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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Marriage and Relationships

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 10~Date Night

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things

    was addressed pretty easily. You guessed it. I nipped that little Pedro sonofabitch right where he lives. Yes, me and my Nads had a date late last night. It was all going great until it was time to pull the trigger, then I had that hesitation. You know that hesitation you had when you were about to give birth. All of the sudden it was like, Oh shit….time to back pedal not sure I can handle this sort of pain. Well, same thing..every single time. Probably the only reason the Hairy Monkey Syndrome affects me at all. That’s why I always went to a professional but it gets hard when you have two little girls in tow. The facial expressions and sounds alone, well, that’s enough to turn to Nads but couple that with the fact I am probably scaring them to death of turning into a monkey, well,enough said. Nads it is!But hey, I’m a hairless Chihuahua today.Good thing, the Big Guy is coming home. I’m sure he will appreciate the effort! I got a lot of promises of shaven legs…hope you ladies followed through!Smooth legs always make you feel sexier than stubbly gams a la MOnique!

    Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 10 ~ Date Night
    I know you are asking, how does that make me a better ME? Well, remember that girl you were before you became who you are? Well, that young lady is going to help you find your way back to who you want to be.Remember when you were dating Mr. Right and it was all about you? Getting primped and pampered? Long drawn out conversations about who and what you wanted to be?Where you wanted to go in life? How you were going to make your dreams come true?Back when he hinged on every word that came out of your mouth because you were so fucking fascinating? Well, you still are..everybody , including you, just forgot. Go way back, when your whole life was ahead of you before you were here…smack dab in the thick of it. Pencil in the time and date. Tell your big guy to make it happen, just like he used to. You just worry about you. Just worry about getting ready, setting expectations of having a good time and connecting with your Big Guy.Well, and maybe finding a sitter..but all the planning of this lovely romantic evening should be his responsibility.I promise by doing this, you will feel like the woman you were before you were a Mommy and wife. I am actually going to do this but my big date night isn’t until September 25th ( my birthday). There’s a weekend planned in the city; filled with romance, good food, great company, a hotel stay, 24 hours without my babies,some shopping and a whole lot of visits from DEBI. I’m looking forward to it and I am pretty sure the Big Guy is looking forward to having Debi all to himself for a night! So, when are you planning your big date night? What do you do? What makes you feel special for date night?
    Link up your post in response to the challenge and share your ideas!Happy Date Night!
     

  • Be a Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 4 ~Bring Your sexy back

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me ( YOU) Challenge-Day 3~ You are what you think you are
    went well. I am trying to be who I want to be and not be enslaved by who I think I’ve become. This one will take work. As it took years for me to fall into my rut and devolve into what a feel is a lesser version of who I was meant to be, it will take me time to change my way of thinking; to believe I am who I say I am. It takes time to build yourself up. So, like a very wise woman once said ” Fake it til you make it!”

    Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge~ Do something sexy

    I don’t mean that you have to go shag your husband on the L, or go commando..though if that’s what gets your motor running, I say go for it. No, what I a referring to is do something that makes you feel sexy… in your own skin. It could be wearing something sexy, not wearing something, a scent, a food, a hair do, a dance, sing a song,a way you talk, a way you kiss your husband, whatever it is..do it. I know, for me, that after playing Mommy all day, every day, sometimes its hard to turn on “Debi”the woman. The self confident, loving her body, feeling sexy woman that my husband met has pretty much left the building most days of the week. It’s not like before you had kids and you could just make out on the couch, the kitchen counter, or the living room floor..anytime you wanted. Now, things have to be planned and calculated and taking away spontaneity can lead to us not feeling as sexy. Add to that wiping asses, being spit up on, wearing those dreadful yoga pants and being called Mommy all day long, it becomes damn near impossible to feel like we pass for presentable, much less sexy. Unless, you are one of those women who feels all kinds of sexy covered in baby fluids, buried under laundry , and wreaking of Pinesol; if so, you go girl! Me, I need to feel sexy to myself before I can be sexy for anyone else. Right now, I have less time to work out, clean up, or dress myself than I have ever had in my entire life so when I feel unattractive, its hard to feel sexual. But most of us have something that takes us back and reminds us of the women we are. The sex kitten hiding inside the Mommy. Our Aye Mami ! You remember her? I bet your husband does. For me, its a particular red nightie that takes me right back to that 25 year old version of me that I actually felt hot being. Summons that bitch up. Do whatever makes YOU feel sexy and then grab your husband after the kids go down (or before they wake up) and be as sexy as you want to be. You will feel more confident, more relaxed, and you’ll walk a little taller that day plus your husband will be smiling for days. There is nothing sexier than a woman who feels sexy in her own skin. Now go bring your sexy back!
    Link up your post about how you bring your sexy back! If you link up and you do not have a post in response to the challenge, it will be removed. Can’t wait to hear all of your great ideas!

