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Personal

Nutrisystem Week 13 Update~Get back up & Dust yourself Off

by Deborah Cruz 2011/02/03

This week when I stepped on the scale, I have to admit..I was not expecting good things. As many of you know, I have been packing and cleaning my house to put it on the market so we can move to be closer with the Big Guy. Over the past weekend, my Mom came into town to help us pack. Things were really hectic and food ended up being an after thought.One night I was so tired and hungry that I ate what was sat in front of me, which happened to be a Big Mac and fries. And exercise, well it was non existent this past weekend. I was so tired from cleaning that the thought of trying to Zumba or any other extracurricular exercise, quite frankly, made me want to jump out of the skin that I am so desperately trying to feel comfortable in. So, no surprise that this week..I gained a pound. Bringing my grand total to, once again, 16 lbs. It was a momentary indulgence in a weekend of non existent routine. It was a slip and fall…right off my Nutrisystem wagon. But you know me, I’m pulling myself right back up and dusting myself off and getting back on that horse.

I also wanted to share some exciting New Nutrisystem News with you all to make it easier for friends and family to join the Nutrisystem family too. Right now Nutrisystem is featuring a Rollback Sales Event – now people can join Nutrisystem in 2011 at 2003’s prices!!! How awesome is that??

DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

2011/02/03 4 comments

Throat Punch Thursday

Inaugural Throat Punch Thursday Link Up; Skins, Sibs & DownLow Jammies

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/27

written by Deborah Cruz

This week is the first week that I am opening Throat Punch Thursday up for linking up and I am very excited! Basically,the premise is this…you write a post about who you think deserves a Throat Punch.It can be anybody in the entire universe.It can be personal, it could be someone in the news ( my favorite source is CNN) or anyone or anything that you think warrants getting its Throat Punched. A high and hard punch to the gullet, you be the judge. Once the post is written, come here, grab the button and put it on your post, and link up.The only thing that I ask is that you follow me. If you are looking for the GFC button, select “more info” tab on the header and there it will be.

Moving on with my selection for Throat Punch Thursday, I have to be honest,there were so many asshats this week that I could not narrow it down to one single recipient.So, for our inaugural Throat Punch Thursday link up I have selected three recipients.

The first recipient is all the crazed Mommies up in arms about this stupid ass MTV show “Skins”. Believe me, I want to boycott that bitch for the poor acting alone but come on..link ups to boycott a show? It’s a show from the same folks who bring you “Jersey Shore” what were you expecting? I mean, who even watches MTV anymore? It sucks.That’s a fact. You should expect it to suck. I fully agree that Skins is not appropriate viewing material for anyone under the age of 18. But we have parental control,do we really want to bring censorship into the mix? Then there was the whole the kids are under 18 who are “acting” in the show.Well, I’m pretty sure their parents have to sign a waiver and a guardian has to be on set. Do we put the parents in jail?I mean where does this stop? Let’s just turn the damn channel and call it a day!So, to you ladies, you get a Throat Punch!

Next,Oprah’s “Secret”! How the hell is this newsworthy? Have we become so ridiculous as a nation that the world stops and holds its breath to hear Oprah’s “Secret” but there are people dying in the streets from hunger, no shelter and violent crimes but for Oprah…we care! I personally don’t give a shit if she has a sister or 20. I don’t give a rats ass if she is part man or donkey or whatever. I know she’s “Oprah” but that doesn’t make her any more valuable than any other person in the world..to me. Hopefully, to her Mama and that half sister of hers,she is worthy of caring about her secret. So, Throat Punch to everyone who stood in silence for an entire day waiting to hear this ridiculous piece of information.I am glad she can get that out to 8million people…I believe that is what she said her reach was on Barbara WahWah. Kudos to you and your reach.

