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Parenting

Parenting is nothing you expected and everything you could have imagined all rolled into one. I have been spit up on, pooped on, vomited on all before 7 a.m. in the newborn years. I’ve watched my toddler shove a pearl up her nose and poop in her mouth, and I’ve even masticated food. Not as fun as it sounds. I’ve survived breast buds and the sex talk. I share everything I ever learned and you might want to know about parenting from pregnancy to labor thru to the teens years.  It’s is hard but it’s the toughest job that you’ll ever love but the salary sucks.

kids cursing, raising children, toddlers, they hear everything

Are you guilty of cursing around your toddlers?

I, like so may other Mommies, am guilty of the occasional stubbed toe “Damn it!”, or the lost keys “F*bomb!” or even the I just busted my shin on the coffee table,” Sonofabitch!” but I really do try to keep my inner sailor in check….around my girls. ( I know, not very lady like. My Mom is mortified). And other than that week a couple years ago when Gabs decided to run around the house screaming”F*CK!” incessantly like a little mafioso on a tirade, we’ve not really had a problem with too much cursing. They’ll hear it, they’ll try it, we tell them no, they get bored they move on..Bada Bing Bada Boom, Fuggedaboutit(Holy shit,,, I just got possessed by Tony Soprano for a minute!) There’s always this little voice inside me that keeps warning me..” filter woman, filter!” But I keep on keeping on, and get caught in a moment and sometimes not so savory words come falling out of my mouth, despite my best efforts. Anyways, I’ve been getting worried you know with Catholic school just around the corner and all. How am I supposed to explain that my beautiful, innocent little girl can probably sling cursed laced insults with the best of them? I’m assuming and I know for sure that she can use them in the appropriate context because they have already proven that..with the exception of Gabs’ Tourettes-like f-bomb tirade, but I digress.

The point being, the girls have been saying things that, though we giggle now, I am sure come fall.I won’t be amused in the least. Especially when I have to explain where she learned it from. But something else has been happening that has made me completely forget about the curse words that may or may not come out of my 5 and 3-year-olds mouth. Yes, something much, much worse.No? You don’t believe there could be anything worse than your kids telling some nun to eff off? Well, what about these gems…
Gabs:” Girls, Pull your tits!” (in English, Girls, cool your jets!)
Gabs: (While escorting me around the yard as I picked up the dog poop with the pooper scooper..oh the joy! Gabs was running around the yard like a shit-seeking missile, pointing and yelling to id the aforementioned “poop” )This is what she yelled on a warm summer day, as all of our neighbors looked on,” Mommy! DOG SHIT!!!!!”
Yeah, thank God that wasn’t embarrassing.

So, you can see my concern. But something even much worse happened this weekend and put everything into perspective for me. I have a colorful vocabulary, I am a hand talker, and I like to use metaphors and all kinds of language manipulation to illustrate my points but they are very seldom to be taken literally. But, I forgot…3 and 5-year-olds don’t understand the difference. Over the otherwise fantastically family filled Fourth of July weekend, I was having a discussion with my MIL about her son, my husband, doing something ridiculous.I think my exact words were, “He better take a pill or he better not be surprised when I stab him in his sleep!(this was said with a chuckle and a smile)” Obviously, I was saying he needed to calm down or I would hurt him, which really meant..”Dear Husband, stop being a butt face and please calm the eff down. Love your biggest fan!”

But Bella, she just doesn’t get that ( plus, to be honest) I totally didn’t even realize that the little ninja was in the house when I said it. Last I knew, she was outside with the prospective stabbing victim playing volleyball or covering her sister in S’mores in hopes of feeding her to the ants, or something of the like. I found out that she was in the house when my husband approached me and said, “Hey, so ..you’re going to stab me in my sleep now?” I wasn’t quite sure if he was serious or if he was crazy and I said, “WHAT?” Yeah, apparently my 5 year old went outside and called her Dad over to the side to inform him of this, “Hey Daddy, Mommy said she’s going to stab you in your sleep!” WOW!

Needless to say, I had to have a talk with her to assure her that I  indeed was NOT going to stab her Daddy in his sleep, nor would I ever hurt him in any way. I tried to explain  that I was using colorful language to illustrate a point and be funny but in fact, it was inappropriate and I should not have said it in the first place. Her answer, ” I know Mommy. You were just saying that Daddy was being a grouch and he better stop it! It’s not like you said you were going to choke him out!”

