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Personal

One Girls Honest Battle with Eating Disorders and Body Image in College

by Bella 2024/04/11

written by Bella

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Let’s talk about something a lil icky, weight gain. I’m 19-years-old, about to finish my freshman year of university, and medicated. But before I get into all of that, let’s start with some basics. I am 5’10, not nearly as active as when I was ages 10-15, dancing 30 hours a week. I’m busy with work and school, so I usually don’t have time for all 3 meals. I thrive on caffeine and a dream 99% of the time, slaying my classes and trying to be a functional person in my family. But recently when visiting the student clinic for a sinus infection, they took vitals as usual, blood pressure, temperature… and my weight. If I’d never had any predisposition for eating disorders or body image issues, this was enough to set my mind on fire.

Let me tell you, when you are already sick and exhausted the last thing you want to do is be weighed, but we all have to go through it. I try not to look at the scale when being weighed just because I know that I have some struggles with food, weight, and exercise. Now, my lovely, amazing mama tried her damndest due to her own eating disorders to make sure my sister and I grew up body positive, especially in the dance world. That being said, it was just kind of inevitable. Nothing was ever said directly to me, but constantly hearing your standard petite, very thin, best friend constantly be called “fat” or “a whale who eats too much” makes something in your brain flip. It happens just as quickly, if not faster, than turning the light on in your room. You start to think if this is what they think of her, wtf do they think of me?

This was the beginning of the slow an steady hits to my body image.

Now, I never really had an “aha” moment but it definitely started around age 12. Seeing myself in tights and a leotard 6 days a week surrounded by mirrors, oof, it was rough, and I never really discussed it with anyone because my best friend wouldn’t understand, she was nowhere near as “fat” as I was, she could only understand the hurtful insults constantly being heard. Picking clothes to wear everyday now that I’m no longer confined by uniforms, is such a nightmare struggle because I hate everything I put on my body.

I never really brought it up to my mama because she struggled with her own eating disorders and I didn’t want her to feel like she “failed” in a sense that I was feeling this way. When I was 12 that’s when I stopped eating breakfast, just woke up and had my coffee. Lunch consisted of whatever yummy stuff my mom packed for me, because I stopped eating the cafeteria food, and that was enough until 4 or 5 pm-ish when I was home from school/before dance and when I would eat dinner with my family.

The gradual onset of eating disorders is almost unnoticeable in the beginning,.

Now, enough about the origin story and back to the now. I was still, up until this weighing, only consuming coffee for breakfast and then eating dinner with the family. If there was any snacking it would be either another coffee or a granola bar of some sort. Recently though, I’ve been making small changes like a protein shake for breakfast, along with my beloved coffee, a salad for lunch, and then whatever happens to be on the menu for dinner. I try to move, walking around campus when not working on assignments between classes, but here in the midwest I must suffer from mother nature’s wrath and allergy season (which is all year round for this allergy shot girl). That plays a huge role in my ability to walk outside. I try to do lil 15 minute core routines on youtube but your girl is tired when she gets home, ready to pass out on the couch with my fur baby, Stella.

Earlier I mentioned being medicated, I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, and terrible/excruciating periods. Periods so bad with radiating pain and numbness in my back and legs caused by cramps that are so severe, I sometimes feel bed bound. At the start of the new year I was lucky enough to be put on and start birth control to try and help manage those symptoms, so I’m no longer debilitated during that time of the month. I also would have very irregular periods due to stress and life, that now is being helped as well along with several other things. But even with a low dosage, adding that medication can play a role in weight gain/distribution. I’m also being treated with mental health medications such as gabapentin and prozac, both of those are known to cause little to no weight gain, but with my luck I’m definitely likely to experience that side effect.

I have to remind myself that I am in control of my actions, reactions and choices.

I decided in March (my birthday month) that I want to make some changes. I want to get in shape and be healthy, because at the end of the day I need to be happy with what I see in the mirror even if it’s not accurate. I feel like there are so many people, women specifically, my age that are experiencing so many changes with moving away for college and balancing work, school, social life, relationships, etc. that many of us neglect simple things like eating healthier and getting our steps in.

With the help of my wonderful therapist and supportive mama, I’m determined to work on these things and try to make myself happy by making a few lifestyle choice changes i.e. when picking out outfits for class, put some thought into it the night before instead of getting frustrated because I have “nothing” to wear ( which we all know is a lie because my bedroom floor discovered in new clothes), running late just to end up in leggings and a sweatshirt. It’s so exhausting and it makes me feel terrible.

Moms, talk to your daughters. Ask them how they feel about themselves when they stand in front of a mirror. I think there needs to be more discussions being held even though they are uncomfortable, but I know I’m not alone. Don’t stop asking, no matter how many times they roll their eyes or brush you off. My mom talks to us about everything, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. She’s taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable so that I can be happier and feel more in control of my own life. You can’t just ignore the hard parts, they don’t go away…they just grow and fester and get more uncomfortable. We just face it together and get through it, hopefully, less traumatized and triggered than if we tried to do it alone. We have to create an environment where our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends feel safe to be vulnerable. Because the truth is, body image struggles are all too common, affecting an estimated 50-80% of women.

To think about how I’ve felt this way about myself since I was 12 years old, makes me sad. Just like my mom when I have my own children I’m gonna do the same things as she did. Make sure my kids are comfortable with their bodies and being naked from birth. I wish more than anything that they never think of themselves how I think of myself.

7 years, almost ½ of my life, I’ve hated my body and never said anything about it, because I didn’t want to upset my mom, or trigger my sister to think negatively about herself. The average onset age of eating disorders in women is between 12-25.

Check on the women in your life that are between those ages, ask those older in recovery and ask how they are doing, eating disorders never really go away. It’s a daily battle to make the decision to eat rather than restrict or eliminate meals. This is something I will continue to struggle with for the majority of my life.

One day, I hope I can genuinely be able to say I love myself, but until then I hope this helps others realize they aren’t alone. These feelings and thoughts, while unkind, are common to think. That’s the problem. Beauty standards are set for us since birth and we spend our whole lives unhappy trying to achieve them. Do the things that make you happy. I hope one day I can too, in the meantime though I’m working to make the changes. Even the Tinkerbell sized ones.

And to any other young woman out there who is battling her own demons when it comes to food, weight, and self-acceptance – you are not alone. I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you. It’s a daily fight, but you’ve got this. Eat the bread, wear the crop top, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Together, we can break the cycle of body shame and learn to love ourselves, one small step at a time.

