The First Time~I don’t know what triggered this thought but it must be the whole thought of babies in general. I was remembering that lovely 6 week period after you give birth, you know the No nookie zone.I can not stress enough how important it is to wait the full 6 week period. I have known plenty of women who have not adhered to this rule for fear of their husband straying and ended up..wait? What’s that you say? Oh, yeah..they ended up with Irish twins. Not me. Never me!
Not even chocolate ice cream is worth accidental Irish twins. But I do understand the feeling that you have to give your Big Guy something to work with. Ladies, let’s use our imaginations. I just have to think back to my “Good Catholic girl” days, when I was holding down a boyfriend yet not giving away the goodies for fear of burning in hell or ,worse yet, my dad finding out and tossing me down a flight of stairs. Ladies, if you are worried and your Big Guy has actually convinced you that he may in fact explode, implode or die from lack of relations let’s use our heads…hands, mouth or even your…you know…EXIT! But don’t give in, unless you really want those damn Irish twins.
If I’ve not sufficiently convinced you or brought you around to my way of thinking, consider this…a baby head exited your entrance. A BABY! A HUMAN BEING! You remember that feeling, that ring of fire? Just imagine the first time you try to have relationships with your Big Guy? Or the first time you poop post birth? Or the first time you sneeze post birth? Not to scare you, but I was so afraid to have a bowel movement after my first child that I pretty much didn’t eat for a few days plus I took stool softeners like they were tic tacs because I was so afraid that absolutely everything down there would fall right out, if I sneezed..little lone tried to push anything else out. But that’s just me. Of course, I do have the stress incontinence to back me up on this one! Does anyone else pee a little when they sneeze? No? Just me then.
When the 6 week period was up, of course, the Big Guy was waiting on line. He is human. I’m pretty sure he even had a countdown clock. I was so tired, I could barely see straight. I understand that men have needs. Hell, I have needs too…but not when I’ve had a baby attached to my tit pretty much continuously for 6 weeks. Its kinda hard to feel sexy when you know he’s seen you push a baby out and whatever else felt like coming out on the table, Poop Happens! Of course the Big Guy has assured me that NOTHING else came out. I’m not entirely sure I believe him. I keep waiting for him to get mad at me one day, storm off and as he slams the door turn back and say, “Oh yeah, and you TOTALLY shit the table!” That’s my nightmare. He’s seen our baby sucking the life out of what once used to be a great source of fun and pleasure for him, he’s seen me at my worst and most vulnerable. This is the man who had to go buy me those mega maxi pads and then tell me that I was hemorrhaging all over the bed in the middle of the night. He is a saint. How do we get back to being just two people who want to ravish one another?
It seems to be easier for him than for you. I think men have a great “power through” mentality. How else do you explain the whole put a bag over her head mentality? I think they selectively decide to forget about what they saw in the birthing room. They put it in a vault and lock it up forever. So there they are, 6 weeks later ( or sooner) ready to knock your boots right the hell off you and there you are..exhausted, afraid, and not feeling sexy at all. I won’t lie, aside from all else…I couldn’t get the thought out of my head..”What if I’m all ..um….hmm, lose down there?” “What if I felt like a deflated balloon?” “What if I couldn’t feel anything” “What if he thought I felt like a cave?” I was petrified!But finally, it happened. It was slow, it was sweet but I was totally nervous and it was slightly painful ( I had 25 stitches with my big headed first baby). It felt like the first time, but this time I knew he was staying the night, calling the next morning, and that he REALLY loved me (because after seeing what he had saw my Giney go through, he had to love me to be there). Baby, I love you too and if you ever need me to buy you giant maxi pads in the middle of the night..I’m here for you…for the first time, the last time and all the in-between time.