Category:

Marriage and Relationships

How to train a husband ~ This is the question that has baffled women throughout history. Now, before anyone gets their boxers in a bunch , I am in no way inferring that a husband, or men in general are dogs that can be trained and put on a leash. Truthful Mommy would never say that. I love the men. Some of my favorite people are men. Hell, most of my favorite people are men and my favorite person in the world is my husband, the Big Guy. I’m also not a trained expert on marriage but I have been married for over 12 years and with the Big Guy forever for almost 15 years. We’ve been through a lot of living in those years; babies being born, moving across the country, diagnosis and several shark weeks and in that way, I kind of am an expert on husbands.

how to train a husband, husband, happiness, be a great husabnd

 My Husband my Hero

Ladies, you’ve done the hard part; you’ve found a great guy who you want to spend your life with. The two of you have survived the beginning and the wedding planning, that says something in and of itself. Now, you’ve got to set this wonderful partnership up for success. You have to be an active and willing participant in your own destiny; in your marriage. It takes two, my friend. I’ve heard a lot of women speak of how their husbands go out on the weekends with their buddies while the wife stays home with children, or husbands who go off on long trips with their buddies while Mommy stays home with the kids, or just a general unbalance of  workload, parenting load and overall household responsibility.  I’m all for time away from the little ones, we all need it. But shouldn’t it go both ways? Doesn’t Mommy deserve time away as well? After all, who is the one spending a majority of the time with the children? So when I say how to train a husband, I am referring to making your voice heard. Ladies, your husband is not a mind reader. If you never tell him what you want out of the relationship, he’s just going to do what feels right and what he needs to do. (By the way this is applicable in the bedroom as well, so you may want to speak up!) He’s not going to just assume that you need time away from the kids or don’t want him to leave you alone with the kids all the time. So,you shouldn’t assume that he will just know what you want. Who’s the ass in this situation? YOU!

Here are a few helpful hints of how to train your husband:

  • Speak Up. You have to tell your husband from the beginning what your expectations are out of the relationship. If you don’t, how will he know? Don’t be afraid to let him know that you have thoughts and opinions in your head, most men find a strong woman sexy. But just because you are speaking up doesn’t mean that he’s not suppose to speak up as well, just take turns speaking and listening. One at a time, kids.
  • Be Honest with your husband. If you’ve decided to speak up, please for the love of God, tell him how you really feel. Don’t just say what you think your husband wants to hear. That shit might work for a minute when you are dating but it will get you in a heap of misery if you try to keep that up for 50 years of marriage. Be reasonable, he doesn’t really expect you to be perfect.
  • Don’t try to pretend to be cool with everything. Better to tell your husband now than to let him go on for years making you unhappy, because you “Pretended” you liked it or it was okay with you. You can only pretend to be cool with everything for so long before resentment and hatred settle in. I promise, if you tell him that you are not cool with him going on weekend trips with his best friend Mandy from the beginning, he will know not to ask if he can spend Burning Man with Mandy in the desert while you sit at home stewing.
  • Be Human with your husband. Don’t try to be super wife, mother and career woman.  I’m not saying that you can’t do all three, of course you can. I’m saying prioritize, do the best you can and if you can only two out of three at 100% do not be afraid to ask for help. Let him see you sweat, cry and laugh like Ricky Riccardo.
  • Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help! He is your husband, this should mean that he is your partner and your best friend, if you need him to help you out..ask. He will. I ask my husband all the time to pick up my slack, and when he needs it I do the same. My husband is a capable man ( in many respects more domestically capable than I am). The Big Guy can cook like a gourmet ( and he enjoys it), he likes doing yard work ( I don’t), he knows how to clean and do dishes and laundry ( now picking up laundry is something entirely different) but you get the picture. If I have a slip and fall ( as I am frequently known to do) he has no problem, stepping in where I have fallen down.
  • Be Yourself with your husband. The biggest favor that you can do yourself is to be yourself with your husband. It is unrealistic to try and keep up the facade that you wake up in full make-up with breath like flowers. I’m not saying to let yourself look like the crypt keeper on the regular, but by letting him see the real you he can see the REAL you..what’s on the inside, not just what’s on the outside. Plus, it allows him to be comfortable enough with you to be himself. I’m not saying you want a slob who farts and burps all over the place but you want him to feel comfortable enough with you to be honest with you; to not feel that he has to hide his imperfections from you.
  • Be Open to your husband. This is the man that you chose to spend the rest of your life with so the least you can do is be open to his ideas, his suggestions, and his dreams. You get what you give in a relationship. You can’t very well expect him to be open to all you want and need if you shut down every single idea or thought that ever pops into his head, right?
  • Love and Respect your husband. If you love your husband and respect him, he will love and respect you back. If he doesn’t then I say kick that man in the balls and run far , far away as fast as you can because if there is no reciprocation of love and respect then there is no hope for the marriage. But with mutual respect and unconditional love, this partnership is basically foolproof.

