Category:

Marriage and Relationships

As most of you are aware, the Big Guy works out of town..A LOT! Like several days of the week. Basically, that leaves me to Mother the girls all by myself. Honestly, when he comes home for a couple days..its like Christmas and Fourth of July all in one.Its chaotic and exciting  but it’s not routine.It’s like a great big Daddy tornado sweeps through the house.We love it.Believe me, I am ecstatic that he has a job at all and I look forward to him coming home the way most people look forward to the last day of their work week. But when it is over, I am left to pick up the emotional pieces ( and literally to clean up the house that the tornado hit); to soothe the crying, to bandage the heart wounds, to deal with girls missing their Daddy.Plus I get to do all the stuff all mothers get to do, I work from home, I clean,cook, do laundry, run the girls to and fro various activities, arrange play dates, bathe them, get ready for school, pick up from school, homework,pack snacks, sign permission slips and all the other obligatory school responsibilities,ballet, rehearsal, and on top of all of that…try and maintain my sanity.

So,when I got engaged in a Twitter debate with  a fellow tweep over a statement similar to this “just because your husband works out of town a lot does not make you a single mother.” Her viewpoint, being neither a single Mother, nor a woman whose husband is gone 5/7ths of the week, was that my disagreement with the statement was not right. In fact, she went as far as to tell me that I was not single mothering it…I was lonely.Which made me laugh because how the hell can I be lonely when I have 2 littles with me at all times of the day and night? Hell,I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself.I’m not lonely…most days.I’m too busy with all this mothering business that I do on my own to be lonely. She argued that I was married and the fact that he paid the bills made me not single mothering.Wow! Who knew the only qualification for being a father or co parenting is to pay some bills! I love a woman who has never walked a minute in my shoes telling me that my life is easy and I am just a lonely complainer. Yey, for her!

I really should have just stopped tweeting because honestly trying to explain it to her was like trying to talk to an ESL student in Pig Latin on Mars. I don’t know if she didn’t understand what I was trying to say or simply just didn’t care. I am going to say it was the latter.

Let’s be clear, I have the utmost respect for single mothers. I don’t know how you do it. You are seriously the hardest working women in the Mommy business. That being said, it’s no picnic having a husband who has had to take a job that takes him away from the house….always. It’s not occasional business trips.The weekly job, that is the business trip.Can you say commuter marriage? I am NOT a single mother because I am not single.I am married. That is true. But this is also true, I do all the mothering and daddying..5 days a week..by MYSELF! So, when this narrow minded broad, who doesn’t know me, doesn’t share my situation, doesn’t even listen to my explanation, tries to tell me that I have it easy because I am married, forgive me for wanting to punch her in her gullet. It was almost as ridiculous as having a single non child having person trying to give out parenting advice.

What are your thoughts?Do you sometimes single Mother? Are you a full time single mother? Do you think life would be easier if it were only sometimes? Or maybe it would be easier if it were full time?What qualifies it as being hard? Time spent doing it? Doing it alone? Isn’t mothering hard enough with all the Mommy guilt?Now, we have to prove how hard it is to other unsympathetic women?

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Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little not so bright sister. Same idea on a much smaller scale.

All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep

The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber, yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.

Indiana autumn

It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.

Daddy and his girls

 

The place where it all began; September 29,1997

We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5-year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course, there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.

Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.

We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course, hey were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous co-ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”. Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a

Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman, where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me and where our lives changed forever.

Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

 

 

Picking leafs at Purdue

 

The famous “fountain”

The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker p

To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell, “Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

 

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

 

 

Enjoying the campus

It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy.

She is the friend who is so close we are sisters. She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I  never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine are hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her. That was just the first year of college.

My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!

 

My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.
 A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.

And then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in. It’s where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, it’s about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.

I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel.
Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning of the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

 

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

 

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
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Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little stupid sister.Same idea on a much smaller scale.

All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep

The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber,yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.

Indiana autumn

It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.

Daddy and his girls

 

The place where it all began; September 29,1997

We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5 year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.

Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.

We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course they were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous  co ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”.Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman,where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me, where our lives changed forever.

Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

 

 

Picking maple leafs at Purdue

 

The famous “fountain”

The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell”Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

 

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

 

 

Enjoying the campus

It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy. She is the friend who is so close we are sisters.She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I  never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine is hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her.That was just the first year of college.