2024/04/11 1 comment

30 to Life

Perimenopausal Pandemonium

by Deborah Cruz 2024/03/21

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Lately, I’ve been a little sensitive, and by “sensitive,” I mean I’ve been wanting to rip my family’s heads off simply for chewing. I’ve wanted to blow up every single place I’ve ever been that has mirrors, food, or clothing. Sometimes, I’ve even cried because I accidentally called my puppy my recently, dearly departed dog’s name. But mostly, I’m fucking hot, and it makes me cranky. Hot for no fucking reason – just sitting here minding my own goddamn business, and “poof,” this bitch is on fire. It’s super fucking annoying. Thank you, perimenopausal rage.

I’ve been what I’d consider “moody,” and that’s saying something because I’m fucking bipolar so I should know. But this is obscene and excessive, even for my dramatic ass.

This is perimenopausal rage.

My point is I thought I was literally having an “episode” (I haven’t had a bad one since my mid-20s), so I consulted my doctors. And no, I am, in fact, not losing my battle with bipolar, but I am losing my battle with estrogen, it seems. To be honest, last year I had a spell of consecutive panic attacks, which is not ordinary for me, so I consulted my OB/GYN and my GP about anxiety and/or the “pause” (menopause if you’re nasty). After checking the hormone levels, I was told it was a false alarm. But this year, when I started having “cold chills,” I again consulted my doctors to see if this was in response to my double ear infections or if midlife had finally caught me in its butchering talons. This year, it was a silent alarm. While my estrogen is normal, my FSH was on the lower end of normal, signaling that I am, in fact, probably perimenopausal insert coffin emoji

I can tell you that getting this news hit me in a way that I had not anticipated. It momentarily made me feel shhh* “old.” Suddenly, I was like, “Oh shit! DO I look as old as my high school Facebook friends? Oh.God.NO!!!!” *** (It’s my inner monologue. God and I are roll dogs; he is not shocked by my sailor vocabulary, neither is my mother.)

My point is that for one moment, I doubted myself. Is this irrefutable evidence that I am closer to old than young? Fuck, do I have to stop wearing what those “what not to wear when you’re over 40” Gen Z fashion writers tell me that I’m not supposed to? Wait! Are my kids now the.boss.of.me???? I’m freaking out.

Who showed up to the party? Mother Fuckin’ hot flash to add fire to this fire.

Uninvited guest: Perimenopausal Rage

My point is that at some time during this mid-life, one surviving ovary post hysterectomy, hormonal imbalanced world, this mom started getting very irritable with everyone. Maybe it’s normal. I’ve been overworked and overwhelmed for a good long time circa 2005. I’ve put everyone else’s feelings, wants, needs, and expectations ahead of mine. I’ve literally been juggling everyone’s everything for almost two decades, and I am so fucking tired. When’s it my turn for someone else to juggle all the things? I don’t remember signing up for this shit when I was born with a vagina.

Look, I know being a woman comes with great power (conjuring up human beings, keeping them alive, raising good humans while dealing with some other woman’s supposed “good human”), and I know that is a great responsibility. But no one told me that I was going to be worked like a donkey until the moment I dropped dead. Why am I the only one who can change toilet paper rolls, do laundry, load the dishwasher, cook dinner, plan vacations, and handle the finances? I didn’t get that memo. The older I get, the more tired I get, and the smaller my threshold for this kind of shit is. As my hormones wax and wane out of balance, the less fucks I give, the less tolerance I have for stupid people, and the more irritable I get, especially dealing with randomly, self-populated hot flashes in this mother fucking surface of the sun heat.

My point is that suddenly, I am filled with rage for no apparent reason, and I want to go ham on most living creatures within reach.

Are you experiencing perimenopausal rage and feeling overwhelmed? You’re not alone! Join our supportive community of women navigating the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause. Share your stories, find solace, and learn coping strategies to manage the fury. Together, we can embrace this transition with humor, empathy, and a whole lot of rage-fueled empowerment!

2024/03/21 0 comment

Health

How Moms Can Celebrate World Sleep Day!

by Deborah Cruz 2024/03/15

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Hey there, fellow sleep-deprived mom friend!

So, it’s that time of year again – World Sleep Day. Did you even know that was a thing? Me, neither. Then again, I’ve been a mom for 19 years, so you know, no rest for the wicked and all that. What is World Sleep Day, you ask? It’s a day dedicated to celebrating the elusive phenomenon known as sleep. But let’s be real, as moms, sleep might feel more like a distant memory than something worth celebrating. Between late-night feedings, toddler tantrums, and endless rounds of “just one more story,” and let’s not forget about waiting for teens to get home and then spending hours chatting about what’s going on with them… getting a decent night’s sleep can seem like a far-fetched dream.

Disclosure: Some of the products included in this post were gifted for review purposes but all opinions are my own.

But fear not, my exhausted, desperately in need of a nap comadre! I’ve got some tips, tricks, and tired laughs to help you make the most of World Sleep Day. So grab your comfiest pajamas and a giant mug of coffee (wine or nightly edible, no judgment here), and let’s dive in!

1. Embrace the Nap Life

Whoever said naps are just for babies clearly never met a sleep-deprived mom. Let’s be real, naps are our love language. So, on World Sleep Day, give yourself permission to indulge in a midday siesta. Whether it’s a power nap in your fully-flat reclinable XL6 FlexiSpot Powerlift Recliner with massage and heat or a full-blown snooze fest in bed, take advantage of any opportunity to catch some z’s. Trust me, the laundry can wait – your sanity cannot. Because if you’re going to spend half your life in bed, you might as well do it in style.

2. Treat Yourself to Some Sleep Accessories

You know what they say: when in doubt, accessorize. And when it comes to sleep, the right accessories can make all the difference. Treat yourself to some cozy new pajamas, invest in a weighted silk sleep stone eye mask (it’s a game changer) or indulge in a luxurious set of PeachSkin Sheets. Because if you’re going to spend half your life in bed, you might as well do it in style. If you want to sleep in comfort ALL.YEAR.LONG. You must get yourself a muslin comfort 365 blanket. It keeps me comfortable no matter what time of the year it is and that is a life changing thing when you are pregnant, perimenopausal, menopausal or a woman in general. It was the one thing I never knew I needed but once I got one, I’m never going back.

Bonus to sleep like a baby: Add a scrumptious and relaxing pillow mist.

3. Create a Sleep Sanctuary

Turn your bedroom into a sleep sanctuary fit for a queen (or, you know, a tired mom). Dim the lights, set the mood with some soothing essential oils like Alevan Botanica: The Sleep Set , and banish any electronic devices from the premises (yes, even your phone). Creating a calming environment can help signal to your brain that it’s time to unwind and drift off into dreamland.

4. Practice the Art of Saying No

As moms, we have a tendency to take on more than we can handle. But here’s the thing – you can’t pour from an empty cup (or in this case, a tired mom). So, on World Sleep Day (and every day thereafter), practice the fine art of saying no. You don’t have to sacrifice your every waking moment and martyr yourself in the name of motherhood. Whether it’s turning down that last-minute playdate or passing on that committee meeting, prioritize your sleep and sanity above all else.

