Every woman needs a vagina whisperer or two in her life to be happy. Jeez, seems like I’ve been spending a lot of time telling you ladies about my vagina lately. Sorry about that. I promise, I’m not normally that girl but you ladies are just so damn easy to talk to. I know you are scratching your heads, or cradling your vaginas, asking yourself ” What the hell is a vagina whisperer?” Well, my friends, according to @TruthfulMommy a vagina whisperer is one who understands the vagina, soothes the vagina, makes the vagina happy and can whisper to a fetus to come towards the light. I am not by any means suggesting that all the lovers that you’ve ever had must be or have been vagina whisperers, though if that has been your experience..go you. I mean sometimes spending some time with those vagina whisperer wannabes is fun. Practice makes perfect right? Vagina whisperers are not born, they are made. Besides, honestly, if everyone were a vagina whisperer, where would the fun be in the world? After all, diversity is the spice of life.
The first vagina whisperer that every woman needs is a fan-freakin-tastic OB/GYN. Let’s face it girls, who wants someone who doesn’t understand, love and speak Vaginese fluently down below at the most important moments of our lives…our first shark week, that embarrassingly awkward attempt to get birth control in
high school college, our first college issued STD ( crabs party of two), the pregnancy and birth of our children, the inevitable ripping of the vagina as the second, increasingly large, baby is catapulted into the world, the resulting embarrassing case of stress incontinence, that first time we poop on the table, that time our vagina got the holiday spirit and especially, that one time we thought our uterus was falling out. These are times that we absolutely need a vagina whisperer with a steady hand and a good bedside manner. A nice smile and a sense of humor are not bad things either.
We’ve all heard fantastical myths of the amazing love making skills of some men, though not many of us have ever experienced it. We’ve heard the rumors that bigger is better but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I think we can all agree on that. Remember that thing may end up someplace unsuspecting. Do you like getting beaten with a tiny bat by an angry midget? I think I’ll pass. But there is the Vagina whisperer lover who, in my very humble opinion, should be sought after with the determination of a heat seeking missile on a mission from God.
The vagina whisperer lover could mean a huge difference in a woman’s quality of life. Thank God, for the Vagina whisperer’s existence. The Vagina whisperer is a self-confident, charming, go-getter type person who happens to be a people pleaser and speaks fluent Vaginese and, may or may not, have an extensive porno collection. This man takes matters into his own hands, so to speak. He comes in all shapes and sizes and a set of baby blue bedroom eyes and a winning personality never hurt anybody either. I’m just sayin. The Vagina whisperer is like the unicorn. Many women don’t believe that he even exists but I am here to tell you that he does, as I’ve captured my very own. And bonus, the Vagina whisperer has G-spot GPS.
If you are lucky enough to acquire your very own Vagina whisperer, I recommend that you cherish him; love him, adore him and bask in the stimulating late night conversations in Vaginese. Then, promptly chain that man up in the basement away from the prying eyes of the world. I, personally, like to think of it as the Vagina whisperer witness protection program because, really, how would he survive in the world if word got out of his transcendental cunning? Imagine the danger he’d be in if all the crazed orgasm seeking women of the world were to catch wind of his spectacular aptitude. Believe me, you’re doing him a favor by keeping him safe.
What do you think is the most important quality in a lover? What skills do you think qualifies someone as a Vagina Whisperer? What’s your litmus test for awesome? Have you ever encountered a vagina whisperer in the real world? Every woman deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer,especially in the bedroom. After all, every girl deserves a Vagina Whisperer… or two.
*If you are looking for a post a little less vaginaesque, I am being featured at Moonfrye Family today. .5 You Never Stood a Chance. Please go check it out and leave some comment love.But if you prefer your Monday morning with a side of Vagina Whisperer, you’re in the right place right here.