Wow! Oh Shit! Can I get some earmuffs over here for this kid? Maybe some perma pink ones that I can leave in at all times and remove only when I need to speak with her. I would really prefer she not start Kindergarten by telling some nun that I said I was going to stab her Daddy while he slept..that’s not very christian and I’m pretty sure the school might put a call into DCFS. The moral of the story being..be on the look out for tiny ninja’s before ever speaking in metaphor , irony, allegory, or simile!

What’s your trick to stop cursing around your children?

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Here are a few more of my Mommy truisms;

  • Incessant whining can literally cause insanity. I know…I’ve seen it happen!
  • Tantrums are kinda funny, unless they are in public..or its your kid.
  • Spanking children is unacceptable, timeouts are worthless, but threatening that the cops will come works every time in my household.
  • Daddies can change diapers, bathe kids, wipe asses and noses, brush hair and teeth, read books and play with and dress our kids just as well as we can; they just don’t because we  NEVER ask. Relinquish control ladies. You will thank me later!
  • In reference to the previous truism, if Daddy doesn’t perform up to your (probably impossible) standards..Try , try again. If you don’t..that’s what he wants!
  • Grandparents are priceless; live it, love it, learn it!
  • Cheerios, Cheez its, & Goldfish are not acceptable as the norm in your car, your floor , or your bed…it’s nasty. Even if another single adult never gets into your mini van, SUV, Mommy taxi…eventually, you will have to hit a drive thru and some snarky , pimply faced 16 year old will be using you as a cautionary tale. Come on, you don’t want to give them the satisfaction. We already have to live down the whole “MOM Jeans” thing.
  • Even if your kid says “no”, even if you are tired of arguing..brush their hair!You’re the parent and you will be that mom!
  • If you ever want your kids to enjoy religion, please take them to church as children. Learning faith as an adult is so much harder than instilling faith into the heart of a child. It’s like trying to convince an adult that Santa is real!
  • Breastfeeding before your milk comes in, is like spending the day with an insatiable piranha.
  • Labor doesn’t feel like a big cramp (WTF? What crazy drugged out person said this?). It feels a lot more like an angry Ghoulie trying to stab his way out of your lower abdomen with lightening speed and a very dull butcher knife!
  • The ring of fire…well, they don’t relate it to hell because it feels good. It feels like exactly what they call it. I don’t know about you but I don’t want fire anywhere near that region of my body..ever.

Last but not least for tonight,

  • You don’t forget the pain of childbirth…EVER! Those broads that say you do…………………CRAZY LIARS!I found this out the hard way, so I know of which I speak. Happy Mothering!
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It’s been one of those weeks. The girls have both been sick for a week, I am sick, my husband comes home this weekend and he is getting sick. Everybody feels like crap, we stay in our jams, there’s barfing, coughing up lungs, spitting ( oh yeah..so ladylike), fevers galore, me putting the girls in luke warm baths to bring down fevers ( any idea what that’s like? Its like bathing a cat!) and thermometers sticking out of every orifice in the house. It’s basically been a three ring sick circus and I’ve been designated the damn ring master of Germapalooza. Just for the record, its no fun being the ring master when you feel like shit. Summer sickness? What is that? At least when I am sick in the winter, I feel like the malaise is confined to my body; my person. In the summertime, with the heat, I feel like the entire universe is conspiring to kill me. It is horrendous.Couple that with having to watch more poor babies be sick, the helplessness that comes with that in itself; I feel absolutely miserable! You all know how badly I felt this week, I mean Monday I called my  own Mommy for help. (She didn’t come but that’s another story altogether).Here, I am walking around in a fever induced delirium trying to force fluids and keep track of meds for my girls, charting temps, rationing toast,and wiping noses and asses…all week long…all while trying not to pass out myself. Is that even safe? Fortunately for me, a family who is sick and ailing together..naps together. Ahh, naps, you sweet , sweet bastards you helped me survive this week.
Amidst all of this bubonic bliss, I couldn’t help but take a little inventory of my house and myself. Brilliant , right? I look in the mirror and see the crypt keeper with bed head, eye boogers and fever blisters. Pretty , right? What’s more pathetic is I look at my usually adorable kids and the poor babies, they look like..well, the crypt keepers children. Worse than that, I do care but I am too sick and tired to do anything about it. So, I put the kids on the sofas and we lie there in our ugly silence , sipping tepid water, wiping our noses and watching Netflix! Then , my crazy little over active brain takes over. It’s been known to do that. I’m a thinker, sometimes I wish I could just be vacuous…blissfully vacuous!
In true Mommy fashion, I decided that every morning before I started feeling my worst, I would make an attempt to clean my house. As a general rule, I have been working until I feel faint from the cold meds. (I learned that lesson the hard way while trying to place some decor above the kitchen cabinets. I turned around so quickly on the chair that I got dizzy and lost footing. Thank God I caught myself, the hospital would have locked my girls and I away for good if we came into the emergency room looking the way we did.) After almost falling and or collapsing for the third time, I decided to give myself over to the disease and accept that sometimes we just need to take off our Mommy Super woman cape and say,” To hell with it, I need a nap!” Because in the end, who cares what we look like or the house looks like when we are sick..we’re sick. What is important is that we take care of ourselves so that we can get well…and take care of our sick husbands! At least that’s what I’ve been told!Happy and Healthy Mothering!

