All I Can Do is Cry

signs of miscarriage, symptoms of miscarriage, miscarriage, loss, grief, pregnancy loss, all I can do is cry, missed abortion, what it feels like to have a miscarriage

Cry is the only response my body could muster when I heard the word miscarriage.

I want to scream but I can’t. I can barely think. All I can do is cry.

My heart has been irreparably broken.

This unexpected blessing that shocked me when I first saw the two lines, this baby that I didn’t deserve is now gone.

My miracle labeled a miscarriage.

I can’t breathe. I can’t think. All I can do is cry.

I went in this morning because I was spotting; no cramps, no heavy bleeding; nothing. I expected everything to be ok. It wasn’t. It isn’t. I don’t know if it ever will be again.

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I can do is cry.

We had only told a very few people, not even our little girls who have been begging for a baby brother or sister.

I’m always afraid. Always afraid that I’ll say something too soon and something bad will happen.

Terrified that I’ll have to explain a miscarriage, afraid my happiness will prove too bold.

My sister lost a baby at 9 weeks. I am 10 weeks and 4 days, I thought I was safe. I wasn’t.

The ultrasound showed 9 weeks and 2 days. That’s when our baby died.

The moment I saw the tech’s face, I knew.

There was no tiny heartbeat.

Only a perfect, still baby.

What does it feel like to have a miscarriage?

It feels like all the wind has been knocked out of me. I feel numb.

I want to crawl up inside myself and be still and never move again.

I want to die. I want my heart to stop beating.

I can’t bear the thought of people looking at me with pity. The thought of people trying to talk or understand my pain away weighs on me like an anchor around my neck.

Just let me be. Let me feel this insurmountable loss.

Let me cry my primal animalistic screams and pretend you don’t hear.

Don’t touch me.

Don’t speak to me.

Just let me be alone with my darkness, my abyss; my hell.

My baby was a promise for something better. The promise has been broken and I feel empty. I feel betrayed and let down by life.

I can’t talk. I can’t breathe. All I can do is cry.

While you are reading this, I will be at the hospital having a D & E because the thought of walking around with my perfect baby without a heartbeat inside me while waiting for it to pass on its own is too much to bear right now.

I appreciate your love, prayers and support and I was hoping to be sharing with you our pregnancy this month, instead, I’m sharing my loss. It’s the only way I know how to move through my pain…to write it down.

I believe that there is a reason for everything and that God has a divine plan for us all, but right now, today my heart is breaking.

All I can do is cry.

This miscarriage makes me feel like my body has completely failed me and I don’t know how to survive this gaping wound in my soul.

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Comments (126)

My heart hurts for you and your husband. I’m so sorry.

I know this is LATE but I am just to the point where I can respond, thank you. Your kind words have meant more than you can know.

I don’t know u besides following you on twitter & being thankful everyday I’m not the only one going through everything you write about. I will tell you that your post this morning brought back so many emotion I thought I had locked away and gotten over . I have been through 2 miscarriages after having two healthy pregnancies, for anyone to say they know how you feel is out of line .. Every mom who experiences this does so in different ways , my spirit was crushed & I also felt like my body had let me down . I felt like god had robbed me not only once but twice of having a precious angel in my arms. With all that said it took a long time for me to forgive myself and god for taking that experience from me. Just know that you have tons of followers , friends & family who are praying for you . It does get better over time , u will never forget but the pain does go away . Dont let this rob you of attempting again .. I have a wild blonde haired green eyed 5 yr old boy who runs me ragged & drives me crazy ..but I am so thankful god gave him to me . Hugs & kisses & you have many prayers being sent your way

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Your words have resonated with me and helped to carry me through one of the most difficult times in my life. XO

Oh my friend. I’m hurting for you. Sending you so much love today. I’m so sorry.

THank you for the love, support and friendship. It has meant so much to me how many women have come forward and shared their own stories. I know it is painful to speak of but you all will never know how much your understanding and love has meant to me in a time when I could barely lift my head off of the pillow to see clear to the next day. XO

I wish I were there to just give you a hug!

The very fact that you care enough to want to has helped to carry me through.XO

Oh Deborah, I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you.

The prayers may have saved my life.Thank you.

I am so sorry. I’ve had 5 miscarriages and each one was devastating. Thinking of you today.

I am so sorry that you had to experience this five times. I am sending you hugs back directly.

I am so sorry! There are no other words – you cry it out on your own time, my heart aches for you..

Thank you for being such a supportive friend. I did a lot of crying in the past month and am just now seeing my way clear enough to respond to these comments but I may need to respond in small doses as they are breaking my heart a little. I am awed by the outpouring of genuine love and support that I have received. Thank you, my friend. XO

So sorry. Hugs to you

Nicole @MTDLBlog

I know that this is enormously painful – we went through this a few years back…I’m so sorry. Allow yourself this time and hold tight to those closest to you. Big hugs.

I have tears in my eyes for you, Deb. Your baby. I am so very sorry.

I wish I could give you the biggest hug and bring over a meal so you could rest.

I am so so sorry.

My heart is broken. I’m so sorry. There are no words, only prayers.

I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could sit with you and hold your hand.

I am so sorry D for your loss. Sending lots of hugs your way and please let me know if there’s anyway I can help. xxo

Deborah, I cry right a long with you when I was reading this. Words cannot even convey the emotions that I feel for you. I am also familiar with miscarriage, and it feels like things will never be the same again.

