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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Confessions

  • To A Night we’ll never forget

    I’m sure you all are on pins and needles wondering just how my birthday celebration went, so I’m going to tell you..the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the TRUTH!

    The day started off in a bit of a hectic haze. We were trying to get the house in some kind of order before the grandparents showed up for babysitting duty. God Bless ’em! Without these two beautiful souls, the birthday celebration would not have been even remotely possible.
    After frantic running around like chickens with our heads chopped off, finally we were dressed, packed and ready to hit the road.Bella decided that at the point that I  was walking out the door would be a fabulous time to cue the tears. Nothing like a raging case of Mommy guilt to start the journey off with. I was determined. I had tickets to the 3 pm production of Romeo and Juliet ( I will elaborate on that in an upcoming post) and I had to go. So, I gave the girls one last hug and kiss and left them for the first time ever overnight.

    It was a long night, so I will just post a quick synopsis of the entire night. After the show, we hit the hotel for a quick change into our night in the city outfits. Mine consisted of a black and white dress, 5 inch heels and an application of my nighttime makeup.It really is a miracle what a difference a little bit of time and effort can make in your appearance and your self confidence.

    Photobucket
    This is me and my little sister sometime after dinner and a couple cocktails.


    We had dinner at the fabulous Japonaise downtown. Where we all consumed obscene amounts of sushi, martinis, wine and saki. There was never a lull in the conversation. I was so content sitting in the corner surrounded by some of the people I love the most in the world, my sister and brother in law, my brother in law and his beautiful girlfriend, and my best friend/sister and her amazing husband and last but certainly not least, the love of my life, the Big Guy! As you can see from the picture above, I could not stop smiling all night long. I didn’t even care that I was turning 30 ( for the 8th time). I was in the moment and drinking it all in.

    Dinner was followed by dancing at a Latin themed bar. By this time, we are all feeling pretty good. So good, in fact, that my feet were not even bothering me from wearing the 5 inch hooker heels for 5 hours at that point which I found to be a bit peculiar. I went with it. It felt amazing for 1 night to be looked at like I was a woman having a birthday, not a Mommy taxing children to and fro. Of course, you can take the Mommy out of the house but you can’t take the Mommy out of the woman. This became painfully aware while the girls and I were shaking our asses on the dance floor. There were 2 girls, probably about 21, dancing behind me and they kept bumping into me. At first, I ignored it. Then I couldn’t take it anymore. And what was my reaction? Imagine if you will, me 5’7″ ( without heels on) wearing those 5 inch hooker heels..towering above these girls at a whopping 6 foot tall. They were maybe 5’1″. I swiftly turn around, after being knocked almost off my feet for the 10th time..I bend down, pointing my finger and said, “Hey! You girls have got to stop this. You are going to knock someone down!” They said ,”OK, we’re sorry.” They looked completely shocked and that’s when I realized…I just scolded them on the dance floor. You know, like I would do a 3 and 5 year old. They stopped bumping into me, but they were giggling..probably because they thought I was crazy! Funny how if I would have been their age, I would have turned around and said “Look Bitch, stop bumping into me or I’m going to beat your ass!” Funny how being a mother changes you in the most unexpected ways. That and the fact that I’m pretty sure I would have fallen and killed myself had I gotten into a tussle in those shoes:)LOL

    The night started to wind down, by this point the top of my foot had been hyper-extended due to an inordinate amount of time in the hooker heels ( which I absolutely adore by the way and will wear at any chance possible) but obviously my foot was remembering that I was not 21 anymore. We were down to 4 troopers left. I was savoring every single moment of this night. Then it happened, you know that moment when you lose all of your good senses and you do that one last stupid thing. Well, I decided to cap off the evening, we all needed two last shots; 1 of tequila and a lemon drop. Talk about buyers remorse! So, we toast to my birthday and we head to the dance floor. Almost immediately, I realized the shots may have been too much. I felt discombobulated, people were moving in slow motion. Then the next thing I remember was standing in the rain, barefooted waiting as my brother in law tried desperately to hail a cab at around 2 in the morning.Flash forward, I remember hugging on to the toilet for dear life. Yes, very mature behavior for someone of my age. Right? The next thing I can logically recollect was waking up, feeling like I had eaten a bowl of cotton, and had a splitting headache.

