the happiest of birthdays!

Ready to make your dog’s birthday the talk of the town? Head to PartyAnimal.com and order your personalized PartyPack today! With hassle-free planning, personalized party supplies, and the chance to support rescue pups in need, this is one celebration your furry friend won’t soon forget.

What will you be doing this year to celebrate your pet’s birthday in style?

2025/01/06 0 comments

College Mom Life

You Won’t be Across the Hall

by Deborah Cruz 2024/08/14

written by Deborah Cruz

How do I begin to let you go?

In one week, I’ll be taking you to college drop off

But how am I supposed to let you go?

The very thought shatters my heart into a million pieces

It hurts so badly that I cannot breathe

I’m sobbing so hard at the thought of not being able to just look over and see your smile

How am I supposed to drive away knowing everything will change

And nothing will ever be the same

If it were up to me, I’d never let you I go

I know that sounds selfish but that’s a mothers heart

But I will and I’ll hold in my tears and let you go when all I want to do is hold on tighter

Every “last“ chips away at my armor

How am I supposed to survive this letting go?

You were the first person I gave my heart completely to and you’ve held it tightly in your litttle hands since the first moment they laid you on my chest

Who am I without you?

I can’t imagine a day without seeing your face

You are the greatest love story of my life

Truth be told, I don’t want you to go but that’s nothing I’d ever say out loud

I love you more than words can convey

I’m hopelessly sad for myself but I’m so excited for every new first you get to experience

Your dreams are bigger than this town and your life is bigger than this house

It feels like doing anything that doesn’t include giving you my full attention, is a waste of precious moments

I just walked across the hallway to see your sleeping face one last time before you leave me

I’m not sure my heart was made for missing you

How will I survive knowing you’re not just across the hallway?

A mothers love is an unbreakable tether, no matter how far you go, we’ll always be connected

But both of us know, this will change everything

We’ll never be who we are today

You won’t be across the hall….

2024/08/14 0 comments

Pets

Keeping Your Home Healthy When You Have Pets

by Deborah Cruz 2024/06/28

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Our pets fill our homes and hearts with love and laughter. But they can also fill your home with mud, hair and much worse. This is why its so important that, if you have fur babies in your home, you make an extra effort to keep the place tidy and healthy. Here’s how you can do that:

1. Fight the Fur

First things first, pet hair is more than just a fashion accessory you didn’t ask for on all your clothes. It can clog up your home’s air filters and contribute to allergens around the house. If I’m being honest, our French Mastiff, Stella, sheds so much that sometimes, it looks like there are a bunch of little Stellas running around the house. Regular grooming of your pets can reduce the amount of hair and dander floating around, and a good vacuum designed for pet hair is a must-have.

2. Master the Mud

If you have a dog, chances are you’re familiar with the “joy” of unexpected mud parties. Creating a pet cleaning station near your entryway—a simple setup with towels and paw cleaner—can help prevent your pooch from turning your living room into a mud wrestling ring.

3. Tick Talk

Let’s get serious for a second and talk about ticks. These little critters can be more than just a nuisance; they can be a health hazard to your pets and your family, so you need to know how to spot them and how to get rid of ti cks fast. Regularly check your pets for ticks, especially after they’ve been outside. Invest in reliable tick prevention for your pets, and consider treating your yard with a pet-safe pesticide to reduce the tick population. Remember, it’s always a good season to say ‘no’ to ticks!

4. The Great Scent Cover-up

Pets can bring some unique smells into your home, and we don’t mean freshly baked cookies. While regular baths for your pets can help, sometimes you need a little extra firepower. Natural enzyme cleaners are great for breaking down pet smells instead of just masking them. For a quick fix, baking soda is great for sprinkling on carpets before vacuuming to absorb odors.

5. Emergency Clean Kit

Accidents happen—especially when you have pets. Keep an emergency cleaning kit handy that includes paper towels, disinfectant, and odor removal spray. For those times when Fido mistakes your carpet for the grass, you’ll be prepared to act fast and minimize the damage.

6. Purify Your Air

Pets can contribute to less-than-pristine indoor air quality. An air purifier can do wonders to capture pet dander, pollen, and other allergens, making breathing easier for everyone. Plus, it helps keep your home smelling fresh, so you’re not greeted by eau de dog when you walk in the door.

