This is my beautiful daughter who is about to be 5 years old on the 10th of March. We just had her 5th birthday party on Saturday, with all of our friends and family. Her theme, completely of her own choice, Moulin Rouge. Yes, that is right, my 4 year old chose for her theme….Moulin Rouge. The entire party was done in pink and black , complete with pink and black cake…made by Daddy, as he does very year. The Pink Diamond costume was made by Grandma and Bella was tickled pink, pardon the pun. It’s amazing how easy it is to make children happy. I love her smile and will do absolutely anything in the world to see it. All was moving swimmingly until she was opening gifts, such an innocuous thing. I was taking photos and it was like she was literally growing up before my eyes. All I kept thinking was, hold on a minute….slow down, wasn’t it just last year when you were eating cake for the first time on your first birthday? Then she’d say something so grown up like, “Oh my gosh, thank you all so much. I wasn’t expecting so many gifts!” Then, she got to the gift from us. She squealed with delight and then…. she opened the card. I had purposely gotten her a musical card, her and her little sister are simply over the moon for those cards.This it what it said; “Imagine a perfect day, where happiness and love feel as bright and warm as the summer sun and all the dreams in your heart come true…and you’ll know what its like to spend a day loving you!” Obviously, I know the card was meant for a couple but the sentiment was so perfect. She opened it and it played “It’s a wonderful world” and I about lost it. I was all in hysterics (on the inside). I was holding back tears and biting my lip, while snapping photos. When all I really wanted to do was go over and give her a big ole snuggle and keep her in that moment…forever. She was so happy and over joyed in that moment.She thought it was awesome and was thrilled that I had gotten her a card that made music,never mind what the card said. NO, the contents of what that card said and the message I wrote in it will all mean something much more important to her in 20 years or so.There is nothing so magical in the world as seeing your child genuinely happy and smiling their “real” smile. Her actual birthday is Wednesday and we will be celebrating Bellapalooza in style, as we always do. It is one of the most important days of my life and I think it should be celebrated and commemorated. I feel like it is my birthday too, as it is the day I became a Mommy.It is the day I was born a Mommy! In that moment when I first held her, I was transformed and changed forever. Happy Birthday , my beautiful amazing princess!
My 2 year old just sat down at my desk in front of computer and promptly started chanting ( to the tune of the Blitzkreig Bop by the Ramones) “Hey Ho, let’s blog!Hey Ho, Let’s blog!!” LOL! Yeah, this is what happens when Daddy and Uncle have been playing rock band non stop for a few hours and obviously….Mommy blogs! It really is the cutest things that come out of my girls’ mouths.
For example; yesterday evening, we were driving back from a road trip and passed a refinery. My 4 year old, in all of her optimism and wonderment of the world, looks at the billowing puffs of smoke eluding the refinery and promptly says,” Look Mom, it’s a cloud factory! It’s where all the clouds in the world are made!” It was so cute and adorable, I said a silent ,”AWWWWWWW!” and then I shed a little tear because one day, in the not so distant future, she won’t look at the world this way.
Of course my 2 year old wasn’t going to be outdone. She yelled, “Look Bella, a big giant elephant!” (daddy likes to employ the pink elephant distraction technique.) To which Bella responds, “Where, Gabs?” Gabs, obnoxiously smart 2 year old, “No pink elephant…me joking!” It is amazing to me that a person who can not completely employ the English language can even understand the context of her joke, but she does.These moments happen daily in our home and are each precious and amazing to me. Sometimes, I wish I could just stop time and keep them this age forever but then I’d miss out on all the other great moments that come with growing up….first dates, driving, first loves, first heartbreaks, college, falling in love with their true loves, getting married, having babies, having a career, having it all and the three of us developing a friendship as they grow into women. So, I say to you tonight, too much rock band…Never! With every choice we make in our daily lives, we create memories and I say ROCK ON!!!
Today, I had an amazing realization. I used to hate when my Mom or my Mother in Law would call and ask all kinds of questions, or try to tell us what to do, how we should be behaving or spending ( rather saving) our money. It used to drive me crazy, back when I was in my 20’s, before I had my own little precious gems.And now I know, now I understand fully…Now, I also realize I will be 10 times worse! We may be grown up, having our own babies and we think we know everything, but we are still their babies. The same way I still feel like I am 20 (and should look that way too), the same way 10 years pass in the blink of an eye, is the same way my babies will always be my babies. No matter how tall, or old, or big they get…I will always see them through those same rose colored glasses, in those first moments that took my breath and left me gasping for air.It pains me now, at the ripe old ages of 2 and 4 to see them coming for independent. I am proud, of course, but I feel them drifting slowly away from me. I guess that is how it is suppose to be, that is why the teen years are so trying. If they weren’t we would be crying our eyes out and lying in the floor like rumpled towels when they left to college (which I am sure, I still will be…until the transfer, my husband assures me that he sees in our future:) But instead, they hit puberty, turn completely crazy, and this helps ease the pain and instead of holding on for dear life when they leave, we are yelling, “See ya at Thanksgiving, don’t let the door hit ya in the rear:)”But in the end, they are always our children and we are always their Mothers, no matter the age, distance, or time that has passed.
. 5 ~ To be or not to be, that is the question. Tonight, though I obviously have 107,000 things that I ought to be doing, I have baby on the brain. I think it was the combo of visiting my friend and her new puppy ( get your panties out of the bunch), I am not comparing your little miracles to tiny hairy beasts and all this talk recently of whose pregnant and whose not. Anyways, apparently , I am in that stage of Motherhood where I have 2 perfect daughters and I am undecided about a third
OK, lets’ be honest, brutally honest. Let’s just rip it off like a band aid and put it out there.After all, you girls are my friends and you’re not telling anyone, right? I am in my mid thirties, two kids feel like 10, I am always tired. In fact, there has not been a day in the past 5 years, that I have been not tired.
