The Key to a Successful Marriage is to Grow Together

The Key to a Successful Marriage is to Grow Together

by Deborah Cruz

My parents just celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary. They are coming up on 50 years soon. The Big Guy’s parents will be celebrating 47 years of marriage this September too. The Big Guy and I come from a long line of lifers. I’m not sure if it’s a generational thing, a religious thing, a cultural thing or if they just love each other a lot. I’m hoping it’s the latter.

That is not to say that their relationships were always easy. Far from it. I don’t know about my husband’s parents’ relationship but I know my parents had their ups and downs. I also know that it wasn’t always the easiest relationship. There are lots of moments looking from the outside in, during my childhood, where I would have walked away if I were in the relationship. Yet, they pushed through. Even when they didn’t like each other very much, they loved each other. You could see it in the way they touched and spoke and the way it spilled out onto us children when it wasn’t toxic.

I wanted what they had but I wanted marriage 2.0 minus the chauvinism with a healthy dose of friendship and respect. My parents weren’t friends. They were passionate lovers who got married and built a family. The Big Guy and I were passionate lovers but he’s also been my best friend since college and over time, we’ve fallen deeper in love with one another. Wow, that sounded cheesy and did anyone else notice that the word “passionate” is almost as cringey as “moist”?

Today, we celebrate 20 years of marriage. We’ve been together for almost half of our lives. That’s a long time. It doesn’t feel that long. Some days it feels brand new and others, it feels like forever. We’ve grown up together. We’ve traveled the world, lived and worked in several cities, owned homes and cars, had babies, lost a baby, gotten pets and lost pets. We’ve gone from college co-eds to middle-aged parents of teens. We’ve laughed and cried, fought and made up, more times than we can remember.

20 years is a long time to be committed to anything, especially in a world of instant gratification and swiping for sex and relationships. It’s so easy to move on to the next person but when you find someone who you still like when you hate the entire world, someone who understands you without words and loves you unconditionally without question that still makes your heart beat faster when they walk into the room, that is the dream. To love and be loved in return so completely

Maybe we’re not the two cool kids with the banging bodies that we used to be. Maybe marriage and kids have made us a bit thick in the middle and dull around the edges, from a lack of sleep for the past 14 years. Perhaps, we are not as exciting as we once were. Maybe I’m not the girl who’s the life of the party these days and he’s not the guy with the cool car, but we’re happy. We’ve evolved past superficial things and we’re stronger than we used to be.

We got engaged a few months before we graduated and from there we forged our lives together. We’re like two tree roots growing in the same direction and intertwining together for the past 2 decades. At this point, I’m not sure where my roots begin and his end. They are simply ours. I don’t feel lost. I feel deeply rooted in exactly where I belong, beside him.

At the end of every day, I am grateful that this man came into my life at a time when I was probably at my most unlovable and yet, he loved me anyway. I am thankful that I went against all common sense and logic and said yes when this tall, beautiful man asked me to marry him in the middle of the dance floor after only 4 months of dating.

This year we’re only low key celebrating because life is crazier than usual this year. But, we’ve got something huge planned to celebrate later this fall a trip to Disney World. My first trip to the happiest place on earth was on our honeymoon and ever since Disney has held a very special place in our hearts. I can’t think of a better place to celebrate such a momentous occasion.

Big Guy,

This journey so far has been absolutely crazy and I wouldn’t want to be doing it with anyone else but you. 20 years of marriage is a lifetime but a lifetime isn’t long enough.

Love you to infinity and beyond and back again.

XOXO

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