7. Secure Your Trash

Pets are notorious for their treasure-hunting skills, so it goes without saying they can sniff some pretty exciting (to them) stuff in the trash can. So if you don’t want to come home to stinky garbage all over the kitchen floor, secure your cans with tight-fitting lids to keep Fido out.

Maintaining a healthy home with pets is all about staying one step ahead of the fur, odors, and little surprises, but you can do it!

2024/06/28 0 comments

Teens

How To Help Your Teenager Through Exams

by Deborah Cruz 2024/06/12

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

School just got out for the summer but I’m already thinking about how to better prepare my girls to succeed next year. Exam time can be stressful for both teenagers and parents alike. As a parent, you realize that the results your teenager gets at school or college will reflect the path they take afterwards. Now, I’m not too worried because I know that there is no one path to success but some paths are definitely easier than others. If your teenager can do well, it could set him up for the future. This is why you need to know how to help your teenager through exams.

Although our teenagers will have to rely on their own knowledge, there are some things you can do to make school and the exam season much easier. If you’re wondering how to help your teen get through her exams, check out the following tips.

Meal Prep

One of the best ways you can help your teenager tackle studying for exams is to make sure she eats well. Eating and drinking properly is essential. Your teen will need the vitamins and nutrients for good brain function and to maintain energy levels.

If you’re seeing your teen going back and forth to the fridge for energy drinks and snack bars, they may not be eating well enough. Do her a favor and make sure she eats three nutritious and well-balanced meals a day to give her the best chance at absorbing and retaining all the information she’ll need to do well on her tests.

Avoid Adding Pressure

Many teenagers say that they feel pressure from their families more than from anywhere else. It’s easy to unconsciously make your teen feel under pressure by hovering too much or asking a lot of questions. I know I’m guilty of this and I never thought it was putting pressure on them until my girls told me it was. Now, I think before I start asking too many questions about exams. Maybe you’ve even offered incentives for doing well. Bet you didn’t realize even that can feel like immense pressure to a kid studying for exams.

There are many variables that contribute to the grades that each child will get from their exams. It can depend on revision time, nerves, whether your child got enough sleep, and all sorts of things. Encourage your teen to do well but take the pressure off. I like to tell my girls to just do their best. Really, that’s all any of us can hope for.

Good Sleeping Patterns

It can be tempting for your teen to stay up late trying to cram in revision hours before an exam. Who amongst us hasn’t spent an all-nighter cramming for exams? Not only is this counterproductive to remembering information but it’s also unhealthy. My freshman year of college, I stayed up all night studying for a chemistry exam only to fall asleep at dawn and miss my exam.The best thing your teen can do is sleep well and use the hours available to study.

Although you have no control over when your teen goes to sleep, it can help to explain why being well-rested before an exam is so important. Encourage your teen to get as much rest as needed before an exam.

Play Games

Your teen is going to need a break from studying every now and then. These mental breaks are important for clarity and taking time to have some fun. Games are a great way to have some fun while still keeping the brain engaged. My girls and I live for our Mario Kart brain breaks.

However, more cerebral games like Chess, for instance, are ideal for engaging your teens brain and developing problem solving skills. Even though your teen is taking a break, he’ll be able to return to his studies with the ability to continue without too much effort.

Study With Her

There may be some subjects that you aren’t familiar with but that doesn’t mean you can’t help your teen study. If you want to be hands-on with helping your teen, getting stuck into study with her is ideal. Find a quiet place to sit together and test your teen on his knowledge.

You can ask questions from what you read on a page or ask typical exam study questions from past exams. This can be particularly good for teens with ADHD. Spending this time is a good way to bond together and your teen will remember that you were there to help when she needed you.

Recognize Exam Stress

Most teenagers have a healthy amount of exam stress. However, some teenagers may suffer with an unhealthy amount. For instance, some teenagers may display signs of severe anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite, and many more. This happens to be the case for my girls who both suffer from extreme test anxiety.

If you recognize any of these symptoms, it’s worth talking to your teen about what you see. Make sure your teen knows that physical and mental health should always take priority over exams and you’re always there to talk if she needs to.