    I decided that I needed to try and get mobile as we had a drive home and checkout was noon. I sucked it up and headed for a shower, after making a pit stop at my best friend the toilet and puking up what can only be classified as pea green bile, I finally got in the shower to wash away the sins of the previous night. I was feeling a little better..refreshed. Then it happened, as I was brushing my teeth…I noticed something looked out of place. Remember in the Hangover when they wake up the next morning and the one guy is missing his tooth? Well, I wasn’t missing a tooth! But I do have a mysterious black eye! After much piecing together of the last hours of the night,the Big Guy and I came to the conclusion that while I was hugging the toilet, I must have began to doze and slipped and hit my head on the toilet rim. Classy, right? Probably explains some of the headache, as well.Thank God its just on the outside rim of my eye, so it looks like I have eye make up on.Imagine trying to explain that one at kindergarten pick up at the catholic school. There you have it, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the unabridged absolutely embarrassing truth. But what a night it was…to a night we’ll never forget! Or is it remember?

    Stu: “Why can’t we remember a godd*** thing from last night?”
    Phil: “Because we obviously had a great f***ing time.”

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Days 24-26 ~ Celebrate YOUR assets

    In celebration of my birthday this weekend (yes, I’m turning 30….again!), we are going to have an entire weekend long challenge. Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Days 24-26 ~ Celebrate YOUR assets! You heard me right. No matter what complaints you have about your life or maybe wish you could change some things, you’ve got assets girl. You may have forgotten about them because you’re too busy being obsessed with everyone else in the families …everything. But they are there. Maybe its your brilliant mind, maybe you are a social guru, maybe you’re a damn brain surgeon, maybe you are gorgeous, maybe your eyes are bluer than the ocean, maybe your lips are perfectly round, maybe you have the most amazing cooking skills, maybe you can sing like an angel, maybe you are a damn word wizard, maybe you are the most dedicated friend a person could have, maybe you are a rocking athlete, maybe you are genuine, maybe you are empathetic, maybe you are a sales woman,  a butcher, a baker,a  candlestick maker…You get the point. Take a minute to think about it and flaunt it. When you utilize your assets, you feel productive and you feel confident because its YOU! You’re not trying to keep up to some impossible standard, you got this. You know you do. I don’t care what it is, immerse yourself in it this weekend!
    Me, well, lets be honest… in my family, birthdays are a BIG  FREAKING DEAL..its not doom and gloom because you are another year older. It’s  celebrating your ass off because you have lived another year in this world with your amazing friends and family. You count your blessings, have some drinks, an amazing meal, and celebrate you and your life with those you love! Believe me, I will be celebrating all of my assets with the people I love most in the world… all weekend! Try  focusing on all that you’ve accomplished rather than what you want to accomplish this weekend. Take an inventory and be proud of your contribution to the world! You are amazing!

    And a Shout out to my Big Little brother, Carlitos! Happy 28th Birthday ( Again). Wish we could celebrate it together like we did when we were little..with our shared birthday cake! Love YOU!!!

    What a smart boy you were! From the beginning I knew you were something special!

    Sharing one of many of our many celebrations together!

    You really were the most adorable thing EVER!

    Always my best friend and now we are that much closer because we are godparents to each others kids! I am so proud of the man you have become! You are an amazing Father, Husband, Son, Brother, Best Friend,  Coach, Soccer player. You are capable of such greatness! I can’t wait to celebrate another birthday together with you.Love you Forever and then another day or so:) 
    We may be separated by geography but you are always in my heart, little brother!

    All the brothers and sisters + baby Gabs in my Tummy, minus baby brother, celebrating our birthday 4 years ago.