Last, but certainly not least, the creators, distributors and wearers of Pajama Jeans! Need I even elaborate? But you know me, of course I will. First, who the hell are they supposedly fooling? Do any of you confuse jeans with pajamas? It’s almost as ridiculous as those Jean diapers.Because, obviously, we were all fooled. I am sickened that not only do we make everything Super sized, this causes people to be super sized and instead of trying to get everybody healthy, some idiot decides “why do that? Let’s just make “Pajama jeans” so everybody fits them because they are PAJAMAS!” When did that become OK? To wear our pajamas around town, I must have missed the memo. I do take a personal offense that they market them to “Busy Moms”. As if it takes so much time and effort that us sodding lazy Mommies can’t be bothered to button a fly. Or maybe its that they think we have such low regard for ourselves that this is a step up from our yoga pants. Well, I say no! If I’m wearing my yoga pants, at least I’m half way there to working out. With Pajama jeans, I’m half way back in bed…super sizing myself. So, to you PAJAMA JEANS and all of your affiliates I say you get a donkey kick to the head for being such insulting bastards!

Well,that wraps up my Throat Punches for this Thursday. I hope you will all link up and leave me a comment so that I can come read your posts! I can’t wait to see who you all bestowed your Throat Punches on. Happy Throat Punch Thursday! And remember, don’t get mad..give them a Throat Punch!

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2011/01/27 11 comments

Weight Loss

Goodbye to the Muffin Top~Nutrisystem Week 12 Update VLOG

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/26

written by Deborah Cruz

Nutrisystem Week 12

*CLICK HERE FOR Goodbye to the Muffin Top VLOG*

Nutrisystem~ My embedding was not working and you tube was making me into a Kung Fu movie.Sorry. So, you have to watch the video to get the update on me. But I’d love to tell you that Nutrisystem is getting, yet again, some more new exciting shelf stable foods. They are as follows:

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Scrambled Eggs with vegetables

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Italian Wedding Soup

Peanut Butter and Jelly Bar

Buttered Popcorn

I can’t wait to try them out, especially the popcorn! If you have any other questions please feel free to contact Nutrisystem! Isn’t time you you got your Mom sexy on too?

Nutrisystem

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2011/01/26 7 comments

Marriage and Relationships

Rationale has No place in Affairs of the Heart

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/25

written by Deborah Cruz

Life is too short to waste it on what ifs and whens.If you find happiness you must not only embrace it but take a chance and make a leap.Rationale has no place in affairs of the heart. Live Big!Love Big! Be Bold and have no regrets. That’s why we are putting the house on the market. The time for logic is not now.We’ve spent enough time being logical.The Big Guy and I started on a leap of faith, an engagement after only 4 months.That has turned out to be the best decision of our lives. So, to hell with waiting for the right time.The right time is now.We are making a leap.

2011/01/25 4 comments

Confessions Marriage and Relationships

Mothering Single; F*cking sucks

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/20

written by Deborah Cruz

This morning, I was awoken extra early by my hysterical 5 year old. She had a nightmare.When I went to her side and comforted her, in my half asleep state, I asked what her nightmare was. Through hyperventilation and tear stained cheeks, she blubbered, “I dreamed that Daddy could never come home.” She was absolutely frightened and overcome with sadness. Truth be told, we live with this fear every day of our lives. We have a commuter marriage. Which means he lives in another state 5 days a week for work, and I live here with our girls. I’m not sure that anyone can fully grasp this concept, unless you’ve lived through it. Our lives that were so closely knit and intertwined has devolved into two people who talk on the phone, forget what we’ve told each other or others we see on a daily basis. I don’t know how his day went every day,what he ate, if he’s sick or well. He’s missing first teeth lost, first days of class, all the every growing lists of children growing up. Me, I’m left alone and lonely.It’s a crap situation for all involved and I know most of you know the story. But when Bella had this dream, it made my heart seize with fear. The weather’s been bad , roads are icy and she was just so convinced that she never would see him again that I HAD to call to be sure he was OK. He answered, from the road, on his way to work. I told him what was going on, and she spoke to him.He squashed all fears and told her that he would see her tomorrow.He heard, what I was seeing. Our little girl distraught because she thought she’d never see her Daddy again. It’s a hard pill to swallow, even for us pros who have been doing this commuter marriage hell for 11 months.