Let Little Things Go

Perhaps your teenager has a chore list to do around the home. Maybe she’s responsible for walking the dog in her spare time. During exam season, these things need a little more flexibility.

If you notice dirty plates in his room and his dirty clothes are still unwashed, give her a pass. You can help her by taking on a few of these jobs so she has more free time to study without feeling overwhelmed by everything she has to do.

Be Positive

Have you ever read the information on a page three times and still not been able to take it in? Preparing for exams takes a lot of effort and there will be times when your teen may feel like she’s failing. Be positive and supportive during this time so she knows you believe in her.

Make her feel like as long as he does her best, she can’t fail. Empower her to be confident. No matter what the outcome of her exams are, she can forge her own path if she works at it. Where there’s a will, there is always a way.

Study Space

If you’re able to, create a dedicated study space for your teen that will help to set her up for success. If she’s trying to study in the room she shares with a younger sibling, it may be hard to get anything done. Find a quiet and secluded place for her to study, even if it’s just temporary.

It’s also worth explaining to other family members ( younger siblings, I’m talking to you) that your teen needs space and quiet while she studies. Doing well in exams can be a whole family effort when your teen needs a helping hand.

Exercise

Teens cannot live on studying alone. The brain doesn’t work as well without good blood and oxygen flow. Encourage your teen to take walking breaks to get her body moving. It could be as simple as getting up and walking up and down the stairs in your home.

Even better, go for a walk with your teen outside to get some fresh air too. Healthy body and mind for everyone. This will be a huge boost to your teen and she’ll go back to studying with renewed energy and perspective.

Listen To Any Concerns

Don’t assume your teen has no concerns because she hasn’t voiced any. You may be surprised at what your teen is thinking if you ask her. Take some time to talk to her about how she’s feeling about her exams. And make sure she knows that her feelings are valid.

Try to validate her concerns and offer support. Often the best thing you can do is listen, rather than trying to offer solutions. You don’t always have to be the fixer. If your teen feels heard and supported, other things will fall into place.

Reward Effort

Rather than offering an incentive for results, think about rewarding effort. You’ll be able to see how much effort your teen is putting into her studies. Regardless of the results, if you know your teen has worked hard, reward the effort.

This will show your teen that effort is worthwhile and hard work pays off in many different ways. It could mean that your teen is willing to try again if she should fail this time around.

Ask For Support

If you can see that your child is struggling with a particular subject, it may be worth getting some extra support. An hour a day with a tutor at home could make all the difference to your teens exam results. How your teen is taught will affect how she feels about the subject and exam results.

If your teen hasn’t got a good teacher at school, some extra tuition could change everything, including your teen’s confidence.

2024/06/12 0 comments

Love letter to my daughter on her 17th birthday

Teens

A Love Letter To My Strong-Willed Daughter on her 17th Birthday

by Deborah Cruz 2024/05/21

written by Deborah Cruz

Gabs,

It’s been a hell of a rough year for you. Life’s thrown you so many curveballs. Things people much older than you couldn’t navigate easily. But you never give up or quit. You fight through the uncertainty. At 17, you’ve had to navigate more than any little girl should ever have to navigate on her own. I tried to step in front of every single hardship and take the hit but that’s not how life works. Instead, I’ve had to watch from nearby, ready and willing to stable you, to pull you up and push you forward. Pushing through the noise and breaking down doors to help you get what you want and need that’s my job. You’ve faced every single trial and tribulation with grace. I wish I could have taken every struggle away.

Maybe we’re too much alike. It’s been like this since you were a little girl. We both know this and it’s probably why we butt heads so often but I hope you know that no matter what standoff we’re having, how hard you push me away or how long you give me side eye and the silent treatment, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be just there; beside you, behind you, or in front of you to guide you to the place where maybe you can’t see because you’re new to it or you’re too overwhelmed by all the obligations and expectations of the world. To me, you are the world so I couldn’t care less about what the world expects of us. The thing I care most about in this world is you and your sister.

