Marriage, I have been thinking about it a lot lately. My marriage has been pretty easy. I know, you are thinking, what the hell is she talking about she is constantly bitching and moaning about this “commuter marriage” situation. This is true. But I mean, overall, its been seamless. Even with all the stress of the space between us, there has never been a moment when I have thought to myself..”This marriage isn’t working” (Excuse me while I..Pssst Psst ( That was me spitting , you know to alleviate any potential for the evil eye or some marriage curse to come raining down on my head like a flood of boulders).
No matter the space or time between us, the finances, the stress, babies, dirty socks on the floor, two complete opposites sharing a life; it has always come down to this, we love one another.I know they say that you can’t live on love alone but one thing that the Big Guy and I share is that we both firmly know, without a doubt, that it is what sustains us.My faith in him and his love for me is unwavering, like my faith in God. And he knows that no matter what situation life throws at us, I am for him, forever. My love for him is unquestionable.Its so beyond reproach that I don’t have any reservations ever about being completely myself with him.Its been like that since our beginning and I think that is what makes us work.
He is my soft place to land when I get all worked up, stressed out and go flying off the handle…because I have a tendency of doing that. I am his catalyst. I push him forward and lift him up. We are the yin to the others yang.But above it all, we knew going in that marriage is work. I say it’s “easy” not because we don’t work at it but because the foundation is strong. Don’t get me wrong, we have our bad days. We fight ( well, mostly we bicker) and get on each others nerves.It’s not all perfect all the time. In fact, I personally believe ( and I say it all the time) I fight because I care. I think this marriage is worth fighting for, tooth and nail;scratching eye balls out ghetto style fighting if need be. If I didn’t get passionate about things, heated over debates, loud at disagreements..then there would be a problem. He knows this, so he lets me rage and is there when I need his shoulder. He is actually the complete opposite. He is calm, laid back, and lets things roll off his back. I admire that about him. I wish I could be like that, at least some of the times:)
I know several people who have divorced or separated and I can’t imagine how hard that must be.Not so much the starting over ( though I am sure that is not easy) or being alone but the letting go and giving up on your best friend. The part where you have to relinquish your forever. Suddenly, you are cast back out into the water to forge a new life for yourself. It’s not fair and it sucks. I can’t imagine and I hope I never have to know.
So, what do you think is the number 1 quality in a marriage? Transparency? Trust? Love? Passion? Friendship? All of thee above? None of thee above? Tell me what sustains your marriage?
7 comments
interesting about the last part about divorced people giving up on their best friend….I was married twice and both times, they gave up on me.
I think that trust is the biggest one. my partner has to trust me enough to let me see inside thier soul. no barriers. and, it goes both ways….
also, attraction is a must. no getting lazy and “letting yourself go”, this also goes both ways. I just think that this shows a lack of respect for yourself and for your partner. as if the former self was just a sham…..
congrats on your successful marriage. your relationship sounds similar to what I have with my boyfried.
I’ve never been divorced so I’m just speculating about the giving up on your best friend. But it would be my hope that whomever any of us marries, it would be our closest friend.I just know that if things ever started going wrong with the Big Guy and I, if it ended in divorce I would be losing my best friend. I agree passion and attraction are very important to a relationship. I know that after having kids, I don;t have the time I used to to look the way I used to but I do know that when I do have the time and I put the full on make up on with something cute, I feel so much better about myself. And I know for a fact that when I feel more sexy, I act more sexy and that makes me more attractive to him. YOu are absolutely right. I just wish I could find the time and energy into looking my best all the time. Thanks for the reminder!
Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a solid relationship. I hope it flourishes and grows. Once I allowed myself to let down the barriers ( in the beginning) that’s when I realized how much we could grow together.It was no longer two people forging a life in the same space, it was 1 unit growing together, complimenting one another.
I love this post. What sustains our marriage is our mutual love and faith in God and our relationship to him. Second would be selflessness. We both work hard at it for each other. The fact that I think we are a good pair to begin with makes it easier. We fit so well.
Krysta,
That is fabulous that your faith and love for God bonds you so tightly. I think when most people here selflessness they immediatly think someone has given themselves over completely…in a negative way. But I understand whet you mean, being that we are the same way. It is truly unconditional love. Knowing that you are never giving of yourself what your partner would not give for you, gives a sense of security that most people might not know. We are lucky; we are blessed. P.S. Might I just add from your pics on FB, you and your husband have got to be one of the most beautiful couples I have ever seen.God bless my friend! XO
I’ve gone through divorce and we had a 4 year old at the time. It was tough but it was for the best. Mutual. Long story. I had to jump back into the water and it was hard and I didn’t like it but then God brought me to my hubby now and it’s been wonderful since. I don’t have any regrets because through the whole proces, I’ve always put the best interest of my eldest daughter first. Now add two more daughters to the mix and we’re one big happy family. Life happens sometimes and there’s only so much you can control. Lucky for you, you both want the same thing! Each other:)))
Bruna,
I was not condemning anyone for getting a divorce. I know there are circumstances when people are better apart; for themselves, for their children. I was only saying that I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose the person that you had planned to spend your life with. You are very strong and brave. I would be lost if I had to jump back in the water…plus I;d really have to get my game face on…you know I got my Mommy face, ass and social life on.It would be a big change for me.I;m glad you found your current husband. From your blog, you two seem well suited and really in love. You are happy and that is what we all deserve. You are right, I am blessed that the BIg Guy and I have that.
[…] each other to talk it all over with, to cry with, to scream and rage against the world; to hold. Through it all, we’ve had love. Separation from the Big Guy, separation from the family that we have built and grown, separation […]