  • Fragile; Handle with care

    Seems lately, I have been spending a majority of my life in a never ending holding pattern. Think about that for a moment. Really think about it.Not moving forward, not achieving anything….just holding steady; making noise. On but not functioning.
    I think a lot of moms feel this way sometimes. Like you are not living up to your potential but at the same time, you are doing everything you can to get by. Using ALL of your effort, just to get through a day. Well, now take that and multiply it by about a 1000 and you will be closer to the place I have been for the past few months. It’s starting to take its toll on me. I can feel myself slowly becoming weaker ; more vulnerable. On some days I feel like I’m walking around my life like an exposed nerve. Just waiting for the slightest breeze of change to send me into a tailspin. I feel like a broken record ,s o if you feel you’ve heard it before..walk away now.

    Many of you are familiar with the situation that has consumed our lives for the past year and a half. There was May 2009, January 2010, and Now; life has been really rough with all this going on. I have been trying to hold it all together with minimal meltdowns and a stiff upper lip. It’s not always so easy. It’s very hard to run a household, take care of the children, pay the bills,  run all the errands and keep the schedule with no respite; no help whatsoever. But it is much harder when you have a husband that you are happily married to but, due to circumstances beyond your or his control, he is not there. It makes me angry to know that I did all the leg work to have this marriage but I receive none of the benefits. We’re not divorced, we truly do love one another, he’s my best friend, he’s a good father, and thanks to our economy he is pulled away from us. I think it’s a completely different feeling  than if I were a single Mother or we were divorced because its like having money and not being allowed to spend it versus just not having the money. It’s sort of like that you don’t miss what you never had. Well, I had have it, but I don’t have access. Which is possibly the most frustrating scenario ever.

    Anyways, aside from all the other craziness, now we are getting ready for school to start. My eldest baby ( yes, she is still my baby) is getting ready to start kindergarten on the 19th. This will be a difficult day for me. I know this.Exposed nerve alert! Just the thought of that impending doom makes me tear up. It’s very emotional to let your child take that first step into growing up. It’s bigger than any first step thus far, at least that is how my heart is feeling right now. Due to this situation we are in, I am not sure that my husband is going to make it to the first day. It’s our first child’s , first day of kindergarten! You know, the first day of the rest of her life. This day will never come again. I feel that it is crucial that he is there, for all of us.He has missed a lot these past few months because of his job and I think this is unmissable; not just for her but for him, as well. So, to catch you up to speed; Mommy is in an emotional state of an exposed nerve; eldest girl is nervous about kindergarten and new school and her life completely changing; little sister will have a breakdown ( On the first day of her sister’s preschool, she screamed and cried as we left “BELLA!BELLA!” ( Just imagine Brando saying “Stella” but in the voice of a distraught 2 year old.) and me..trying to hold it all together. I don’t want to do this alone. I shouldn’t have to. This has me filled with trepidation and sadness. Is it wrong for me to want my family to be able to cohabitate like a normal family? Is it wrong to want my husband around for support? I mean, I don’t want to be a pain in the ass but when is it going to end? It all just keeps getting piled on! So, this is where I am..an exposed nerve.

    Then, good news..great news. He’s been interviewing for about a month ( yes, you heard me right) with a company that would put him in a position that he would love. We get the call, with an offer that is acceptable. Great news, in theory. It means yet another move. It means its too late to get into a good school at this late of a date. It means having to try and sell our house (nobody buys in the Midwest after Labor Day) meaning we are screwed until next spring. It means finding all new schools, it means finding new doctors, dentists, ballet schools, friends and the list goes on and on. It really is good news but we can’t move until the house sells. What does all this mean? It means my husband got a great new job at a horrible time of the year for putting our house on the market, it means the taste in my mouth from trying to sell it last year on our previous move is still fresh in my mind and it scares the hell out of me, it means I’m still alone until at least next spring. I am trying to be positive and hold it all together but its hard when you’re an exposed nerve and there is no relief in immediate sight. Nobody ..NOBODY understands how this feels, unless they’ve been in this position ( for this long) and I don’t know too many people who have been in a holding pattern for this long. I know, in my mind, that when it is all said and done we will be in a much better position in our lives but the hard part is trying to survive the meantime. I deserve to be moving forward in my life,with my children, with my husband, with my dreams..not holding steady; holding on for dear life. I want to enjoy my life not just survive it. I think I can, I think I can….