They finished talking,he hung up and the next thing that happened was unexpected. I received a text from the Big Guy.Basically, I was told that I needed to move NOW versus our plan of us joining him when school was done for the year. I know you have all read the toll this commuter marriage has taken. It is hard. Most days, I want to chalk the whole thing and just go to him but there is a reason why we are doing this whole ordeal..the girls. Bella is in a great school with friends.In the beginning of school, this was not the case.She’s in kindergarten and it was hard in the beginning to form those bonds. I know some of you are thinking, but its only kindergarten. Well, last year at this same time, it was only preschool and it was in Virginia. I can’t do it to them again,however miserable I might be. This is their home,this is their town,this is their neighborhood, this is their comfort zone. Sure it sucks balls that the Big Guy doesn’t live with us on most days. Obviously, I hate going to bed every night without my husband, consoling children who are crying for him and doing it all by myself. Single mothering is hard and quite frankly, I fucking hate it! I’m pissed at the whole world that I have to do it. I’m married for Christ’s sake,this is NOT what I signed up for. But if we go now, I leave my own house to live with my in laws. We all know that people have their routines, its not going to be easy for any of us to all live in the same house. I’d say even on a very short term basis it’s going to be very near impossible even on good days. They are used to doing what they want,they’ve not had little kids living in the house in 30 years. They shouldn’t have to have to have another family cramping their style. You know how crazy kids can drive us and we’re their parents. Not to mention, we have our routine and that’s going to be completely disrupted.I’m used to doing what I want in my own house.Watching what I want, having impromptu dance parties,singing at the top of my lungs, coming and going, folding or not folding my laundry. Everything will be under a microscope. Freedom will be limited. I’m pretty sure I am going to need to be medicated at some point to deal with the stress.

The Big Guy just knows that his heart wants the girls and me with him. My heart wants the same, but my head is telling me this will be a mistake of epic proportions to go now.We can’t afford an apartment or another house until the one we have sells. That’s why the in laws offered that we could stay there. But, I’m sure they have their reservations too. And they are allowed to feel those reservations.It will be disruptive and difficult for everyone involved. But what do I do? He wants us together, and the heart wants what the heart wants. So,am I supposed to be the bad guy and the voice of reason? Or am I supposed to give everybody instant gratification but it may very well end badly in the long run? I’m so conflicted. And yes, in case you were wondering, the transition will be hardest on me. Aside from still having to do most stuff by myself because the Big Guy is gone all day at work ( 11 hours) I will have to be doing it all in somebody elses house, in a strange town,while my house sits empty waiting to be sold.I just feel like our lives have been in a state of upheaval for so long that I just about can’t stand it. I feel like if much more gets piled on me, I may freaking lose my shit. Every time I get a handle on the load of shit the world has piled on, somebody or something walks over and says hey let’s add this and see if it breaks her. Well, guess what? I’m tying to stay positive and keep my eye on the finish line but it doesn’t help when my partner says “Ahh, if its too hard just quit.” Why wait until I’ve ran over half the marathon to tell me that I didn’t need to run it at all? I need an all knowing person to tell me what to do.Jenny,Laura, Sarah, you’ve been where I’m at, what are your thoughts?

What would you do? Do you take the hard route and get immediate gratification or do you tough it out alone and do it the best way? Very interested in hearing everyone’s thoughts.

