As most of you are aware, the Big Guy works out of town..A LOT! Like several days of the week. Basically, that leaves me to Mother the girls all by myself. Honestly, when he comes home for a couple days..its like Christmas and Fourth of July all in one.Its chaotic and exciting but it’s not routine.It’s like a great big Daddy tornado sweeps through the house.We love it.Believe me, I am ecstatic that he has a job at all and I look forward to him coming home the way most people look forward to the last day of their work week. But when it is over, I am left to pick up the emotional pieces ( and literally to clean up the house that the tornado hit); to soothe the crying, to bandage the heart wounds, to deal with girls missing their Daddy.Plus I get to do all the stuff all mothers get to do, I work from home, I clean,cook, do laundry, run the girls to and fro various activities, arrange play dates, bathe them, get ready for school, pick up from school, homework,pack snacks, sign permission slips and all the other obligatory school responsibilities,ballet, rehearsal, and on top of all of that…try and maintain my sanity.
So,when I got engaged in a Twitter debate with a fellow tweep over a statement similar to this “just because your husband works out of town a lot does not make you a single mother.” Her viewpoint, being neither a single Mother, nor a woman whose husband is gone 5/7ths of the week, was that my disagreement with the statement was not right. In fact, she went as far as to tell me that I was not single mothering it…I was lonely.Which made me laugh because how the hell can I be lonely when I have 2 littles with me at all times of the day and night? Hell,I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself.I’m not lonely…most days.I’m too busy with all this mothering business that I do on my own to be lonely. She argued that I was married and the fact that he paid the bills made me not single mothering.Wow! Who knew the only qualification for being a father or co parenting is to pay some bills! I love a woman who has never walked a minute in my shoes telling me that my life is easy and I am just a lonely complainer. Yey, for her!
I really should have just stopped tweeting because honestly trying to explain it to her was like trying to talk to an ESL student in Pig Latin on Mars. I don’t know if she didn’t understand what I was trying to say or simply just didn’t care. I am going to say it was the latter.
Let’s be clear, I have the utmost respect for single mothers. I don’t know how you do it. You are seriously the hardest working women in the Mommy business. That being said, it’s no picnic having a husband who has had to take a job that takes him away from the house….always. It’s not occasional business trips.The weekly job, that is the business trip.Can you say commuter marriage? I am NOT a single mother because I am not single.I am married. That is true. But this is also true, I do all the mothering and daddying..5 days a week..by MYSELF! So, when this narrow minded broad, who doesn’t know me, doesn’t share my situation, doesn’t even listen to my explanation, tries to tell me that I have it easy because I am married, forgive me for wanting to punch her in her gullet. It was almost as ridiculous as having a single non child having person trying to give out parenting advice.
What are your thoughts?Do you sometimes single Mother? Are you a full time single mother? Do you think life would be easier if it were only sometimes? Or maybe it would be easier if it were full time?What qualifies it as being hard? Time spent doing it? Doing it alone? Isn’t mothering hard enough with all the Mommy guilt?Now, we have to prove how hard it is to other unsympathetic women?