Breaking up is hard to do

Breaking Up is hard to do~ We’ve all been there. That’s moment in a relationship when you know its not going anywhere, and its certainly not moving forward, that’s the moment that you know its over. Your challenge is to decide whether to let it die a slow painful death or to end it quickly, and just pull it off like a band aid on a hairy arm and pray for not too much collateral damage. We expect these situations when we are dating but not when we are play dating. But alas, it happens, and more often than not, I suspect.
It starts off innocent enough, you have a friend whom you know, however well, and one, or both of you, has the brilliant idea to form a sorority of friendship held together by the glue that is our children. Then one, or both of you, decides to enlist other friends or acquaintances into said group because, after all, the bigger the better. A seemingly perfect scenario of coffee amongst the pitter patter of little feet, quickly evolves into headaches amongst screaming children, at the very least. There you are with a group of strangers, that you may or may not have anything in common with, vying for one anther’s attention.People start to clique off but amongst it all there is an eerie facade of equal friendship. That “OMG, we are all so great.I love you all so much” bullshit that you keep spoon feeding one another because you are afraid if you are human and don’t love every single one of them, or at least pretend to do so, you will be known for the truly horrible bitch that you really are. It’s frigging high school with babies. Now, there are a lot of benefits to joining these groups for example; you meet women who are , at the very least, in the exact same situation as you are, as far as having children and raising them ( most times that is where the similarities end. It is sorta like lobbying to your family why you are dating a certain gentleman with the only weapon in your arsenal being that he is a human being. Not much of an argument after all). Joining play date groups gives you an opportunity to get advice, share war stories, feel safe, get guidance in where to go and what to do with your lovely, beautiful fruit of your loins. It sounds fantastic doesn’t it?It also gives us a place to be judged at every choice we make concerning our children, its like inviting other women into your life and licensing them to insult you, not only with their words but with their thoughts and actions. Afer all, they are Super Moms and you are a mere human so if you don’t see it their way and have no remorse about your imperfection, well then , you deserved to be damned to hell. How could every single woman in the world not want this peace, loving ,warm ,frigging, fuzzy feeling? Have we been idiots up until now and where would we be? How would we function without the great invention of play dates?
We’d be happy and a lot less insecure and probably less judgemental and a little more caring and fulfilled. I love my “play date moms”, that’s what we refer to one another as because God, knows we seldom evolve past that point. If you can maintain superficial friendships, and hang out with women that you have nothing in common with ( other than both having children), and this doesn’t bother you…then play dates are the place for you. I have made a couple of truly remarkable friends amongst my “Play date Moms”. Real, honest to goodness friends who I would like whether they had children or not. It just helps that they have kids because that way we have one more thing in common( partial sanity) and we are in a similar place in our lives, which is always beneficial to a friendship . The other way around being friends only because you both have kids, is sorta like being friends because you both have brown hair or teeth. It’s ridiculous.
My experience has been not unlike that of my experience with my boyfriend at 15, somebody is crazy for somebody and someone else doesn’t care. You both start out in a relationship all excited about this journey and then about 15 minutes in , you realize that you are truly up a creek without a paddle; only it feels more like you’re in the ocean. One person wants to spend every waking moment together, infiltrating every single facet of your life and the other is running for their life in the opposite direction. It’s like there is no in between, there is no common ground so there is only one thing left to do, break up.
The word is so dreaded; all the connotations are negative. There is nothing positive about breaking up.It is admitting failure and you know how us women are, we hate that. So, we try to force them to break up with us, after all, we know we want out so they are not really ending it; we are, they just don’t know it. Seldom does that work. We try avoiding them, not returning phone calls, emails, we even simply just don’t show up. But it doesn’t work. You know why? Because she won’t give up either,she doesn’t want to admit failure that she couldn’t make this relationship work.It is a vicious cycle.The children are being drug all over town, why Mommies smile their Vaseline smiles with absolutely no sincere feelings , at all, behind them. Rooms are filled with the buzzing of absolutely nothing of importance being said, mixed with the latest gossip of those who had the misfortune of not attending and it is all thinly veiled as concern. Pish Posh , I say. Finally, some one’s got to be the adult and put an end to this madness. In your most grown up, unbiased, level headedness, you excuse yourself from the group. You simply inform them that though they are wonderful, (they are not for you:) something has come up and it is better to remove yourself from the play date roster. In the end, you are still going out revealed as the ” the truly horrible bitch that you are.” That which you tried to avoid from the get go.So, you see breaking up is sometimes almost impossible to do, even with the best intentions.Who knew breaking up with a group of ladies was going to be harder than breaking up with an obsessed 15 year old boy?

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Comments (8)

I like this and equate it with experiences of working with a group of women. I have always said I would rather work with 50 foul mouthed men than 5 women. While the men may assault my tender senses with their language…I don’t have to worry about pulling a knife out of my back!!!

Sounds like you were in a playgroup with a horrible group of women. I myself get together with a wonderful group of friends for play dates. We enjoy each other's company with and without the kids and enjoy getting to know one another better both as mothers and women. Never once have we been catty or gossiped about other friends in the group nor have I ever witnessed anyone being judged for their decisions. I feel very blessed to have the friendships of 6 other mature women in which to share with and learn from. I also love watching my daughter grow up with wonderful friends who come from wonderful families! I hope one day you can find the types of friends you are looking for.

Hi Debbi, I'm sorry you feel this way, being in several different playgroups in my life I agree that it can be hard to get along with other moms and agree to disagree about different ways of doing things, probably one of the hardest parts of being a mom is insecurity. I also agree with what you said about some of the discussions that can end up in an hour of "my kid does this, does yours", etc, etc. BUT, I think the purpose of these playdates is also for the kids experience (child social skills, especially when the kids are products of stay at home moms and do not yet attend school). And like you said, its hard to make female bonds when you are trying to watch your kid and keep them from fighting wtih others. For this reason we have enjoyed the moms nights out, family cookouts, and girls dinners. We really get to know each other on a different level. The last time we closed down the restaurant without even realizing it and all went home refreshed. After moving to a new town and not knowing anyone, I feel very fortunate to have met a good group of other young christian moms, you being one of them. – Jama

Maybe next time you can just step up and say you don't want to be a part of something instead of coming up with excuse after excuse! You really should step out of your bubble instead of hiding behind the computer! You act all sweet and nice in person but on the computer you are totally different! So maybe the problem isn't the play group, maybe it's you! I happen to LOVE my play group! Good luck to you!

Wow, "Anonymous" if you know me in "person" maybe you should have left your name. I have already explained this situation to Jama and Jenica, I was not referring to "your" particular playgroup.I have been in several different playgroups and was just reminded of a previous situtaion.I've apologized for the confusion.Maybe you should check with them:) I'm glad you love your playgroup.Good for you!Thanks for reading and I am so glad that you so obviously don't fit the description from my blog. Have fun at your next play date. By the way, I never made up excuses, I simply had other things that had to be done or sick children, that actually does happen!!!!!

After reading this I feel very blessed that our playgroup is such a great fit. I can see how the wrong fit can be a disaster!!!! Love that you tell the TRUTH!

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