5. Find the Humor in Sleep Deprivation

Let’s face it, sometimes all you can do is laugh. Whether it’s finding yourself wearing your shirt inside out for the third day in a row or accidentally putting the milk in the pantry instead of the fridge (guilty), finding the humor in sleep deprivation can make the endless nights feel a little less daunting. So go ahead, embrace the chaos, and laugh until you cry (or until you fall asleep standing up, whichever comes first).

6. Seek Support

Remember, you’re not alone in this sleep-deprived journey. Reach out to your fellow mom friends for support, commiseration, and maybe even a much-needed venting session. Sometimes all it takes is knowing that someone else is in the same boat to make the sleepless nights feel a little more bearable.

7. Treat Yourself to Some Self-Care

And last but certainly not least, don’t forget to prioritize self-care. Whether it’s treating yourself to a bubble bath, indulging in your favorite guilty pleasure TV show, or simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply and center yourself, make self-care a non-negotiable part of your daily routine. Because a well-rested mom is a happy mom, and a happy mom is a force to be reckoned with.

Secret bedtime self-care weapon: Therabody SmartGoggles. They not only reduce stress and anxiety, they support restful sleep, soothe headaches, relieve eye strain, lower your heart rate, increase circulation and ease facial tension.

Phew, we made it through! Now, here’s where you come in. I want to hear from you! Comment below and share your best sleep deprivation story or your top tip for getting some much-needed and deserved mom sleep this World Sleep Day. Let’s laugh, commiserate, and support each other through the sleepless nights. Together, we’ve got this!

2024/03/15 0 comment

Marriage and Relationships

Understanding The Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationships

by Deborah Cruz 2024/02/14

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Ah, love – the great mystery of the human heart. We’ve all been there, swept off our feet by that special someone who makes our heart flutter and our knees weak. But what happens when the honeymoon phase fades, and we realize that our partner’s way of expressing love is completely different from our own? Enter the five love languages – a framework that can help unravel the complexities of relationships and foster deeper connections with our partners. So, grab your favorite latte (or a glass of wine), and let’s dive into the fascinating world of understanding the five love languages.

What Are the Five Love Languages?

First things first, let’s break down the five love languages:

Words of Affirmation: This love language involves verbal expressions of love and appreciation, such as compliments, words of encouragement, and affirmations of affection.
Quality Time: For those who speak this love language, nothing says “I love you” like undivided attention and meaningful conversations. Spending quality time together, free from distractions, is essential.
Acts of Service: Actions speak louder than words for individuals who value acts of service. Whether it’s cooking dinner, running errands, or helping with chores, these gestures demonstrate love and thoughtfulness.
Physical Touch: Physical affection is the primary love language for those who crave touch. Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, and other forms of physical contact are essential for feeling loved and connected.
Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gifts, no matter how big or small, are the key to the heart for individuals who appreciate receiving gifts as expressions of love and thoughtfulness.

How Do You Identify Your Love Language?

Identifying your love language is like uncovering a hidden treasure – it requires self-reflection and honest communication with your partner. Pay attention to how you prefer to express love and how you feel most loved and appreciated in return. Do you light up when your partner gives you a compliment or a thoughtful gift? Or do you crave quality time together, free from distractions? By recognizing your preferences, you can gain insight into your love language.

How Do You Practice the Five Love Languages?

Once you’ve identified your love language, the next step is to put it into practice in your relationship. Here are some tips for expressing each love language:

Words of Affirmation: Send your partner a heartfelt text message expressing your love and appreciation. Leave sticky notes with uplifting messages around the house. Compliment them on their strengths and accomplishments.
Quality Time: Plan regular date nights where you can focus solely on each other. Put away your phones and other distractions and engage in meaningful conversations. Take walks together or enjoy a leisurely meal at a favorite restaurant.
Acts of Service: Take on tasks or chores that your partner dislikes or finds challenging. Cook their favorite meal, run errands for them, or offer to help with household responsibilities without being asked.
Physical Touch: Initiate cuddling sessions, hold hands while watching TV, or give your partner a lingering hug when they least expect it. Physical affection doesn’t always have to be sexual; simple gestures of touch can convey love and affection.
Receiving Gifts: Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts that reflect their interests and preferences. It’s not about the monetary value; it’s about the thought and effort you put into selecting something meaningful for them.

When Love Languages Clash: Navigating Differences in Relationships

While understanding and speaking the same love language can strengthen a relationship, what happens when two partners’ love languages don’t match up? Conflict can arise when one partner feels unloved or unappreciated because their needs aren’t being met in the way they desire. However, recognizing and respecting each other’s love languages can bridge the gap and foster understanding and compromise. It’s not all about you. The best way to love someone is the way they want to be loved.

Communication is key when navigating differences in love languages. It’s also the key to understanding the five love languages. The Big Guy and I have different love languages but we know that. We might not always understand why the other one wants to be loved the way they do but we love each other that is the meaningful to each other. Discussing your preferences openly and honestly with your partner can help bridge the gap and find common ground; this applies to all things in a relationship. Remember, relationships are all about compromise and finding ways to show love and appreciation that resonate with both partners.

The Language of Love

In the intricate dance of love, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can strengthen bonds and deepen connections in relationships. By recognizing and embracing the unique ways we express and receive love, we can cultivate fulfilling and harmonious partnerships that stand the test of time. So, whether your love language is words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts, remember to speak it loudly and proudly in your relationship. After all, love is a language that knows no bounds – let’s keep the conversation going. ❤️

What’s your love language? What would you want your partner to know to better understand your love language?

2024/02/14 0 comment

Battle of the Bugs: Decoding CoVid-19, Influenza, the Common Cold, and RSV

Health New Mom Monday

Decoding Sickness; CoVid-19, Influenza, Common Cold and RSV

by Deborah Cruz 2024/02/12

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Lord have mercy, there is so many different illnesses going around and life would be a lot easier if we learned how to decode sickness. It’s just too much. Welcome to the ultimate showdown of the microscopic world – where germs compete for the title of the most unwelcome guest in our bodies. In one corner, we have the heavyweight champion, CoVid-19; in another, the perennial contender, Influenza; lurking in the shadows, the sneaky Common Cold, and last but not least, the underdog with a punch, RSV. Let’s step into the ring and figure out how to tell these contenders apart.

CoVid-19: The Uninvited Guest with a Sledgehammer Entrance

CoVid-19, the rockstar of viruses, stormed onto the scene in 2019, and it’s been headlining ever since. This bug doesn’t understand personal space, crashing our immune system party with a sledgehammer. It comes with a fever, a cough that sounds like a drum solo, and a loss of taste – the ultimate party pooper move.