In the end, the way to train a husband is to lead by example with honesty, respect and love. The Big Guy is an awesome husband and I consider myself lucky but by the same token, he gives what he gets. I’m pretty freaking awesome myself. People are not animals, we can’t really train a man or a woman to do anything ( well, except for babies and using the toilet and you see how hard that is?) but we can be honest with our husbands and with ourselves and, in doing so, have a long and fulfilling marriage.What did you let your husband know you wanted out of marriage? When did you let your husband know what you wanted out of marriage?

How do You Train a Husband?

 

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For Richer and For Poorer

For Richer and For Poorer

For Richer and for Poorer

For Richer and for Poorer ~ Til Death do us part. Marriage is a beautiful thing indeed. I spent the past weekend at the wedding of my brother-in-law and my gorgeous new sister-in-law. It was one of the most lovely weddings that I’ve ever had the joy of witnessing. I sat there listening to the vows and I got a little choked up, remembering my own. I was transported back to a day, much like this one, when the Big Guy and I stood at the alter in front of everyone we knew and declared our love for one another. That moment..that is the moment it becomes real. That is the moment that your life is joined to his and two become one. What’s his is yours and what’s yours is his and all of it is ours.

It was a beautiful weekend soaked in love and drenched in emotion. I think everyone who was there could genuinely feel the love between those two. It was in fact palpable. It filled the space of the venue and it was contagious. We all were basking in the glow of the love light that those two were emitting. I honestly wish them the best of everything that life has to offer. They deserve it and so much more. I hate the reality hangover of marriage after the night of fantasy at the wedding. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. I hope they can ease into it, float to it from above and descend on reality like a butterfly onto your shoulder…slowly, gracefully and with ease.

The Big Guy and I have long since crashed into marriage reality. We hit it like a parachutist hitting the ocean…like hitting cement and expecting a soft place to land. I found this to be the truest fact about my marriage, life is beautiful and awesome together. Having someone to love so completely and unconditionally is a gift that is unexplainable. It is having a soft place to land, even if it is on your spouse.The key to marriage is to remember what is important. The most important thing, for us, is that unconditional, unwavering, unfailing love and devotion to one another in good times and bad,

for Richer and for Poorer!

The problem is, the only thing that we have discovered that can cause a crack in the foundation of an otherwise strong marriage (faster than anything else), is the poorer part. Not because anybody’s a gold digger, or somebody has a crazed need to wear only top brands, drink top shelf and live topside all the time. No, I’m talking about those times when you are starting out and you have no money. You are finishing up college and you are broke. You have to unexpectedly move because of a job change. You unexpectedly lose a job because of a down economy. You have children and had no idea what those little people cost. Cars tear up. People die. Roofs leak. Tuition needs to be paid. Kids want extra-curriculars. Sometimes you just really want that extra slice of life; those nice jeans, a fancy bra, a vacation that isn’t to a relatives house. Life happens.

Finances cause arguments in couples. It’ a fact. If you don’t already know this, then you are not in a committed (joined financially) relationship. There is an easing into it that must take place. But if you can always remember that if you have the love, you are already richer than most in life. You will be better than fine. You will thrive.

Life together is amazing, much better than life apart could ever be. This I know to be true. So who cares about money? Sure, it buys food and clothes and shelter, but where there is love..real love, the kind that can literally keep you warm at night, keep your heart full and your mind still… everything else is secondary. For richer in love and poorer in funds is better than the alternative. But if you want to ensure constant bliss, put a little rainy day fund away…just in case of an unexpected leaky roof.

