Throat Punch Thursday~ Prenup Agreement~You look Better with the Lights Off Edition

Throat Punch Thursday~Prenup agreement~You Look Better with The Lights Off

Prenup Agreement ~ A prenuptial agreement, often shortened to “prenup,” is a legal agreement entered into by an engaged couple prior to being married. The prenuptial agreement provides for an agreed upon distribution of assets if the marriage ends in divorce.

Let me preface this by saying that I am absolutley anti-prenup in 99% of marriages. If you are a zillionaire whose family earned their zillions by working their asses off with the sweat of their brow dripping in their eyes and you marry a pauper who wears a t-shirt that says Looking for Daddy Warbucks then yeah, get yourself a prenup. Protect those zillions. But if you are a college student who marries his college sweetheart and you both don’t have shit, save yourself an argument and don’t even bring the ridiculousness that is a prenup up to your partner. You have nothing. Anything you earn will be while you are together.

Just say no to the prenup!

I think my biggest problem with the idea of the prenup is that it says to the world, this isn’t going to last long and when it all blows up I don’t want you walking away with any of my shit. If this is the case, maybe rather than a prenup to squelch your commitment fears you should reconsider the entire idea of marriage.I know that celebrities have even taken the prenup as far as stipulating how often relations will take place and how many children are allowed into the relationship.

Many prenups even stipulate that cheating will result in a bigger financial piece of pie for the victim and the adulterer forfeits what they may have otherwise earned in the divorce. Earned.in.The.DIVORCE. Do these assholes even believe the shit they are saying?  Is the collective self esteem in Hollywood so low that people actually sign this bullshit? Seriously, I’d just assume paper cut your face with that document, douce you in salt water and gasoline and then set you on fire than sign away my soul to you. You heartless bastard.

This Prenup takes the cake

But this morning on the radio, I heard the most preposterous prenup clause that I could have ever imagined; a weight clause. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds. It is a clause, in the already insulting prenup, that stipulates that a partner must maintain a certain weight or within a 10 pound flex for a predetermined amount of time. What The F*CK? Can you imagine the idiot who presents this to the woman that he has proposed to? “Yes, please do me the honor of marrying me but the minute you gain ten pounds, I am out and you will be left penniless!” “Why yes honey, you do look better with the lights off!” Yes, my jaw was on the floor when I heard this craziness.

Imagine what kind of vain, self centered asshole would not only make you sign a prenup promising not to take all his money when he does you wrong but he even stipulates that if you gain some junk in the trunk, he’s got the right to call you fat and dump you..guilt free. Is the institution of marriage no longer sacred? In a world of people marrying on a dare in Vegas, changing partners as often as they change their underwear and divorcing one another over a weight gain, has marriage lost all of it’s integrity?

This week’s throat punch most definitely goes to the moronic betrothed who has not only the balls but the lack of any common sense to ask their partner to sign a fat clause in their prenup. May your days be long and lonely and may you , yourself, be the picture of what not to do in marriage. As a precautionary measure, I feel that it is my duty to warn anyone who is thinking that this is a good idea to reconsider lest you like to be throat punched and then set on fire.

throat Punch thursday,Prenup

What are your thoughts on the prenup? Did you have a prenup? Would you ask your spouse for a prenup? What do you, honestly, think about the weight maintenance clause? Would you be insulted if asked to sign it? If you could add any clause to a prenup what would you add? Me? I think I’d add the pick up your socks, put the roll on the toilet paper holder, listen when I talk, help put the kids to bed clause. If a fat clause can be put into a prenup, how about a guaranteed orgasm prenup? Yeah, boys…you are not so fast to get behind that one are you?

Prenup ~Beware the Fat Clause

Comments (25)

Jennifer Probst

Now I have heard it all! That is beyond evil…how could you even dare to try and put something like that on paper…and who the heck would sign it? Boy, that would be my big indication NOT to marry that guy! What’s next? A prenup for sickness? Sorry, babe, but you’re too ill and it’s not fun anymore. The contract says I can get out…aghghghg!