Those tears that seem to fall like a waterfall, I don’t see weakness. I see strength and too much love for your little heart to hold. You are one of the strongest people I know. Never stop talking to me. There is nothing that you could ever say that would change my love for you. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Believe me, I’ve made plenty. Our humanity and humility is what makes us better humans to the world. Our mistakes are the lessons that teach us to be who we want to be and change so we don’t become who we don’t want to be.

Always remember that you cannot make anyone love you and you can never control anyone else’s reactions to what you say and do. You can only control your own heart and mind. Keep that in mind when you move through this world. Your words and actions have consequences so consider that before you hurt others. No one owes you forgiveness and you owe no one. The people we’ve loved and lost teach us what we want and need in friends and partners, so never dwell on the loss for too long. Instead, be thankful that you learned such an invaluable life lesson.

I know that your 17-year-old heart takes things personally. I know that every blow feels like the end of the world. Everything is so big at 17. But, I promise you ( I pinky swear on my mama heart) none of this will matter in 5 years. You are growing your soul as much as you are growing your body; stretch and reach. This is the evolution of who you are meant to be. Take it all in because one day, even the hardest bits will be looked back upon with fondness. But why make life harder than we need to?

Never compare your beginning or middle to someone else’s ending. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. Their opinion is their’s and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Be happy. Don’t overthink. Fall in love. Dance. Play in rain puddles. You’re never too old for snuggles and hugs. And I’ll never stop listening, caring or wanting the best for you. Go for it. Flap those wings and fly as high as you want. I’ll always be here to catch you if you fall.I’ve got you forever. You’ll never stop being my baby girl, even when you have your own baby girl.

Next year is a big one for you. I want it to be the best. You deserve all the happiness and none of the worry and struggle that you’ve had to endure this past year. Let’s make 17 unforgettable in the best possible way. Stay your loving, sweet, funny, goofy, don’t give a shit attitude that you are now. You are smart and beautiful and more than enough. It is my greatest privilege and honor to be your mom and there will never be a day that THAT is not true.

Love you to the moon and back, forever and ever!

xoxo ,

Mama

2024/05/21 0 comments

Lola, Nobody tells you what to do when your dog dies, Why is losing a dog so painful, How do you get over the grief of losing a dog?

Pets

Coping with the Deafening Absence After Losing Your Dog

by Deborah Cruz 2024/05/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

There’s a reason they call dogs “man’s best friend.” They worm their way into the deepest crevices of our hearts and become inextricable parts of our families. So when the day comes to say goodbye, it absolutely shatters you.

Last year, on May 6th, our beloved Lola, a sweet, quirky Victorian bulldog who’d been by my side for over a decade, passed away. Her loss left a chasm in my soul that still hasn’t closed, even weeks later.

Our Lola was more than just a pet – she was our furry child, a bright light during one of the darkest chapters of our lives. Back in 2012, my world imploded after suffering a devastating miscarriage and losing our first boxer, Saffaron. I vividly remember curling up night after night, hollowed out by grief, utterly convinced that my family would never make it through that gaping void of compounded loss.

Then, on December 14th of that same year, Lola quite literally pranced into our lives – a tiny ray of hope swathed in a big pink bow. From the moment we locked eyes with her sweet, gentle spirit, we knew she was our family’s redemption and path to healing. Lola filled every nook and cranny of our broken hearts with her pure, unconditional love.

She was there for us through all the ups and downs over the next decade – our steadfast, loyal companion who sensed our every sadness and snuggled up to us until the sorrow temporarily melted away. When I shattered my leg in 2015 and couldn’t walk for 3 months, Lola stayed dedicated by my side day and night, raising my spirits in a way only she could.

Our bond went far deeper than most people share with their household pets. We loved our Lola as fiercely and wholeheartedly as we love our human children. So you can imagine the earth-shattering despair when her health began rapidly declining in the summer of 2022 due to Cushing’s Disease.

Why Losing a Dog Leaves You Broken

For months, I had to hand-feed Lola, spoon by tiny spoon, as she grew weaker and more emaciated before my eyes. My heart shredded further each day watching her die a slow, undignified death despite our relentless vet visits and medication protocols. It’s impossible to know when to let go. We were in constant contact with our vet to make sure that she wasn’t in pain,

I tried preparing for the inevitable while paradoxically holding out hope for a miracle. I told myself “When the time comes, at least you’ll know you cherished every second with her and eased her suffering in the end.”