To Kate and Jeff, God Bless you both and may your roof never leak. We love yous…for richer and for poorer ! XO

For Richer and for Poorer

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Leaving on a Jet Plane, traveling for work

Leaving on a Jet Plane, traveling for work

Leaving On a Jet Plane

Leaving on a Jet Plane~ This is the sort of Sunday that I thought our family was done with forever. The Big Guy has a business trip this week. It’s only for 3 days and that’s infinitely better than the commuter marriage we were dealing with the last couple of years. Nonetheless, the bitter sting of the past 2 years lingers around us like slow rising fog. We are cloaked and covered in it’s residue of pain. The girls are just coming to terms with their abandonment issues and we are all just getting used to the fact that we are together and nobody is leaving. When the Big Guy told the girls at bedtime tonight that he would be leaving for Boston in the morning for a few days, it quickly became evident just how open the wound still is.

Please No More Leaving,Daddy

Abbi immediately started  hyperventilating crying and leopard spotting when she realized he was leaving . The Big Guy tried to console her, as his own heart took some painful cuts. Concurrently, Ella is standing there in stoic, quiet solitude as her lip quivered and her eyes fill with tears at the thought of yet another goodbye. I wanted, so badly,  to reach out to them ( all three of them) and reassure them that this is just a business trip but for my girls, there is no such thing as JUST a short business trip. In the end, every time he leaves now…it is him leaving us. They’ve spent too many Sunday’s saying goodbye at their tender ages and it has taken it’s toll. Tonight, the Big Guy laid down to read stories as they gathered around and nestled into him. The three of them fell asleep in a blissful dreamy blur. One of the most beautiful things a Mom can ever see is the man she loves loving their children so completely. We had planned to spend the night together, he and I, snuggled close. Sometimes the cologne on his body transfers itself to my nightgown, such a small thing but a luxury when you are so used to someone leaving.  Tonight my simple sacrifice will go a long way in our daughters’ hearts. These are the moments they will look back on and remember, the small gestures of us loving them. I love the way my Big Guy loves our littles and in his loving them, I love him more than I ever thought was possible. I hope the next three days are the fastest we’ve ever experienced. Absence, in small doses, makes the hearts grow fonder and the return home that much more sweet.

Leaving is Just Returning to Someplace Else

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Reunited after Commuter marriage! It’s over. It’s finally over! It’s the first Sunday in over a year where no one had to leave anyone behind and no one had to stand at the stoop waving bye, feeling deflated and left behind. Tonight’s bedtime was monumental. The girls didn’t have to cry that they wanted their Daddy because the Big Guy didn’t have to leave. It is such a simple thing but it makes my heart so happy for all of us to be together. I’m so excited that I’m not even that annoyed that I had to miss BlogHer to make it happen.

Reunited after Commuter Marriage and it Feels so Good

For over a year now, our lives have been upside down and inside out. This is not an exaggeration, this is a commuter marriage with kids. I’ve tried my damnest to hold it together, to get to this very place…our finish line. I’ve spend every third month having a terrible frantic breakdown. Watched Sundays evolve into the no good terrible day of the week for our family. Sunday’s have been spent waking up angry because we knew it meant goodbyes. None of us were happy. It was miserable. Life was about surviving and getting by until the next opportunity to be together. It was harder than anything I have ever experienced. I can’t even explain because commuter marriage is a lot like labor in the sense that the pain is indescribable and so unbelievable that no one could understand. Not really.Not ever.It can only be understood, if survived.

