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Losing a child

Losing a Child is Every Parent’s Nightmare

by Deborah Cruz

Every parent fears losing a child. It is one of my greatest fears. It doesn’t matter how of the thousand ways that I could lose them, but the very thought of not having them in my life scares the hell out of me. It leaves me breathless and overcome with sadness. The very thought of it keeps me up at night on occasion, in fact, I’m writing this post at 3:30 am. I was sleeping.

Losing a Child is something No Parent should have to Experience


I dreamed that I dropped my 4 year old daughter off at preschool and as I walked away, I turned back for one last glance. You know how we always need that one last look to make sure they are safe; that one last glance to let them know that we love them more than life itself? Instead of seeing the back of her backpack walk into the doors, I saw her run after someone. I look, it was a tall man. My little 4 year old girl is screaming “Daddy, Daddy” to a complete stranger and running off into the opposite direction. It’s not her father. I can see that clearly.

Losing a Child is like surviving your own death

I try to run after her but she’s too fast, the crowd’s too thick and my legs won’t carry me to her fast enough. I scream her name, at the top of my lungs, as loud as the universe will allow me to yell. She’s too far away. She does not hear me. I see the man target her. I can’t get there fast enough. I’m out of breath. My heart is beating out of my chest. The man, in the distance, smiles and takes her tiny hand and leads her off into the opposite direction from me. Away from me. I’m trying to push through the sea of people. I’m hysterical but no one notices. No on hears my cries for help. My child is being taken. I am helpless and useless and on the verge of crisis. My mind is breaking, my heart is bursting and my life is ending right before my very eyes.

They are getting further and further away and then she turns around. She realizes what is happening but it’s too late. The man that she so eagerly ran to when she mistook him for Daddy is putting her into his car. She looks panicked and afraid. I am running towards her and yelling for help. Why can no one hear me? Why does no one help? She is crying and screaming for me, “Mommy, Mommy. Help me!” But I can’t help her because I’m on the other side of the parking lot. The car pulls away with my daughter looking out the window, screaming, begging for me to rescue her. I wake up.

My heart is beating out of my chest. I am crying hysterically. I look over and she is peacefully asleep beside me; her little hand reaching out to find me. I willingly take it and kiss her forehead and hug her tighter than she will ever know. She stirs. Her eyes open and she says, “Mommy, me love you, ” and then rolls over and returns to her safe and peaceful slumber. None the wiser of the events that have transpired…in my nightmare. No idea of the heartache and grief that I just survived, right next to her. Me love you too baby!
She may be taking the day off from preschool tomorrow.

Today, I am at the awesome Natalie’s blog; Mommy of a Monster and Twins sharing my Monster Mommy Moment. I know, shocking that I have those, right? I hope you will all stop by and check out Nat’s blog. She is definitely worth getting to know. Not only is she a fantastic blogger, she is a great person to follow on Twitter if you want someone with a dynamic personality and engaging conversation,plus she is supercalifragilisticly sweet and a great friend. Go check her out!

Also, just a reminder for you fabulous readers that I have the Shabby Apple giveaway this week. I am giving the gorgeous Lois Lane dress away to one lucky reader! Entry is easy and entries are low. Giveaway ends Thursday night at 11:59 pm EST and the winner will be announced in this week’s Fashion Haul Friday Post. Enter to win. It’s simple. Here’s to no more nightmares of losing a child and to good luck to you all to win a fabulous red dress for the holidays!

Have you ever had a dream of losing a child?

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Evin Cooper 2011/12/05 - 10:30 pm

After watching Walking Dead one night I dreamt my middle girl got bitten by a zombie. In my dream, her daddy and I were fighting over whether or not we had to shoot her. He wanted to, to protect the other kids, but I kept screaming at him that Zombie Girl was better than no Girl at all. He told me that our Girl was gone and a monster was in her place, and that he couldn’t stand to see her that way. Told me he wouldn’t let her bite our other two, he had to for them. I woke up seconds before he shot her. I was SO mad at him. SO MAD. I punched him in the gut to wake him up and yelled at him for a solid 5 minutes before he figured out what was wrong. I was crying so hard. Slept smooshed between him and all three kids the rest of the night. It was horrible.

Truthful Mommy 2011/12/06 - 9:16 am

My husband has gotten beaten up in the middle of the night before as well. I think his had less to do with our children and more to do with a dream I had about him and a co-worker:)LOL Poor guy didn’t know what hit him. THe dreams about our children being hurt are the absolute worst. I think we just love them so much that the thought of being without them maddens the mommy mind. It’s unfathomable. Glad it was only a dream. And damn it why do daddies always have to be so freaking rational?:)

Helene 2011/12/05 - 11:36 pm

That is definitely one of my biggest fears. I can’t even imagine what it would be like. I honestly don’t know how other parents survive the loss of a child. I’ve had miscarriages but that in no way compares to the death of a child whom you’ve held and loved for years.

And I’m also so morbid in my thinking, which my husband despises. If he ever takes them somewhere without me, I kiss them all goodbye and get all teary-eyed. And that’s just like if he takes them to McDonald’s or to the park. I’m always thinking, “What if this is the last time I see them?” So morbid, right?

Visiting from Natalie’s blog! Loved your post over there!

