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Unspoken Truths

God help us, America

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Life is about to get rough and strange and really f*cking weird but I was raised that through God all things are possible and if God brought me to it, God will bring me through it. Jesus H. Christ, I really hope so. God help America. 

We’re living in times where no one is safe from accusation or above suspicion, not the innocent and not even an Episcopalian Bishop, Mariann Budde,  who did nothing more than ask for mercy in a time when we are all feeling extremely vulnerable. 

As an actual person of faith and spirituality, I’ve lived my life following 5 simple rules:

  1. Treat others as you’d want to be treated …with respect, integrity, dignity and humanity. Our default setting as human beings should be kindness and we should behave accordingly as often as possible.
  2. Never judge anyone because you never know what they’re going through, what they’ve been through or why they’re doing any of it. It is not our place to understand or approve of others or how they live their lives but rather to move through the world with compassion, empathy, love and understanding. 
  3. Respect all life and living things. Always strive to evolve to be the best version of yourself. Other people are not your competition.
  4. Stand up for what you believe in. Speak up for those who have no voice and never give up on the people and things you believe in.
  5. Do no harm. When you know better you do better so always ask yourself how would you feel if what you’re doing was happening to you instead of by you. 

For me it’s always been very simple, do what’s right even when it’s not easy. Be your honest, authentic, true self even when it’s not popular. Because I’ve realized that life is very short; too short to live life filled with hate, fear, worry and judgement. And I can’t even pretend to be someone that I’m not.

I might be quite rough around the edges and most of the time, I’m a foul mouthed hooligan, but I am who I am and I’m always going to be the “who you see ( online) is who you’ll get (irl)” every day of the week. I just have never had it in me to want to be anyone other than who I am. I’ve been through it in my life and I’m not shrinking for anyone anymore. I’m finally in my “Me” era. I’ve worked too f*cking hard to love who I am to let other peoples opinions of me be any of my business. 

All this, just to reintroduce you all to me. 

As I said, times are weird and a lot of us have been feeling sad, confused, betrayed and even hopeless over the last few weeks. I know that my entire existence ( Latina woman) feels as if I’ve been abandoned and Judas Iscarioted. To be honest, most POCs and people of marginalized communities, we’re used to this being pushed aside, ignored and disrespected and though we were shocked the way some of our fellow “we the people” countrymen  expelled their vitriol; we were never surprised.

Rest assured, it has still wounded us deeply this open and blatant “ we versus them” mentality when our beloved America was founded on the very principal of freedom from persecution and the promise of a better life for ourselves and our children. We are a country built upon the backs of slaves and immigrants, stolen land from the Indigenous people ( my people) and still the descendants of our first colonizers have the audacity to change the very virtues upon which this great nation was founded to serve all of “we the people”, not just the ones lacking melanin and weaponizing ignorance with untruths and unchecked deceit (all under the guise of love of country) when, in fact, it’s nothing more than the hatred of difference. 

I don’t know about you but I quite love having the freedom to make good choices, to care and love all humanity. This goes beyond just those who look like me.  I  want to leave this world better for my children than I found it. My biggest privilege and honor in this life has been to raise good, kind, caring, empathetic human beings.

This is the resistance; choosing to do the good and right thing especially when it’s not the popular thing. Let’s do better America. We’ve always been great and we’re greatest when we’re united. We are strongest when we care and protect our weakest. We are at our best when we work together to make life better for the collective and not the individual. 

The pursuit of happiness does not only apply to those of us whose ancestors came over on the Mayflower. It applies to those of us who were indigenous, we who were brought over against our will in shackles, and those seeking asylum from wars and violence. It should also apply to those people seeking a better, safer life. At the end of the day, if we want a better America for our children… we need to be better Americans.

There is no “us’ and “them” there is just “we the people”.  “We” includes every American, regardless of the color of their skin, their political party, race, religion, who they love or what lies between their legs.

If you really want America to be great again, we need to start by seeing everyone as equal. Unless they show you that they are lacking in humanity, decency and character. We need to care for our poor, elderly, disabled and marginalized peoples with the same care and respect as we would want to be cared for.

God help America. Help us stand for what’s right, protect the innocent and be good, decent people with morals and integrity.

God Help America

How can we be a a great nation when we abandon our morals and respect for human life in exchange for carte blanche hatred and fear mongering. We are better than this America.

What are you doing to help the most vulnerable of us? 

 

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How survive the Freshman 15. One girl's honest battle with eating disorders and body image in college. An insiders look into the Gen Z, teenage girl experience.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Let’s talk about something a lil icky, weight gain. I’m 19-years-old, about to finish my freshman year of university, and medicated. But before I get into all of that, let’s start with some basics. I am 5’10, not nearly as active as when I was ages 10-15, dancing 30 hours a week. I’m busy with work and school, so I usually don’t have time for all 3 meals. I thrive on caffeine and a dream 99% of the time, slaying my classes and trying to be a functional person in my family. But recently when visiting the student clinic for a sinus infection, they took vitals as usual, blood pressure, temperature… and my weight. If I’d never had any predisposition for eating disorders or body image issues, this was enough to set my mind on fire.

Let me tell you, when you are already sick and exhausted the last thing you want to do is be weighed, but we all have to go through it. I try not to look at the scale when being weighed just because I know that I have some struggles with food, weight, and exercise. Now, my lovely, amazing mama tried her damndest due to her own eating disorders to make sure my sister and I grew up body positive, especially in the dance world. That being said, it was just kind of inevitable. Nothing was ever said directly to me, but constantly hearing your standard petite, very thin, best friend constantly be called “fat” or “a whale who eats too much” makes something in your brain flip. It happens just as quickly, if not faster, than turning the light on in your room. You start to think if this is what they think of her, wtf do they think of me? 