Influenza: The Seasonal Showstopper

Influenza, or the flu, is like that annual concert you didn’t really want to attend. It hits you hard, leaves you achy and exhausted, and, worst of all, it keeps coming back every year. With symptoms like a high fever, body aches that feel like you’ve been moshing all night, and a cough that rivals a heavy metal singer’s vocals, the flu is a regular feature on the seasonal illness charts.

The Common Cold: Your Run-of-the-Mill Troublemaker

Ah, the Common Cold – the trickster of the bunch. Sneezing, sniffling, and generally making you feel like you got hit by a feather, the common cold is the jester of viruses. Its symptoms are more annoying than alarming: a runny nose, mild cough, and the occasional throat irritation. It’s like a background noise virus, always there but never stealing the spotlight. Unless its a man cold, that’s an entirely different beast…or so I heard. I don’t really know because I’m not a man.

RSV: The Silent Striker

RSV, or Respiratory Syncytial Virus, is the dark horse in this competition. It usually goes for the youngest members of the audience, hitting infants and toddlers with a silent but potent punch. RSV comes with symptoms like coughing, sneezing, and difficulty breathing, making it a serious contender for pediatric attention.

Spotting the Differences:

Now that we’ve introduced our contenders, let’s talk about how to tell them apart. Imagine you’re the referee in this viral boxing match.

Fever Flare:
- CoVid-19 and Influenza often come with a high fever, while the Common Cold and RSV usually keep it mild.
Coughing Cadence:
- CoVid-19 boasts a persistent cough that’s hard to ignore.
- Influenza brings a robust cough, often accompanied by body aches.
- The Common Cold’s cough is more of an irritating side note.
- RSV’s cough can be severe, especially in the little ones.
Body Aches Amplified:
- Influenza is the champion of body aches.
- CoVid-19 follows closely, leaving you feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck.
- The Common Cold and RSV usually keep body aches on the down-low.
Age Preference:
- CoVid-19 doesn’t discriminate by age.
- Influenza hits all age groups but tends to favor the young and the old.
- The Common Cold loves all ages equally.
- RSV has a soft spot for infants and toddlers.

In the grand arena of viral combat, each contender has its unique moves and preferred audience. While CoVid-19, Influenza, the Common Cold, and RSV might share some symptoms, their differences help us understand which opponent we’re up against. So, next time you feel under the weather, remember this guide – because nothing beats a well-informed immune system! Stay healthy, stay happy, and keep those germs at bay!

2024/02/12 0 comment

Marriage and Relationships

A Boilermaker Love Story

by Deborah Cruz 2024/02/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

I met my husband, senior year of college at Purdue University. We met at Harry’s. We had a mutual friend, who’d grown up with him, and really wanted to introduce me to this “great guy” ( just as friends). This was a boilermaker love story from the very start. In case you’re wondering what a boilermaker is, its what Purdue students, athletes and alumni call themselves. I am, in fact, a proud Boilermaker whose heart bleeds black and gold and of all the precious moments I experienced throughout my tenure at my beloved Purdue, our love story is, by far, my favorite.

After weeks of hearing about this guy, she convinced me to leave our LSAT prep class a little early and head to Harry’s for a drink and some popcorn. It was September 29,1997. We walked into Harry’s and there at the back of the bar, surrounded by his friends and talking to the bartender was this massive 6’5” man. There was no way you could miss him.

We made our way through the crowd to where he was and when our mutual friend introduced us, he barely looked in my direction and mumbled, “Hey.” It floated down and landed with a thud. Honestly, I was as unimpressed and disinterested as he seemed to be. All the weeks of hearing what a “great guy” he was only to realize, he was kind of a jerk. No worries, I didn’t even know this guy and I’d never have to see him again.

Eventually, the night progressed to an impromptu after party back at the house he shared with 5 other guys; the infamous 345 Sylvia Street. At that time though, it could have been in another country because I was geographically challenged and had no idea where it was in relation to my apartment on Chauncey.

Within 20 minutes, our mutual friend disappeared with a guy. It happens. I was left alone talking to the guy she introduced me to and his roommate. Honestly, I just wanted to go home because I had a big Astronomy test the next day; I needed sleep.

Our Boilermaker love story had an unlikely beginning

Eventually, around 2 am, I started to freak out a little because I’d been abandoned at this party with guys I barely knew and had absolutely no idea how to get home. The “great guy” offered to walk me home ( which in retrospect is weird because he had a car and it was the middle of the night) with no other option, I took him up on his offer. How bad could it be? I desperately needed to get home. Was I just supposed to live there now?

He immediately told me that he wanted to show me something. All I thought was, omg, this is where my SVU episode begins. He took me to the top of the parking garage and pointed out constellations ( I guess he’d been paying attention when I was talking about my Astronomy exam). Then, unbeknownst to me, we headed in the opposite direction of my apartment taking effectively the longest way home. I was oblivious.

We ended up at the Purdue University soccer fields, lying on the grass as he pointed out more constellations. I wasn’t sure if this guy who completely blew me off when we met earlier that night was super sweet and trying to help me study or super creepy and going to assault me. I had no option, I was lost on campus in the middle of the night with a guy a foot taller than me. I queued up all those karate moves my dad taught me as a kid… just in case this “great guy” got any SVU ideas.

Our love story happened when I least expected it

Then, it happened. My entire life changed when I wasn’t paying attention. As we were lying there, talking about everything and nothing under the stars with the dewy grass beneath us, he started to talk about his grandmother, who’d recently passed. He spoke with such love and reverence when telling me about the woman she was, he got choked up. That break in his voice, shifted my perspective of who I thought he was. To be honest, I realized I thought this great guy was a jerk simply from one interaction that only lasted a couple of minutes.

Eventually, he walked me home and we had our first kiss on my doorstep as the sun was coming up. He told me he loved me 2 weeks later and proposed 4 months later, just a few days shy of our first Valentine’s Day, on the dance floor at WhereElse. 27 years and 2 boilermaker babies later, we’ve been inseparable ever since. I may have flunked my Astronomy exam but I found my forever. When I wasn’t looking, I found everything, I never knew that I always wanted right there on campus.

What was your meet cute story? How did your love story begin?

2024/02/06 0 comment

News Throat Punch Thursday

Black Ohio Mother, Brittany Watts, Faces Felony Charges After Suffering Miscarriage

by Deborah Cruz 2023/12/14

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes

In tales from the “what the fuck is going on?” and/ or another episode of “Let’s demonize women for existing,” or “misogyny gone wild” a black mother in Ohio, Brittany Watts, is facing felony charges after suffering a devastating, near fatal miscarriage.