I wrote down my experience here:

I just want you to know that I will be praying for you and your family. You take as much time as you need to mourn, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. –Kalley C

sending you so much love Debi, and many prayers too. wishing I could do something to help, I’m here for support though. *hugs*

I’m so sorry. I’ve lost a baby too. The pain and heartbreak are overwhelming. Thinking of you.

I am so so so sorry. My heart breaks with you. Prayers and love.

Oh Deborah, I am so so very sorry to read this. You and your husband must be so overwhelmed with this right now.

Please take care of yourself and just ‘be’. Sending you healing vibes and virtual hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love.

I am so sorry. I have been there, and there is no pain like it. You and your family are in my prayers.

Big hugs. I’ve been there…10 wks 4 days. Sending you love and strength. Enveloping you in sweet, healing thoughts.

Sending you lots of hugs, prayers and support. Let me know if you need anything. Here if you want to talk.

I’m so, so very sorry for your loss Deborah. Take care of yourself. Cry if you have to. Take your time.

((hugs)) because I feel like even my words, of complete understanding, won’t be enough right noW, Take all the time you need to grieve… It’s a process. I am here if you need someone who understands and knows this pain all too well.

Oh Debi. I am so sorry. You have my sympathy and prayers. Take care. xoxo

i am just so sorry for your loss. hugs. xoxo

I am so very sorry. Praying for you.

Oh Deb… I am so sorry for you loss and all that you are going through. There is nothing that can take that pain away… nothing that can make it better.
I know this because I went through the exact same thing at the exact same time in one of my pregnancies and I too did the D&C because I didn’t want to go through the waiting and wondering when it would pass on it’s own. I couldn’t do it.
All I can do is send all my love, thoughts, and prayers your way.
If you need someone to talk to just let me know. I’m here.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers.

Oh Deb, I am so, so very sorry for your loss and am thinking about you today and as you try to heal…sending love and hugs.

I am so, so sorry for your loss and your pain. I’ll be thinking of and praying for you and your family, and sending you all the light I can.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Will be thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Prayin for all of you

I don’t know you, i do know your grief. Know that you are loved by so many. We are with you in this

I’m so so sorry for your loss. My prayers are definitely with you, friend.

Big hugs to you, sweet friend. I am so sorry this is happening. We’re all here for you.

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs your way, and lots of strength as well.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of hugs.


I’m so sorry. I cannot even imagine. Prayers for you, dear.

Oh Deborah,

My heart aches for you. I am so sorry.


My heart is breaking for you Deb, I know the pain is unimaginable. Sending a million hugs your way.

Sending you strength, love and light. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Everything happens for a reason..Maybe God has a better plan for you. God is taking care of your little angel now. Take care..

Oh, love – you know I know.
I am reaching out to you right now with a hug – the “my heart to your heart” kind.
I am so very sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a baby last year at 11 weeks. The memory is still fresh. You and your family are on my mind.


Honey, I’m so, so sorry. It totally sucks. You’re absolutely right – let yourself feel and grieve and write through it. It’s so hard to see anything but this moment right now, I know. Feel free to email me if you want. Thank God for the amazing blogosphere -the number of women who have been in our shoes is astounding, and they are nothing but supportive.

I’m so very sorry for your loss and pain. I also had a d&c after my baby died, for the same reason. Healing thoughts to you, body and heart.

*hugs* I’m so sorry for your loss.

Oh deb, my heart goes out to you. Keeping u in my prayers while you’re in hospital and recovering. I have no words to take away the pain of your loss. Know that I am thinking of you. Sending you a great big hug too.

My heart breaks for you

[…] The End of the World as We Know It Deborah Cruz 2012/05/03 0 Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginTelling my daughters was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My husband decided to tell them the truth out of concern for me. My 4-year-old has been begging to be a big sister and he was afraid that in my fragile state, her relentless requests would be to torturous for me to endure. I think we should not of told her. My 4 year old took it especially hard. She is devastated. All I can do is cry. […]

much love and huge hugs, ok. cry. cry all damn day. and more. it’s your right to grieve the way you must.

I had no idea. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how devastating it is.

I’ve had two miscarriages and each one totally knocked the wind out of me–in more ways than one.

Cry whenever you need too and take one day at a time. Will keep you in my prayers.

I know your pain. I was 12 weeks. No sign of trouble. We found out at my regular heartbeat appointment. It happens too often. I know you don’t want pity and I get that. I’m sorry you are feeling this pain….going through this hell. Do what you have to do and don’t apologize or feel guilty about any of it. I pray for the peace to come soon.

[…] feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginThe past week has been the hardest of my life, thus far. I’ve been walking around in a surreal state of existence since last Monday, only […]

I am so sorry. The sun will come out again, but it will seem a little dimmer. My heart is with you – it has been broken in this manner before, I wish nobody else’s ever would be. x

Oh, I feel very sorry for your loss…:(
Many ‘hugs’. May you have peace soon…

I just want to scream from the hilltops for you …
I had to stop reading the comments – too many of us have shared this road, this journey to a place that no one wants to be.
My heart hurts with yours xxxx

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So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your kind words. It was the kindness and understanding of the people I know online that carried me through that terrible time in my life when I didn’t want to speak about it. They shared their experiences and they rescued me from my hole of pain. XO

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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Sending hugs your way.

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Hats off strong woman. I just read your own experience on child abuse and the another link I followed is this one. And from starting to the end your each and every words have a great influence on me. You truly are an inspiration to many people in the world. Keep on writing. Best wishes.

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