*Since writing this post, I have spoken to my friend Jen and bounced it all off an empathetic ear of someone who’s been where I am at. Thank God for girlfriends. Love you Jen. The Big Guy and I have decided that we have to do what’s best for our girls and ourselves, which for now, still means living in separate residences.But the house is going on the market in the next couple of weeks versus the original early spring date. And we’re working on maybe utilizing a work from home option occasionally to get us over the hump. In the mean time, keep us in your prayers:)

2011/01/20 8 comments

Weight Loss

Nutrisystem week 11 Update ~Victory is Mine

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/19

written by Deborah Cruz

This week, I stepped on the scale and I was a little disappointed to find that I had not lost anything.Not even 1 pound. We’ve all been here. But it didn’t make sense to me because I’ve been following the plan. I’ve even added a consistent cardio exercise routine to the mix, Zumba. Yes, I have been waking up every morning at 5:30 A.M. to get my Zumba in before the girls wake up. I have to say, it has made a big difference in the way I feel. It really rejuvenates me and wakes me up in the morning. Plus, I can really see a difference in the way my clothes are fitting.Everything I own is getting lose. Luckily for me, a couple weeks back I had decided to measure myself. This morning when no pounds were gone, I decided to measure myself again.Guess what? In two weeks, I’ve lost 3 inches from my chest, 2.5 inches from my waist and 4 inches from my hips! I don’t know about you but I will take it. VICTORY IS MINE! I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes the scale may not always reflect what you wanted or expected but that’s no reason to stop. If you give up, failure is inevitable.If you power through, victory will be yours.At first it may be small victories like a few inches here or there, or maybe being able to buy a smaller size but eventually those small victories will get you to where you want to be! So, this week we are still at 15 pounds lost but we are down 9.5 inches!Rock on! I’m feeling more and more comfortable in this skin of mine. By BlogHer,I’m planning on being full on Hot Mommy!

Next,as promised, I wanted to share with you my favorite dinners. My favorite shelf stable dinner is the Cheese and Spinach Ravioli with Meat Sauce. It’s so easy, you pop it in the microwave for about 3 minutes. Let it cool for a minute and voila dinner is served. I like to eat it with a big salad.Actually, if you eat the salad before the meal is even better.The meal itself tastes delicious. I top it with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. I feel like I am eating at an Italian restaurant, minus the guilt ( bread sticks:)

…….and yes, it does taste as good as it looks!

Now, for my favorite Select Gourmet frozen dinner ( drum roll please) the Turkey Pepperoni Pizza. Of course, if you know me at all, you are not surprised. I am a lover of the pizza. Always have been. I could probably live on pizza alone. In fact, during pregnancy #1 I practically did.It’s all I ever wanted.My body literally craved it. So, when I saw that Nutrisystem had this pizza I was ecstatic. You pop it in the microwave or oven, just like you would any other frozen pizza, let it cool and there you have it…all the taste and none of the guilt. It is fabulous. Again, I like to pair this dinner with a salad and usually a diet Coke.Yummy.

Don’t forget Hooray YOU! This is the year you start your NEW YOU Revolution! and become the you that you want to be.

2011/01/19 5 comments

Confessions

Firework

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/18

written by Deborah Cruz

It’s Tuesday but it feels like a Monday around here today.After last week’s Raw beginning, I’ve made a conscious decision and concerted effort to turn this back around and get back to my Revolution inciting attitude. I was driving home from kindergarten drop off this morning and, just like every morning, this song came on right as I was about 3 minutes from my doorstep. It hit me like a lightening bolt, I’m adopting this song as my new Anthem. I think it should be the loud and proud anthem for every Mommy. Next time it comes on the radio, crank that sucker as loud as it will go and sing your heart out. Because “baby, you’re a firework!” Listen to the lyrics, your fire is still in there.It may be buried under diapers and laundry and everybody else’s needs but Mama, it’s in there. “Cause there’s a spark in you, You just gotta ignite the light, And let it shine!” You can be and do whatever you set your mind to. You make human beings, nothing is impossible for you. Come on, I’m tired of being a fizzled out punk.I want to be a big blaring firework in my own life. Time for exhausting potential and realizing dreams. Who’s with me? ” Boom, boom, boom, Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon, It’s always been inside of you, you, you, And now it’s time to let it through!”

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em goin “Oh, oh, oh!”

