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What do You do when your Kid Doesn’t Match your Shoes or your Bag?

by Deborah Cruz

Seen a parent who uses their kids as accessories? Sounds crazy, right? I mean, who wants an accessory that makes such a mess. Parenting is a labor of love but make no mistake, it is labor.

Ever spy that mom who’s walking through the store, looking oblivious and completely put out by her children all in the same moment? You know the one, she’s dressed like one of the desperate housewives of Jersey and her child is dressed in something equally as chic. The poor kid’s sporting a kind of pathetic

The poor kid’s sporting a kind of pathetic nobody loves me, everybody hates me look? That Mom who is completely ignoring the child’s existence while simultaneously berating them, that’s the one! You’ve seen them ..at the zoo, the museums, cooking, the grocery store, church, maybe even the mirror. The ladies who like to play house but not actually live within its parameters. No cooking, cleaning, bathing, soothing sick children back to sleep..none of that. Just satisfied with the situation in theory but in fruition, they’ve decided to abort mission about 10 months after the fact…emotionally checking out. Make no mistake, I am not referring to women who

Make no mistake, I am not referring to women who have postpartum depression. I am speaking of women who had their children for the sole purpose of wanting to fit into a lifestyle and nothing more.When the task proved too difficult, they tried to cut their loses.

I have always thought that all Mommies loved their children unconditionally more than life itself. I think a good amount of us do. But there is an elite crowd, who I have found, that have children simply because that is what all their friends are doing; what is expected. They want to be invited to all the functions with the cool kids and so they procreate. You think I am joking, right? I have actually met people who have gone through all

I have actually met people who have gone through all the effort and labor of getting themselves a baby only to use that baby as a VIP pass to all the family friendly functions in town or as nothing more than an accessory. A photo op, another reason to pat themselves on the back. They want the child for what it brings but they don’t want to put any effort into the maintenance and upkeep. It is truly craziness.

Can you believe that in this day and time, there are people who would do this? Making matters worse, these are the same people who are all “get out of my house when you turn 18” and do you know why? For the same reason that the shelters are filled with cats and dogs because nothing is quite as cute as kittens and puppies…something to put into a little purse and show off to anyone who will look. I think it is beastly when its done to animals but unforgivable when its done using little human beings.

A child is a gift, a trying, exhausting, drive you crazy and steal all of your sleep gift..but none the less a gift. People did this back in the day because they needed people to work their land…so they grew a farm team but they loved them. They interacted with them. In today’s society, it is so easy to completely take care of your child but never have to actually interact with or engage them. We have Nanny’s, Manny’s, television, credit cards, boarding schools, babysitters, camps, preschool, any and every class you can think of. If you are determined enough you can fill every single moment of your child’s day and seldom have to even say hello. They can be like the good china, you only bring them out for special occasions…you know, when you need a kid to gain access to a situation.

For us parents who are full on Mommies who really want our kids, not because they match our bag and shoes but because they are our lives, its hard for us to understand why someone would only engage with their child on special occasions.Why would you not embrace the opportunity? We could not imagine our lives without our children.

Our children are not our accessories, our children are the world for which we wear all else.A child is a gift and a responsibility, forever. If you are so lucky to have one, love them and cherish them as they deserve to be. You chose to bring them into the world, they did not choose to come into yours. They are not intruders, they are your guests. Once you have children, its time to put away your own childish things and become an adult.

What do you think of parents who use kids as accessories?


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Design It Chic 2010/06/29 - 2:29 am

I love your post! And the last sentences are so true! You have a healthy way of seeing parenthood and i love that!
Happy Tuesday and if you need a few tips about the navigation bar I just have a post about that today! I bet you want it hidden, right?Happy Tuesday!

Queens Mama 2010/06/29 - 7:10 am

I totally agree! I actually just wrote a bit about this same topic on my blog last night too! It makes me so sad to hear women talk (and write in magazines) about their babies as things that cramp their style. It is too sad.

Great post!

Eclipsed 2010/06/29 - 7:39 am

Well put. And it's so sad because these are children with feelings and emotions, not a pair of shoes to be shined and brought out on special occasions. It's so easy to phone in parenting, it's difficult to get down on the floor and play.

sara 2010/06/29 - 10:28 am

I know several people like that. Including my now ex-SIL. They have kids to check that next box in the things to do list. It has always made me crazy (I saw a lot of it as a daycare worker), but after having gone through infertility and the struggle to adopt it makes me crazy rage-full!

Laina 2010/06/29 - 1:34 pm

This is sadly true. I have seen it myself and it's just terrible. I have been thinking this myself how people live their lives and get married and have kids simply because that's the next step and it's what society tells them to do. That doesn't mean that's why they desire. THey are just going through the motions. But children are the innocents in this equation and really, they end up being punished because of parent selfishness. Well, here's a tip for all parents…..parenting is selflessness. You can't be selfish and be a good parent. It's putting yourself aside for the greater good of your child.

Debbie 2010/06/29 - 2:00 pm

Amen! Standing and applauding over here.
You are so right about those parents. I just can't even imagine what they are thinking and the damage they are doing to their kids.

Amanda 2010/06/29 - 10:04 am Reply
Stacey 2010/06/29 - 3:15 pm

Wonderful post! Unfortunately, I know a few mothers like this.

purseblogger 2010/06/29 - 11:16 pm

You write so freakin' good! Very well said. 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2010/06/30 - 12:42 am

Ladies, thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. Thanks for reading!Happy Mothering!

One Savvy Mom! 2010/06/30 - 9:42 pm

How much do I love your blog! I just found your comment on mine and headed right over…This is too true – most of the time I live in NYC, and when you have kids in NYC most look at you like you have the wrong accessory – and if you have a stroller that is blocking their way look out! They just may curse you out for taking up their sidewalk space! Many who have kids here have them so that they can be accepted within certain social circles, but when it tires, they are still left with their child or children – and they get left to be watched by nanny's. Makes me mad to think that so many want to have children and can't- these women have them and don't really want them but to serve their own purpose.
Have a great night!
P.S. your "Truism" post at the top is SOOOOO FUNNY! You've found yourself a new follower:)

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip 2010/07/01 - 12:04 pm

Last paragraph really hit the nail on the head. OUr children are so incredibly precious. It is sad when you realize how many children out there aren't treated that way by their own families.

I have to admit however, that though I love my children desperately, and I feel guilty when I use anyone to watch them outside of myself, including school and television, I need that break sometimes. It is hard because I want to be an involved parent, but sometimes I do need a moment to myself. So I flip on the TV for a little bit, or I send them to Mother's Day Out two days a week. But I still feel guilty. I don't think I am one of those moms you are describing, but I feel like less of a mom when I realize that I need help or a break sometimes. Sigh.

ethnically ambiguous 2010/07/11 - 7:56 pm

You've kinda hit the nail on the head in terms of one of my reasons for mommy guilt. I have 2 little boys and my husband and I both work which means that they are in daycare for way too many hours a day. I remember when I went back to work after my first son all I could keep asking myself was why even have kids if I'm basically just going to pay someone else to take care of them. I still fight with that thought BUT I make sure that the time I do spend with them is packed with love and attention for all of us. I'm just hoping that Hubs can get his CPA so I can go down to part time. I refuse to let someone else help my boys with their homework or bring them to whatever practice they need to go to.


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