My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!
Duhme darlings, baby!
My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.

A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.And
then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in.Its where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, its about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.

 

 

 

 

I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel. Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning to the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

My heart will always be in West Lafayette!

 

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

 

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
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Yesterday was Sunday.Sunday’s are bittersweet around here. They are simultaneously filled with big breakfasts, mass, lazy days of Halloween decorating, cuddling, mostly just being together. Unfortunately, for us, it is also always filled with certain goodbyes and impending sadness.
As most of you know, the Big Guy has been working out of state a lot of the time. This leaves me an overworked, stressed, spread much to thin Mommy.The girls are hyper emotional, dealing with some issues of abandonment, missing their Daddy, and testing my boundaries. The Big Guy is working his ass off,lonely and missing his family.It’s a pretty raw deal all the way around but we make the sacrifice, well, because we have to. It’s not ideal but it’s what needs to be done..right now.

The good great fantastic news blessing is that he has finally gotten a permanent position with a great company. Which means soon we will all be in the same zip code.Obviously, that is AWESOME! But in the interim, until spring when we can put the house on the market, after the Nutcracker has been performed, after kindergarten graduation, we have to live for our weekends together because its all we have. We spend our days marking time until the next time we can all be together. It’s quite pathetic all the way around. Don’t get me wrong, we have been doing this for about 8 months and we have established a groove. About once about every 3 months, I have a major emotional breakdown. You know, things get too overwhelming and I just can’t go on any longer alone. I make it to the weekend and then he says something like, “I need you to move with me now …so you can work and I can watch the kids at night.” Normally, that would be no big deal but for some reason under these circumstances they instigated a complete breakdown. First, I felt insulted that he didn’t think I was working, then there was the whole he only wants us with him so that I can work, then I was broken by the fact that I am missing him terribly..in my heart, in my arms, in my bed and he is missing…my revenue? Then he told me, that he has been telling me for weeks that he misses us and wants us to be together. I’ve been stuck on autopilot trying to survive this situation. I am trying to do what is best for the girls, for our family…not what is necessarily good for me. Of course being together would be better for me. I could share the parenting, share the load, share my life but in my mind it’s not a feasible option, so why entertain it? But he said that he felt that him missing us was not enough of a catalyst for me, so he figured since I am so concerned with our finances that he would coerce me to relocate early by threatening financial ruin.

Of course, I had a good long cry on a Sunday morning. You know of the cathartic, sobbing, hyperventilating, can’t breathe, very ugly, body shaking variety and all he could do was hold me. But it was nice to have him here to hold me. We both regrouped and moved on. We went shopping, had lunch, blanketed the neighborhood as a family taking our Bella to sell her candy bars for school, visiting with all the neighbors, Then we came home and put up our giant blow up witch in the yard  and pretended to be like every other family on the block. But it was still Sunday. There is no denying when its ourSundays, the sadness is palpable and becomes almost smothering around 5:30 pm. We can pretend we are normal until then.

The Big Guy has been trying to stick around until after the girls are asleep, to help me out with bedtime /Missing Daddy meltdowns.God bless him. Of course, last night Bella went right to sleep after only a brief tantrum. But Gabs, oh my Gabs, she was nodding off in my lap as the Big Guy kissed us goodbye. We were both a little emotional because we have had to say more goodbyes in the last 8 months than most married couples do in a lifetime together. Right as he walked out the door, Gabs lifted her head and did a demonstration of my breakdown that morning.Wailing  and screaming. ” Me miss my Daddy! Me want my Daddy!” After about 30 minutes,I finally calmed her down. Of course, we had 3 repeat performances last night..each time she stirred from her slumber. I tried to soothe her each time, but when a baby wants Daddy..a Mommy is a poor substitute. I just kept feeling that horrible lump in my throat( that I know so well) and a pain in my heart…my poor breaking Mommy heart!

