Tag:

divorce

Alpha Women, divorce, marriage, strong women, money, finances

Do you think as Alpha Women are taking back their “bossy” and leaning in so hard that maybe we are forcing men out?

Are Alpha Women responsible for causing so many failed marriages and entitled kids who are products of these divorces? FOX news thinks so. Wait a minute…FOX news doesn’t think, they just speak.

I recently watched this video segment on FOX news and was flabbergasted. I was sure that someone had posted an Onion piece posing as a FOX “news” piece but then again, what comes out of FOX news channel these days shouldn’t surprise me. They are the conservative news outlet and apparently, they don’t so much report the news as bend it to their will to support their conservative agenda. Or maybe it was an Onion piece? I kinda hope it is.

Apparently, as we women “lean in”, men are forced to lean out to avoid being completely annihilated. Now that a whopping 24% of women make more money than their husbands, the conservative dogma is about to implode upon itself. (Women typically make 23% less than men, so obviously if these women are making 24% more than their husbands, they are having to work just about 150% harder for that.)

In this particular piece, it was stated that social pressures in the U.S. for men to be breadwinners are what may cause the marital problems. Obviously, the answer is for women to stop being so damn Alpha and let their men do what God intended, take care of women. Only there is one f*cking problem, men don’t always take care of women and secondly, not all women want to be at the mercy of some man to make her dreams come true.

Look, our whole lives, women have been told that in order to succeed in life we need to get married and have children, keep a clean house, cook well and look good while doing it all. We are not supposed to think or have free will if it interferes with the grand scheme of things. If what we want to do interferes with what he wants to do, we are expected o acquiesce because you know… the vagina thing. Just accept our fates already. We have vaginas, they make us weak so we need big, hairy men to take care of us. Huh?

In fact, let’s back up, what constitutes ALPHA WOMEN?

Is FOX News trying to insinuate that strong women are the problem? Are we suppose to teach our girls to bend to the will of men and take less than they deserve just to make the men in their lives feel better? Because I’ve got to tell you, that will never happen in my house. We teach our girls to do their best, work their hardest and go for whatever they want. We teach them that anything is possible. I’m raising Alpha Girls.

The question was raised, “Do women LIKE being taken care of?” Well, I have a two-part answer for that. First of all, what does taken care of mean? Financial security? Shelter? Food? Or emotional support and love?

My first answer is yes! Of course, every person (man and woman) loves to be taken care of in a way that they have a partner that reciprocates unconditional love and support. Do we all like having someone in our life that will carry us through when we are down or give us a hand when we have fallen? Of course, we do. Doesn’t everyone? Do we like being financially stable and being provided a beautiful home and things? Of course, that is human nature. But do I expect my husband to provide my everything? No. He is my partner and I am his. We get through this life together. If being “taken care of” means my husband going to work every day while I stay home and work my tail off and that equals him getting to do whatever he wants while I get to be subservient, then no thank you. We take care of each other over here.

No one is leaning over crushing the other under his or her weight. Sure there are sometimes when he is the star and I let him shine and there are other times when I am leaning in so hard, he picks up all the slack. This is not him doing me a favor or me letting go of my dreams to support his. We do this for one another. No, marriage is not 100% equal all of the time. You are a fool if you think it is. But in the grand scheme of things, if you add up our years together and divide them by when ones been the star and the other has been the wind beneath the wings; it’s just about even.

I don’t make anywhere near as much as my husband does these days but when we were first out of college, I was the only one working while he interviewed for months. We lived together. There was no animosity. I worked while he looked for a job. Every night we sat down together for dinner, both of us had worked all day; one at a place of business the other at home. I appreciated everything he did for our home. I respected him for being a participant in our marriage and supporting me emotionally during that time in our life.

Once we had children, we made the decision that I would stay home. To be honest, I made the decision and he completely supported me. Since he had been home, he knew what had to be done to keep a home running. Once we had the children, he knew I was at home raising our babies. He knew all the other stuff I was doing as well and he supported me. We moved several times throughout our marriage for his dreams and now, he supports me in pursuing mine. When I go to conferences or on press trips, he is able to be flexible at his place of employment. He’ll work from home when I travel. When I have deadlines, he makes dinner. He knows how to give the girls a ballet bun. He takes them to ballet on nights when I need to host a Twitter party or have a Google chat about business.

In our home there are no master and servant roles, there are only 2 people who have loved and supported one another for the past 16 years. There are no man’s work or woman’s work, there are only things that need to get done and we do it…together. The idea that a man would divorce a committed, loving wife for making more money then him I ludicrous and only proves how stupid it is to let male pride and machismo get in the way of happiness.

