I don’t know about you but every time my husband gets a man cold, apparently it’s akin to having the Ebola virus. But when I get sick, it warrants nothing more than I drink some water, take an ibuprofen and rub some dirt on it. It baffles me. Do men really feel worse when they get sick? Is it a case of the bigger they are the harder they fall? Or is it that we have endured birth and in comparison nothing is really that bad? Or is the Man cold a myth? Just one more way in which we are held to a higher standard.
But today, I am experiencing what I imagine to be what a man cold feels like. That’s right folks, I have the first female “man cold”. The Mom cold, if you please. I feel like I am dying. Literally. Not metaphorically. Not for literary poignancy. I don’t actually have a man cold.My official diagnosis, acute sinusitis, double ear infection and bronchitis with a side of coughing fit induced stress incontinence.Oh and did I mention, just to add insult to injury I have hormonal headaches to accompany my monthly visitor. What’s next diarrhea? Oh wait, all the sinus drainage into my stomach has already taken care of that and for an added bonus…vomiting!
Aren’t you glad you stopped by today? IF this is what having a cold feels like for a man, then I take it all back.You are not a wimp. You don’t need to suck it up. You have every right to lie down on the couch in the fetal position and try not to die. I get it. Because this my friends is the nearest thing to death that I have ever felt. It’s worse than transition labor. It’s worse than periodontic surgery. It’s worse than pneumonia. Hell, it’s even worse than the vaginal tear I endured from my baby’s 15-inch head.So to all you men who have suffered through your man cold and lived to tell about it, I salute you.
Now, I will go back to the couch and assume the fetal position and die in peace. Oh, wait, no I won’t. I have kids to watch, butts to wipe, laundry to do, food to cook, a house to clean and a list of a multitude of other responsibilities because I’m not a man…I’m a mom and I’ve got to rub some dirt on it because there’s no one to make me chicken soup or take my temperature.Hell, I’ll probably have to drive myself to the hospital if worse comes to worse.Worse by far than the man cold, I have the mom cold!
*Sniff*cough*Sniff*sneeze*release a small amount of urine*swallow razor blades* vomit* cough*cough*grab my aching head* REPEAT