Reunited from Commuter Marriage at last

This morning, we awoke and it was like a storm cloud had lifted from our lives. We all got dressed and went to mass together, stopped by the store to pick up ingredients for dinner and headed home to have brunch at the same table with no one having to run off. We lounged around the house while the girls played with their toy kitchen and made us all “dinner”. I worked on the computer, the Big Guy watched television and the sound of the girls laughter could be heard throughout the house. Then we made dinner together and after a early evening ,outdoor tea party with the girls , “we” put them to bed. No shrill, desperate crying for Daddy because he was there to kiss them goodnight. It was children slipping off to slumber on a warm August evening. It probably sounds mundane to most of you reading this because it is your norm. For us, it was bliss. It was one of the most perfect days that we’ve had in a really long time.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past two years, mostly that absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow sad, the soul grow weary and the mind grow weak. Life is about more than just having the life that you want, it is about appreciating the life that you have and NOT taking a single moment together for granted. I’d like to say that surviving this commuter marriage ordeal has made me a better person, made me grow in some profound way but mostly it’s made me wiser. It’s also shown me how strong I can be, how resilient my daughters are and how profoundly amazing my husband is. I’ve spent this time apart, feeling somewhat sorry for myself being left alone with our girls to raise them but I didn’t even think, until now, that every time I felt left behind and deflated on that stoop and the girls felt sad that they couldn’t reach out their arms and grab their daddy’s neck…he had to drive away alone and watch as we disappeared out of his mirror and out of his life for 5 days of the week. I am so happy to say Goodbye to Goodbyes and hello to being reunited with the Big Guy. Reunited with normal. Reunited as a 7 day a week family and no more commuter marriage.

Reunited together;Survived Our Commuter Marriage

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dachelor parties,wife, dad, parenting,baby shower, booze, soon-to -be

A couple weeks ago I was reading the Huffington Post and came across a post on Dadchelor Parties~because everything’s an excuse for a Pub crawl. Have you heard of these? Did your husband have one? I think the Big Guy would certainly would have loved to have had one of these but our first was born back in the dinosaur days of 2005. You know before push gifts were all the rage? Don’t get me wrong, I think push gifts are an amazing idea. Hell fire, if I have  to push a 15 inch head, 8 lb 13 ounce bundle of joy out of my woohoo meanwhile ripping myself in half, cracking my ass-bone  resulting in 25 discrete stitches and a lifetime of itching from the scar…I think I damn well deserve a piece of jewelry. But a Dadchelor party? That’s something all together different!

 

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Dadchelor parties,expectant father, baby shower, babies, dads

You may think they are staring at her ass but actually these expectant fathers are staring at her flat belly:)

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

What the hell is a Dadchelor party you ask? It seems it is a last hurrah for expectant fathers before they become a Daddy. You know how they feel the need to go out with their friends , drink like camels, cat call harass unsuspecting 20 something year olds, waste our money on strippers and illicit hookers before getting married?  Yeah, just like that. Because apparently getting married and sentenced to conjugal visits with the same lady forever is so hard to fathom that men feel the need to act like complete morons on their last night of freedom with the boys. Well, it now seems that men have let the secret out that there is something in fact worse than sex with the same women for all eternity and that would be denied conjugal relations with that same woman after the babies come. What ? You don’t think this is fair? Me either!

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

Where was my last hurrah before the baby was born? I didn’t get a girls weekend in Vegas to cut loose and sew my last wild oats. Hell, I didn’t even get a sympathy nap or a courtesy reach around from the OB/GYN! What I got was a crappy old lady party with a bunch of relatives that I see once every five years buying me the same crap onesie that Target had on sale and everyone else bought me…because apparently my baby was going to wear 375 size 0 onesies in 1 month. And guess what, now even the husbands get to come to the baby shower. Hell, the Big Guy was thrown his very own baby shower at the office. I wasn’t even invited.

 

dachelor parties,wife, dad, parenting,baby shower, booze, soon-to -be

But let’s be clear, these Dadchelor parties are just one more reason for men to go out with their friends guilt- free and have a boys night out. I think they are complete crap. So what if your life is going to change? Mine changed from the moment of conception! Morning sickness, all the things no one tells you about being pregnant and how out of control my baby bump would become, these were all collateral damage of pregnancy that directly affected my body. I guess, we ladies get to do all the heavy lifting while the boys and their village go out and celebrate their virility. Why do men deserve a pub crawl? Do they? What are your thoughts on Dadchelor Parties?

