I am blessed that my heart is now a stranger to separation. Life is not always what I might have wanted or even what I had expected, every minute of every day. Sometimes things are harder than I think they should be or than I ever imagined they could be. I have my days when I feel like things could be better. I question why things happen to me or why they don’t happen for me. I think many of us have these days. I think it is part of our humanity.
I’ll admit that on more than one occasion, I’ve been serenaded by the world’s smallest violin and hosted the centuries biggest pity party but as I have gotten older, dare I say even a bit wiser, every situation that I have survived has made me stronger. Without the tribulations, the victory would not be so sweet. The Big Guy and I will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary in May but the past 3 years of our marriage has been full of hurdles; due to circumstances that have nothing to do with our relationship and everything to do with a down economy. We’ve had job separation, we’ve had geographic separation, we’ve had little money and we’ve had a plethora of stress and worry, probably more than our fair share. But we’ve always had each other to talk it all over with, to cry with, to scream and rage against the world; to hold. Through it all, we’ve had love. Separation from the Big Guy, separation from the family that we have built and grown, separation from that love would be like separation from myself.
I know couples that are going through tumultuous times in their marriage and permanent separation may be a very real possibility for them. My heart aches for them because nobody gets married with the intention of it being a temporary situation. We marry because we
believe hope that we have won the relationship lotto. We are ecstatic to have found our happily ever after. We exhale with relief and comfortable happiness sets in. It may seem naive considering the percentage of couples that divorce these days. But it’s beautiful to be able to give of your heart, your life, and your soul in such an unconditional, unbounded way. There is freedom in knowing that someone else is in this world to take your hand when you stumble, to carry you when you fall and to love you when you are at your most unlovable.
It saddens me that others feel it their place, their right even, to flippantly comment on such a private issue. Separation and divorce are devastating and painful for all those involved, especially the children. No need for strangers to rub salt in the wounds. In the end, you are left with a man and woman trying to find their way in their new normal while mourning the loss of the relationship. Trying their best to survive losing the happily ever after. The pain must be almost unbearable.
It would be one of the scariest situations that you could be in as an adult. Learning to leap with no net, taking a chance and being brave enough to speak up and say that you both deserve happiness, even if you have to live apart. Willing to take the chance of losing it all and having to start from scratch. Nobody knows what really goes on in the hearts, minds and souls of a married couple, aside from the two involved. Please think before you make a joke or say someone deserves their separation because no one deserves to have their heart ripped out of their chest and stomped on.
Today, I have been invited by the awesome @NatalieHoage to share my Mommy Moment on her site Mommy of a Monster and Twins. I hope that you will stop by her blog and see how I deal with the separation of my mind from my heart.