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 23 ~ Pamper Yourself

    Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 23 ~ Pamper Yourself is one that I am taking to heart. I have been walking around with rough heels, unkempt eyebrows,occasional , slightly hairy upper lip, just enough to get by shaved legs ( lets not even get started on other parts that need to be shaved) , chipped polished on my fingernails and toenails. Yes, I paint such a lovely picture of myself. ..all in the name of the truth. I know I am not the only one. Fess up, Ladies. All afflictions do not usually take place simultaneously but you get the point. I haven’t had a pedicure since my birthday …last year ( so a year on Saturday). My finger nail polish has just learned to give up and go away after a few weeks, on its own. The rough heels, well, ( yes, I know its gross) those bastards seemed to appear around the pregnancy of my second child ( 3 years ago) . I have tried to remedy the situation but its one of those things that needs maintenance…bwahahahha..yeah, that never happens. So my challenge for today is to pamper yourself. If you have to wait til the kids go to sleep, run a hot bath, take a soak, shave those legs in peace, moisturize, give yourself a facial, remove that old nail polish. I promise you will go to bed feeling beautiful and wake up not feeling like a hot disheveled mess. I know this because I have tried it and I will be doing it tonight..after Gray’s , of course. Come on ladies, Saturday is my big date night/ birthday celebration, I have to feel good to look good for my big night. I can’t  be a birthday princess if I feel like a frog! When I feel put together, I always feel more self confident and that has to make me a better me.Hopeyou will all be joining me in pampering yourself this weekend!

  • Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge – Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart

    Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 20 ~Be nice to someone; Pay it forward
    is one that I plan on getting started on right away. I already let someone cut in front of me in the drop off line at school. They seemed frustrated and in more of a hurry than me so I figured, rather than getting annoyed to just let them go. Hopefully, that small gesture will make their day go a little smoother for them. It was a very small gesture, I know, but it’s got to start somewhere. Hope you are being nice to others today and paying all random acts of kindness forward!

    Today’s Be A  Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart.
    Really listen to what your heart wants. The only true key to happiness is following our hearts desire. Certainly, it is smart to follow your head, but I think total rationality is overrated. How many people do you know that go along or do things because they are supposed to not necessarily because they want to? What kind of quality of life are we having if we always do the right thing..or what is expected? Sometimes you have to be brave and follow your heart, even if it seems crazy. One of the craziest things I ever did was agreeing to marry the Big Guy after only dating for 3 months. My mind told me I was crazy if I said yes and my mind told me that obviously he was crazy for asking. I thought about it long and hard, but my heart kept drowning out the negativity of my brain. Of course I was afraid that it wouldn’t last, that impetuous leap he asked me to take. But my heart kept saying, You are crazy if you don’t take the leap. It could end in embarrassing failure or it could be the biggest and best adventure of your life. It could be your happily ever after. My heart talks a lot, just like the rest of me:) I took the chance and  it was scary for me to make such a rash decision but look at where I am  now; 11 years of marriage, 2 beautiful little girls, and more love than I could possibly have imagined. Listen to your heart, it just may open up all the hidden treasures that your life has to offer.Besides, I think our heart knows what will truly make us happy opposed to our head who only knows what society says will make us happy.

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 20 ~Be nice to someone; Pay it forward

    Today’s Be A Better Me (You ) Challenge- Day 20 ~ Be nice to someone; Pay it forward is something that probably goes against nature for most of us. I know we’ve all heard it a million times from our parents, and most of us spend a lot of time repeating it to our children; you know the golden rule; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I don’t know about you but I have a hard enough time trying to survive my own Mommyhood. To say that I actively try to be nice to others is well, quite frankly, more effort than I can give on most days. It sounds awful. I know. I like to think I am a good person and but I don’t go out of my way to do unto others. Usually, I just put my head down, hold my breath and hope no one notices that I am in the room.I do volunteer for things and I like to think I am being my best version of myself but I am not going that extra mile. I do nice things for family and close friends but nothing compared to what I could or more importantly “should” be doing. I have a couple girlfriends who will go out of their way to put a smile on others faces. Multiple times I have been sick, or the kids have been sick, or sad, and these two women will bring food, activities to engage the children and get their mind off of being sick, random things just to let us know that they care, etc. They truly do let their actions speak louder than their words. I want to be them when I grow up. So, I have decided rather than be envious of their virtue and generosity , I need to do as they do. I am going to pay it forward. I am going to start living the golden rule. They have reinstilled my faith in humanity and I think I would be a much better and happier person if I could do as others have done unto me. Misery enjoys company but I think happiness is contagious. Here’s hoping I can be contagious. Let’s start a movement…Random act of kindness your ass off. I want to be the example that I want to see in the world.

