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How to Train a Husband

by Deborah Cruz

How to train a husband ~ This is the question that has baffled women throughout history. Now, before anyone gets their boxers in a bunch , I am in no way inferring that a husband, or men in general are dogs that can be trained and put on a leash. Truthful Mommy would never say that. I love the men. Some of my favorite people are men. Hell, most of my favorite people are men and my favorite person in the world is my husband, the Big Guy. I’m also not a trained expert on marriage but I have been married for over 12 years and with the Big Guy forever for almost 15 years. We’ve been through a lot of living in those years; babies being born, moving across the country, diagnosis and several shark weeks and in that way, I kind of am an expert on husbands.

how to train a husband, husband, happiness, be a great husabnd

 My Husband my Hero

Ladies, you’ve done the hard part; you’ve found a great guy who you want to spend your life with. The two of you have survived the beginning and the wedding planning, that says something in and of itself. Now, you’ve got to set this wonderful partnership up for success. You have to be an active and willing participant in your own destiny; in your marriage. It takes two, my friend. I’ve heard a lot of women speak of how their husbands go out on the weekends with their buddies while the wife stays home with children, or husbands who go off on long trips with their buddies while Mommy stays home with the kids, or just a general unbalance of  workload, parenting load and overall household responsibility.  I’m all for time away from the little ones, we all need it. But shouldn’t it go both ways? Doesn’t Mommy deserve time away as well? After all, who is the one spending a majority of the time with the children? So when I say how to train a husband, I am referring to making your voice heard. Ladies, your husband is not a mind reader. If you never tell him what you want out of the relationship, he’s just going to do what feels right and what he needs to do. (By the way this is applicable in the bedroom as well, so you may want to speak up!) He’s not going to just assume that you need time away from the kids or don’t want him to leave you alone with the kids all the time. So,you shouldn’t assume that he will just know what you want. Who’s the ass in this situation? YOU!

Here are a few helpful hints of how to train your husband:

  • Speak Up. You have to tell your husband from the beginning what your expectations are out of the relationship. If you don’t, how will he know? Don’t be afraid to let him know that you have thoughts and opinions in your head, most men find a strong woman sexy. But just because you are speaking up doesn’t mean that he’s not suppose to speak up as well, just take turns speaking and listening. One at a time, kids.
  • Be Honest with your husband. If you’ve decided to speak up, please for the love of God, tell him how you really feel. Don’t just say what you think your husband wants to hear. That shit might work for a minute when you are dating but it will get you in a heap of misery if you try to keep that up for 50 years of marriage. Be reasonable, he doesn’t really expect you to be perfect.
  • Don’t try to pretend to be cool with everything. Better to tell your husband now than to let him go on for years making you unhappy, because you “Pretended” you liked it or it was okay with you. You can only pretend to be cool with everything for so long before resentment and hatred settle in. I promise, if you tell him that you are not cool with him going on weekend trips with his best friend Mandy from the beginning, he will know not to ask if he can spend Burning Man with Mandy in the desert while you sit at home stewing.
  • Be Human with your husband. Don’t try to be super wife, mother and career woman.  I’m not saying that you can’t do all three, of course you can. I’m saying prioritize, do the best you can and if you can only two out of three at 100% do not be afraid to ask for help. Let him see you sweat, cry and laugh like Ricky Riccardo.
  • Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help! He is your husband, this should mean that he is your partner and your best friend, if you need him to help you out..ask. He will. I ask my husband all the time to pick up my slack, and when he needs it I do the same. My husband is a capable man ( in many respects more domestically capable than I am). The Big Guy can cook like a gourmet ( and he enjoys it), he likes doing yard work ( I don’t), he knows how to clean and do dishes and laundry ( now picking up laundry is something entirely different) but you get the picture. If I have a slip and fall ( as I am frequently known to do) he has no problem, stepping in where I have fallen down.
  • Be Yourself with your husband. The biggest favor that you can do yourself is to be yourself with your husband. It is unrealistic to try and keep up the facade that you wake up in full make-up with breath like flowers. I’m not saying to let yourself look like the crypt keeper on the regular, but by letting him see the real you he can see the REAL you..what’s on the inside, not just what’s on the outside. Plus, it allows him to be comfortable enough with you to be himself. I’m not saying you want a slob who farts and burps all over the place but you want him to feel comfortable enough with you to be honest with you; to not feel that he has to hide his imperfections from you.
  • Be Open to your husband. This is the man that you chose to spend the rest of your life with so the least you can do is be open to his ideas, his suggestions, and his dreams. You get what you give in a relationship. You can’t very well expect him to be open to all you want and need if you shut down every single idea or thought that ever pops into his head, right?
  • Love and Respect your husband. If you love your husband and respect him, he will love and respect you back. If he doesn’t then I say kick that man in the balls and run far , far away as fast as you can because if there is no reciprocation of love and respect then there is no hope for the marriage. But with mutual respect and unconditional love, this partnership is basically foolproof.