This was the beginning of the slow an steady hits to my body image. 

Now, I never really had an “aha” moment but it definitely started around age 12. Seeing myself in tights and a leotard 6 days a week surrounded by mirrors, oof, it was rough, and I never really discussed it with anyone because my best friend wouldn’t understand, she was nowhere near as “fat” as I was, she could only understand the hurtful insults constantly being heard. Picking clothes to wear everyday now that I’m no longer confined by uniforms, is such a nightmare struggle because I hate everything I put on my body. 

I never really brought it up to my mama because she struggled with her own eating disorders and I didn’t want her to feel like she “failed” in a sense that I was feeling this way. When I was 12 that’s when I stopped eating breakfast, just woke up and had my coffee. Lunch consisted of whatever yummy stuff my mom packed for me, because I stopped eating the cafeteria food, and that was enough until 4 or 5 pm-ish when I was home from school/before dance and when I would eat dinner with my family. 

The gradual onset of eating disorders is almost unnoticeable in the beginning,.

Now, enough about the origin story and back to the now. I was still, up until this weighing, only consuming coffee for breakfast and then eating dinner with the family. If there was any snacking it would be either another coffee or a granola bar of some sort. Recently though, I’ve been making small changes like a protein shake for breakfast, along with my beloved coffee, a salad for lunch, and then whatever happens to be on the menu for dinner. I try to move, walking around campus when not working on assignments between classes, but here in the midwest I must suffer from mother nature’s wrath and allergy season (which is all year round for this allergy shot girl). That plays a huge role in my ability to walk outside. I try to do lil 15 minute core routines on youtube but your girl is tired when she gets home, ready to pass out on the couch with my fur baby, Stella. 

Earlier I mentioned being medicated, I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, and terrible/excruciating periods. Periods so bad with radiating pain and numbness in my back and legs caused by cramps that are so severe, I sometimes feel bed bound. At the start of the new year I was lucky enough to be put on and start birth control to try and help manage those symptoms, so I’m no longer debilitated during that time of the month. I also would have very irregular periods due to stress and life, that now is being helped as well along with several other things. But even with a low dosage, adding that medication can play a role in weight gain/distribution. I’m also being treated with mental health medications such as gabapentin and prozac, both of those are known to cause little to no weight gain, but with my luck I’m definitely likely to experience that side effect. 

I have to remind myself that I am in control of my actions, reactions and choices.

I decided in March (my birthday month) that I want to make some changes. I want to get in shape and be healthy, because at the end of the day I need to be happy with what I see in the mirror even if it’s not accurate. I feel like there are so many people, women specifically, my age that are experiencing so many changes with moving away for college and balancing work, school, social life, relationships, etc. that many of us neglect simple things like eating healthier and getting our steps in. 

With the help of my wonderful therapist and supportive mama, I’m determined to work on these things and try to make myself happy by making a few lifestyle choice changes i.e. when picking out outfits for class, put some thought into it the night before instead of getting frustrated because I have “nothing” to wear ( which we all know is a lie because my bedroom floor discovered in new clothes), running late just to end up in leggings and a sweatshirt. It’s so exhausting and it makes me feel terrible.

Moms, talk to your daughters. Ask them how they feel about themselves when they stand in front of a mirror. I think there needs to be more discussions being held even though they are uncomfortable, but I know I’m not alone. Don’t stop asking, no matter how many times they roll their eyes or brush you off. My mom talks to us about everything, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. She’s taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable so that I can be happier and feel more in control of my own life. You can’t just ignore the hard parts, they don’t go away…they just grow and fester and get more uncomfortable. We just face it together and get through it, hopefully, less traumatized and triggered than if we tried to do it alone. We have to create an environment where our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends feel safe to be vulnerable. Because the truth is, body image struggles are all too common, affecting an estimated 50-80% of women.

To think about how I’ve felt this way about myself since I was 12 years old, makes me sad. Just like my mom when I have my own children I’m gonna do the same things as she did. Make sure my kids are comfortable with their bodies and being naked from birth. I wish more than anything that they never think of themselves how I think of myself. 

7 years, almost ½ of my life, I’ve hated my body and never said anything about it, because I didn’t want to upset my mom, or trigger my sister to think negatively about herself. The average onset age of eating disorders in women is between 12-25. 

Check on the women in your life that are between those ages, ask those older in recovery and ask how they are doing, eating disorders never really go away. It’s a daily battle to make the decision to eat rather than restrict or eliminate meals. This is something I will continue to struggle with for the majority of my life. 

One day, I hope I can genuinely be able to say I love myself, but until then I hope this helps others realize they aren’t alone. These feelings and thoughts, while unkind, are common to think. That’s the problem. Beauty standards are set for us since birth and we spend our whole lives unhappy trying to achieve them. Do the things that make you happy. I hope one day I can too, in the meantime though I’m working to make the changes. Even the Tinkerbell sized ones.

And to any other young woman out there who is battling her own demons when it comes to food, weight, and self-acceptance – you are not alone. I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you. It’s a daily fight, but you’ve got this. Eat the bread, wear the crop top, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Together, we can break the cycle of body shame and learn to love ourselves, one small step at a time.

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