  • Be A Better Me (You) Weekend Challenges-Day 17- 19

    Sorry to those of you who have been following along. The weekend has once again gotten away from me. It’s really hard for me to spend time on the computer when I have my husband home with me. Our time is few and far between , so I have to make it count. Please forgive me. I know that you all understand! But here are the challenges that I issued for the weekend.

    Be A Better Me (You)  Challenge – Day 17 ~ Cook what you want for dinner
    Sounds simple right? I’m not sure about you but I spend a lot of time making what every body else wants, will eat or prefers. My choices usually are not even considered. I mean, I don’t cook food that I hate(I’m not trying to punish myself) but I also don’t ever say “Tonight, I’m going to make exactly what I like!” I can’t because, its not usually what the rest of the family wants. But my challenge for you is a simple exercise in remembering that you count and what you like. Pick a night and cook whatever it is that YOU like. How many times have you made what your husband likes to make dinner special? How many times have you choked down your kids favorites so they’d be happy? Probably always, right? Tonight, make what you want. If you didn’t have to consider picky eaters palettes,what would you eat? Me, well, I love sushi, eggplant and green peppers. All things that are very much unappreciated by the rest of my family. Maybe a little eggplant parm is exactly what this situation calls for in my house. What would be your dream meal?

    Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge- Day 18 ~ Get rid of a bad habit
    We all have something we do that we don’t want to do or is not necessarily good for us.  These things serve as crutches to us. I don’t want crutches anymore. I am tired of being hobbled and want to stand straight on my own two feet.Bad habits are developed over time and serve no good purpose in our lives. The bad habit I have that I’d like to kick to the curb is needing the validation of asking ” Does this make me look fat?” Seriously, how is that question helpful? It means I am obsessing over my looks and expending my energy in a very negative way. It’s also liable to make me a bad Mommy if my girls hear this slip out of my mouth. I don’t want to pass on my weight issues. Why am I asking? If I am or I am not, or it does or does not make me look fat..is irrelevant. Even feeling like I need to ask the question, needing that validation is crippling me from being the best me I can be. If it bothers me then I should just work on it. I am my own worst critic and really no matter what the Big Guy answers, I am never satisfied. I need to stop asking that damn question; more importantly stop needing that validation from others. I need to just work on the problem and fix it rather than questioning myself and others. So,I am going to stop asking “Does this make me look fat?” To do this, I must work to make sure that I know that I am not. If I am not, then it stands to reason that I can not look like what I am not! End the end, ending this habit will be the catalyst to making me be a better me for me.What is your bad habit that’s keeping you down or holding you back?

    Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge- Day 19 ~ Breathe; Relax
    Stop snickering. It’s very simple but sometimes we need to be reminded. Life has a tendency to snowball and overwhelm us. It’s really a miracle what  difference having the forethought to stop, breathe deeply, exhale and relax. My Mom has told me this since I was a child and I never believed or fully understood. Quite frankly I thought she was a little crazy. It seems with having children I am gaining great wisdom and insight into the world around me. For example, one more thing I learned to understand fully, why parents would ever think of sending a teen aged daughter away to boarding school and pay all that money for virtually a baby sitter. Believe me, if these young emotionally charged years are any indication of what may be to come, I may be putting a kidney for sale for some peace and sanity. But lately, I have been trying to breathe. I will admit it has been a last resort, but it was the only way I could come to it. It’s making me a better person because its giving me the control to be in charge of my emotions and not fly of the handle, which, lets face, seldom works and usually just leads to guilt. I just feel like a better person being able to control my reactions to the world and situations that it seems to keep hurling at my head. Breathing make me feel in control and control is what winds my clock people.I can’t imagine how awesome I’d be if I could make myself meditate. Something I may have to make some time for. So, breathe and relax is your challenge. Just try it! I promise, you’ll like it.

