Every parent fears losing a child. It is one of my greatest fears. It doesn’t matter how of the thousand ways that I could lose them, but the very thought of not having them in my life scares the hell out of me. It leaves me breathless and overcome with sadness. The very thought of it keeps me up at night on occasion, in fact, I’m writing this post at 3:30 am. I was sleeping.
I dreamed that I dropped my 4 year old daughter off at preschool and as I walked away, I turned back for one last glance. You know how we always need that one last look to make sure they are safe; that one last glance to let them know that we love them more than life itself? Instead of seeing the back of her backpack walk into the doors, I saw her run after someone. I look, it was a tall man. My little 4 year old girl is screaming “Daddy, Daddy” to a complete stranger and running off into the opposite direction. It’s not her father. I can see that clearly.
I try to run after her but she’s too fast, the crowd’s too thick and my legs won’t carry me to her fast enough. I scream her name, at the top of my lungs, as loud as the universe will allow me to yell. She’s too far away. She does not hear me. I see the man target her. I can’t get there fast enough. I’m out of breath. My heart is beating out of my chest. The man, in the distance, smiles and takes her tiny hand and leads her off into the opposite direction from me. Away from me. I’m trying to push through the sea of people. I’m hysterical but no one notices. No on hears my cries for help. My child is being taken. I am helpless and useless and on the verge of crisis. My mind is breaking, my heart is bursting and my life is ending right before my very eyes.
They are getting further and further away and then she turns around. She realizes what is happening but it’s too late. The man that she so eagerly ran to when she mistook him for Daddy is putting her into his car. She looks panicked and afraid. I am running towards her and yelling for help. Why can no one hear me? Why does no one help? She is crying and screaming for me, “Mommy, Mommy. Help me!” But I can’t help her because I’m on the other side of the parking lot. The car pulls away with my daughter looking out the window, screaming, begging for me to rescue her. I wake up.
My heart is beating out of my chest. I am crying hysterically. I look over and she is peacefully asleep beside me; her little hand reaching out to find me. I willingly take it and kiss her forehead and hug her tighter than she will ever know. She stirs. Her eyes open and she says, “Mommy, me love you, ” and then rolls over and returns to her safe and peaceful slumber. None the wiser of the events that have transpired…in my nightmare. No idea of the heartache and grief that I just survived, right next to her. Me love you too baby!
She may be taking the day off from preschool tomorrow.
Today, I am at the awesome Natalie’s blog; Mommy of a Monster and Twins sharing my Monster Mommy Moment. I know, shocking that I have those, right? I hope you will all stop by and check out Nat’s blog. She is definitely worth getting to know. Not only is she a fantastic blogger, she is a great person to follow on Twitter if you want someone with a dynamic personality and engaging conversation,plus she is supercalifragilisticly sweet and a great friend. Go check her out!
Also, just a reminder for you fabulous readers that I have the Shabby Apple giveaway this week. I am giving the gorgeous Lois Lane dress away to one lucky reader! Entry is easy and entries are low. Giveaway ends Thursday night at 11:59 pm EST and the winner will be announced in this week’s Fashion Haul Friday Post. Enter to win. It’s simple. Here’s to no more nightmares of losing a child and to good luck to you all to win a fabulous red dress for the holidays!