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So, summer reading programs are in full swing. I sign my girls up every year, since Bella’s first summer when she was 3 months old. I am sure that the librarian though I was a completely overkill new Mommy. That was OK, I didn’t mind. I’d walk into the library dressed all cute, with my super cute little baby dressed in some incredibly adorable outfit with her hair pulled up in the most incredible little bows ( yes, even if I had to use toothpaste to keep those bitches in..they were in)I pranced my blissfully happy ass across the library like I was hot stuff as people oohed and ahhed over my baby. Then I’d pick out about 20 of the cutest little books I could find, trip over my platform sandals and maneuver my way back to the front to check out. Where the librarians would tell me just how awesome a Mommy I was to be reading to my baby and instilling such great literary practices in her little baby brain. I got a little bibliophile gold star. And every time I’d walk in, the same thing would happen. Now, I am sure behind my back they were giggling thinking poor, stupid girl. None the less, I would log the books I read to her and she would pick out some trinket..sticker, board book, pencil ( yes, a pencil for a 3month old..that should have been my first hint…duh) Of course, I too would take part. I had to be a good example for my 3 MONTH OLD!( like she was keeping track..shit,I’m not even sure she could completely see me at that point).
The following summer, pretty much like the first , just as adorable as ever. By this point the librarians know me by name. They smile and coo and know all my general business. Again, Mommy and daughter..prancing our sweet asses in their doing our thing, Me being the best Mommy ever! I was a model library connoisseur. Hell, my favorite librarian even used to set aside new release movies on Tuesday and hold them for me and Bella.What a rocking Librarian.
Fast forward, the next year I have a newborn. More OOhs and AWWWS, because now there is two of them. Dressed just alike with rhyming names, those big blue eyes, and crazy smiles.Of course, Mommy wasn’t sporting platform sandals or kitten heels anymore. No, Mommy was wearing flip flops and a pony tail, looking ever so slightly rough around the edges, That’s what a toddler and a newborn do to a Mommy. That summer,when they asked if I ‘d be participating in the summer reading program I gave a little grumble..put forth an effort and squeezed out 2 books that I may or may not have actually finished reading. I’m leaning towards probably not, but when they know you on a first name basis…you gotta at least make the effort to pretend. But I still read to the girls. Bedtime can really rack up those books when you have a toddler who fights sleep!
Fast forward to this year, I have a 3 and 5 year old who run into the library like they own the place. I guess they kinda feel like they do. They walk in and all the librarians flock to them like they are their long last Grammys. Hell, we moved away for 7 months, moved back and all the librarians were celebrating that we were back.It’s really sweet, I think they missed their entertainment. But these days, the girls run in..make a mad dash for the children’s DVD rack, then head for the Macs, and then the music. I’m too tired to even argue. It never fails, even at the self check out counters, one ( or more) of the librarians make their way over to say hi to the girls. I always feel a little guilty when they eyeball my 10 dvds, 10 cds, and my The tired Mommy’s guide to passionate sex book that I have checked out 7 times and never get around to reading because I am so DAMN TIRED! But there are seldom any kids books this summer. So, I reassure them that we do, in fact, have a library in our home..chalked full of kids books ( Which we do) but of course most of the time the kids are running past it to get to the media room…. to watch the aforementioned DVDs ……from the library.
This year when they ambushed me to sign up for the kids reading program, I readily did, as I always do. I even signed up to get their Library email newsletters so they can update me when there’s new books. I also told the girls that we were going to start reading chapter books and once we finished the entire book…I’d rent the movie. It’s been a week, and we are almost through with Charlotte’s Web. Brilliant, why didn’t I think of this sooner? Of course there is another problem, with all those DVDs, somehow…the Wiggles have gone missing. You know the Wiggles DVD that we already owned but my 3 year old had to check out. The Wiggles DVD that will probably cost me $100 to replace. Yeah, that Wiggles DVD ( apparently the one dipped in gold).Then it dawned on me why the librarians really love me and my children so much, all the money I have paid them for lost and misplaced DVD’s and CD’s ( never books). I’m probably part owner of that place as much money as I have put into it. The moral of the story….Read a book. Skip the DVD. A book cost $15 to replace, a DVD dipped in gold quite a bit more. Having the librarians still ooh and awww, even when you come in wearing tennis shoes, a crooked ponytail, a spit up t-shirt and yoga pants ( though the kids are still dressed cute) PRICELESS!