Brittany Watts is facing felony charges for “abuse of a corpse” after suffering a miscarriage at nearly 22 weeks into her pregnancy, on September 22, 2023. Now, her case is headed to trial. The 33-year-old, Watts, is being accused of miscarrying her pregnancy while using the restroom and then flushing the fetal remains down her toilet. * Newsflash, that’s usually what happens.

According to a GoFundMe page set up to help with mounting legal costs for Watts, “Brittany Watts suffered an agonizing miscarriage in the bathroom of her home in Warren, Ohio on September 22, 2023.

Brittany did nothing to cause her miscarriage. Her doctor had told her that her 21-week pregnancy could not survive, and she would miscarry. When the bleeding and the pain from the impending miscarriage got severe, she did the same thing that many women who miscarry at home do. Brittany went into her bathroom, miscarried into her toilet, and flushed. What happened after that is something that should only happen in Margaret Atwood’s Gilead, and certainly not in the United States of America.

Within hours of Brittany’s admission to the hospital for her life-threatening hemorrhaging, police removed the toilet from Brittany’s home and destroyed it searching for fetal remains. Brittany, a woman with no criminal history, was charged with felony gross abuse of a corpse, even though there is no Ohio law dictating the “proper” disposal method of the remains of a miscarriage. On November 2, Brittany sobbed as she sat in a courtroom listening to police officers describe the details of the most intensely personal moments of her life and then vilify her to the world, all while being recorded by local news media.”

Okay, this is a whole lot of what the actual fuck is going on here. As someone who has suffered a miscarriage (and that is exactly what happens to a woman when she miscarries…she suffers mentally and physically), there are no words to describe the kind of hell a mother endures when she loses her child. This is a deeply personal, painful, and private matter and one in which is difficult to navigate. No one knows what to do in this situation. It happens to you unexpectedly and you try to survive it in the best way you can. Believe me, for the mother, it is almost unbearable.

According to the National Library of Medicine, an estimated 23 million miscarriages occur every year worldwide, translating to 44 pregnancy losses each minute. The pooled risk of miscarriage is 15·3% . Miscarriages happen to women not because of them, so why does the government and legal system want to punish us for what is already so devastating?

To add insult to such a grievous injury, the Ohio legal system is not only blaming the victim (because that is exactly what any mother who miscarries is) for a medical emergency, a fetus that failed to thrive through no fault of the mother; they are actually bringing women up on felony charges. This is one of the most demented and misogynistic things a society can do.

Watts has gone through one of the most painful and life changing experiences any woman can go through and now she is being demonized and prosecuted for disposing of the biological matter. What the fuck was she supposed to do? Women are not taught proper disposal of our miscarried babies when we watch the movie about menstruation in fifth grade! No one teaches us proper sex education in schools, we are taught abstinence in hushed tones and discouraged from asking any questions. We are told that we are sluts and all kinds of other insults if we dare to even inquire or try to educate ourselves and now, we are even blamed and held legally responsible when our pregnancies miscarry. It’s not bad enough that they list miscarriages on insurance bills as missed abortions and that the government has taken away our right to choose, now, they are actively charging women for being a victim of nature’s cruelest punishment.

I’m tired of men making laws on women’s bodies. Men have no idea what it feels like to live in a woman’s body and to suffer being a female. Because yes, for as much as I love being a woman, our misogynistic society keeps us in shackles and punishes us at will for no reason other than what lies between our legs. We are punished daily, in every aspect of our lives, simply for being born with a vagina.

Women are treated like second class citizens. We constantly have everything we say and do questioned, and that’s when we’re not being completely ignored. W are not even given domain over our own bodies. We are leered at and sexualized at every turn from birth till death. Sex is weaponized against us. Rape is a consequence for existing. We can’t even choose when, where, how or if we want to have children. Do you know what giving birth is like? It is the most painful thing a woman can ever endure. It is so painful that it makes you want to die to escape it.

The act of giving birth is one done out of complete love and sacrifice, and we do it over and over again because of that complete and unconditional love we have for our children. But make no mistake, it is no easy task. It is the most difficult and intense experience any human being can go through.

Imagine choosing that, knowing the full weight of that sacrifice, and choosing it over and over again. Then, imagine losing your pregnancy. The emptiness, the sorrow, the void a mother feels is mind bending. The loss of what might have been, the promise of holding and loving your child is mind breaking. The physical pain, the failure of your body, the failure of your child to thrive…so much loss and all that love with nowhere to go. There is nothing as painful in this world as a full heart and empty arms.

I did not miscarry at home. In fact, my pregnancy was intact. I’m not sure if that would make me more or less of a villain in my miscarriage story. My child no longer had a heartbeat. You don’t know devastation until you’ve heard these words uttered to you. My child, who looked absolutely perfect on an ultrasound, had no heartbeat and my body would not let go of it, so I had to have my pregnancy surgically removed. My other option was that I could have taken a wait and see approach and possibly gone septic and have risked death. It was like going through labor with nothing to show for it in the end but a broken heart. So many women must labor only to go home with empty arms and broken hearts…broken hearts that never heal. I left my child behind at the hospital. My child became biomedical waste. No one asked me what I wanted to do with the remains. I was not offered cremation or burial. There was no counseling offered to me. I simply arrived with a pregnancy and left a mother without a child.

In Watts’ case, the miscarriage happened at home. The fetus’ remains were uncovered by local law enforcement on Sept. 22, per the Warren Police Department, after they removed the toilet from her home and tested it for fetal matter.

Now, Watts faces this felony charge even AFTER a forensic pathologist testified last month that her fetus was not born alive and died before passing through the birth canal; further, he said the fetus was “nonviable because [Watts] had premature ruptured membranes—her water had broken early—and the fetus was too young to be delivered.” Watts’ defense attorney, Tracy Timko, told media last month that her client “learned days before” her miscarriage that this outcome “was inevitable and that the fetus could not survive outside the womb due to gestational age.”

None of this makes sense. None of this vilification of this mother is logical or reasonable. Brittany Watts should not be on trial, Ohio should be on trial for the cruel and unusual punishment of a living, human woman.

What are your thoughts? I am disgusted and flabbergasted but I am not shocked in the least because this is what the world does to women time and time again, throughout history.

2023/12/14 0 comment

News

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing Palestine

by Deborah Cruz 2023/10/12

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

What’s happening in Israel and Gaza right now is not about freeing Palestine, this is about the barbarism, brutality, cruelty and lack of respect for human dignity of life byHamas.

This is the post that’s been weighing heavy on my heart over the past few days. Like many of you, I saw the news filled with the brutality and barbarity that was coming out of Israel. I saw the desecration and humiliation of the Israeli people. My heart was broken to see it. I can only imagine what the families, friends and collective Jewish community around the world is feeling. I am not Jewish but many of the people I cherish, and love are. The grief is palpable.