Jennifer,
People are crazy. Isn;t the entire idea of marriage…unconditional love. SOmeone that you can be with throughout lifes up and downs and you will love one another, support one another, and be there? Who the hell wants a marriage that is conditional? Does that mean we hav to keep up the pretense of dating throughout our entire lives? Then I call bullshit because men get out of shape, stop putting on all the good manners and cologne constantly after marriage too. What’s next, a fart clause? Maybe a bad breath,s tinky feet clause? How about you don;t look as young as you used to clause? How about a 5 hot meals a week clause? Hell, if we’re being ridiculous..if a man can ask for a fat clause…I think women should get to ask for a gauranteed orgasm clause!!

Anna Nonamus (@AnnaNonamus)

Pre-nups to protect family money? Yes.

Pre-nups to protect your eyes from a potential fattie? No.

If someone presented me with that, here’s my list of additions.

– Man must be home within 30 minutes of leaving work every day.
– Man must agree to clean the house once per week, top to bottom.
– Man must agree to perform oral sex on wife before having sex.
– Man must keep all underwear off the floor at all times
– Man must not pass gas in the bedroom.
– Man must remain visually pleasing, and never go bald or gray.
– Man must agree to purse holding at stores.
– Man must allow woman to choose the movie 50% of the time, even when the newest Sci-Fi is a MUST SEE IT NOW movie.

bwahahaha!you made me piss my pants a bit, I ‘d better watch the stress incontinence..I;m sure that’s grounds for divorce:) Great list addendum!

I heard the same thing from a woman here are work. He is wealthy, she the pauper. However they are both competitive athletes, bike riders, runner, climbers, the like. I asked her once what she would do if the guy had an accident and couldn’t bike with her anymore, what would they do together. She said they had an understanding, that if either of them let themselves go then the other could leave. Goes both ways 🙂 She was serious. Didn’t matter the cause, if the other couldn’t provide the good looks and fun then it was grounds to be over. I shook my head.

ALex, that still cracks me up.They may be serious but that is superficial as all get out and so not unconditional. Maybe people don;t understand what UNCONDITIONAL means? It means NO CONDITIONS! I think some people are using prenups as escape clauses and get out of jail free cards!OYE!

Shut up… seriously? Based on her weight gain? Wow, that guy sounds like a real gem. Prick.

I’d say anyone who would even present this fat clause to a potential spouse deserves to live and long and lonely life. Just sayin!

Oh…my. Throat punch worthy.

Peryl,

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. I still say if a partner presents this get out of jail free escape clause to a potential spouse, it should perfectly acceptable to retort with a) an equally as insulting no farting in bed, guaranteed orgasm every time for your partner clause and/or setting the assailant on fire. Actually, I think they should just catch on fire spontaneously to get the feel for hell because that is rightly, where they should spend eternity:)LOL

I do not agree with a prenup AND I think that if you are truly marrying for love then you do not need one.
ALSO, if anyone ever presented me with one when I was single they would have been kicked in the junk

Hell yeah, punch in the junk, punch to the throat, round house to the head and then set them on fire!LOL

That is all kinds of jacked. if you have to put your unreasonable marital expectations IN WRITING BY LAW then you have issues. And to the person who agrees to that shit? Well…sorry but I’m not so sure about pity.

LOL! It’s a crazy, crazy world out there.I’m glad I keep the Big Guy chained in the basement. He’s a good guy and a skilled vagina whisperer at that. Yes, I will keep him securely chained in the basement before some poor woman who’s been destroyed by the asshole with the fat clause finds her way into our yard. Back off ladies….he’s taken and I’m just ghetto enough to sick one of those unconditional loving asswipes in your direction. PITY?CM, you know what someone can do with pity? THey can take their pity and shove it where the fat clause don’t shine:)

Okay, clearly this guy is not what I would consider Mr. Right. He’s maybe “One-Night-Stand Man” at best. He is actually putting in writing that he is a totally unrealistic, extremely shallow person who WILL NOT love and accept his partner for who she is. You have to appreciate his honesty though. Hopefully she won’t be shocked when the honeymoon’s over to discover that he is overly-critical.