But as all my fellow pet parents know, those affirmations offer little solace when you’re suddenly staring into the eyes of your beloved fur baby and realizing this might be the last time. On May 6, 2023, Lola collapsed in the yard, finally succumbing to her illness. The light faded from her warm brown eyes as she locked her gaze on mine, silently communicating this was her final goodbye.

That pit of dread and grief was all too familiar, conjuring up the anguish of my miscarriage – that same powerless feeling of watching someone you’d give your life for slip away. I promised myself I’d hold Lola until her final breaths, stroking her soft fur and reassuring her that everything would be okay. For hours, I cradled her in my arms, violently sobbing as I felt her tiny heartbeat grow faint under my fingertips.

When the inevitable occurred and Lola finally stopped breathing, a part of me went still and cold too. We rushed her to the emergency vet not to save her, but to ease her transition to the other side since she seemed trapped between two realms. Standing in that sterile lobby begging strangers to help my baby as her limp body hung in my arms…I’ve never felt so hopeless and hollowed out.

How to (Try to) Heal a Shattered Heart

Lola was more than just a beloved pet – she was a child to me, a treasured family member whose cuddles and kisses provided comfort unmatched by anything else. Her love helped carry us through some of life’s most traumatic, arduous valleys. And now, home no longer feels like home; living in a Lola-less house each day is like being stabbed anew.

My morning routine is forever altered – there’s no tiny wagging tail to greet me or watchful brown eyes following my every move as I get ready. No affectionate snuggles as I breakdown in tears reaching for her favorite soft blankets that still hold the smell of her. I see her everywhere yet nowhere. One saving grace is that we have Stella, the Dogue de Bourdeaux we adopted the spring before we found out Lola was sick but even so, our Lola was irreplaceable.

Friends and loved ones with the best intentions still mention our sweet Lola. But they couldn’t possibly comprehend the permanence of this loss. Just like humans, our pets leave indelible pawprints on our lives that we’ll carry forever.

While the searing pain of acute grief does inevitably dull over time, for those of us who love our pets as our own children, that dull ache never fully disappears. We simply learn to rebuild our lives around the holes they’ve left in our hearts.

One step at a time, one fond memory at a time, we transform our sadness into newfound gratitude for the unconditional love they bestowed upon us. For me, this pain transcends just being “sad Lola’s gone.” More than anything, I feel deep regret, knowing we’ll never again experience her constant companionship, her intuitive snuggles on my darkest days, those small joys that comprised my “normal” for over a decade. No other pet could ever replace the sacred space she occupied.

So if you’re grappling with this same devastation, please be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for days when you can’t pull it together, because this grief is incredibly disruptive and all-encompassing. Let the waves of sadness crash over you – cry until your heart feels hollow again if you have to. Your pain is valid and real.

Most importantly, keep your beloved pet’s spirit alive by sharing their story and honoring their unconditional love. I’m finding solace in reliving all the hilarious Lola tales that made our family roar with laughter over the years. Though our home feels emptier without her tiny paws clicking across the hardwoods, she’ll always be our guardian angel on the other side of the rainbow bridge.

In time, we’ll be able to celebrate Lola’s life without feeling consumed by tears. We’ll adopt another rescue and pay forward the boundless affection she shamelessly showered us with each day.

Until then, we’ll continue leaving the porch light on for our sweet girl, so she knows there’s still a way back home to the people who love her most.

A Call to Honor Our Beloved Pet’s Memories

I’m sharing Lola’s story today because I know I’m not alone in feeling this profound, seismic heartbreak and upheaval after an adored pet passes away. Whether your baby had fur, feathers, scales, or something else, their absence leaves a cavernous void that humans are simply not equipped to navigate gracefully.

So let’s build a community to uplift each other through these brutal, raw moments. If you’ve ever lost your own furry BFF, please leave a comment sharing their name and a fond memory that still makes you smile through the tears. Let’s swap coping strategies, survival tips, and most importantly – humor and hope that our pets’ legacies will carry us through the darkness.