As I am not Jewish and am not completely familiar with the situation in Israel, I figured it was best to keep my mouth (and website) silent until I did some research. If you, like me, are not familiar with the situation that has been going on in Israel let me give you a quick breakdown, as I understand it.

Israel is occupied by the Jewish peoples, filled with kibbutz’s (largely agricultural communities set up based on the idea of communal living) where people live together as the village and help one another in their day to day lives. It sounds beautiful to me. Gaza borders Israel. Gaza is where Palestinians are under a land, air and sea blockade. For those who don’t know, a blockade is the act of actively preventing a country or region from receiving or sending out food, supplies, weapons, or communications, and sometimes people, by military force. However, it’s my understanding that there is a border crossing into Israel so that Palestinians can work. Israel also exports food, necessities and provides electricity to Gaza. I know, it sounds terrible but you have to consider why this blockade is in place. The blockade was temporarily imposed by Egypt and Israel back in 2005-2006 and then permanently in 2007 following the Israeli disengagement from Gaza. When Hamas took control of the Gaza Strip during the battle of Gaza, seizing government institutions and replacing Palestinian Authority officials with Hamas members. In short, Hamas (terrorists) usurped power in Gaza and then Gaza had to be put on lockdown for safety reasons.

*** What is Hamas?

Hamas is a Sunni Islamist political and militant organization that currently governs the Gaza Strip of the Palestinian territories. In short, Hamas are terrorists. They are an extremist group who have advocated for Palestinian armed resistance to end the Israeli occupation. The establishment of the Hamas government in Gaza in 2007 marked the height of the Fatah-Hamas conflict and triggered the Gaza-Israel conflict. Hamas asserts that Israel’s existence is inherently illegitimate and rejects the Israeli- Palestinian peace process. Hamas has been fighting several wars at varying degrees of intensity against Israel throughout time; pursuing jihad against Israel.

When Hamas took over government in Gaza, Egypt and Israel put in place the blockade. This was done to make sure the terrorists did not escape. Unfortunately, regular civilian Palestinians were also subjected to the blockade because there is no way of knowing who is a civilian and who are the terrorist.

For many years, the Palestinians have been living in this blockade state. It understandably doesn’t feel fair to those who aren’t terrorists. I get why people say, “Free Palestine”. It is inhumane to be made a prisoner without committing a crime, however, the Gaza government is run by terrorists (whom I think most of us would agree are the evilest criminals going).

At the same time, there has political unrest in Israel. This has resulted in a divided Israel. While all this was happening…

On October 7, 2023, Hamas launched “Operation al-Aqsa Flood” against Israel. Hamas militants broke through the Gaza-Israel barrier and engaged in the barbaric massacre of civilian populations, attacks on Israeli military bases and kidnappings and rapes of civilians and soldiers. The assault prompted an Israeli declaration of war and triggered combat throughout Israel and the Gaza Strip. Many Palestinian civilians have also been caught in the crossfire and died as the result of collateral damage. No human life should ever be sacrificed as collateral damage, not Israeli and not Palestinian.

Now, that you have the abridged version of the backstory of what is going on, you must realize that this is not a battle between Israelis and Palestinians, this is a terrorist act against humanity by Hamas. Hamas is the perpetrator of this modern-day genocide. Many of the Jewish people in Israel are those who fled Europe during the Holocaust and their descendants. How can we allow this to happen again? Everyone says, “Never again,” but so many people are silent.

I don’t really care where you stand on the Palestinian blockade or the Israeli government, this is not about either of those two topics. This is about terrorists murdering, maiming, raping, butchering, taking hostage, setting on fire and destroying innocent civilian lives in the name of pure hate. This is terrorists beheading newborns and toddlers. The barbarity and brutality with which this attack was enacted was inhumane. The joy Hamas took at the degradation of Jewish lives is pure fucking evil and if you don’t understand that, are you even a human being at all?

This is not the time to turn away from the news. This is not the time to pretend that you don’t see or know what is going on. This is the time for action. You may not feel like this affects you because you are not Jewish or you don’t live in Israel. You may feel like this is happening across the world and is of no concern to you but you are wrong.

Remember how you felt on September 11^th, 2001. You remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and the complete and utter vulnerability, sadness and grief you felt as you watched those planes crash into the twin towers and then, as you watched the towers fall. It felt like nothing made sense and the world was imploding. You felt helpless and afraid and so fucking sad. Grief is an understatement. September 11^th changed every single Americans’ life. It changed life as we know it.

Now, imagine that happening but then Al-Queda attacking us in the streets; murdering your sons and daughters, raping your mothers and sisters, butchering you babies and shooting or decapitating your husbands and fathers. Imaging them going house to house, murdering your family and your neighbors, ripping your children out of your arms and taking them hostage and then setting fire to your home and burning it to the ground. Imagine your beautiful and precious 20-year-old daughter calling you from a festival telling you that she’s hiding in a bomb shelter and that she’s been shot and is dying, only to hear a grenade go off and knowing that you’ll never see her again. Imagine wishing death on your 8-year-old because death is less cruel than the alternatives. Imagine seeing a video circulating of your child being raped and set on fire as crowds jeer and celebrate. What would you do? What would you want the world to do? You’d want justice. You’d want revenge. You’d want to undo all of it and be safe again in your home, but you know that you will never feel completely safe again. Praying that you will live to see one more day.

No matter your beliefs, your politics, or your religion…attacking unassuming and unsuspecting civilians just living their lives is cowardly and unacceptable. We cannot condone this, and we have to let the world know that we are with Israel. This is not the time to stay silent. Your silence speaks volumes. If you are not condemning the brutal acts of these terrorists against Israel you are condoning it. Speak up. Do not be afraid because if you say and do nothing, you are part of the problem.

To all my Jewish friends and loved ones, I am with Israel, and I am with you. You are seen. I feel your pain and I see your grief and we will never let what happened in Germany and Eastern Europe happen again. We cannot and we will not allow terrorists to continue to sacrifice and slaughter innocent lives; Israeli or Palestinian. This is your chance to get on the right side of history. I stand with Israel.

The bottom line is that there are innocent people being slaughtered in Israel and Gaza and the monsters responsible for all the death and destruction are Hamas. The only enemy is Hamas.

2023/10/12 0 comment

30 to Life Mom Life

Jennifer Garner had the Audacity to Go Jogging Make-Up Free

by Deborah Cruz 2023/09/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

This past Saturday, actress and doting, single mom of three, Jennifer Garner, was spotted in her residential neighborhood of Brentwood jogging with a friend. While doing her best and incorporating some cardio exercise into her almost certainly busy day, she didn’t let the rain stop her.