  • Possibly the world’s craziest Bitch


    Negotiating Infidelity? Yeah, the negotiation is if you marry me…you are not allowed to have sex with other women. OK, is it just me? Or is this woman completely CRAZY! Maybe she was a man in a previous life? Hell, maybe she is a man! Most obviously, she is not married and not a woman’s advocate. Sounds to me like she was a whore, and now has written a book about being a WHORE, because she is a professional WHORE. She is in a non committed relationship where her self worth is so low that she allows her significant ( or apparently not so significant) other to sleep around..provided he’s not cuddling!WTF??????? She is trying to tell the rest of us that monogamy is not natural for men..again, is she a man in disguise? I really think someone should life her skirt to find out. She’s giving advice like she knows anything about being married. What authority does she have? What about children? What’s supposed to happen to them? Do we just all start mainstreaming open marriages. Look, if that’s what you, her, or anyone else is open to….that is certainly your business. But she is writing a book , giving this interview like she is the smart one ( an authority) who figured it out and us poor stupid housewives who expect our husbands to be faithful, well, obviously we are to be pitied because we are oblivious. How do you feel about this video? I personally, would like to kick Holly Hill in the teeth, then possibly cuddle with her partner and take a picture to send to her..just for good measure.

    Check here if you’re looking for a professional private investigator that specializes in infidelity and cheating.

    Ms. Please Don’t Spoon her and Mr. Don’t Wear Nighties I bought for You when screwing other men

    For the entire disgusting article, please go here! How this is CNN worthy, I will never know. Just another example of our society’s ever rapid descent into immorality.

  • Happily ever after

    When I was a little girl, way back before I knew anything, I always imagined life and love to be just like every fairy tale that Disney spoon fed me as a child. It went a little something like this; I’d meet a boy, obviously he would be gorgeous, sensitive and funny. His most redeeming quality, he would recognize my absolute amazingness the moment we met. The relationship would be easy and comfortable but full of passion, almost immediately. He’d propose in some uber romantic way, taking my breath away, naturally. We’d have our huge white wedding, and we’d go off into the sunset and live happily ever after.Simple, right?
    Problem is that Disney forgot to provide some key elements of romance and romantic relationships. For instance, jerky boys, unrequited love, how sex influences relationships , crushs, heartache, heartbreak, other women, being at “different” places at different times, falling out of love, realizing that Mr. Right is usually not what you were expecting and that what you expect changes over time, the fact that life happens when you are planning to plan and never when you actaully planned it, love is a series of compromises and there are no winners or losers. Love is just two people trying to coexist in a rhythm, that children change absolutely everything about you, your relationship, and how you view the world. Marriage is hard, lots of work and an evolving situation..its like a ride on a roller coaster but it is totally worth it, with the right person.The last thing Disney forgot to tell us little girls,  maybe the most important part of the story, is that when we ride off into the sunset it is usually the beginning of something and not the end.
    I guess I’ve been pretty blessed.I have the great guy but he’s not without his faults. After all, I never saw Prince Charming farting and leaving dirty socks scattered throughout the living room floor. Our relationship was comfortable..after about the 2nd year of marriage. We had the great big white wedding, but it put us into some debt and I was pretty snookered by the time I arrived at the reception. Lesson to my girls: No sleep+ no food+ nerves + alcohol = easily intoxicated bride. We did ride off into the sunset and 11 years, 21 jobs (between the 2 of us) 10 cities, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 vehicles, 2 houses, and 2 beautiful children later, we still work daily at our marriage. You really do get out what you put in, so I am all in. Luckily, at the point he and I met, we had learned from previous relationships what to and not to do. We realize what we have is rare and we work to nourish and grow it. In the end, I did get the fairy tale but only because I endured all the reality that comes with a relationship in the real world. My Prince Charming was everything that I never knew I always wanted. That’s the fairy tale that I want my girls to know. If they go out there thinking there is no work and everything just comes to you ( in love or life in general) they will miss out on many great possibilities.