Truthful Mommy 2011/12/06 - 9:22 am

Thanks for stopping over form Nat’s blog! You are not morbid, well maybe you are but that means I am too, I do the same thing. It always makes me a little freaked out when anyone other than me drives with the girls. I remember once, my husband was going to take my daughter on a 2 hour day trip to see his brother when she was a little over 2. I wouldn’t allow it. The very thought of them crashing or just being that far away form me…freaked me out too much to be able to handle it. He thought ( still probably thinks) that I am a helicopter mommy but that’s ok. I need my peace of mind. I do always kiss everyone in my family and friends because..WHAT If IT IS The LAST TIME I SEE THEM???

Shell 2011/12/06 - 10:28 am

I’ve temporarily lost my boys at different points. I still panic thinking about it.

Kalley C 2011/12/06 - 5:16 pm

Oh, this is such a worst nightmare for me as well. I not only dream about losing my daughter in the street, but on the train, where ever we go, I’m just one big mess.

Losing a child, or even dream about it can seriously cause a person to have a heart attack. The last dream or day dream that I had, I was clutching my daughter so tight afterwards just to remind myself that she was still her and it was just a dream.

Jess 2011/12/06 - 8:36 pm

How terrifying! The thought of anything happening to my babies is scary. But it’s all too real right now with the loss of one of Ava’s classmates. It literally makes me sick to my stomach thinking of it. Just horrible.

Jessica 2011/12/09 - 2:12 pm

Thanks for this post Deb, I wish I hadn’t lived the nightmare and I wish I did not know how fragile life it. I think all too often about losing another one of my children, it is truly paralyzing.

Mohan 2012/08/20 - 9:40 am

Thanks for sharing your inner feeling. Loosing a child can be the stuff of nightmares. However, if it really happens, coping and overcoming the grief can be a long drawn process. I have captured some of my thoughts in the book “a child lost in flight”


kristine 2012/08/23 - 7:09 am

i am lucky that i have not had a dream of losing either of my kids. But, the reason i stumbled upon this blog is because i imagine it while awake. This blog has given me peace of mind at 4 in the morning. I was up late watching a very dramatic TV series full of heartbreak and losing people.. my son woke up and i paused it to go comfort him back to sleep. when i got in there i was telling him how cute he was even when he was upset. He just turned one. as he lulled back to sleep i jut thought what if you werent alive and i was holding you lifeless. i kissed him and thought i would rock in that chair hold him tight and never let go. tears started streaming down my face. i couldnt help but think it wasnt normal having this thought. Its so scary. then i went in my daughters room and just stood over her bed just looking at her. im overprotective. i can only imagine my fears will grow more intense as they get older and begin exploring the world on their own.

Simon 2012/09/06 - 2:16 am

I have a 3 year old son (Spencer) a 1 year old (Sullivan) and another boy about to be born (Sheldon). We have a wierd obsession with the letter S, let it slide.

Since the first ultrasound of my eldest, I have had morbid thoughts – worries about losing my boy. Falling down stairs, opening the door in the middle of the night and going walking, drinking drain cleaner .. any scenario that could kill a child – I’ve probably imagined it.

It hurts me, it kills my spirit – but the other side of the coin is the immense joy I get from having these wonderful people in my life.

I’d lay down my life in an instant for my children – my only fervent hope from life is that my kids outlive me. (Ideally holding my hand as adults when I die as an old man)

The lesson is not to fear love, not to fear the world – you have to have the courage and faith to love, even though you’d be devastated by losing it.

I think .. you dont start worrying about thieves .. until you have a treasure to be stolen.

Even today, right now, their mother and grandmother have taken them to the store .. morbid worries run through my mind. (That’s actually the trigger that brought me here, searching for people who experience the same thing).

My eldest kid starts kindergarten next year .. and excuse me .. but it freaking terrifies me. But I can NOT allow my fears and problems to influence the development of my child.

That’s the other lesson: a kid has to fall out of a tree. They need to learn. Wrap them in cotton wool .. and you’ll cripple them.

I fear losing them: but I love them too much to do that – I want the best for them.

You know ?

Anyway, writing this because I get the impression I’m not alone. Hopefully when you’re reading this, you are comforted by the fact that we both suffer the same problem.

Ana 2015/01/24 - 10:50 pm

I’ve had 2 dreams now about losing my kids. The 1st dream was when we visited the pyramids in Egypt and my oldest daughter went ahead if us during the tour and then they closed and she was gone or trapped inside.
The 2nd dream for whatever reason I let them go on a bus by themselves and they were lost. I found them later on on my dream. Each time I’ve gas these dreams is frightening to think I may not see them again. What could this mean?

Ana 2015/01/24 - 10:52 pm

I’ve had 2 dreams now about losing my kids. The 1st dream was when we visited the pyramids in Egypt and my oldest daughter went ahead of us during the tour and then they closed and she was gone or trapped inside.
The 2nd dream for whatever reason I let them go on a bus by themselves and they were lost. I found them later on in my dream. Each time I’ve has these dreams is frightening to think I may not see them again. What could this mean?

Miss oddi 2015/05/08 - 2:58 am

In the past month, I have had 4… Yes four nightmares about losing my boy (he’s 3) this afternoons ‘nap time nightmare’ I lost another son in a crowd. A younger son (which I don’t have) I have become crazy paranoid that someone is going to take him from me and my dreams are ‘warnings’ .. I know, I know, it’s insane, since most child losses in dreams signify your own loss of innocence etc. but they are so real!! The frantic searching, the people staring at me, I can even feel how dry my mouth is from trying to scream and get people to help me. No one ever helps me, something is always slowing me down(obstacles ) and I never find him. I always wake up crying. Completely broken and even when I realize it’s just a dream, it still takes a good five or so minutes to sink in and calm down.
All I can say is I was happy… No, thrilled to see I am not alone.


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