We’re in this together, opening our arms and hearts as wide as our four-legged friends taught us unconditional love means. Hug your babies a little tighter today and be ever-grateful for their pawprints on your soul. After all, it’s better to have loved and lost an irreplaceable pet than never experienced their extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime companionship at all.

2024/05/06 0 comments

Mom Life

The Honest Truth About Mom Burnout

by Deborah Cruz 2024/04/29

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Hey mama, let’s get real for a sec. That exhaustion you’ve been feeling? The short fuse, the cynicism, the desire to abandon ship and move to a remote island away from tiny humans? Girl, you’re burned. the. fuck. out. Mom burnout, it’s not a joke.

I get it, I really do. Motherhood, while incredible, is a marathon like no other. The relentless cycle of caring for kids, managing the household, maybe even clocking in at a 9-5…it’s enough to turn any woman into a brittle, hollowed-out husk just going through the motions.

But what if I told you there’s a way to pull yourself out of that dark pit of burnout before it swallows you whole? Spoiler alert: Self-care isn’t just a trendy buzzword. It’s a critical survival tactic for moms on the brink.

Now, now…before you roll your eyes and claim you “don’t have time for that,” hear me out. I’m about to drop some game-changing, mom-tested secrets for injecting those self-care habits into your life in tiny, sustainable ways. No luxurious spa weekends or Marie Kondo-level overhauls required.

The Bare Minimum, Maximum Impact Routine:

Become a Morning Person (Yeah, I Said It)

Those pre-kid wake-up calls might seem like fresh hell, but here’s the truth bomb: Waking up even 30-60 minutes before your little ones do ensures that you have a sliver of precious “me” time to myself. Read, journal, meditate (enjoy your coffee while it’s still hot) or even just get ready…do whatever soothes your soul before the morning chaos erupts.

Top Tip: Place your alarm across the room, so you’re forced to GET UP. Trust me, hitting snooze robs you of this sacred recharge window.

Schedule Your Mom Burnout Breaks

Working mom or stay-at-home, we all need periodic respites throughout the day to pause and catch our breath. Set recurring reminders to take 5-10 minute breaks: a quick walk ( or a 5K…whatever makes you happy) around the block, a warm beverage on the patio, or a solo dance party in the living room (this one doubles as cardio!).

The key is being ruthless about taking these “burnout breaks.” These momentary reprieves act as a reset, helping you avoid those meltdown moments of overwhelm.

Reclaim Your Shower

We’ve all had days where showers feel like monumental chores we don’t have bandwidth for. Except showering, when intentional, can be a micro self-care ritual!

Create a spa-like experience by upgrading with a loofah, body scrub, and luxe hair products. Turn on a timed water-resistant speaker and belt out anthems like you’re Taylor freakin’ Swift for 20 blissful minutes. Emerge anew, a rejuvenated, pruney ( experiencing substantially less mom burnout) goddess!

Get Horizontal

I’m orbiting closer to midlife, so downtime is precious. But whenever possible, I’ll drop onto my bed for 20-30 minutes and simply lay there, supine and sans responsibilities. I rarely am able to nap, but a night mask goes a long way to concealing that fact. They don’t need to know I’m awake. Think of it as a “do not disturb” sign.

Read, doze, or simply press the reset button. Little rituals like these, while small, have massive energizing effects to carry us through those burnout danger zones.

Happy Hour (The Mocktail Edition or not, you’re grown)

As an unwavering low tox enthusiast, I’ve sworn off hangovers as self-care. But mixing up delicious, whimsical cocktails is still my fix! These days I’m more into nootropics and adaptogens but whatever makes you happy.

Blend up mocktails with fresh juices, herbs, and bubbles for an effervescent happy hour experience. Or reserve wine glasses for refreshing aguas frescas. These tiny oases of tranquility will whisk you away, if only briefly, from the mom grind.

Listen, friend. I’m not here to preach about finding the glorified “life balance.” That mythical ideal is a toxic trap that just fuels our burnout cycles! We can have it all, just not all at the same time.

Instead, I’m offering you these micro self-care habits to ease the load incrementally. Do them regularly, or don’t do them at all. Self-care without guilt or pressure!

When we make replenishing our cups a non-negotiable ritual woven into our days, we rewire our perspectives. What once felt like an indulgence becomes a survival staple.