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Coming off this past weekend where I just spent every ounce of my energy tending to two very sick little girls, you can imagine my dismay when I called my own Mother this morning ( who was supposed to be coming for a week long visit)  only to find out she has changed her mind.

It went a little something like this:

Me: “Hi, Mommy (Yes, I still call her Mommy). So, when are you getting here?”
Mom:Hesitation in her voice, damn she must have read my FB updates about sick kiddies, “Well, I am trying to figure that out. When do you think would be best?”
Me: “Well, I thought you were coming tomorrow.”
Mom: “Well, I’m trying to figure out what will work out best for BOTH of us.”
Me: “Mom, the girls have both been sick all weekend. I am exhausted and to be honest, I think I am getting sick too. I could really use your help with the girls THIS week!”
Mom: ” Sick? What kind of sick? I think maybe I should come the week before the 4th of July.”
I think as soon as I confirmed the sickness rumors and she heard the word “sick” all she heard from then on out was white noise.

WTF????? Did she misunderstand that I just asked my MOMMY for help? What part of “I need help with the girls” is she having trouble understanding?

Me: ” Mom, are you coming or not?”
Mom: “Well, what do you think would be best?” ( I thought we just went over this!)
Me: Again, am I not speaking English? “I think I need you THIS week. The girls are getting well and will want to be playing outside and I will want to be in bed dying.”
Mom: “Ok, well you let me know.(Hello? Is this thing on?)  Oh, by the way, can you come here this weekend for you brother’s birthday party?” Commence my eye rolling and seizure having.
Me: WTF???Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Where is Ashton Kutcher, surely I must be getting punked! I love this woman but I am thoroughly confused. Apparently, we were playing a game of Chinese telephone that I had no idea that I was engaged in because she understood absolutely nothing of what I was saying.” OK, Mom. I will call you back.”

Apparently, my Mom doesn’t want to come take care of my children while I am sick but won’t actually say no. She’s from the south, they don’t like to be “ugly” about things. So, to recap; as I was being Supah Dupah Mommy this weekend taking care of any and all urges and whims of my poor sick children, my Mom is probably at home , at thsi ver moment, Lysoling the receiver to be sure she doesn’t catch my cooties through her land line. How can she be my Mom and we be such different types of Mommies? I should add that she only lives an hour away and she ALWAYS tells me , “When you are sick, if you ever need me to come help with the girls..JUST CALL!” I did! So much for that idea. Now, here I go back to my whining sick children ( Gabs is lying in bed making a sound like a dying calf) as I try my best not to go delirious with my own fever. Happy Mothering!