.5 , Should we or Shouldn’t we?
I am finally doing something proactive about getting back into shape and shedding these pounds that I put on with marriage. Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about. People blame it on the babies but really, babies like the weight are just a symptom of our happiness. Us women, at least me, I spent years trying to get in shape and look good for my man, whomever he was at the time. And I’m no half asser, I got a full on eating disorder and everything (another blog entirely) but my point is that women go to extremes to look good.
Then we get married, we get happy, we loosen the get ready ritual, and next thing you know the pants are a little snugger. Then we get pregnant,and the poor baby gets the blame. No, its not the baby its all that cuddling and canoodling instead of dancing in clubs,its all the fancy rich restaurant dates, its being comfortable in your own skin because you are unconditionally loved.What a sad state it is that we have to be threatened with the possibility of being an unloved cat woman to get our asses to the gym. Anyways, I digress.
My point is I have finally figured this out and am actually working out and getting back in shape. Do I really want to set the reset button? On my body..here comes the weight, there’s no escaping it with pregnancy. There is 4 more years I have to stay out of the real world, that’s more years of no sleep, walking around with spit up on me, someone at my knees calling incessantly.”Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,mommy……..”
The Illusive .5
It’s all that and more that makes me want to take my “aw, baby” Debi..who appears in moments of insanity and hit her over the head with a skillet. Sure, babies are cute, and they smell good, they have that delightful apple breath, they do somehow complete me:), and they are so helpless and beautiful and I won’t lie, I would adore being the Mommy of a baby boy. But lets be real, the Dr assures me that the chances of me having another girl are 75 % on the 3rd child, but promises me that I would have a boy on the fourth. Is he insane?
Do I look like I could handle 4 kids? Do I look like my IQ is below 70?? Are there actually any clothes left in my wardrobe that have not yet been spat, puked, pooped, and/or peed on? Come on My mom had 6 children, and I love that woman. But I am convinced of two facts 1) that all 6 were not intentional (whoops) and 2) that she must have been just the tiniest bit crazy to start with. Furthermore, if she wasn’t before she had us, she surely has been made so over the years, courtesy of us.
So, when my friends are having there 2ND babies and bring over these brand new shiny objects, I am attracted to the challenge.I hate the feeling of losing my babies as they evolve into toddlers, and then preschoolers. I miss that adorable way they run to your arms and you can see that you are there everything. I do. I feed off of that shit. But then I remember, 1 am, 3am, and 5 am feedings, I remember not being able to pee or shower by myself. I remember the crazy smelling ability that I had during my pregnancies and the poor smelly kid that I taught and how every day for 3 months he made me vomit..just a little. I remember feeling so enormous that I felt that I warranted my own solar system, and I especially remember going through my entire transition labor without an epidural!
Then I think, Yeah..maybe, for me today, I’ll take my 2 perfect kids and not be greedy.2.5 is overrated anyway.LOL, I always wondered how they said 2.5 kids,I mean how can you measure kids in a half? Now, in my great wisdom, I realize that 2.5 means Mommy has 2 and wants 3, Daddy says his vote’s for the vasectomy, and the .5 is the middle.
.5 You Never stood a chance.
Have you heard that new saying that 40’s the new 20? Well, I don’t know who’s believing that load of crap but I’m pretty sure its not the 20 year olds and I’m fast approaching the 40 year end of the spectrum and I’m not believing it for a second. So, Oprah..please stop perpetuating this myth. First, there was the Million little Pieces guy and now this. Come on Oprah, just because you are spoon feeding it to us…some things I just refuse to believe. So, to be straight 40 is not the new 20, no matter how bad we want to believe it and 50’s not the new 30 either Oprah:)However, I am beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, 4 is the new 16. The other day, my 4 year old, who very frequently throws around “fact of the matters” and “Actually Mom…” spat out a “FYI..Grandma…” and then soon thereafter, floored me. We were on a road trip, we stopped at a rest area to avoid some bad weather, during a brief round of chit chat, I , funny Mommy that I am, cracked a very tiny joke at my 4 year olds expense. Now mind you, I thought this joke was about 100 miles above her head. No way she knew what I was talking about or even remotely that I was speaking about her. As far as I was concerned, all she knew was I was speaking to her in what I assumed sounded like Chinese (because it was so far out of her grasp of understanding) and I amused myself. It was late, I was slap happy, I giggled. To which my dear sweet 4 year old, with all the attitude of a 16 year old about to flee the premises with her newly issued drivers license ( or what I remember me being like at 16) looks at me, with her hand on her hip, her hip popped out, and her eyes rolling back in her head.These are the words that came flowing out of her mouth so seamlessly that I had to check myself for my own hearing, ” LoL Mom, LOL!!” Complete and utter silence, followed by the eerie sound of crickets. WTH??? Are you kidding me? I was so baffled that I was speechless. She used it in complete context. I don’t know where she learned to speak in IM language or if she really understood what she said but I do know that I don’t want to know the truth and I want my 4 year old to be 4. In a world where heels are made for newborns, low rise jeans are made for toddlers, and make up is almost a pre requisite for preschool….I choose to believe that this was a complete coincidence.as a sidebar, I have also decided I am going to make a concerted effort to not use the term “LOL”… ever again.