In the end, the way to train a husband is to lead by example with honesty, respect and love. The Big Guy is an awesome husband and I consider myself lucky but by the same token, he gives what he gets. I’m pretty freaking awesome myself. People are not animals, we can’t really train a man or a woman to do anything ( well, except for babies and using the toilet and you see how hard that is?) but we can be honest with our husbands and with ourselves and, in doing so, have a long and fulfilling marriage.What did you let your husband know you wanted out of marriage? When did you let your husband know what you wanted out of marriage?

How do You Train a Husband?


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Alex | Perfecting Dad 2011/11/14 - 3:17 pm

That’s not how to train a husband, that’s just how to be a good relationship partner! You sound like a great wife 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:57 am

You are making me blush. I have a great husband and the key to it all is love, respect, honesty and communication. If we stew in silence how can we expect to work through any issues that may arise? I know this and so does he. He is my best friend and I am his and this is how our relationship has survived and thrived over the past 15 years together and 12 years of marriage. He still makes me swoon at the thought of him walking in the door because I know at the end of the day , no matter how shitty the world may be, I’ve got him to talk to about it. All the successes and failures fall flat if you don;t have someone who genuinely can share in them with you.

Alex | Perfecting Dad 2011/11/15 - 1:26 pm

What are you, newlyweds? I love it. You have this blog to share your life on, but I’m glad to hear that your husband and you are still each others’ best friends.

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 1:36 pm

LOL! Way past newlyweds, about 12 years past newlyweds but I truly do learn something new about that man every day. That’s kind of awesome. We may not be perfect but I think we are pretty perfect fr one another. We are polar opposites on most things but we’ve know that about one another and respect the others backgrounds and beliefs. We have gotten to the point though that we can pretty much read each others minds and finish each others sentences. I;m not sure if that is good or bad, either way…it’s pretty funny:)

Bella 2011/11/14 - 7:55 pm

This is awesome. You are awesome! Thanks for the laughs and head shakes of agreement!

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:54 am

Aww, thank you so much for your kinds words.

ConnieFoggles 2011/11/14 - 9:22 pm

I love this. Lots of wives bash their husbands, but don’t realize that we have a big part to play in the relationship.

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/14 - 10:17 pm

IT takes two to make a relationship work, any relationship but most importantly a marriage.

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:53 am

It’s a two way street. We can;t expect them to just know what we want. We have to be willing to do our part and tell them. I think a majority of relationships suffer an untimely demise because of lack of communication.

Carolyn 2011/11/14 - 10:22 pm

This was well written. I think the key is communication.
It seems I do better with my husband when I am direct and don’t hint/beat around the bush/etc.

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:42 am

Oh yeah beating around the bush will leave you wanting and disappointed. I don;t like people to beat around the bush with me and I don;t beat around the bush with them. Direct honesty and consideration work:) Tell that man whats on your mind and then allow him to tell you too!

Bruna 2011/11/15 - 12:13 am

It does take two to make it work! I hate hearing women bash their husbands. It’s not healthy.

I love all your tips.

I agree with Perfecting Day. You are an awesome wife 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:41 am

Aww, thanks! I try but I know there are days when I need to pick up my game but exhaustion and children will do that to you:) I know to keep my priorities. I love my kids but I love my husband too and they all need attention, as well as myself. WE work in tandem to keep our relationship going. It takes love, respect, and time and a healthy sex life doesn’t hurt either:):LOL

wagthedad 2011/11/15 - 9:25 am

Finally some great relationship advice that can actually help women (and men). I agree with that guy up there: that’s not how to train a man, that’s how to train a relationship partner. Marriage is work as well as a lot of sex. It’s about time somebody laid down the ground rules.

May (might I) repost parts of this on my blog?

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/15 - 11:39 am

Thanks and sure you can repost parts in your blog. I’d love a link back:) I love that you want to share my advice:) You rock!

sonia 2012/01/12 - 6:39 am

my would always obey’s her mother . he don’t respect my words wht can i do my dear frnd

sonia 2012/01/12 - 6:40 am

my would be always obey’s his mother. he don’t respect my words wht can i do

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