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

2011/01/18 9 comments

Weight Loss

Nutrisystem Week 10 update~ When Logic Meets Reality

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/13

written by Deborah Cruz

It’s week 10 and I am down another pound.This pound brings my grand total this far to 15 pounds. I have started a new regime of doing Zumba every morning before I get the girls up for school. It is exhausting and takes a lot of effort on my part but I have to admit, I feel fabulous getting it done first thing in the morning. It gets my day started off on a nice positive note. I know this may sound cheezy but it feels like it somewhat centers me for the day. I’ve only been doing this routine for going on a week and a half but I think it’s going to make a difference going forward. I started by doing 20 minute express Zumba but this week have started doing the 50 minute Zumba party.It flies by. I feel great and can’t wait to see the effects of introducing regular exercise into the routine.

I thought I’d share a little more about some of my favorite Nutrisystem foods this week. This week I am going to tell you about my favorite desserts! My favorite Nutrisystem Select frozen dessert is definitively the Creamy Fudge Bar.It’s thick and creamy and tastes delicious.It’s ice cream…on a diet..but doesn’t taste like diet food.

My favorite shelf stable dessert is, hands down, the fudge brownie. This little dessert is fabulous. I take it, pop it in the microwave for about 13 seconds, cover it with sliced strawberries, and then kiss it will a dollop of cool whip. It is so fantastic, that my kids regularly try to pilferage it off my plate. Sometimes after a rough day, you might want a little piece of heaven to enjoy and what’s better than eating something that taste’s great and is not going to sky rocket your calories and leave you feeling guilty.

Those are my 2 favorite desserts of the week. Next week, I’ll give you the inside scoop on my favorite dinners. You won’t believe what I get to eat. But since I am telling you how great the food tastes, I should also explain the program to you a little. So, here we go.

The Science Behind Nutrisystem

So, what’s the Nutrisystem secret? Simple—they’ve got science on their side. Nutrisystem is based on the proven science of the Glycemic Index, and eating low-GI meals 5 to 6 times a day helps keep your blood sugar and metabolism stable, so your body burns calories more effectively.

Plus, they’ve found a way to make dieting doable by providing consumers with the foods we love-minus the guilt. ( BONUS! Who doesn’t want to eat yummy food that’s good for you?)
Everybody’s favorites like Lasagna, Pizza, and chocolate are given a good-for-you spin with fiber, protein and good carbs to help control cravings and keep you feeling satisfied, then packaged into just the right portion sizes so you never go overboard.

It’s a complete, balanced approach to losing weight and living healthier. It’s such a simple concept, why haven’t I figured this out sooner:) It’s like a light bulb went off and logic and reality walked in the room. I say,”Welcome.Come on in and stay awhile.I’ve been waiting for you, my entire grown up life.”

In addition, the support and the encouragement that I’ve received from the Nutrisystem staff has been amazing! I believe that the hardest thing about a weight loss program is sticking to it. We get caught up in the minutia of our day to day and we lose sight of our goals. We fall off the diet wagon and if no ones around to help us up or cheer us on, it becomes really easy to just say “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I’ll start on Monday”. I’m here to tell you that tomorrow is today! Nutrisystem is so much more than just a company or a diet program, it’s a family. I’ve made invaluable friendships through the Nutrisystem Nation program and gained support from the staff that have aided me with my weight loss. We are all working towards one common goal; to lose weight, and to finally feel comfortable in our own skins again!We can do this and so can you!

How many of you have made losing weight a New Year resolution? How’s it going? What program are you doing? What exercise are you employing to hit your goals? I’d love to hear from all of you.

Don’t forget Hooray YOU! This is the year you start your NEW YOU Revolution! and become the you that you want to be.