My big question is, why bother getting married? Why go to all the trouble of the wedding, the ridiculous prenup, etc. if it is going to be a temporary relationship? I could be wrong, but I thought that marriage was supposed to be two people making a life-long commitment to be there for each other no matter what. In sickness and in health, right? Not “for as long as you stay hot but the first sign of love handles or wrinkles, I will run screaming” – I don’t think that’s how the traditional vows go. Not quite as romantic the second way. Or realistic. There are some realities that all people live with – whether beautiful, skinny models or overweight, not-so lovely ladies – we all get old, everyone’s body changes, everyone gets wrinkles and grey hair at some point and we all wake up with really bad breath every morning. If you can’t accept those things, you aren’t accepting the fact that you are human.

If she does go ahead with it, I hope they decide not to have children. He is obviously not going to have a realistic view of what a woman will look like post-pregnancy. And God forbid if the child of Mr. Vain and Mrs. Low Self-Worth has any flaws. The poor little thing wouldn’t stand a chance. He’ll probably get kicked out of the house for having a poopy diaper when Daddy gets home from his latest botox injection. Unless somehow, he is a really buff, lean baby. Then he might be okay…

I agree with you on every single count!

My husband’s friend has an unwritten, weight clause with his wife. My husband and I think it’s terrible. Although, when we were at the zoo the other day, we saw a woman that was like 4 bills and he turned to me and said “Now that’s divorce worthy”. I agreed. That’s terrible isn’t it? Oh, and I really like your blog so I’m adding your button to mine. 🙂

Aww,thank you for the compliment. Very sweet. I guess if the “unwritten weight clause” works for people and they can live with it, that’s between them. I personally think written or unwritten is despicable. 4 bills is pretty large. But who knows, maybe her husband married her and weighs 5 bills or she weighed 6 bills or maybe, they are happy. I doubt they are very healthy but that’s unconditional love. Maybe she is working on getting into shape and he is her biggest cheerleader. Or maybe he’s just a dick who is waiting for her to kill her self with high blood pressure? Who knows but I do think that weight clause only should be allowed if some drastically , humiliating and unrealistic clause can be imposed on the other partner as well…to keep things fair.:)

But the worrisome thing is – did she sign it?

We most certainly did not have a prenup, and we do not and nor will we ever have anything much to our name. I’m pretty sure we’ll always be in love though.

Aww,I love it and that is what marriage is all about. The unconditional love and someone to share your life with. you are ahead of the game:)

Tracy@TheComfortZone

Wow! Sounds like the marrying kind! (Insert sarcasm here)

I’ve heard of that before! A weight clause… give me a break. If someone wanted me to sign a weight clause, I’d make them sign a hair and money clause. BOOM.

LOL!Boom shakalaka BOOM!

referring to jennifer brobst comment: actually there is a clause if i get sick,Ive been with my BOY FRIEND for 8 years engadged for 4 years and he’s always wanted me me to sign a cohabitation agreement 1 to 2 years into our relation ship…i refused!! now just last week i signed a cohabitation/prenup “just in case” we get married!!! agreement… and it did state that if he or myself get’s sick neither one of us are responsible to sapport the sick one, that one killed me, he added that he would pay me 3000 per year since 2004 if we were to split plus he paid 8000 toward my vehicle and say’s he’s giving me another 8000 to put toward an rrsp..so a toatal of 34 000 do you all think this is fare? A little info on us: he never let me pay anything on the morgage, just got me to pay for part of the bills and we split groceries and now he say’s i only have to pay for the groceries, not the bills, please be honest cause i’m REALLY struggling with the fact that this has happened to me, i am ashamed, sad, depressed….feeling so detatched from him…i need opinions because i can’t talk to my friends or family….it’s not really about the money for me it’s what it’s done to my heart….i having a hard time, should i be ok with what he has made me do?

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