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Happily ever after

by Deborah Cruz

When I was a little girl, way back before I knew anything, I always imagined life and love to be just like every fairy tale that Disney spoon fed me as a child. It went a little something like this; I’d meet a boy, obviously he would be gorgeous, sensitive and funny. His most redeeming quality, he would recognize my absolute amazingness the moment we met. The relationship would be easy and comfortable but full of passion, almost immediately. He’d propose in some uber romantic way, taking my breath away, naturally. We’d have our huge white wedding, and we’d go off into the sunset and live happily ever after.Simple, right?
Problem is that Disney forgot to provide some key elements of romance and romantic relationships. For instance, jerky boys, unrequited love, how sex influences relationships , crushs, heartache, heartbreak, other women, being at “different” places at different times, falling out of love, realizing that Mr. Right is usually not what you were expecting and that what you expect changes over time, the fact that life happens when you are planning to plan and never when you actaully planned it, love is a series of compromises and there are no winners or losers. Love is just two people trying to coexist in a rhythm, that children change absolutely everything about you, your relationship, and how you view the world. Marriage is hard, lots of work and an evolving situation..its like a ride on a roller coaster but it is totally worth it, with the right person.The last thing Disney forgot to tell us little girls,  maybe the most important part of the story, is that when we ride off into the sunset it is usually the beginning of something and not the end.
I guess I’ve been pretty blessed.I have the great guy but he’s not without his faults. After all, I never saw Prince Charming farting and leaving dirty socks scattered throughout the living room floor. Our relationship was comfortable..after about the 2nd year of marriage. We had the great big white wedding, but it put us into some debt and I was pretty snookered by the time I arrived at the reception. Lesson to my girls: No sleep+ no food+ nerves + alcohol = easily intoxicated bride. We did ride off into the sunset and 11 years, 21 jobs (between the 2 of us) 10 cities, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 vehicles, 2 houses, and 2 beautiful children later, we still work daily at our marriage. You really do get out what you put in, so I am all in. Luckily, at the point he and I met, we had learned from previous relationships what to and not to do. We realize what we have is rare and we work to nourish and grow it. In the end, I did get the fairy tale but only because I endured all the reality that comes with a relationship in the real world. My Prince Charming was everything that I never knew I always wanted. That’s the fairy tale that I want my girls to know. If they go out there thinking there is no work and everything just comes to you ( in love or life in general) they will miss out on many great possibilities.

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Shell 2010/07/29 - 9:34 pm

Disney needs to continue the story, not just end it with a kiss and "happily ever after."

Java 2010/07/29 - 9:50 pm

What a beautiful post! Following you back and I love your blog…I'm going to go read some more!

Jenny 2010/07/29 - 9:53 pm

I hate to admit this, but I will since you don't know me…I actually bought Cinderella as a college student and a group of us girls would actually watch it. I am on my second marriage, the first one was a heck of a wedding but a crappy marriage the second one was a small, intimate wedding but a great marriage. We definitely have our peaks and valleys but it is how we handle those that makes this one last. Great post.

purseblogger 2010/07/29 - 11:36 pm

Girl, have I told you how much I love your blog? Your writing is so freakin' good. Love love love it!


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