The actress was caught running with a makeup-free face, hair pulled back in a messy bun, like most moms I know on most days. This is one of my absolute favorite things about Jennifer Garner, her relatability but at the same time absolute bad ass mom. Not everyone sees it that way. In fact, some critics were calling her names like “old plastic granny” and “platypus”, one man, even had the audacity to say, “Another single mother! She looks…60 years old grandma!” Be careful internet, your misogyny and ageism are showing.

Let me interject something, as a 50 year old woman who walks a 5K everyday rain or shine, sweltering heat or cold 40 degree mornings, without makeup, in a baseball cap, we are not doing any of it for you. Not for any of you. In fact, we give no shits about what you think we look like or think. We’re doing it for us. We are doing it for our children. We are doing it for the people we love and who love us. We give no fucks what 50 something Joe Single, who probably lives in his mama’s basement, thinks. Keep your opinions to yourself. Better yet, just shut all the way the fuck up.

Why does society think it has the right to comment on women’s looks? I don’t know Jennifer Garner’s “why” but I know mine. I am 50 years-old. I am newly peri menopausal and on some days it feels like my body is foreign to me. I physically and mentally look and feel differently than I did when I was younger. I have different priorities and a different perspective. That doesn’t mean I am less than, it means that I need to do what works for my new state of being. I’m diabetic. I have children and a husband who I adore and choose to revolve my life around because that is what I signed up for. I don’t regret it or begrudge it but, on some days, it can be really fucking hard and I’m human. Jennifer Garner is human and as much as we try to ignore hurtful comments, we’re human. Even if your opinion doesn’t matter, it hurts our feelings.

Do you know how hard it is to carve out 30 minutes to an hour a day to exercise? It feels like a luxury. It’s not. It is maintenance to stay alive. Some men spend hours a day at the gym trying to get shredded and no one is talking shit about them spending too much time away from their family or looking like a ball sack while sweating their asses off and making their taking a shit faces. No, they are commended. But let a mom, who already feels guilty for doing anything for herself, alone, even in the name of her health and everyone and their mom’s got to weigh in. Fuck them.

I walk for my health and sanity. I walk for Vitamin D, for my ADHD, for an hour to clear my mind and focus, honestly, on some days, for the health and safety of my family. I want to live to be a really old lady, one who might actually look like a platypus at 103 and you better believe that I will proudly be walking my 5K and looking like a drowned rat because this is for me and the people I love, not some random assholes who have nothing better than to do than criticize a woman doing what they aren’t capable of doing.

Getting older is hard for everyone. Nobody relishes the thought of feeling old, irrelevant or forgotten. Even though in this case, feeling forgotten would be the kinder option. Absolutely no one is excited about looking older. We all struggle. It takes time to acclimate and get used to our new state of being on a good day, without anyone pointing it out.

Society encourages us to grow old gracefully. We try. But that same society either treats us like we are invisible or offensive for simply trying to exist in a society not meant for us. Something I’ve realized as I age, I always feel 25 years old and, some days, I feel 18 and, then, there are the days when my knees feel 87. But on every single one of those days, I am worthy of existing. Aging does not mean that you are useless or have nothing left to contribute. We still have feelings and we are conscious of being pushed out and away. Everyone does. No one likes those feelings, not when we’re teenagers and we like them even less as adults. When I think of how our parents and grandparents must have felt, or feel, watching a world and society progress, while intentionally and aggressively telling them to stay put; treating them like they have nothing of worth to offer, it breaks my heart.

All this to say, it would have been absolutely weirder if Jennifer Garner would have been seen out running in the rain with a face full of makeup. Then the critics would have said she is trying too hard to hold on to her youth. See, you can’t win for losing in other people’s eyes so just be yourself, do you boo and be happy. Fuck the haters. They will never have what she has and not achieve what she’s achieved.

The only person any of us are accountable to is ourselves and the only people we owe any care to what they think is those people we love, and even then, it really boils down to what we think about ourselves. Love yourselves like your mama loved you. Run in the rain. Dance like no one’s watching. Speak your truth. The only person you need to care about what they think about you is YOU. Don’t let other people, smaller people than you, people who don’t matter tell you how to live your life. In a world of plastic and filters in a curated existence of perfection that doesn’t really exist, strive to be a real, good human. You are beautiful and you matter; you always have and you always will.

2023/09/06 0 comment

Latina Politics

What Is Affirmative Action and Why You Should Care

by Deborah Cruz 2023/06/29

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

In the simplest terms, regarding higher education, affirmative action (which stemmed from the civil rights movement in the 1960s) is the practice of considering a student’s background characteristics such as race as a factor in deciding whether to admit an applicant. This is typically referring to admissions policies aimed at increasing the number of black, Latino, and other minority students on campus. This is really important to me right now especially because I have a daughter who is beginning college in the fall and I want her to see diversity everywhere.

This is done so that colleges and universities can factor race into the equation when considering who to admit. This is not a free pass for minority students, it is a part of a holistic approach that reviews every aspect of an application, including grades, test scores and extracurricular activities.

The fact of the matter is that even though I believe that all people are created equal, not every one of us were dealt the same hand in life. Our experiences are very different, and race plays a huge part in how our experience plays out. Whether or not English is your first language matters. Ignorant, racist predispositions that society holds tight to are holding minority children back from evolving and succeeding in the United States.

Regardless of how many “woke” people want to say they don’t see color, they are the minority and worse still, in many cases, they only don’t see color when it’s easy or convenient or doesn’t affect them directly. I’m not blind to race or skin color. I was raised to see the differences, embrace those differences, and appreciate the differences. We don’t all have to look and believe the same to deserve human respect. We don’t even have to be friends for me to respect your humanity. You still with me?

The bottom line is that the goal of race-conscious admissions policies is to increase student diversity, in order to enhance the educational experience for all students. It’s a counteraction to white privilege. Schools also employ recruitment programs and scholarship opportunities intended to boost diversity, but the Supreme Court litigation was just focused on admissions. Remember a few years ago when there was a scandal about celebrity parents paying their children’s way into college? Yeah, see, minority children don’t do that. They can’t do that. We have to work for it. We know that education is the great equalizer and to be educated is to have power so we are determined to do our best.

To be completely honest, when I was a teenager applying for colleges, I hated the thought of affirmative action. Not because it wasn’t for me. Nope, I was the exact kind of kid it is meant to help. I was a very smart, capable, involved, first-generation student from a blue-collar family who worked my ass off to get into my top choice schools. I did it. This little freckled Mexican got into Harvard and every other school I applied to.

But I never ticked that fucking “Hispanic” box, not even once. I refused to because I didn’t want all my hard work being diminished and reduced to charity by some ignorant asshole who was jealous that I got accepted and he didn’t. I didn’t want people saying, “Yeah, but you only got in because you’re Mexican.” No bitches, I got in because I’m really fucking intelligent, and I worked twice as hard as anyone else I knew. Yeah, I’m humble too.