And from that point, everything shifts. We shed the frantic, all-consuming burnout haze and rediscover the joy in this wild ride of raising humans. We’re more present, patient, and emotionally replenished to show up boldy for our families.

That’s the truth, mama. So go ahead, put on your tough-but-needs-love mom blinders and commit to these bite-sized acts of self-preservation. I’m rooting for you!

2024/04/29 0 comments

Love letter to my daughter on her 19th birthday

Mom Life

Dear Daughter, As You Blow Out 19 Candles

by Deborah Cruz 2024/03/10

written by Deborah Cruz

Dear daughter,

Life is precious, and not a single day goes by that I don’t thank God and the universe for the gift of being your mom. Simply having you in my orbit would be more than enough, but getting to love you is the most precious gift I’ve ever received in my life.

This may be the hardest birthday yet because I know that next year, when you turn 20, I won’t get to walk into your bedroom, give you a big birthday hug, and wake you with cuddles and “Mañanitas” playing. There will be no birthday waffles and Starbucks run, no stress-relieving trip to play with puppies, and no “Bella Day” like we’ve had for the past 19 years. Next year, you’ll be on campus, and I’ll be here. Everything will be different.

Will you be available at 4:51 p.m. for your birth minute kiss? I’ll be driving to your college campus, but maybe you’ll be in class, with friends, or too busy. Life gets in the way, and distance changes perspectives. The shift that’s coming is inevitable and natural – it’s how you fully become you. Unfortunately, it also means we both have to learn where I end and you begin.

You’ll always be my favorite person in the entire world, and I’ll always love you beyond measure. But someday soon, I’ll be one of many blessed souls who get the privilege of loving you. It’s okay, though, because this separation is how life is designed so we both survive the impending physical distance and the big, beautiful life ahead of you.

Mom’s Advice as You Leave for College

I think we’ve both been feeling the gentle tug of separation on the dotted line over the past year. Don’t be sad. I got an extra year with you at home, and every day with you in my orbit has been precious. I’ll be forever grateful for it.

This week, your first week of being 19, I feel the pull a little harder as we await your transfer acceptance letter to your dream school. I’m so damn proud and happy for you, but I’m also sorrowful for myself. Letting go has never been something I’ve been good at. But dear God, I’m thankful that I’ve gotten to love you so hard for these 19 years.

I’ve watched you grow and blossom from a silly, sweet, imaginative, kind, and happy child into a smart, beautiful, funny, thoughtful, authentic, caring, and generous woman. You keep your circle small but tight. You love unconditionally and fully, yet you’re discerning about who you give your time and love to. You are wise beyond your years and stronger than you realize. You are absolutely amazing, and nothing can stop you.

Fly high, and never stop fighting for what you believe in, your dreams, those you love, and, most importantly, never give up on yourself.

19 will be a year of growth and change for both of us. I can’t wait to see you continue to blossom into the woman you’re meant to be. As your mom, it’s time to give you space to do that. Just know that no matter where you go, who you become, or where life takes you, I’ll always be here cheering you on, supporting you, and yes, still fighting for you. You are the best of me, and there will ever only be one “Bella BooBoo Kitty” in this lifetime for me.

Never doubt that when life gets hard, you’ve got a soft place to land. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, my home is your home, and you will always have a place here with us. When you feel life is getting too heavy, put the burden on me. I’ll carry it until you recoup your strength. Remember, you are loved literally beyond measure, and no space, time, distance, or circumstances can ever change that.

So be brave, go out into the world, and build the life you’ve dreamed of. You deserve all the happiness you want. You’ve got this.

19 is just a number, but it’s also the year you begin the biggest adventure of your life. I wish you every one of God’s blessings and a lifetime filled with big, heart-fluttering, reciprocated love; booming, from-the-bottom-of-your-soul laughter; unbridled, can’t-stop-smiling happiness; great health and adventure chasing; and heart-fulfilling dreams. But most of all, I ask you to love yourself. Love and care for yourself the way I love and care for you, like you are my favorite and most precious person in this world, because you are. Never forget that.

Love you forever, to the moon and back!

2024/03/10 0 comments

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