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

 

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Happy Accident Today is the 12th year wedding anniversary of the Big Guy and myself. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way we met and came to be engaged. It’s really a sweet story and when I recount it, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside. But knowing how dangerously close this all could have gone a completely different direction, it reminds me of how a Happy Accident changed the course of my entire life.
happy accidents, the truth about motherhood, marriage, anniversary, the BIg Guy

The Big Guy and I had a mutual girl friend in college who really wanted us to meet, as friends I mean REALLY wanted us to meet.  She hounded me for weeks. After several failed attempts to meet one another, finally we were in the same place at the same time. I remember ditching my LSAT class that Monday night in September just to finally make his acquaintance. I walked into that bar alongside our mutual friend never knowing how this night would alter my perception of the world. I was expecting this guy to be the best thing since sliced bread. I mean after all, it was my friend’s best friend and she had nothing but good things to say about him. Instead of a knight in shining armor I found someone unexpected. My friend and I  walked up to the bar and as I’m looking for the typical college frat boy, she stops short in front of this long, lanky, bleached blonde hair with BLUE tips, an eyebrow ring and smoking a cigarette boy.WTF?? I thought to myself,well, at least she’s not trying to set us up. To me, he looked like someone that I might have dated in high school when I was going through my “alternative” phase but no one I would date as a grown woman. She introduced us. I was cordial. I said, “Hi,I’m Debi” he nonchalantly cast his eyes downwards toward me and said “hey” barely acknowledging my existence.I immediately did not like him. I could barely stand him. Who did he think he was?Seriously?

happy accidents, the truth about motherhood, marriage, anniversary, the BIg Guy

As the night progressed, we ended up back at the house he shared with several other guys and they were having a party. Needless to say, the girl who introduced us and begged me to accompany her to the party, promptly disappeared, leaving me alone once again with this guy who , at first glance, seemed quite rude and disinterested in even having a functional conversation.
I had an astronomy exam that I desperately needed to study for and all I wanted to do was go home.But, being me, I had absolutely NO idea of how to get home.Finally,after hours of me sitting there waiting for my friend to reemerge, he offered to walk me home. Which, at first, I found the idea ridiculous but out of necessity I agreed. I was completely at his mercy. I was praying that the walk was quick and that he was not a serial killer. It started off as a walk, then he took me to the roof of the parking garage to point out constellations and we began to talk.Really talk. Then we continued walking, I learned later that he took the longest possible way home. I remember being at the soccer fields, lying on our backs looking up at the stars at that moment as night meets dawn and the birds start to sing and you are so deliriously tired but the excitement of the newness propels you forward. In those few hours, we shared our entire life with one another. After a stolen kiss and butterflies, he finally walked me home…and we’ve been together ever since.

happy accidents, the truth about motherhood, marriage, anniversary, the BIg Guy

Today, as we celebrate our 12th Anniversary of marriage, I look at him and thank God for happy accidents. I am also reminded that love can find you anytime, anywhere and to never judge a person by a first impression.Life is made up of second chances and good things can only happen if we’re open and willing to experience all of the happy accidents that life has to offer. I love you baby! Thank you for walking me home that night so long ago.

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Daddy Juice ~My water to wine

Sometimes,in those fleeting quiet moments, where coherent thought still exists in the recesses of my mind, I think about the meaning of life. I know it surprises me when it happens too. Usually, I’m trying my damnest just to keep babies alive and thriving without traumatizing them in any way that is so awful as to trigger a major mental breakdown in the future. Because, just so you know, I totally hold my parents accountable for my years of therapy..my therapist agreed with me,so there is that. But in those almost extinct moments of quiet, I ask myself some of the big questions of life. One that crept up on my unusually peaceful drive home this morning in the rain was “Why are there no miracles anymore?” I mean, there are everyday miracles like the sun shining or gravity or a mother’s blind love for her child. But what about the real BIG miracles? What happened to seas parting? People walking on water? Water into wine?