  • Did you mess my sheets? My 300th post!!

    Wow, if you thought dates were important when you were single~ that’s nothing in comparison to how vital they are to married life. When you are single, dating is like a popularity contest. A status symbol. It separates the haves from the have nots. When you are single, dating feels like it could be life or death, social life or death, that is. When you are married with children, dates mean something quite different. It still means life or death, but this time it is more literally the life or death of a crucial relationship; your marriage.
    I can not stress enough, how important alone time is with your spouse significant other the person who got you tied up in this mess in the first place. It took me a while for this lesson to sink in.Hell, who am I kidding? I fought it tooth and nail.But it has finally sunk in that my girls will be perfectly fine and not doomed to years of therapy or their imminent death just because I decide to have a night out with the big guy. They are in perfectly capable hands if I elect to leave them in the care of a trusted, thoroughly investigated caregiver (i.e. My Mom or my Mother in law~ baby steps people, baby steps!).

    Remember when you were single and a date was all about the what ifs and possibilities? What you wore? Where you went?Would you or wouldn’t you give up the goodies? His apartment or yours? Now, its actually about what it was always meant to be about… spending time alone with the other person.

    What will you wear? Who cares what you wear! Of course you want to look nice for your honey. Hell, smoking hot if you can pull it off! But keep in mind, he’s probably seen you give birth, and lets face it, there’s nowhere to go but up from there!

    Where will you go?  Seriously? Do we really care? As long as we are getting out of the house, alone, able to have an adult conversation across a table with one another, isn’t the rest all gravy? I mean, I’m sure usually when that happens, we end up somewhere gazing through a blur of exhaustion at one another thinking, “Holy shit it’s quiet in here. I sure could go for a nap but its so nice being alone with you baby! Instead, I’ll have a red bull and a vodka so I can stay up and enjoy our time together!”

    Will you or won’t you? Of course you will, provided the kids stay in their own beds ,the red bull and  vodka do their job and keep you awake, you can keep your eyes open after eating an entire warm meal in one sitting, and all the cuddling hasn’t relaxed you into a comma! I actually think, for couples with children, “dessert” before dinner is a good idea, if  you can swing it. You’d feel a lot sexier with an empty belly ( at least I know I would), plus it would be before the heavy, comforting meal, the dark theater  and the cuddling.Problem solved! Yes, the more I think of it, a little naughty before the nice date would be perfect.

    Who’s place? Obviously the home that you share.Pick a room, any room..it’s your house. If you’re really feeling adventurous, get a hotel for the evening, Sybaris anyone? Get your married freak on.You deserve it, damn it!

    Personally, the big guy and I have not yet made it to the Sybaris but let me tell you, the big guy spontaneously took me to a movie ( while we were visiting the in laws this past weekend). Grandma (trusted and thoroughly investigated caregiver..check)watched the girls. She even volunteered to sleep in the room with them so I could actually “Sleep” alone with the big guy ( because normally there are 2 little girls in the bed with us). Personally, I think Grandma is bucking  for that illusive Grandson ( barking up wrong tree Grandma). Hey, its a theory. Or perhaps I just really look like I need some alone time with the big guy. No matter the reason, it was fabulous. I even got to fall asleep in the big guys arms ( right next to him and everything…you co sleeper Mommies know exactly what I mean). I woke up well rested with a smile on my face. That was until Grandma looks over at me at breakfast and asks ( NOT in her indoor voice either) “Did you guys mess my sheets?” She was chuckling and I turned about 27 shades of red. I thought to myself, “I’ll never tell but I’m pretty sure I just shat myself!Thanks for asking!”  With that, the spell was broken! But it sure was nice while it lasted!

  • Goodbye to Goodbyes

    Tonight, when the big guy had to leave us bound back for his hole (his work apartment) Bella and Gabs followed him out to his car and jumped inside to “inspect” it. I was on the stoop, as always, watching on. I refuse to walk out to the car to say goodbye, it just makes it harder.

    Bella, walks back and says,” I just needed to smell the car!”
    Me:”Why?”
    Bella: “To get me through..”
    Me: “What do you mean?”( I seriously wasn’t sure where she was going with this)
    Bella: “To get me through without crying!”