    Just a challenge update, my friends, I am sitting here with my hair fixed, and a dress on. I feel pretty cute. A little effort went a long way this morning! Also, I am sitting here in peace and quiet because the Big Guy has taken the girls shopping leaving me with some quiet , alone time. God bless him. And next week, BIG Guy and I have date night for my birthday. I can not wait. So be warned, there will be no posts next weekend! But I will be living the challenge..and the dream! Happy Mothering!

  • A Birthday wish, Hopping, Fawking and More Fawking!

    Happy Friday!Well, I am trying to make it a happy Friday! I awoke in a little bit of a funk, don’t you hate when that happens? I should be ecstatic since the Big Guy will be here for dinner tonight and the girl will be out of school for the weekend. I think it may be the prospect of all of this housework that’s got me in the dumps.I guess I better just pull up my big girl panties and get to it…just as soon as I’m done with this post.Hope you are all having a wondrous Friday and looking forward to an even more splendid weekend. Ok, lovely readers of mine, I have 1 week and a day before my birthday! If you’ve been following me already you know that I am desperately trying to reach a goal of 1000 blog followers by my birthday. It’s my gift to myself! So, if you are not a certified follower please take the moment and click the Google Friend connect button in the sidebar. I would really appreciate it. Also, please share the blog with anyone you think might enjoy. Happy Friday!

    1.   When I get a day to myself I like to…drink something warm, take a long, hot bath, lie in bed and watch veg movies ( like 80’s veg out movies).Meander around the house and enjoy the silence…nap!OMG, doesn’t that sound absolutely perfect. Hey anybody looking for a birthday present for Truthful Mommy..let’s make that happen:)Hear me Mom? *wink *wink*

    2.  High school was….filled with new experiences and great friends. I loved high school. They say life is high school.I agree. Life is pretty great for me…most days:) Not Monday or Tuesday of this week but usually!


    3.  A little dream I have is to write for SheKnows,Babble, or contribute to a major paper. Oh yeah and to have 1000 + blog followers by next Saturday!


    4.  A big dream I have is  to start with a column, evolve into a book, become an empire and to travel the entire world with the Big Guy and my girls. I want to be Queen of my Destiny and I want the journey to be glorious. Is that asking too much? I think not!

    5.  If I could drive any car my pick would be  

    I just think this SUV is sexy and sleek. I’d feel powerful and hot driving it around town…chauffeuring rug rats!LOL

     6.  A time that I felt really and truly beautiful was  the moment my husband told me that he loved me for the first time. We were home on break from school in the fall,back when we were both much younger and thinner, we were kissing and he pulled away and looked at me and whispered..I love you. I knew he meant it. We had been dating for a little over a month. He scared me. He shocked me. But I could see it all over his face…I was home and I have never felt so beautiful as I did in those few extremely unconditional moments.



    7.  Tomorrow I will…. spend the day with the Big Guy and our girls ,hopefully,  not doing much of anything. I need a rest! Lots of relaxing and loving on one another and I am really hoping for a nap!

      

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    Now for my FAWK YOUs

    Fawk you to being frustrated and not being able to protect my children from all the ignorance in the world!


    Fawk You to clean laundry that once again refuses to put itself away!


    Fawk You to the distance between where my husband resides and my girls and I reside.


    Fawk you to the exercise that I NEVER have time to actually do. 


    Yeah, FAWK you to the damn Shred DVD eyeballing me from the mantel..taunting me! Look dude, I am busy disengaging tantrum bombs and meltdowns. Sorry if I haven’t had any ‘me” time since I issued the challenge!!!!


