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That One Time that I kept Smiling Like A Deranged Lunatic

by Deborah Cruz

It’s Friday and we ( the Big Guy, the girls and I) have officially all been in the same house for a week now, after over a year apart. Can I just say, that I know people on the street think there is something seriously wrong with me. I am walking around smiling like a damn deranged lunatic. I can’t help it. I am just that freaking happy to have a partner in parenting again.

For awhile there, I have to admit, I was really about to lose my shit. I know that I wasn’t a single parent ( as has been pointed out several times to me on many occasions by irate commentors) but I was parenting solo and it was HARD. Really hard. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do thus far in my life. There were many a day that when I finally got the girls to bed, I sat there alone and cried, wishing someone would come to my rescue but it never happened. Just me, floundering, struggling to keep my head above water. But not today.

Today, I am walking around smiling like I lost my memory and don’t have a care in the world. Any stress or problem that comes my way will be less stressful because I have the Big Guy once again to shoulder half of the burden. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. I feel free. Happy. Ecstatic and invincible. I think I spent so much of the last year trying to just get by that I never realized how terribly heavy my burden actually was.

Today, the sun is shining a little brighter, the sky is a little bluer, the birds are a little louder, my girls giggle is a lot more hearty and my husband’s sweet blue eyes are smiling. I feel normal.Unbroken. Untethered. Unbelievable. I have Party Rock Anthem playing on an endless loop in my head. Today, it is good to be me. No more goodbyes, no more getting by, time to start living life to it’s fullest.

What are your plans for this fall? How are you going to start living your life to the fullest? Who says resolutions have to be just for the New Year?

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Alison@Mama Wants This 2011/08/12 - 8:59 pm

So glad for you!!! Have a fabulous weekend!

Trooppetrie 2011/08/14 - 7:33 pm

Every time my hero comes home from a deployment i feel the same way. I am new to your blog and wanted to say hi and i have enjoyed looking around this evening

January 2011/08/14 - 8:07 pm

That is fantastic news. And what a great feeling to have your hubby back. I can’t fully empathize about having my husband gone as much as yours has been but I know it’s draining…for your mind, your heart, your body and soul. When my hubby’s gone for weeks it’s all I can do but keep it together what with having no family around. I’m SO happy for you all. 😀

No Drama Momma 2011/08/15 - 10:35 am

Yay! Coming out of lurkdom to give you a hug for the year you were you had to be stronger than I can imagine. Congrats on your husband’s safe return.


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