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truth about mom overwhelm

‘I Can’t Do This Anymore’

The Raw Truth about Mom Overwhelm and Toxic Relationships

by Deborah Cruz

Since November, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Is it my ADHD? Perhaps, its SAD? Is it the election? Is it perimenopause? Not enough “me” time? Or am I just tapped, touched out and overwhelmed? I don’t know, but I don’t think I’m alone. I’m moved to tears by everything. I feel like I can’t physically feel happiness. Everyone wants everything from me and I have nothing left to give. This is me, feeling like a trapped animal. I just want to flee my life. This isn’t just some sad, perimenopausal mom’s truth about mom overwhelm and toxic relationships and friendships, it’s an all too relatable feeling amongst many women, especially moms. I’m hoping recognizing and acknowledging that I’m feeling a certain type of way, will help me find my way back to truest myself and that’s started by me setting boundaries. 

 

I have been feeling hopelessly overwhlemed and unable to get myself out of this funk. It’s hard to explain but if you know, you  know. I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to do this anymore. It’s too much. I quit. I can’t be responsible for everything and everyone anymore. It’s too much. I am being crushed beneath the weight of responsibility and obligations and have no time just to be still; to exist. I just need a break. Can’t I please be alone somewhere, away from everyone who wants and needs anything from me? It doesn’t even matter where? I just want to be somewhere where no one knows me and more importantly, nobody wants anything from me. Nothing. Not even one word. 

I never realized how debilitating the mom overwhlem had become.

 

I don’t know how this has happened but I feel lonely even though I am never alone. NEVER. I feel invisible even though I’m depended on to do everything. This makes things worse because then I feel like I’m doing manual labor not out of love but because that’s what people expect of me. 

 

Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe it’s because one daughter is graduating, one came home from college, and both are leaving in the fall. I’m the one juggling and checking in and checking up. No matter what happens, if a ball drops… I’m the one who dropped it. That’s my absolute awful truth about mom overwhelm.

 

Nothing is making sense anymore. I’m tired of trying. I’m sick of being the one always making all the effort. I quit. Friendships, relationships and acquaintances ( personal and professional) that are one-sided, I’m out. Life’s too short and I am fucking done trying to make shit work for other people’s sake. What about my sake? What about me? 

I no longer have time for toxic relationships or one-sided friendships.

 

Maybe this is my midlife crisis. Perhaps it’s an awakening. Maybe it’s my reckoning. I’m mad and I’m tired and it feels like we’re all driving a hundred miles an hour toward a cliff and the fucking brakes won’t work and everyone else jumped out of the vehicle but I’m still trying to save the day. Well, I don’t give a fuck about other people’s days anymore. I promise. I quit.

It’s not me, it’s them. Fuck the vehicle, let it burn. I’m jumping out and living to see another day. Setting boundaries. I’m drawing a clear and concise line in the proverbial sand. You are either with me or you’re not. You’re either reciprocating or getting left behind in 2025. I realize this sounds cold but I have friends that I’ve been trying to hold our relationship together for decades and I finally had to face the hard truth, they don’t give a fuck if they lose me so I have to reciprocate in kind. 

 

I realized I don’t want to invest my time and energy into people who are not investing in me. Why am I caring if you’re okay if you don’t even care if I exist? This is coming from me, the woman who has object permanence. But, I am intentional about checking in on the people who matter the most. Ask anyone, I’m the one sending the Christmas cards and organizing the get togethers. I’m the one McGyvering the relationship and I’m here to tell you that I am no longer stepping into that position.

That is the truth about mom overwhelm and toxic relationships

 

I’ve been stepping into my traumas, after a couple unexpected triggers lately. Things I thought I forgot or got passed, have been humbling the shit out of me. Why am I being punished for being traumatized? Shouldn’t the perpetrator be the one living with guilt, and random rememberings?

 

I grew up poor so I’m very hesitant to let go of things. Some people call it hoarding, I collect people and things, just so I never feel afraid or alone. Wow, my therapist would be so impressed by how self-aware I am these days.I have too much because I’m afraid of letting go and not having what I need after doing so. I’m terrified of letting go.

 

Since the election results, I’ve been overcome with hopelessness in a way I have never felt before. I’ve been through my fair share of difficult times in my life but this is different. This is beyond my control in so many ways. I’m resilient but I’m also very overwhelmed and anxious.

 

Being out of control is my biggest fear. I’m not a wait & see kind of person. I’m a “give me control, I’ll get us through this” kind of girl.

 

I’ve been going through an awakening of sorts ( a shift in perspective) and the result is that I’m getting more comfortable with the idea of letting go of people and relationships that are one-sided. Fuck unrequited love and friendship. If we don’t both put in effort, in 2025, I’m walking away and not looking back. If I go missing from your life, you’re going to have to come looking because I’m done. I’m no longer letting my happiness depend on anyone else.

Does my truth about mom overwhelm and toxic friendships resonate?

Are you nodding your head right now? Have you whispered “I can’t do this anymore” into your pillow at night or as you cried in the shower, feeling simultaneously guilty and relieved just to admit it? You’re not alone, and more importantly – you’re not wrong.

If this resonates with you, here are three things you can do right now:

  1. Share this post with another mom who needs to hear she’s not failing – she’s just carrying too much. Use the hashtag #TheTruthAboutMotherhood to connect with others who understand.
  2. Join our judgment-free community in the comments below. Tell us about ONE thing you’re letting go of this year. Your permission slip might be exactly what another mom needs to read today.
  3. Sign up for my weekly newsletter where we dive deeper into setting boundaries, recognizing toxic patterns, and reclaiming our mental health and much more – without the mom guilt.

Remember: Sometimes “I can’t do this anymore” isn’t about giving up – it’s about waking up. Your overwhelm isn’t a weakness; it’s a wake-up call.

Ready to start putting yourself first? Click subscribe  to join thousands of moms who are done apologizing for having limits.

 

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