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The Big”O”

by Deborah Cruz

Today, I am turning 40. The Big O! I’m not 100% where I stand on the entire situation but I do know three things 1) I’m in a much better place than when I turned 30 and had a complete meltdown assessing all the things in life that I had not yet accomplished 2) I am completely content with who I am now. I am still striving to reach my goals and make my dreams come true but them coming true is only the icing on the cake. There is no longer that aching unfulfilled space in my heart. I am living my dreams and surrounded by love. 3) I wanted advice from a close friend who had gone before me into her 40’s. I am lucky enough to be blessed to be friends with one of my favorite people on the Internet and she agreed to give me a little sisterly advice about turning 40.

So, while I am off getting my driver’s license renewed (crossing my eyes in my old age that I can still pass the eye exam) and celebrating the anniversary of my 40th year on this earth, my great friend, Jessica Gottlieb has written me a little advice and I think it is great advice for any woman who is headed towards this milestone birthday.

Thank you Jessica! I’ve told you before, and I am sure I will again, your friendship and mentorship has meant so much to me over these past few years. You are one of the most genuinely real people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.You are like the sassy, feisty, foul-mouthed hooligan big sister that I always wished I’d had. Love you, Lady!




You’re turning 40 in like… well now. It’s weird that when we think about age and women we all too often think about opportunities that are behind us. Most forty-year-old women are done with their childbearing years, most women are done with their educations and many are happily partnered. I guess I thought that my 40’s wouldn’t be dynamic and interesting and full of change.

That’s what I get for thinking.

You’re a woman who knows herself, you take no shit and you take no prisoners. I’ve watched you be passionate and kind to the women around you. You understand womankind and why we need each other.

Moving into this next chapter, and delineating our lives into arbitrary chapters by decade is ridiculous but who am I to fight the tide, I look forward to watching you raise your girls. You’ll enter puberty and teenage years with them. I know you think that those treks belong to the kids, but they don’t, that particular trip is one the whole family takes. I look forward to watching you explore our relationships with each other and I can’t wait to watch you teach your girls to be above the fray though I suspect that you’ll also teach them to have a good right hook. Everyone should have that.

I hope for you that your 40’s bring freedom. I hope for you (and for every woman that I care about) that you run around naked and love your body for having taken you this far. I hope you nurture it with great food, exercise and rest. Yes, I said rest. Put your feet up and rest every so often, rather than feeling like it’s an indulgence. Understand that caring for yourself is a necessary part of being good to your family (ridiculous that we need permission to be selfish).

Social media has helped connect so many of us women who opted to stay home and raise our kids. Although we love being home with our kids who knew it was going to be so dull, the days would be so long and why on earth are there so many bodily fluids involved? What social media hasn’t permitted us to do is rest.

My gift to you this year is to challenge you to take a digital sabbath. Take one day a week and leave the phone home and turned off. Don’t go to the computer at all. It can wait. You don’t have to be a slave to social media, social media should be a slave to you.

I wish you continued health and wealth in this decade as well as love and joy.



Thanks for the great advice Jessica. I plan to listen to every bit of it. In fact, I’m putting my feet up right now and plan on enjoying life and not rushing through it for the next 40 years. LOL Well, that is my intention. I plan to enjoy the journey.

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erin margolin 2012/09/25 - 1:23 pm

I need to take a lot of this advice to heart…I, too, loved the part about not being a slave to social media. Spot on, Jessica.


Deborah Cruz 2012/09/27 - 1:07 pm


Thank you my sweet friend. You are one of the best things that have come out of social media for me. You have been an amazing friend to me over these past few months and I will never forget that. You’re getting a huge hug when we finally meet in person. XOXO

Dorthy Sterling 2012/09/25 - 3:30 pm

I discovered your homepage by coincidence.
Very interesting posts and well written.
I will put your site on my blogroll.

Jessica 2012/09/25 - 4:04 pm

Happy Birthday! There are so many of us Virgos out in the blogging world.

Deborah Cruz 2012/09/27 - 1:05 pm

Thanks mama! I’m a Libra…unless they changed it on me:) LOL

Avril 2012/09/26 - 9:36 am

“Don’t be a slave to social media, it should be a slave to you.” I love that. It is important to get a digital detox even a day a week.

Deborah Cruz 2012/09/27 - 1:05 pm

This is wise advice and I will take it to heart!

Delfin Joaquin Paris III 2012/09/26 - 10:14 pm

I am VERY excited to meet and talk with Debbers!

(that’s you)

Happpppppppppppppppy Birthday!!!!

Deborah Cruz 2012/09/27 - 1:05 pm

LOL! Me too but I won’t be at #nonCon. Too much going on with the move. Our meeting will have to wait Delfiners! ( Thats you, my friend:))

Delfin Joaquin Paris III 2012/09/27 - 1:43 pm

You bailed? Lame. You and Una blow.

Deborah Cruz 2012/09/27 - 2:22 pm

I didn’t bail so much as could not financially afford it. We just bought a house and are in the middle of reno’s. I wish I could afford to come spend the weekend hanging with all of you. Believe me, I am sad about it. Why does Una blow? Is she not going either?

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Jess 2012/10/03 - 4:45 pm

Happy birthday again beautiful!

Jessica has a great idea with the digital sabbath. I kind of like that!

amputee prosthetists 2012/10/09 - 4:51 pm

Although I feel a little out of place let me say I understand wanting to flee the digital world, even for a day. I’m a blogger, would love to have a day off every month or so, congrats!!

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