2011/01/13 6 comments

Confessions Marriage and Relationships

RAW

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/10

written by Deborah Cruz

If you have landed here tonight looking for whimsy, snark, or a mommy truism; you may want to stop reading. No, tonight is a post for me. Sometimes you just need a post where you can get it all out of your system; where you can rage, wallow, and come out the other end a stronger, better person for surviving. That’s what this post is going to be. This is me trying not to drown. If you are a woman and you’ve ever felt swelled up, rolled, and pinched into the corner that is your life and the gravity of reality has hit you all at once like a ton of bricks, this may be a post you can relate to. If not, I am happy for you.You are dismissed…

Today, I woke up after 10 full hours of sleep. Probably the most peaceful rest I’ve had in months, truly. My sleep is about as effective and complete as my 3 year old cleaning her room.Some things may get moved around, she goes through the motions, but in the end, the effort was useless.The room is NEVER any cleaner,but there is a perceived sense of “cleaned”..but not really. Every night, I more or less pass out from exhaustion than drift off into peaceful slumber.When I do go to sleep, its that Mommy one eye open, both ears functioning like dogs, and I wake if the dog farts in another room..across the house. It’s just the way I’m built. Probably much like you. But last night was different,last night..I relaxed before bed time ( like I did before kids), I watched a movie, and a let myself “fall” into sleep. It was glorious. I always took that for granted but it really is a wonderful thing to experience. But then I woke up.

Funny thing about a full night of restful sleep.It gives your mind time to rest, relax, repair itself and, heaven forbid, in my case, think clearly. I woke up this morning and the fog had lifted off my brain.Anyone who’s followed me for any length of time, knows my story. Quick recap; The Big Guy lives in another state Sunday through Friday ( due to work location)for the past 11 months. We (myself and my two littles) live here ( due to several external factors). He comes home on Friday nights ( this is my Christmas each and every week). It is hard. Really, really hard…on all of us.But we’ve been doing it for so long that I am on autopilot most days.Basically, living for the next Friday, the month, the year when this horrible living arrangement is over.Always, looking toward the end in sight.Worst of all; I love my husband.I honestly, truly; really love my husband and more than that I like him.

But this morning, with the fog dissipated and my brain functioning at full capacity, all of the sudden reality slapped me right across the face with the force of freight train and I could no longer restrain myself from facing reality. I had to get it out.I tried to hold it in. After all,the Big Guy is in this same situation and I try not to let on how hard this is for me. I admit to having a mini meltdown every 3 months or so, but this was like nothing I’ve ever felt. It was overwhelming, raw pain. It was like losing someone, or something and then I realized..I am. We are being robbed of our life together. It’s NOT fair.

I guess I should tell you the whole story of this morning.I woke up fine and then, I realized it was Sunday ( which means the Big Guy is leaving..again) which normally leaves me with a knot in the pit of my stomach but today it was like somebody stabbed me in the chest. At that very moment, I was making breakfast for the girls who have decided that they are going to refuse me everything I offer them, at least three times. And that is what cracked me. I started to tear up, I couldn’t eat because I couldn’t swallow anything with that giant lump in my throat and I walked away so the girls wouldn’t see. My emotions were overwhelming me.I was drowning.

Then lunch rolled around, I served the girls lunch..same thing.They didn’t like what it was, why did I give them this;I should know better; and they both refused again. To which, the weight was too much and I broke. I started to cry this time, part anger; part despair; part frustration. Then I went to the bathroom and I cried for what seemed like forever but I think it was more like 45 minutes.Every time, I thought I was done I’d remember one more piece of shit that was piled on my plate. Finally, I pulled it together enough to come out of the bathroom.The Big Guy was concerned and checking on me, I think he thought I was trying to escape down the toilet bowl. I felt as though I had some catharsis, crying my heart out..there in my desperately needing to be cleaned bathroom. Then I came out.