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I watched you sleep in
quietly in my bed
you don’t know this now
but theres some things that
need to be said
it’s all that i can hear
it’s more than i can bare
what if i fall and hurt myself
would you know how to fix me
what if i went and lost myself
would you know where to find me
if i forgot who i am
would you please remind me
ohhh
cause without you things go hazy
I miss you Big Guy, today more than most
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Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things

was addressed pretty easily. You guessed it. I nipped that little Pedro sonofabitch right where he lives. Yes, me and my Nads had a date late last night. It was all going great until it was time to pull the trigger, then I had that hesitation. You know that hesitation you had when you were about to give birth. All of the sudden it was like, Oh shit….time to back pedal not sure I can handle this sort of pain. Well, same thing..every single time. Probably the only reason the Hairy Monkey Syndrome affects me at all. That’s why I always went to a professional but it gets hard when you have two little girls in tow. The facial expressions and sounds alone, well, that’s enough to turn to Nads but couple that with the fact I am probably scaring them to death of turning into a monkey, well,enough said. Nads it is!But hey, I’m a hairless Chihuahua today.Good thing, the Big Guy is coming home. I’m sure he will appreciate the effort! I got a lot of promises of shaven legs…hope you ladies followed through!Smooth legs always make you feel sexier than stubbly gams a la MOnique!

Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 10 ~ Date Night
I know you are asking, how does that make me a better ME? Well, remember that girl you were before you became who you are? Well, that young lady is going to help you find your way back to who you want to be.Remember when you were dating Mr. Right and it was all about you? Getting primped and pampered? Long drawn out conversations about who and what you wanted to be?Where you wanted to go in life? How you were going to make your dreams come true?Back when he hinged on every word that came out of your mouth because you were so fucking fascinating? Well, you still are..everybody , including you, just forgot. Go way back, when your whole life was ahead of you before you were here…smack dab in the thick of it. Pencil in the time and date. Tell your big guy to make it happen, just like he used to. You just worry about you. Just worry about getting ready, setting expectations of having a good time and connecting with your Big Guy.Well, and maybe finding a sitter..but all the planning of this lovely romantic evening should be his responsibility.I promise by doing this, you will feel like the woman you were before you were a Mommy and wife. I am actually going to do this but my big date night isn’t until September 25th ( my birthday). There’s a weekend planned in the city; filled with romance, good food, great company, a hotel stay, 24 hours without my babies,some shopping and a whole lot of visits from DEBI. I’m looking forward to it and I am pretty sure the Big Guy is looking forward to having Debi all to himself for a night! So, when are you planning your big date night? What do you do? What makes you feel special for date night?
Link up your post in response to the challenge and share your ideas!Happy Date Night!
 

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Yesterday’s Be a Better Me ( YOU) Challenge-Day 3~ You are what you think you are
went well. I am trying to be who I want to be and not be enslaved by who I think I’ve become. This one will take work. As it took years for me to fall into my rut and devolve into what a feel is a lesser version of who I was meant to be, it will take me time to change my way of thinking; to believe I am who I say I am. It takes time to build yourself up. So, like a very wise woman once said ” Fake it til you make it!”

Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge~ Do something sexy

I don’t mean that you have to go shag your husband on the L, or go commando..though if that’s what gets your motor running, I say go for it. No, what I a referring to is do something that makes you feel sexy… in your own skin. It could be wearing something sexy, not wearing something, a scent, a food, a hair do, a dance, sing a song,a way you talk, a way you kiss your husband, whatever it is..do it. I know, for me, that after playing Mommy all day, every day, sometimes its hard to turn on “Debi”the woman. The self confident, loving her body, feeling sexy woman that my husband met has pretty much left the building most days of the week. It’s not like before you had kids and you could just make out on the couch, the kitchen counter, or the living room floor..anytime you wanted. Now, things have to be planned and calculated and taking away spontaneity can lead to us not feeling as sexy. Add to that wiping asses, being spit up on, wearing those dreadful yoga pants and being called Mommy all day long, it becomes damn near impossible to feel like we pass for presentable, much less sexy. Unless, you are one of those women who feels all kinds of sexy covered in baby fluids, buried under laundry , and wreaking of Pinesol; if so, you go girl! Me, I need to feel sexy to myself before I can be sexy for anyone else. Right now, I have less time to work out, clean up, or dress myself than I have ever had in my entire life so when I feel unattractive, its hard to feel sexual. But most of us have something that takes us back and reminds us of the women we are. The sex kitten hiding inside the Mommy. Our Aye Mami ! You remember her? I bet your husband does. For me, its a particular red nightie that takes me right back to that 25 year old version of me that I actually felt hot being. Summons that bitch up. Do whatever makes YOU feel sexy and then grab your husband after the kids go down (or before they wake up) and be as sexy as you want to be. You will feel more confident, more relaxed, and you’ll walk a little taller that day plus your husband will be smiling for days. There is nothing sexier than a woman who feels sexy in her own skin. Now go bring your sexy back!
Link up your post about how you bring your sexy back! If you link up and you do not have a post in response to the challenge, it will be removed. Can’t wait to hear all of your great ideas!

