Prenup Agreement ~ A prenuptial agreement, often shortened to “prenup,” is a legal agreement entered into by an engaged couple prior to being married. The prenuptial agreement provides for an agreed upon distribution of assets if the marriage ends in divorce.
Let me preface this by saying that I am absolutely anti-prenup in 99% of marriages. If you are a zillionaire whose family earned their zillions by working their asses off with the sweat of their brow dripping in their eyes and you marry a pauper who wears a t-shirt that says Looking for Daddy Warbucks then yeah, get yourself a prenup. Protect those zillions. But if you are a college student who marries his college sweetheart and you both don’t have shit, save yourself an argument and don’t even bring the ridiculousness that is a prenup up to your partner. You have nothing. Anything you earn will be while you are together.
I think my biggest problem with the idea of the prenup is that it says to the world, this isn’t going to last long and when it all blows up I don’t want you walking away with any of my shit. If this is the case, maybe rather than a prenup to squelch your commitment fears you should reconsider the entire idea of marriage.I know that celebrities have even taken the prenup as far as stipulating how often relations will take place and how many children are allowed into the relationship.
Many prenups even stipulate that cheating will result in a bigger financial piece of pie for the victim and the adulterer forfeits what they may have otherwise earned in the divorce. Earned.in.The.DIVORCE. Do these assholes even believe the shit they are saying? Is the collective self esteem in Hollywood so low that people actually sign this bullshit? Seriously, I’d just assume paper cut your face with that document, douce you in salt water and gasoline and then set you on fire than sign away my soul to you. You heartless bastard.
But this morning on the radio, I heard the most preposterous prenup clause that I could have ever imagined; a weight clause. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds. It is a clause, in the already insulting prenup, that stipulates that a partner must maintain a certain weight or within a 10 pound flex for a predetermined amount of time. What The F*CK? Can you imagine the idiot who presents this to the woman that he has proposed to? “Yes, please do me the honor of marrying me but the minute you gain ten pounds, I am out and you will be left penniless!” “Why yes honey, you do look better with the lights off!” Yes, my jaw was on the floor when I heard this craziness.
Imagine what kind of vain, self centered asshole would not only make you sign a prenup promising not to take all his money when he does you wrong but he even stipulates that if you gain some junk in the trunk, he’s got the right to call you fat and dump you..guilt free. Is the institution of marriage no longer sacred? In a world of people marrying on a dare in Vegas, changing partners as often as they change their underwear and divorcing one another over a weight gain, has marriage lost all of it’s integrity?
This week’s throat punch most definitely goes to the moronic betrothed who has not only the balls but the lack of any common sense to ask their partner to sign a fat clause in their prenup. May your days be long and lonely and may you , yourself, be the picture of what not to do in marriage. As a precautionary measure, I feel that it is my duty to warn anyone who is thinking that this is a good idea to reconsider lest you like to be throat punched and then set on fire.
What are your thoughts on the prenup? Did you have a prenup? Would you ask your spouse for a prenup? What do you, honestly, think about the weight maintenance clause? Would you be insulted if asked to sign it? If you could add any clause to a prenup what would you add? Me? I think I’d add the pick up your socks, put the roll on the toilet paper holder, listen when I talk, help put the kids to bed clause. If a fat clause can be put into a prenup, how about a guaranteed orgasm prenup? Yeah, boys…you are not so fast to get behind that one are you?