    And with that, I took a deep breath and so did the big guy, and we both held back our own tears at our little girl’s stiff upper lip mentality and little breaking heart on the inside. What an awful lesson for someone who is barely 5 years old to have to learn, little lone know and deal with. This whole economy and living apart during the week situation is for the birds. But on a positive note, the big guy has an interview for a permanent job. It will eventually require a move if he gets the job but at least it will allow us all be together again like a family and we will finally be able to say goodbye to all of these goodbyes. For now, we pray and hope for the best.

  • What is Commuter Marriage?

    What is Commuter Marriage?

    You’ve all seen me write about it but maybe you’re wondering what is Commuter Marriage?  As I stand on the front stoop watching my husband pull away for the 17th Sunday, bound for his hole he calls an apartment in Iowa, my throat closes up and I feel like I will be swallowed completely by the huge lump in my esophagus and my eyes burn and sting as they get a little watery.

    I watch my girls run down the sidewalk waving and screaming , “Bye Daddy, I love you!” and my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces inside. Every week it stings my very core; every single time. Sometimes worse than others, but always. I really loathe all this single mothering that I’ve been doing lately but more than that I hate that we are all getting used to it, comfortable even.

    What is commuter marriage? It’s hard on the family.

    The girls are getting used to not having Daddy around, and I am getting used to handling things on my own, and sometimes when he’s here, I think he feel’s like he is out of place in his own home. That is what really bothers me. Isn’t this how people drift apart? Isn’t this how families fall apart? I love my husband, and he loves me but if you get used to not having someone around, pretty soon won’t you stop missing one another?

    When your husband travels for work, it’s not consistent and it’s random and you learn to deal with it by looking forward to the next time he returns. But when your husband has a residence in a whole other state for a job because his office is there and you KNOW he will be gone for at least 4 of the days of the week, it’s a little harder to swallow.

    There is no room for superfluous personal days or no chance of no travel because every week you know, come Sunday afternoon..he’s pulling away and you are left behind on that damn stoop and he’s left watching you grow smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

    I thought being married meant someone to share my life with. Recently, I feel more like I am a kept woman; a lonely one at that. I have someone to pay the bills. We’re getting to the point where we are forgetting to tell each other the little things that happen in our day to day and that scares me. Pretty soon we won’t know each other. I can deal with geographic distance but not emotional distance. I mean, I never thought I’d be married and alone.

    What is Commuter Marriage? It’s being married but alone.

    What do I do? Do I tell him to quit and come home because I need my friend, my partner, my husband? Or do I just keep going on ignoring the fact that this is really hard and slowly becoming impossible? Some days, I am okay with it. Other days, I can hardly bear it.I am lonely and I miss our relationship. The day to day, seeing each other, talking about nothing, sharing laughs and feelings, stolen glances and touches. Now, everything is forced into a weekends time and it’s not enough.

    I feel like such an ungrateful asshole. I know I should be filled with gratitude that he has a job at all in this economy but it’s extremely hard when you’ve spent every day of the past 13 years with this man and suddenly you are living separate lives. I know he is just as lonely there but some days I feel overwhelmed with all the responsibility of holding it all together. Some days, it is just too much.But what do you do when you have bills to pay and kids to feed, mortgages, groceries, and school loans? You suck it up, you be a grown-up, you get out of the fetal position, stop crying and stand on that damn stoop and wave goodbye and hope its not for the last time. Commuter marriage is not for the weak.

    What is commuter marriage?

    It’s survival and groceries and mortgages. It’s not being homeless. It’s saying goodbye more often than you ever dreamed. Have you or would you ever be in a commuter marriage and make it work?

  • Coitus Interrruptus

    Big Guy:” The Kids asleep?”
    Me: “Yeah, we better hurry.  You know they’ll be waking up soon for… something….anything”
    Big Guy: “OK. where do you want to do this?The kids are in our bed right? How about the living room?”
    Me:”No way, we’re too exposed. We’d be right out in the open.”
    Big Guy:” How about Bella’s room?”
    Me: “NO, that’s right across from our room..they’d walk in and there we’d be. It’s too easy to get caught!”
    Big Guy: “What about Gabs room? They’d have to make a turn, we’d have a warning!”
    Me: “Sounds good, but not in the bed..that would be gross!”
    Big Guy:” OK, so we got about 10 minutes on Gabs’ bedroom floor?”
    Me:”Yep!”
    Big Guy:” GO!”