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Seems lately, I have been spending a majority of my life in a never ending holding pattern. Think about that for a moment. Really think about it.Not moving forward, not achieving anything….just holding steady; making noise. On but not functioning.
I think a lot of moms feel this way sometimes. Like you are not living up to your potential but at the same time, you are doing everything you can to get by. Using ALL of your effort, just to get through a day. Well, now take that and multiply it by about a 1000 and you will be closer to the place I have been for the past few months. It’s starting to take its toll on me. I can feel myself slowly becoming weaker ; more vulnerable. On some days I feel like I’m walking around my life like an exposed nerve. Just waiting for the slightest breeze of change to send me into a tailspin. I feel like a broken record ,s o if you feel you’ve heard it before..walk away now.

Many of you are familiar with the situation that has consumed our lives for the past year and a half. There was May 2009, January 2010, and Now; life has been really rough with all this going on. I have been trying to hold it all together with minimal meltdowns and a stiff upper lip. It’s not always so easy. It’s very hard to run a household, take care of the children, pay the bills,  run all the errands and keep the schedule with no respite; no help whatsoever. But it is much harder when you have a husband that you are happily married to but, due to circumstances beyond your or his control, he is not there. It makes me angry to know that I did all the leg work to have this marriage but I receive none of the benefits. We’re not divorced, we truly do love one another, he’s my best friend, he’s a good father, and thanks to our economy he is pulled away from us. I think it’s a completely different feeling  than if I were a single Mother or we were divorced because its like having money and not being allowed to spend it versus just not having the money. It’s sort of like that you don’t miss what you never had. Well, I had have it, but I don’t have access. Which is possibly the most frustrating scenario ever.

Anyways, aside from all the other craziness, now we are getting ready for school to start. My eldest baby ( yes, she is still my baby) is getting ready to start kindergarten on the 19th. This will be a difficult day for me. I know this.Exposed nerve alert! Just the thought of that impending doom makes me tear up. It’s very emotional to let your child take that first step into growing up. It’s bigger than any first step thus far, at least that is how my heart is feeling right now. Due to this situation we are in, I am not sure that my husband is going to make it to the first day. It’s our first child’s , first day of kindergarten! You know, the first day of the rest of her life. This day will never come again. I feel that it is crucial that he is there, for all of us.He has missed a lot these past few months because of his job and I think this is unmissable; not just for her but for him, as well. So, to catch you up to speed; Mommy is in an emotional state of an exposed nerve; eldest girl is nervous about kindergarten and new school and her life completely changing; little sister will have a breakdown ( On the first day of her sister’s preschool, she screamed and cried as we left “BELLA!BELLA!” ( Just imagine Brando saying “Stella” but in the voice of a distraught 2 year old.) and me..trying to hold it all together. I don’t want to do this alone. I shouldn’t have to. This has me filled with trepidation and sadness. Is it wrong for me to want my family to be able to cohabitate like a normal family? Is it wrong to want my husband around for support? I mean, I don’t want to be a pain in the ass but when is it going to end? It all just keeps getting piled on! So, this is where I am..an exposed nerve.

Then, good news..great news. He’s been interviewing for about a month ( yes, you heard me right) with a company that would put him in a position that he would love. We get the call, with an offer that is acceptable. Great news, in theory. It means yet another move. It means its too late to get into a good school at this late of a date. It means having to try and sell our house (nobody buys in the Midwest after Labor Day) meaning we are screwed until next spring. It means finding all new schools, it means finding new doctors, dentists, ballet schools, friends and the list goes on and on. It really is good news but we can’t move until the house sells. What does all this mean? It means my husband got a great new job at a horrible time of the year for putting our house on the market, it means the taste in my mouth from trying to sell it last year on our previous move is still fresh in my mind and it scares the hell out of me, it means I’m still alone until at least next spring. I am trying to be positive and hold it all together but its hard when you’re an exposed nerve and there is no relief in immediate sight. Nobody ..NOBODY understands how this feels, unless they’ve been in this position ( for this long) and I don’t know too many people who have been in a holding pattern for this long. I know, in my mind, that when it is all said and done we will be in a much better position in our lives but the hard part is trying to survive the meantime. I deserve to be moving forward in my life,with my children, with my husband, with my dreams..not holding steady; holding on for dear life. I want to enjoy my life not just survive it. I think I can, I think I can….