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A couple of years ago for Christmas, Bella ( then 3) wanted to tell her Papi why she loved him. It was her special gift to him ( and it really was. It brought he and I both to tears). Today, of all days, I stumbled across it and it seems apropos to share with you all here today. So, In the spirit of Father’s day here is Bella’s List from Christmas 2008.

Top 20 things that I love about my Papi
Christmas 2008
  • I love when you take me outside and play in the snow.
  • I love when you take me with you to get groceries.
  • I Love you because you love me!
  • I love when you play Barbies with me and use funny voices.
  • I love when you paint with me and teach me how to draw.
  • I love when you dance Wiggles dance contest with me and sissy.
  • I love when you count with me.
  • I love when you decorate the Christmas tree with me and take us to see Christmas lights.
  • I love when you play camping with us inside our Hello Kitty tent.
  • I love when you help me clean my room and straighten my bed.
  • I love when you make gingerbread houses with us.
  • I love when you kiss my booboos and use Dora bandaids.
  • I love when you watch the Nutcracker and dance with me.
  • I love you when you hug me when I am sad.
  • I love when we play dress up and you tell me I am pretty.
  • I love when you watch frosty with me and drink hot coco.
  • I when you come and sleep in my bed with me when I have nightmares about Chickens ( and Lemurs)
  • I love when we all take family naps together and you cuddle with me.
  • I love you when you drive all the way to my favorite mall to get me spicy chicken.
  • I love when you do nice things for me, like bring me surprises and play outside with me in the summer.
Most of all,I love you because you’re the best Papi I never  (ever in Bella speak) saw!
This list pretty much sums up the eyes with which my girls view their Daddy, every day. He is an amazing Father. He lives to make his girls ( luckily that includes me as well) smile and their sadness moves him to tears. I am blessed to be married to a man whose heart and personality can fill a room.Words can not convey the love I feel for him when I see him with our daughters.  He’s a real trooper too. The girls and I had planned to go all out for Father’s Day, unfortunately, imagine my surprise when both girls got sick this weekend. Daddy got to spend Father’s Day weekend, helping me tend to sick feverish children at all hours of the night. The girls looked at him all weekend with adoration as he helped administer meds and give luke warm baths, and carry sickly babies from couch to bed and back again.And I have never found him to be quite so sexy as he was helping me this weekend. Sorry you had to spend your Father’s Day in the trenches,baby, but I sure did appreciate it.We love you honey, more than you will ever know! I’m sure next years list will include: 
I love you when you take care of me when I am sick!
Happy Father’s Day to all the fantastic Fathers in your lives!
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I told you in the original Mommy Truisms that I would let them trickle out as they came to me, and so here are a few more Mommy truisms ( as I know them to be). I am sure most of you can relate  and if you can’t yet, be patient…..you will.

  • 4 is the new 16, Learn it, Love it, Live it!The sooner you do, the quicker you can adjust your game plan and plan accordingly.
  • It only takes a second of a turned head for a baby to fall off of a changing table; but it takes the rest of the day for a CAT scan.
  • If you are a first time Mommy and the doctor tells you that they think your daughter has yet another “viral” infection do not insist they take blood to prove it to you.
  • (This goes hand in hand with the previous truism) At all cost, avoid having blood drawn in children between the ages of 1-6, they are too old for a heel stick but their little arms and veins are so tiny it is like murdering a cat to get blood. I repeat; DO NOT do this!
  • Anything over a 4 hour car ride with toddlers is a suicide/homicide mission!
  • Mommy’s who say everything is easy and never break a sweat are either A) in complete denial of their situation , B) completely and utterly  insane, C) liars or D) All of thee above or a combination of the three because nobody’s life is without its issues.So, don’t believe the hype.
  • Sometimes they cry, sometimes we cry but at the end of the day…it’s all love.
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with play dates consisting of Popsicles and margaritas; some days that is what the situation warrants.
  • New Mommies, on the first night home with your newborn, it is perfectly acceptable to sleep with your ceiling fan light turned all the way on so that you can see every single breath your baby takes.
  • It is also acceptable to occasionally get up in the middle of the night, and check that said baby is still breathing by way of putting your hand on baby’s chest to feel that it is moving up an down. ( Don’t judge me..you know you’ve done it)
  • Also, their is no age at which this is inappropriate as you will always be their Mother and they will always be your baby!