In truth, the Big Guy says if I ever make enough money to be the sole breadwinner, he’d be more than happy to stay home with the girls and consult for a living. He gets pretty excited at the dream of an early retirement.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that finances most certainly can contribute to the divorce rate but that usually has more to do with a lack of money. Our philosophy has always been that as long as we have one another’s love and support and the true desire to be together, there are very few problems that we couldn’t work through. Next week, we celebrate 15 years of marriage so apparently, what we do has been working for us.

Alpha women, Alpha Men, Alpha Babies and Alpha Dogs, we love them all.

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marriage, divorce

There was one thing that scared me a bit in 2013; Divorce. There sure were a lot of people getting divorced. Even people who you thought were perfect for one another and had great marriages, suddenly they were done. I started to believe that maybe marriage had a shelf life even after you made it past the dreaded 7-year-itch and the expiration date was somewhere between the 11-18 year mark. We’re about to hit 15 years, so we are right smack dab in the middle of the likely to divorce session of marriage.I guess it makes sense, those are the years when people find themselves getting bored. Babies are born and life has become predictable and maybe you miss the excitement of when it was all new. You’ve both changed and maybe instead of growing together, you’ve grown apart. I get it. People grow up and perspectives and beliefs change and evolve. What’s important to you at 23, might not be important at all when you are 33.

It felt like everyone I knew was going through an early midlife crisis and their spouse had suddenly become as obsolete to them as condoms. No one gets married thinking this will be nice for 10 years or so but no one should stay in a bad marriage but I also think we should work hard to try to salvage a good one. Sometimes just talking, really talking and listening to one another can make all the difference because maybe your partner is having all the same questions and fears about the marriage. I have also seen first hand that hurts done without sincerely apology can kill love dead. Together maybe you can work towards fixing it but if one person is oblivious to the turmoil the marriage is in or content with the way things are and the other is miserable, things build up and people part ways. It made me think. It made me wonder what the fuck would I do if I found myself suddenly single at 41?

I mean 41 is not old but it’s also not prime husband shopping years. I’ve given birth, gained weight and have a lot more baggage than I did at 25. I have kids for God’s sake. It’s not just my life a relationship would effect, it’s my girls’ lives too and who could I ever trust to care for them and love them like their own father because they’d be marrying all 3 of us; we’re a package deal. Not to mention, and I hate to admit it, I don’t tan or pluck and shave and workout like I once did. My unibrow is just about got the band back together and my mustache, well, I swear that sonofabitch is trying to join forces with this sudden onset middle age chin fuzz. My boobs, they are further south than I knew was possible for women under 80 and every single bone in my body pops and cracks when I walk. I swear, I am 1 duct taping away from falling completely apart. Attractive, right? You’re probably wondering why the hell my husband’s still around with all that going on in the first place? I can only guess its because crazy turns him on.

The Big Guy and I got married agreeing that we don’t believe in divorce. There is only one way out of this marriage and that is death. Now, you can go by natural causes like old age two days after I die or you can break one of the deadly sins of marriage like abusing a wife or a child in any way or cheating, having extramarital relations. We’ve joked about it and I’ve warned him of how if we ever divorce he will keep me in the lifestyle I am accustomed to and he will have the children and pets every weekend (because you know I’ll have to be on the prowl for a wealthy man. Yep, I married for love once, next go around I need financial stability and botox and such. ) But really, we both know, there is only ONE way out of this marriage and it involves death and us parting.  It’s all just a matter of how, why and when you go.

I’d just assume skip the whole homicidal thing plus I really quite like being married to the Big Guy so I’ve decided maybe I’d like to spice up the marriage we have. What we have works but I know we are boring. At the end of the day, he is still my favorite person in the world, my best friend and when he grabs my hand to hold it, it still takes my breath away. We’re both older, heavier and we know all of each others old stories. We know what the other is thinking before they ever say it. It may sound boring if you are on the outside looking in but we still surprise one another with a flirty glance or a thoughtful gesture. Through it all; ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor there is one constant; unconditional love and everyone knows that trumps that new relationship feeling.

The girls are getting a little older so maybe it’s time to focus a little more time on the marriage now that we can spend a little less time trying to keep the kids alive. At 6 and 8 they are pretty good about walking up stairs, keeping keys out of electrical outlets and averting danger and they’ve gotten really good at breathing through the night…I know, I still check. So maybe a little 15 year spice is just the preventative measure we need to insure marital bliss for years to come. Plus, really, nobody wants to die anytime soon.

What do you do to keep your marriage new and exciting? OR if you have gotten a divorce, what do you wish you would have done differently?

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Divorce, separation,couples

Divorce, separation,couples

Separation is more than the space between two people

I am blessed that my heart is now a stranger to separation. Life is not always what I might have wanted or even what I had expected, every minute of every day. Sometimes things are harder than I think they should be or than I ever imagined they could be.