    Sound familiar? I know I am not the only one with co-sleepers, or small children in general. This was NOT in the baby handbook! How people have more than 2 kids, I will never know. It must be pure unadulterated dumb luck. I know how we go the first one, we were alone, we were married, we lived in Tennessee and nothing was on TV so we got a lot of practice entertaining ourselves!  Then we went on a romantic getaway with nothing to do but linger in each others arms. BAM! There ya go! But number 2, that baby was conceived on a Labor Day afternoon while a baby napped, Daddy had the day off, and Mommy was feeling frisky. Now, fast forward to 3 years later..there is no way that we could conceive another one. Love making has been reduced to an Olympic qualifying sport.It’s all about being very strategic and very fast, rushed and quiet (Sush, you’ll wake the girls).There’s no falling into it, no looking longingly into each others eyes with that hungry look. We still have those hungry looks but now its usually a hunger for sleep.

    We’ve never really been busted, probably because we are like merry minstrels roaming from room to room to find a spot to engage in the occasional coitus. Making matters worse, now he is always out of town for business so that leaves me with only 3 nights and 3 days of potential love making to choose from.  So, if I say I’m too tired or I’ve got a headache, I have to think carefully because the opportunity may not present itself again until the following week.(Yes, a whole week more)Who are we kidding, you can’t make “love” in that sliver of time we are allotted after our kids fall asleep and before the first time they wake up for water, the potty, nightmares, what have you.Let’s call it what it is, we are making a quickie and sometimes we can’t even get through that before someone wakes up and calls out. Nothing like being almost there, and having to go soothe a cryer back to sleep. That will dry you up quicker than a shot of Sudaphed.Don’t worry Daddies, I’m pretty sure it can shrivel your junk up too, within a matter of seconds. Thank God its the quality and not the quantity that counts. Quality is fantastic, quantity, well, we need to clear up some scheduling conflicts…like children running a muck and working out of town! I never understood what the hell all this “I have a headache” stuff was about. Then I had kids and I realized, the headache of which they speak is the headache it is to try and choreograph “Special” time with your partner.

    Sometimes, you just need a back rub and that’s it. It’s not code for anything but I’m tired and my damn back hurts from chasing and lugging kids all day. Can you help a Mama out and just rub my back? But we can’t even get through that without someone waking up, calling out, or creeping up on us.I have been busted getting a late night massage in front of the fire place, thank God it hadn’t evolved any further. That’s why I know the living room is too exposed.  I have a friend who told me that her and her husband used to rendezvous in their closet for “special” time, away from the prying ears of their teenagers. My closet just isn’t big enough for those kind of escapades. Her and her husband are both on the smaller side. My husband is a giant and I’m life size not fun sized, so there’s no way that could happen in my house. Plus with all that clean laundry that’s hiding out in my closet floor, there’s no room left for love making…unless the big guy wants to hump my clean nighties that are in desperate need of being put away. He never sees them on anymore, so I am sure one look at them and he’d be done.

    How do you coordinate special time? Dose the kiddies with Benadryl? Lock the doors and turn out the lights and pretend no ones home? During nap time? Where do you have to hide to get your groove on? I need suggestions, I am running out of  rooms that are safe. I was thinking about the basement but then I’d die if one of the kids woke up, came looking for us, and fell down the stairs. Oh, the joys of Motherhood! Happy Parenting!

  • The Do Over Proposal that I Never Expected

    When you were a little girl, what did you imagine your perfect proposal to look like? If you’re a guy, did you agonize over how to propose and make sure that you got a yes? I guess that would be stressful. I never really imagined the perfect wedding proposal. For me, it was more about the perfect guy proposing.

    Not perfect like a Greek god. Not perfect like a model or earning a certain income. Perfect in that he loved me unconditionally, just as I am. Perfect in that I loved him the same. The perfect proposal to me had nothing to do with anybody getting down on their knee and everything to do with being willing to stand by my side for the rest of our lives.

    Our original proposal was nothing short of comical. Endearing and filled with good intentions but more impulsive than it could have been. I was shocked and I was flattered but mostly, I was knocked off my feet by how soon in our relationship he knew that I was “the one.” I had never been anyone’s, “the one” before.