    Fawk you to all the stupid people in the world. I used to feel sorry for you but now you just annoy me. If you can’t use a word correctly please,for the love of Pete,don’t talk to me!!!


    Fawk you to having someplace to go and nothing to wear! 


    Fawk you to Mommy Guilt..what a useless emotion and waste of time!!!


    Fawk you to my stupid dog who shit on my carpet because she was mad at me! Damn emotional train wreck. We need some more testosterone in the joint!






  • Today’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things

    Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (you) Challenge-Day 8 ~ Get Yourself a Life
    was easy for me. I blog; I write and it is pursuing my passion . It gives me something outside of my marriage and children to do for myself. It is something that I do solely for my own pleasure. It also can hopefully evolve into something more; just with the community I have built, the events that I am privy to attend, the conferences etc. it does in effect give me a life..outside just parenting and my wifely duties.What did you do to get a life?

    Today’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things
    No, I am not referring to your children. I am referring to any little thing that might be bothering you. Maybe its chipped nail polish, a hairy mole, a hairy lip, unshaven legs, a stray eyebrow hair ,pants that are a little too snug, anything that is causing you to unduly stress. Normally, I say don’t sweat the small things but in the case of yourself I say if it is bugging you enough to stress out then address it immediately. Take a few minutes and make yourself feel better. For example, I am cursed with Latina hairy monkey syndrome ( along with Mexican flat bootie disease) now, I can’t do much ..other than an ass load of lunges for my flat bootie but I can, however,do something about the hairy legs and little ‘pedro’ growing on my top lip. What I mean is sometimes I get so caught up in Mommy mode that I actually don’t allow myself the time to wax the lip, even if it is driving me totally insane.It’s such a small thing, it takes 5 minutes to do ( of course you know sometimes those 5 minutes are worth more than gold and you are sure there is something that you ought to be doing to benefit your kids). I’m here to tell you that you need to do it! If a hairy lip./chipped polish/unkempt hair/no makeup/stray eyebrow hair is diminishing the quality of your life, making you miserable knowing its there; making you feel less than beautiful and confident. Don’t you think its worth it to get rid of it? I promise, your whole entire outlook on life will change. It sounds so vain, I know. But how can we be our best if we don’t feel our best? What’s the pebble in your shoe that’s making you feel less than your very best?
    So, my challenge to you is to find that one burr in your saddle and remedy it directly. Please link up your post.

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 7 ~ Make yourself a Priority

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 6~Try Something New
    was not a hard challenge because I like to try new things. I welcome change. But I did something out of my comfort zone. I tried an entirely different nightly routine.Normally, I either blog or work after the girls go to bed. This in turn leads to me staying up pretty late. Last night, due to my Mac going on the fritz, rather than hop on my laptop, I chose to unplug last night. At first , I will admit I wasn’t happy about it. I’m sort of addicted to being plugged in and I felt a little like I was smothering. But I powered through and went to bed by 10pm.I went to bed and my brain shut right down and I fell right to sleep. This led to me feeling much more rested and like I could actually think this morning. I may try doing this at least once a week from now on.What new thing did you try?