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Friendly Flirting or is Facebook the Top Reason for Divorce?

facebook

Facebook is a time machine to your past

I ran into a situation on Facebook last week that was foreign to me. It was as foreign as going to another planet. I’m sure many of you have been in this position, due to most of us being so social media/tech savvy /plugged in. Have you ever found yourself in the uncomfortable position of finding yourself reading a complimentary email from on old high school chum on Facebook? Or, perhaps, reading a flattering comment on one of your Facebook photos? What about engaged in a Facebook online chat with an old acquaintance that suddenly escalates from platonic and pleasant, to a little friendly flirting and eventually you find yourself floundering as you have landed right smack dab in the middle of uncomfortable-ville? Have any of you experienced this? What am I asking? Of course you have.

Don’t be shy. I won’t tell anyone.I’m just thinking out loud here. But what do you do? See, the Big Guy and I are very open…about every thing.(No, I don’t mean our marriage is open. That bitch is locked up tighter than San Quentin prison.) But every once in awhile, someone we went to high school with will friend he or I on Facebook or vice versa and then it goes a little something like this. The obligatory, “Hi, how have you been?” (Just because its rude to friend someone just to nose around their profile to see how fat they got or how ugly their spouses are, right?) This is usually reciprocated by a “I’m good. Married, 2 kids, great job,blah, blah blah!” But what it usually means is , “I’m OK, living back with my mom, I’m fat, I’m bald, and my wife has left me for some guy who has more money.”

But then one of two things happens, either you say hi and check each others Facebook profile out. You spend a good half hour catching up on what they’ve been up to , who they’ve married, do they have kids, what is their station in life and after all this and you’ve perused their profile pics ( oh, don’t tsktsk me…I know you all do it. No way, I’m the only one using Facebook to check out what happened to everyone I used to go to high school with.) and you are certain that you dodged a bullet or are glad this person is in your past, then you are done. You never speak again. Maybe the occasional unmeaning “Happy Birthday” because all 457 of their other friends said it.

Or things can go this way on Facebook, you say hi and then comfort takes over and maybe some chemistry on one or the others part, coupled with a side order of loneliness and BOOM! combustible..blow up in your face flirtation…or is that friendly flirtation n Facebook? But really is there any such thing as friendly flirtation among married people? If the two are single…OK, go crazy. But if one or both are married, isn’t that a recipe for disaster? Maybe Facebook should change it’s name to Divorcebook? I mean seriously, if you ask me…Facebook is starting problems. Between any love you’ve ever lost,  chance you never took, or singles ads showing what you could have versus what you’ve already got…Facebook is an instigator.

Hey look who I found on Facebook

I think it is. I’m no fucking prude. I’m a certifiable touchy, feely kinda broad and I know that I’ve been guilty of a little friendly flirtation. So watch out..if we ever meet in person, I may be all huggy, kissy and ass smacking. ( not really but I will probably hug you out.) It’s no surprise to hear me say “Oh my God, your hair is so hot like that” to a friend (male or female, no difference to me. I’ve been married forever now and all you people are androgynous Ken dolls to me now. Whatever’s between your legs is of no concern to me) usually the Big Guy is standing right there.We all know, its me paying a compliment ( or in some cases being extremely generous) but everyone who knows me..knows that I am unabashedly in love with the Big Guy. So, when I say something of this nature, everyone knows that it’s JUST a compliment…its not an invitation for anything more. NEVER!

But when you’re on Facebook and people can’t see facial expressions, or hear voice inflections and I’m only left with words and emoticons sometimes things get lost in translation and people hear what they want to hear or what they think the high school version of me might have meant. And there I am, smack dab in the middle of wondering is this friendly flirtation that they are retorting with or have they completely misunderstood the words coming out of my mouth? No one wants to seem like the crazy stay-at-home Mommy who is so far removed from the flirting/single scene that she imagines things to be something more than they really are but then again who wants to be the asshole who missed the signals and didn’t put a stop to the madness?

Recently, I had a small issue that I just assumed was like every other time before it; friendly flirtation on the part of an old friend.I reminded this friend that I was married several times and this was not the sort of attention that he should be wasting on an unavailable person.I thought this would be enough to halt the whole issue. But it continued with conditionals, if you weren’t than would you? Followed by, I would never fain to even ask..but if you asked me…. that sort of shit. And it left me feeling dirty and guilty and I had done nothing. When the Big Guy came home, I told him. I ALWAYS tell him when these things surface and he ALWAYS says with a shrug of disinterest “Whatever”. It’s not that he doesn’t care. It’s that he’s not threatened.He has no reason to be but I feel it’s just best to always be honest and open about these things lest they come back to bite you right back in your big ass. No thank you.I don’t really much care for being bitten in the ass..well, occasionally but that’s another post entirely.