    After 12 months of relationship I was already choosing between wedding ballrooms and dresses, 11 years later, I finally got “the proposal”. The one you read about on fairytale wedding blogs. The ones photographed in perfect sunset light and captured in remote destinations. Only, mine was in my living room.

    This past weekend was the Big Guy and my 11th wedding anniversary. It was pretty special since last year for our 10th, he had just been downsized and our whole life was up in the air. Not much celebrating went on last year. This year, however, was a completely different story.  Is it really possible that I can be more in love with this man by the day?

    READ ALSO: I F*cking Love You Man

    We met in college, at a bar, through a mutual friend. He very nonchalantly looked down at me ( since he is a towering 6’5″ ) and said, “Hey”. I barely warranted a nod. I thought, “What an asshole!” Anyways, fast forward 4 months and there he is in yet another bar proposing. I was shocked and ill-prepared for such a question.

    We had been dating exclusively since a few days after the “hey” incident but isn’t 4 months really soon? Did I mention he asked me in the middle of a bar? No big drop down to your knee with a ring, hush over the crowd, as the DJ booth announces that the big guy needs quiet. No, just a “will you marry me?” in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of a dance, in the middle of a night of drinking. WTF? I was shocked. I was flattered. I was confused. I was lucky. It took me a couple days to give him an answer, because as I mentioned…I was shocked. In 4 months, I was not expecting a ring.

    Being the list making thinker that I was I thought about it and realized listen to your heart, ” Are you, crazy girl? It’s too soon. Then I thought to myself, are you crazy girl…he’s amazing and you love him. This is the way it was all going to end up anyways. He just figured it out first! (That’s why I’m lucky).”

    Then I said yes, then I got a ring. He liked it but he wasn’t forking out money to put a ring on it if I didn’t say yes. I did tell you we were in college, right? Anyways, that was my first proposal back on January 28, 1998. The one that I found out later was supposed to be Valentine’s Day proposal ( how romantic) but he was nervous and jumped the gun…that’s why he didn’t actually have a ring on him.

    For our 5th wedding anniversary, he got me an upgraded ring. My original one was beautiful and it is very special to me but my 5-year one was something else. Lots of sparkle and shine, just like I like. Then he whisked me off to a hot and steamy vacation for two in New Orleans. I came home with really frizzy hair from the heat, and I’m pretty sure all the booze and love gave me our first daughter. Talk about a souvenir!

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    Fast forward, 6 years later to our do over 10 year anniversary ( our 11th anniversary) and the big guy has once again, shocked me! Oh yes, Ladies, he came home ( from out of town work) and the girls were napping. He had a sandwich and sat dawn and watched a little bit of trash tv the Real Housewives of New York with me. He let me ramble on about some inane scenario that was taking place and then he left the room. I figured he went out to use the bathroom, check his email, who knows. We’ve been married for 11 years, I don’t ask him where he’s going every time he leaves the room, anymore.

    I am sitting there, mind you with my grimy gardening clothes on, hair pulled back in a bun with crazy curls sprouting everywhere from the humidity…not a stitch of makeup on. I turn around and I’ll be damned if he is not next to my chair on his knee. Yes, his KNEE. I have been waiting for this my whole life. It was “the proposal”, I always wanted and never got. But I figured as long as the guy was the right one, who cares if the proposal wasn’t what I had always expected.

    Next, I heard him saying “Now, will you marry me?” I think. I was in such shock. I was so happy, I grabbed that ring and hugged his neck and squeezed him and kissed him and said: ” Of course!” ( We are planning a vow renewal for our 15th..some place warm).

    I understand now what that crazy reaction is that women have when they are asked to marry the man of their dreams when they have been waiting for it..expecting it. The ring is gorgeous. I am totally in love with my new ring, almost as much as I am with my husband. It is very special to me because it is actually the ring I was proposed to with!

    To top it all off, the next day ( our actual anniversary) we had a wonderful date ( alone without children) and it was amazing hanging out with my best friend, soul mate, the man of my dreams and just talk and hear and see one another. Then I found out he was going to propose that night at the restaurant..drop to his knee, in the restaurant..how romantic. There he goes jumping the gun..again! I so love this man. I can’t believe that he still makes my heart swoon. Thanks baby for being everything I never knew, I always wanted! Te amo!

    These are some of the pictures from date night on our anniversary! We are goofs, but I can not imagine my life any other way. So full of love and joy. My cup runneth over!

    What did your “the proposal” moment entail?