    Today’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 7~ Make yourself a priority.
    I know many of us never even make it onto our own to do list. I know I never do. For example here’s my list for today:
    6:20 am: Wake the girls up
    Gthe girls breakfast
    Get girls dressed
    Take girls to school
    Go to Target and pick up some shoes for Bella
    Go to the grocery store
    Do laundry,dishes, vaccuum,change linens, mop, put away laundry,unpack from traveling over weekend
    Pack lunch for girls
    Pick Bella up from school
    Eat lunch in car in 30 minutes of free time before Gabs’ ballet class starts
    Gabs ballet
    Take girls home
    Take girls outside to play for 30 minutes
    Make girls lay down for rest time /Write today’s Be a Better Me Challenge
    Get Bella dressed for Ballet
    Take Bella to ballet
    Run more errands with Gabs
    Pick Bella up from ballet
    Go home
    Eat dinner
    Give girls a bath/brush hair/brush teeth
    6 pm:Get girls down for bed
    6:00-10:00 pm work
    You see my schedule is insane, especially on Tuesdays. The worst part, I am no where to be found on that damn list, unless you count the maid, taxi, and chef services I provide.Tonight, I am putting me on my priority list. Tonight, after the girls go to bed, I am working out and then I am taking a long hot shower with no interruptions! I’m going to start scheduling myself some time in every day. I deserve to be a priority on my to do list. I have wants and needs and they are as importat as everyone elses. So are yours! What do you want or need to get done that keeps getting pushed to the backburner because everyone else always comes first? Well, next time you do your to do list write it on the list. Block the time out and make it happen.How can we feel important and special in our own lives if we NEVER take the time to meet our own needs?We cant and its a vicious cycle, the longer you do it , the more you get used to it; the more your family and friends get used to it,and soon no one expects you to want/need anything. Then you are like a very quiet, well behaved servant. You are a woman…let them hear you roar! Make yourslef a priority. If you don’t; nobody else will!
    Now link up and share how you made yourself a priority today? What do you want to do? When are you scheduling it in? How are you making it happen? Link up if you are posting a response to the challenge only; all other link ups will be deleted.

  • All the things I never knew

    I never knew what it was like to love a child, the way only a Mother can, until I had children. I never realized how hard it was to love them on days when everything in the world was on your shoulders and the baby was crying too. Not that you ever don’t love your children at all times ( because we all do) but sometimes its hard to find the energy to show them, when life is doing its best to solidly kick your ass. I never knew any of this, until I lived it.

    My whole life I knew that I loved my Mom. I also was very aware and accepted that we are two very different people; two very different types of women. She has always been gentle and sweet; kind and patient. She is your very typical southern lady. Everything about her is syrupy; her voice, her walk, the way she carries herself into a room. I have always been strong,impatient; sorta like a bulldozer on speed. I don’t like to wait for others to create or destroy my happiness. I will fight hard to protect those I love and love them even harder. I am a doer. I am a fighter. I’m scrappy. I’m not gentle. To me, I always loved my Mom but I saw her gentleness, in situations where I thought she should be strong, as weakness. I never understood her circumstances. Her heart was walking around on its own outside of her body.I didn’t realize; I didn’t know.

    Last week, my Mom went in for a routine procedure. It was to be a remedy to a longtime ailment that effected her heart.I was against it because I felt as long as medicine kept it in check, why risk surgery. Now, if it were me..I would have gotten the surgery , no question. But being that it was my Mom, I didn’t want to run the risk of a complication. A complication is exactly what happened. A very rare complication that she and only 3 % of the population share.

    An outpatient procedure turned into a 3 day stay in the hospital, a chest tube, transfusions, and a whole gaggle of scared adult children. I wasn’t there when it happened because it was suppose to be “routine”. But when faced with the situation and the very real possibility that  something worse could happen, I hopped in my car and drove to my Mother.

    When I walked into the cardiovascular intensive care unit and saw my mom pale lying on the bed, hooked up to machines, blood leaking from her neck catheter, a line dripping blood from her chest, and her barely able to speak..it humbled me. It scared me. For the first time ever, I was faced with my Mother’s mortality and I didn’t like that feeling. It took everything in me not to cry. It felt much like when your child gets hurt. Your instinct is to take hold of the situation as much as you can, and I did.

    Your next instinct is to make the loved one feel at ease and you hide the hurt , fear and pain you feel yourself and you have to do it all with grace.I never knew how strong you had to be to be gentle. It made me realize that for all of these years, I had mistaken my Mother’s gentleness and quiet demeanor for weakness when, in reality, it is through her silence she is maintaining her strength.Sometimes words are too much and in speaking them, you run the risk of breaking down.

    I have a new respect for my Mother; for all that she has gone through and all that she has done in her soft spoken life. I also think that her and I are more alike than either of us knew. I say this because I never knew.