My answer was to simply stay “offline”to be “unavailable” for conversation, friendly flirtation or marital problem instigating banter. In a day and time when people are meeting their best friends and soul mates online, it is no wonder to me that Facebook is probably , at least partly, responsible for a good percentage of marital problems and divorces. It’s just too easy, your spouse or partner pisses you off and oh, look at all the fish in the sea…right there at your finger tips just waiting to be engaged. So, I’m interested to know, Have you ever had this issue? What did you do? What was your reaction? Do you think it’s harmless flirtation or a train wreck waiting to happen? I always go with better safe than sorry, when it comes to my marriage…it’s too important an institution to fuck around with. If it comes between my marriage and hurting someone’s feelings, sorry someone!

Has an old flame ever found you on Facebook?

Facebook Causing Divorces Since 2004

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https://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=bestoftv/2010/07/08/ac.gupta.abbie.dorn.tease.cnn

As a Mother, this video saddened me beyond belief. To go through a pregnancy and then during labor , have your uterus nicked and to basically die on the table due to malpractice..to have your whole life turned upside down, to have your husband abandon you, and take your triplets away from you..from your very sight. It was all too monstrous.

The story is this, Abbie Dorn married an asshole man named Dan. They were in love, they wanted children, they started fertility, they got pregnant with triplets. The pregnancy progressed as expected. At 8 a.m. on June 20, 2006, the couple raced the short distance to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Esti and Reuvi were born without incident. But Yossi was positioned awkwardly. While the doctor was  delivering him, he nicked her uterus, according to the malpractice attorney.

Abbie subsequently lost a massive amount of blood. By 2:30 a.m., she was in shock, her arms and legs cold and clammy. By around 6 a.m., she had stopped breathing. Then she went into cardiac arrest. The defibrillator did not work properly. Her brain was starved for oxygen. This poor woman goes to the hospital to deliver and Cedars-Sinai basically ruined her life. In that instant, all the wonder and excitement of her ever after came to a screeching halt and was replaced with a black abyss of impending doom! It was like a terrible ride and she could not exit, and her husband/her partner/ her advocate jumped off and left her to suffer alone.Is it just me or do you want to beat this man with a giant mallet too? What a bastard!

After a year of recovery, her husband decided that her injuries were too substantial and he was going to ask for a divorce so he could move on and marry someone else. Citing that, after a year, the chance of progressive recovery is slim. Man, keep that guy away from the plugs! Apparently, he said it was too much to ask of him to handle three 1 year olds by himself! Poor effin idiot! What a heartless jerk. It makes me think of that old Metallica video from the 80’s with the soldier who has no arms, no legs, and can’t speak but his mind is fully functional and he is crying because no one realizes that he is “in there”. What if she is “in there”, crying and missing her children ( you know the ones she only got to hold ONCE!) and everybody thinks she is “vegetative”. That’s what her husband wants the courts to believe but that’s not what her side is saying. They say that Abbie has been responsive, she understands.

But it gets even better, her douche bag ex -husband doesn’t let her see the children. I agree, she can not take care of the children..she is paralyzed and appears vegetative but she is in therapy and is making progress. I don’t see why she can’t have chaperoned visits with her parents present( her father is a doctor for God’s sake), who she now lives with because her husband kicked her to the curb after she almost died having his babies. Her husband says it is too traumatic for the children. Well, hey asshole..maybe if you hadn’t taken them away from her almost immediately after birth and they had been allowed to maintain a relationship with their mother..the lady who practically died for them..it wouldn’t be traumatic. They would just see their mother and not some scary lady who can’t talk..or move! Did I mention, she has only been allowed to hold her children once..at birth!

I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure feeling her children’s arms around her neck could do wonders for her state of mind. What kind of monster would keep a Mother from her children? For the entire story ( I highly recommend that you read it) please go here! So, of course my Throat punch goes to Mr. Dan Dorn and also to the team of morons at Cedars- Sinai who ruined this woman’s life. I understand that the hospital made a series of avoidable mistakes, that happens. It is awful, and scary but it does happen. They are after all only human. However, Dan, you took vows..for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I think he’s a cretin for leaving her in her time of absolute need, but I think he is a monster for not letting her have , at the very least, supervised visits with her children. I think almost dying to bring them into the world gives Mommy some rights! Come here Mr.Dorn, I have a special throat punch for you and if anything gets terribly damaged..be sure to head yourself to Cedars-Sinai so they can patch you up, accidentally cut off your penis and let you bleed to death! See how you like it!

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