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Negotiating Infidelity? Yeah, the negotiation is if you marry me…you are not allowed to have sex with other women. OK, is it just me? Or is this woman completely CRAZY! Maybe she was a man in a previous life? Hell, maybe she is a man! Most obviously, she is not married and not a woman’s advocate. Sounds to me like she was a whore, and now has written a book about being a WHORE, because she is a professional WHORE. She is in a non committed relationship where her self worth is so low that she allows her significant ( or apparently not so significant) other to sleep around..provided he’s not cuddling!WTF??????? She is trying to tell the rest of us that monogamy is not natural for men..again, is she a man in disguise? I really think someone should life her skirt to find out. She’s giving advice like she knows anything about being married. What authority does she have? What about children? What’s supposed to happen to them? Do we just all start mainstreaming open marriages. Look, if that’s what you, her, or anyone else is open to….that is certainly your business. But she is writing a book , giving this interview like she is the smart one ( an authority) who figured it out and us poor stupid housewives who expect our husbands to be faithful, well, obviously we are to be pitied because we are oblivious. How do you feel about this video? I personally, would like to kick Holly Hill in the teeth, then possibly cuddle with her partner and take a picture to send to her..just for good measure.

Ms. Please Don’t Spoon her and Mr. Don’t Wear Nighties I bought for You when screwing other men

For the entire disgusting article, please go here! How this is CNN worthy, I will never know. Just another example of our society’s ever rapid descent into immorality.

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When I was a little girl, way back before I knew anything, I always imagined life and love to be just like every fairy tale that Disney spoon fed me as a child. It went a little something like this; I’d meet a boy, obviously he would be gorgeous, sensitive and funny. His most redeeming quality, he would recognize my absolute amazingness the moment we met. The relationship would be easy and comfortable but full of passion, almost immediately. He’d propose in some uber romantic way, taking my breath away, naturally. We’d have our huge white wedding, and we’d go off into the sunset and live happily ever after.Simple, right?
Problem is that Disney forgot to provide some key elements of romance and romantic relationships. For instance, jerky boys, unrequited love, how sex influences relationships , crushs, heartache, heartbreak, other women, being at “different” places at different times, falling out of love, realizing that Mr. Right is usually not what you were expecting and that what you expect changes over time, the fact that life happens when you are planning to plan and never when you actaully planned it, love is a series of compromises and there are no winners or losers. Love is just two people trying to coexist in a rhythm, that children change absolutely everything about you, your relationship, and how you view the world. Marriage is hard, lots of work and an evolving situation..its like a ride on a roller coaster but it is totally worth it, with the right person.The last thing Disney forgot to tell us little girls,  maybe the most important part of the story, is that when we ride off into the sunset it is usually the beginning of something and not the end.
I guess I’ve been pretty blessed.I have the great guy but he’s not without his faults. After all, I never saw Prince Charming farting and leaving dirty socks scattered throughout the living room floor. Our relationship was comfortable..after about the 2nd year of marriage. We had the great big white wedding, but it put us into some debt and I was pretty snookered by the time I arrived at the reception. Lesson to my girls: No sleep+ no food+ nerves + alcohol = easily intoxicated bride. We did ride off into the sunset and 11 years, 21 jobs (between the 2 of us) 10 cities, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 vehicles, 2 houses, and 2 beautiful children later, we still work daily at our marriage. You really do get out what you put in, so I am all in. Luckily, at the point he and I met, we had learned from previous relationships what to and not to do. We realize what we have is rare and we work to nourish and grow it. In the end, I did get the fairy tale but only because I endured all the reality that comes with a relationship in the real world. My Prince Charming was everything that I never knew I always wanted. That’s the fairy tale that I want my girls to know. If they go out there thinking there is no work and everything just comes to you ( in love or life in general) they will miss out on many great possibilities.

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