Then it hit me, right over top of the head…babies. Babies are a miracle.  I don’t mean in the they are such a blessing in my life sort of way. I don’t even mean the we tried for 7 years before we got pregnant sort of way. Though in there own respects,they could certainly be considered miracles. No, what I’m talking about is the fact that the goo that was left behind on Ms.Lewinski’s dress meets an egg in a moment of uncontainable passion and , in that moment, something that so closely resembles snot turns into Daddy juice and is on it’s way to having a heart beat and breathing, walking around, smiling, and living in the world. I mean think about it, really think about it. It’s really quite profound, the whole process. It’s like creating something grand from absolutely nothing.It is my very own water into wine. There is so many miracles involved with babies, aside from creating them; growing them, sustaining, the way they make our hearts grow, our minds expand, our lives richer. See what happens when it rains and I have a minute of quiet time? I see the little miracles in my own life. How did I not see this before?

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Miracles #1 & #2

 

What are our ever day miracles? Do you believe in miracles? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this discussion. Maybe it’s the rain, or spring and all the new life all around but I am seeing little miracles every where. Go enjoy the little miracles in your life.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Mother and daughters, I never could have imagined the extent of the importance this relationship would someday hold in my life. The very words mother-daughter relationship conjure so many deep emotional reactions that it can be overwhelming at times. My daughters, from the moment that I saw their little hearts beating as a blip on the ultrasound, felt those very first faint flutter kicks in utero and pushed them out into the world, I knew. I held them in my arms and saw all the good that the world has to offer in their eyes. From these small moments, they were more important to me than the sum total of anything and everything else I have ever done in this world or will probably ever do. My girls are everything that has meaning in my world.

I know this sounds very 1950’s housewife of me.I am perfectly aware of the irony of it all.Just as my husband was everything I never knew I always wanted in a man, motherhood has proven to be everything I never knew I always wanted. It has grabbed hold of me and filled me in ways that I never even knew I was empty.

Sometimes, in those quiet moments when the girls have gone to bed and the house is still, that moment of the day when I can finally exhale, I catch myself elated in the fact that no matter how hard this mothering may be, at the end of the day there is no place else that I’d rather be.It is a lot of hard work and I’m learning to be a better person for these little people.They make me want to be the best me that I can be. Even when I’m at my worst, I am better because of them.

I’m sure you can understand why it pains me to realize that I have never had this relationship with my own mother, at least not from my perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I respect her, as does she love and respect me. How do I explain this? She and I are completely opposite in every way that two people can be opposite. The only thing that we share is blood and our love for one another.

It makes me wonder, if she and I started out at this point where my daughters and I are now? If so, what happened? This frightens me and saddens me in ways that I can’t even bring myself to verbalize. What if some day my daughters feel like we have nothing in common?

What if they look at me and don’t see any part of themselves? What if they love me but don’t know me? I can’t bear the thought. Mothers and daughters should share more than just DNA, there needs to be a bond of unconditional love and unwavering understanding. I am working to try and bridge the gap that lies between us but it is a slow process. I want to look at my mother and know that I am part of what fills her world with pulchritude.I want to know for certain that once upon a time, I was her everything and she was mine.

Is your relationship with your mother anything like your relationship with your daughter? How are they different?How are they similar?

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The Jake Ryan, Farmer Ted, Lloyd Dobbler Dating Litmus

At one time or another, we have all faced the Jake Ryan versus Farmer Ted debacle. If you were young when it presented itself, you probably chose superficially and unwisely in the long run. Because lets be honest when you’re under 25 and hormones are running high, a pretty face and a nice chest goes a long, damn way. Oh the superficiality of youth. I do not miss you. Anyways, I was so team Jake Ryan that there was no way to convince me otherwise. But then you grow up and you realize men are more than just Jake Ryan’s and Farmer Ted’s, there’s a few Lloyd Dobbler’s out there and even more  Chet’s. But what’s the litmus test? Well, this took place one Valentine’s day and I knew immediately who I married.

Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays, only because I love LOVE. Let’s be honest, when I was in high school and it was all about receiving those damn colored carnations…not so much. It used to make my stomach knot and lurch. I’d spend the whole day wondering if I was going to get a carnation? What color would it be? Who would it be from? I knew more than likely there would be no red carnations…the guy I was “in love with” had graduated high school my freshman year. So, as I was doodling on my book covers “D loves J” he was off being a semi somewhat grown up ( granted he was dating a 15 year old so there was that) but he was definitely  NOT worrying about sending carnations to my Spanish class, red or otherwise. Of course, there was always the possibility of a white or pink carnation from a friend but there was also a very slim possibility of the illusive red carnation from a “secret admirer”. Hey, it was the 80’s and I had seen one too many John Hughes films. Long story short, I was dating my Jake Ryan, so in all reality any admirer would have probably been more like Anthony Michael Hall’s character, Farmer Ted, but I was 15 and my mind was not fully developed yet. God help me, I didn’t know any better. That WAS Valentine’s Day.