That’s all for today’s truisms, but there are plenty more. Stay tuned! Happy Mothering!

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After my Throat Punch Thursday; Taking it up the rear edition, I needed a little something to smile about. So, I am sharing with you some random things that can be heard around my house on a daily basis between my 3 and 5 year old. For instance, today I heard:

Gabs (3 year old) “Where’s my PIL-       OH-         PET!!!” RAWR ( maybe you had to be there, but I swear it was funny and I am 99% certain that she did in fact rawr.)

Bella: “No Shoes on the Bed!” (Yelled, and sounding just like Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest..NO WIRE HANGERS! I was seriously a little bit creeped out. Now, if she would have been sporting that crazy baby Jane smudged red lip stick look she perfected after a round with Mommy’s lip stick.I would have really been scared)

Bella (5 year old) to Gabs “What’s that? Your NEW Nick Name???? You are NOT BATMAN!!!!” Seriously, what the hell did I miss in that conversation?

Bella to Gabs : “Oh yeah? It’ go time PUNK!” I really am going to have to limit the amount of Clint Eastwood I let this kid watch:)

Bella to me (while getting dressed): “Mommy, you guys are BUTT outta luck!”
Me: “What?”( More like WTF did she just say?)
Bella:”Wash my laundry, I am down to like NO MORE panties that I like!”
Is it wrong that I am missing diapers right now! After Gabs panties issues last month and Bella the diva demanding I do her laundry. I am actaully sitting here missing diapers.

Then there was this;

Gabs : “Hey Bella! Bella Baloney!”
Bella: “Stop it! Mommy, tell her to stop!”
Me: “Gabs, leave your sister alone. That’s not nice!” ( but it was pretty funny)
Gabs: “OK, me sorry Bella……..(wait for it) ………………Bella Baloney!”(giggling all the way as her sister’s tiny little head explodes with anger).

And it was all better!Happy Mothering!

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With great power comes great responsibility.Don’t we know it. We’ve all come to Motherhood, for better or worse, because we wanted to love a child.The thing is, I don’t think any of us thought it completely through. How could we? We were not equipped with all the facts. No one told me that from the moment of  conception, I would henceforth be completely forgoing any and all of my own needs, wants, and desires. I don’t mean things like going to bars, staying up all night, blowing a wad of cash on useless crap. No, I am referring to the basics like going to the bathroom alone, showering for more than 3 minutes,having the luxury of shaving my legs, waxing my lip,  being able to eat a warm meal, being able to read a book that wasn’t about a Toad or a Frog, being able to get an entire sentence out of my mouth before being interrupted, being able to actaully spend time with my husband as spouses and not Mommy and Daddy. The shame of it all is that its not only expected of Mommies, it’s practically demanded. Every time I feel like I might want some thing ( however small it may be) for myself ( a goal, a minute, a dream), I can feel all of society giving me that look, you know the one . The “you made your bed now lie in it ” look!
I feel like Motherhood makes women superheroes, dually a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is fantastic that we can mean so much to our children, when they are small but at the same time a curse, as we are expected to do all things, at all times, for all those we love with the exception of ourselves.If you dare break from script, then you get crowned a right selfish bitch. You are made to feel guilty for wanting needing to be something more.  How dare you want to be a person? Oh wait, you are a person.You are human and as such you deserve such basic human rights as freedom to live and say and do what YOU want.; to enjoy a drink that I poured myself without having to worry if someone is back washing in it or spilling it, to be able to hear yourself think, to sleep for increments larger than 3 hours, to be able to have an hour a day to pursue your dream, hell, to have a dream.
I realize I’ve made my bed, and I love my bed, but sometimes Mommy needs someone else to take responsibility for making the bed so I can go out and enjoy a latte with my girlfriends like an adult; like a real person with real thoughts, real feelings, and limitations. With limitations come meltdowns when we are pushed beyond our breaking point. Don’t feel less of a Mother for this, feel more. If we don’t break down once in awhile and always power through, we are doing a disservice to our babies. We have our meltdown, we step back, we breathe, we rejuvenate, and we come out the other side a better Mommy, a better person. Just keep in mind, my fellow superheroes…Mommies are people too!

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