My pride made me lose out on scholarships that I could have gotten had I just checked that box. But I couldn’t do it. I’m still paying for that mistake, literally. I refused to let anyone think I needed their charity. I was just as good as any middle-class Caucasian student only my skin wasn’t alabaster, we lived pretty close to the poverty line and my dad’s first language wasn’t English. But how could I, at 17-years-old, accept that as my destiny? I couldn’t.

You can only live for so long hearing that “Mexicans are coming over here stealing all of our jobs, living on welfare and not paying taxes.” In my house, none of that shit was true. We were taught to work hard for what we wanted. In fact, if I’m being completely honest, that is pretty much across the board for us Latinos, at least for every Latino I know.

We are not taught to take handouts. In real talk, most of us would rather starve than take handouts. We don’t take your jobs. We take the jobs we earn and deserve, and, in some cases, we even take the jobs that most won’t take because we’re taught from birth that family is everything and hard work is honorable. So, with no shame at all, we put our heads down and do the hard, back breaking work to feed our families because that is the point of everything.

When I heard that the Supreme court overturned affirmative action, I was conflicted. But, I wasn’t surprised at all. After the events of recent years and the blatant racism that plagues this nation why would I be shocked that SCOTUS did this not so covert microaggression against minorities? The more I thought about it, the sadder I got because what a boring and unseasoned life we would live with no diversity?

Our Gen Z and Alpha children, they truly don’t give a shit about color. They see it and they respect it, and they move the fuck along. My daughters don’t discriminate against anyone because of the color of their skin, their religion, their sexual orientation, their pronouns or birth gender. My children don’t care who you love or how you celebrate that love. My girls, they judge you on your character and even then, they let it go. They believe in second chances and know that people are fallible. They choose joy and love over hatred. They make better choices than the generations that came before them and they move along. If you try to challenge their beliefs, they’ll hear you out but if you’re wrong, they will stand up for what is right and what is fair. All this to say, I hope these children stay this way and change the world.

I think affirmative action still needs to be in place because minority students are still getting passed over and shut out of colleges and universities across the country. Look, my children have had the good fortune to go to the best private schools and have every privilege there is to help them achieve their dreams of university and a career. They have choices. My girls also have upper middle-class parents who paved their way. They want for nothing. They have resources, 3 meals a day, a refrigerator full of food, air and heat. Comfortable beds and don’t have to worry about things like translating for their parents or figuring out where they’re going to get money for school lunches or clothes. They have a stay-at-home mom with 3 Master’s Degrees who makes her own rules and chooses her collaborations. They have the life they have because their father and I worked tirelessly to give them that life because someone gave us a chance to work for our dreams.

But that is not what my childhood was like. I did have to worry about where I was going to get money for lunches, books, clothes and field trips. When I was growing up, there were six children raised on a factory worker’s salary and a stay-at-home mom’s love. When I went away to college, no one helped me. I had to pay my own way. As a 17-year-old, had to figure it all out. I had no support system, and it was very difficult for me. But I still made it. I went hungry sometimes and sometimes the cultural differences between inside my home and outside made me feel like I was from a different planet. In retrospect, I realize that I had to work twice as hard because my situation was different from the middle-class Caucasian kids that I went to school with, which is not their fault, but it wasn’t mine either. Being different shouldn’t be a character flaw.

Being a minority in the United States means being born with stigma and shame because the majority will make you feel like you are less than, no matter what you do. Affirmative action was an attempt to level the playing field. It wasn’t perfect but it was something and some kind of effort is better than none; if only to make us feel like we are seen, and someone cares enough to hold their hand out to help us up. It’s not a handout but a hand up. We’re not about stepping on the majorities back to get to the top. It’s about us all starting from the same point and being afforded the same opportunities to compete for opportunities, despite the differences in our skin color. That’s what affirmative action is about.

There was one weird exception to the conservative Supreme Court majority’s decision ending race-based affirmative action in higher education on Thursday: military academies. Apparently, using race as a factor in admissions to military academies can “further compelling interests,” Chief Justice John Roberts wrote.

The distinction suggests that there could be value in using race to diversify some American institutions i.e., the U.S. military’s officer corps but Roberts’ overall decision says loud and clear that it would be unconstitutional to do so at public and private colleges and universities.

I feel that the U.S. government is sending the message that they don’t mind our minority children dying in service to their country in the name of equality and justice that they can’t even fully receive themselves. By the same token, they can’t be afforded that same luxury at the collegiate level. This sends the message to minority parents that the U.S. government finds our children to be disposable and unworthy of educating. I call bull shit. Don’t tell our children they don’t deserve your help to better their situation while simultaneously telling them that they are perfectly okay to die for the same country, that refused to care whether they lived in poverty and ignorance.

According to Huff Post, Liberal Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson wrote in her dissent, “The Court has come to rest on the bottom-line conclusion that racial diversity in higher education is only worth potentially preserving insofar as it might be needed to prepare Black Americans and other underrepresented minorities for success in the bunker, not the boardroom.” What the fuck America? What the actual fuck?

Affirmative action is about equality, that is it. No one is trying to out do the majority, we just need our kids to get a fair shot at achieving the same things in life as everyone else. What are your thoughts? Do you think affirmative action in schools is a good thing? Or is there something more progressive or maybe even more effective for leveling out the collegiate playing field for all students?

2023/06/29 2 comments

Newer Posts

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Personal

This was the beginning of the slow an steady hits to my body image.

The gradual onset of eating disorders is almost unnoticeable in the beginning,.

I have to remind myself that I am in control of my actions, reactions and choices.

This is perimenopausal rage.

Uninvited guest: Perimenopausal Rage

1. Embrace the Nap Life

2. Treat Yourself to Some Sleep Accessories

3. Create a Sleep Sanctuary

4. Practice the Art of Saying No

5. Find the Humor in Sleep Deprivation

6. Seek Support

7. Treat Yourself to Some Self-Care

Share Your Sleep Stories and Tips

What Are the Five Love Languages?

How Do You Identify Your Love Language?

How Do You Practice the Five Love Languages?

When Love Languages Clash: Navigating Differences in Relationships

The Language of Love

What’s your love language? What would you want your partner to know to better understand your love language?

CoVid-19: The Uninvited Guest with a Sledgehammer Entrance

Influenza: The Seasonal Showstopper

The Common Cold: Your Run-of-the-Mill Troublemaker

RSV: The Silent Striker

Spotting the Differences:

Fever Flare:

Coughing Cadence:

Body Aches Amplified:

Age Preference:

Our Boilermaker love story had an unlikely beginning

Our love story happened when I least expected it

What was your meet cute story? How did your love story begin?

What are your thoughts? I am disgusted and flabbergasted but I am not shocked in the least because this is what the world does to women time and time again, throughout history.