These days, Valentine’s Day is looking into the eyes of my gorgeous little girls and seeing the Big Guy. Valentine’s “Day” is a weekend long celebration filled with chocolates, quality time together, and good food prepared with love by the Big Guy. It’s little unexpected surprises and beautiful pink tulips.It’s knowing with complete and utter certainty that I am exactly where I am supposed to be with the man I was meant to love. It’s being comfortable in my own skin. It’s watching the Big Guy hand out peculiar gifts to his girls (i.e. Squinkies and Chi hairdryers) and smiling because he knows us so well. When he gave the girls Squinkies, I thought OK, not very love day like but they’ll enjoy it.Me, what can I say, I needed a new hairdryer and the one he bought me was like the Dyson of hairdryers.Not romantic but I’ll take it!

But I could not ,for the life of me, understand why he was urging the girls to sample the chocolates before dinner. I was infuriated ” No! Wait until after dinner!” The Big Guy, ” No! It’s just a piece of candy…let them open it NOW!” WTF? I’m not going to lie, I was a little perturbed but since he said it in front of them, I agreed to it. Of course then I had to open the giant heart shaped candy tin for them.

Believe me when I tell you that I was more than a little annoyed that they were about to consume chocolate before dinner. I struggled with it,finally it popped open and there strewn amongst the candy were 3 small pearl colored boxes. Obviously, I thought to myself, what the hell kind of candy is this? I look at him and he has got that huge Big Guy ear to ear grin on. Of course, this is very much like him to make me crazy first. I open a box and inside was a set of diamond and ruby earrings, a ring and necklace.There were three boxes, one for each of his girls. My heart melted.

I love this man every day of any week but it’s these little unexpected things that make me swoon a little deeper.I think he also likes to infuriate me because it kicks the passion level up a notch. So, as the dutiful wife that I am, I will  try to oblige. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m sure many more times in our lifetime, the Big Guy is everything..I never knew, I always wanted. I didn’t marry the Jake Ryan who didn’t send me red carnations, and I didn’t marry the Anthony Michael Hall character. The sweet, cute, loyal, lovable character. The thing they never tell you is that Jake Ryan hits 25 and gets fat and bald. The other types of the world, try a little harder and don’t come into themselves until they are in their 20’s.

The Farmer Ted and Lloyd Dobbler types end up hotter, sweeter, sexier and with a lot more to offer a woman than the Jake Ryans.

The only thing that beats a Farmer Ted is, you guessed it the Lloyd Dobbler’s of the world. They are sexy beast, professional type men who treat their daughters like princesses, their wives like queens and their dogs like part of the family.Those my friends are who you grow old with. Those are the smart, witty,funny, successful guys who make great husbands and fathers. I mean what the hell, we all should have known by the boom box in the rain.

The truth is the Farmer Ted’s and Lloyd Dobbler’s of high school grow up to be the Jake Ryan’s of adulthood. I just wish someone told us that in high school.  I thank God every day that I opened my heart to my Lloyd Dobbler otherwise known as God’s greatest gift to me. Yes, I did just say that out loud. I’m sure the Big Guy will remind me of it too but I don’t care.

I love you baby! Thanks for letting me love you.Thank you for loving me more than I knew was possible for a man to love a woman. (Oops that may have been me missing the Big Guy and chocolate wine talking) You complete me! ( oh yeah, that had to be the Chocovine talking:)

In all seriousness, the Big Guy rocks my world..13 Valentine’s Days together and every year, he rocks it a little more!So here’s me doing my part to kick the passion up a notch!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

And people think Mommies don’t know how to have fun! Happy Love Day! Hope you’re all kicking it up a notch!

So did you marry a Jake Ryan, Farmer Ted or Lloyd Dobbler?

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