He had sent the girls to their rooms and the Big Guy was helping me take down the Christmas tree in silence and then I opened my mouth to speak. My heart was heavy, so heavy that I felt as though trying to force the words out of my mouth might choke me to death but I had to do it. He stood there in silence and listened as I fought for my life. I told him how I have no one to talk to and I’m all alone. I told him how I’ve been so busy trying to be strong for everyone else that I’ve neglected to deal with my own feelings. I opened up about how hard this is on me and the girls. How they are acting out in anger to the situation.They are hurt, they are confused. I explained how I feel like a failure as a mother because I am so tired, and so busy and always patching just to get by instead of nurturing because it’s all I can do to get by from one day to the next. I told him how I am overwhelmed by never having enough money because we are living in separate places, leading separate lives. I told home how much that bothers me. I told him how I feel like a failure at my dreams because its just one more thing that I don’t have time for. I feel like I am not utilizing my opportunities in a way I am supposed to. I see my friends, my age, achieving their goals, managing their families, making head way on their dreams…I feel like I am banging my head on a wall..a brick wall…falling short in every single category. On top of all that, the thing that I think actually made the weight too much to bear, the plans we had to be together this summer has been put on hold. We had a place to stay but now that choice is no longer an option (one of the reasons I hate putting my happiness in the hands of others). So now, the end in sight that has kept me going all these months..is gone. This was too much today. This broke me..but only for a day.

I’ve got it all off my chest,I cried, I screamed, I raged and now,I am moving on. Just one more thing I feel like a failure at, I am always positive. I am a half full type of girl. I always believe that everything is possible through hard work and determination and I truly believe that. I do, with all my heart, but my problem is I haven’t been acknowledging the situation. I’ve been so busy getting through it that I’ve not been dealing with it. This is me, feeling sorry for myself…for 24 hours, acknowledging, admitting that it is HARD, sucking it up and moving on. I will not be defeated. This situation has not broken me, as I first thought; it has bent me, it has rattled me and I will move forward stronger with an ever greater determination. I make my own success and happiness; that is what I am focusing on. I will tread water until I regain my strength to swim, but I will not drown.

Have you ever felt like you were overwhelmed in your life? In motherhood? How do you deal with it? What do you do to get over the hurdles of motherhood and life?

2011/01/10 48 comments

Weight Loss

Nutrisystem Update: Week 9 ~Back to my Pre Pregnancy Weight

by Deborah Cruz 2011/01/05

written by Deborah Cruz

This morning marked the completion of my 9th week on Nutrisystem. I stepped on the scale and found that I had lost another pound. This brings my total weight loss to 14 pounds. More importantly, it puts me back to my pre- pregnancy weight. You know, the weight I was 6 years ago before I became pregnant with my first baby. That is AMAZING. More importantly, it is an amazing feeling. Sure,I have visited this weight in the past…as a fluke, when I caught a stomach bug or worked really hard for a few months just to kiss the tip of that weight. But not today, when I saw the number on the scale, I didn’t feel like I had to jump of the scale before it changed its mind. I felt like I earned it and I was just stopping by on my journey to say hi.

Nutrisystem has given me a confidence on this journey of weight loss. I know when I’m eating the food that it’s all figured out for me. I simply follow the plan, and eat some of my favorite foods.Nutrisystem French toast for breakfast,with frozen strawberries is absolutely scrumptious. Add to it a glass of ice cold fat-free milk or a piping hot cup of coffee and voila, breakfast is served. It tastes great and its good for you. How long have I been waiting for those two concepts to meet? It seems like forever. I wasn’t even sure it was possible. But it is and it is wonderful.

I told you in my last update that Nutrisystem has a really great campaign starting for 2011;Hooray You!NEW YOU Revolution . If you have ever considered trying Nutrisystem out, NOW IS THE TIME. They are running a $100 off the regular $399 cost of the program.The program is only $299 and in addition to that they are including the new Nutrisystem Select frozen foods at no additional charge.PLUS, Oh yes, there is more, they are including a free extra 7 days of shelf stable pantry food. I know many of you have been asking what the cost was and so here you have it,wrapped up tight in a nice pretty package..delivered to your door. It doesn’t get any better than this! So, I hope you can take advantage of this great deal. I can’t even describe in words, how amazing it feels to have hit my pre-pregnancy weight once again. I feel six years younger:)

If you have any questions about the program and how its been working for me or about how the food tastes, feel free to ask away. You know I always tell you the truth. If you need more assistance, all your answers can be found at www.Nutrisystem.com Aren’t you ready to start the revolution to the new you?

2011/01/05 4 comments

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