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truth

Disfigured

Disfigured~ to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries (real or imagined).

Disfigured

Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Disfigured. Disfigured was about two women, one who was severely overweight and the other anorexic. Disfigured began with a group of overweight women sitting in a circle at a meeting for a group for “fat acceptance”. This blew my mind.

Disfigured Body

As many of you are aware I have a history with eating disorders and it’s always been a battle for me to accept the skin I am in. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly been comfortable in my own skin, it’s been more a range of tolerance. There has been times when I could tolerate the body that I live in more than others but I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, this is good; I am happy with what I see. When I heard this group of women talking about acceptance, it was a foreign concept to me. In fact, it was so foreign that it was unbelievable.

I would love to believe that there are women out there who are overweight and are happy. Women who accept and embrace their curves. God, I hope there are. I hope there are actually women in the world who are comfortable in their own skin and love their bodies, every single inch of it.  I’m not one of them. I will probably never be one of them just because my way of looking at my body has been fucked up for so long and I have an actual diagnosis ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that prevents me from seeing myself as I really am. I feel disfigured at my core. I wish that I could just stop being the way I am. I’ve tried but something always creeps back in and plants a seed of doubt. Watching Disfigured was very uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to explain to you unless you’ve spent your life struggling to achieve an unattainable goal and I am sure some of you have. I feel like I have to creep up on happiness because if it sees me coming it darts off  in the opposite direction. It’s a moving target.

What transpired next was even more unbelievable to me, or believable or just too fucking relate-able. At this ” fat acceptance” group a recovering anorexic woman walked in and wanted to join the group. I completely understood this. While, I am no where near my former bulimic/anorexic self I remember well the feeling of making the choice to recover and having to face the feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and disgust every single day that you eat normally. When you go from starving yourself, to eating anything at all, it is very uncomfortable. You feel like you are losing control and you feel shame that you can’t control yourself and you feel fat. Yes, fat. Even if you are bone thin and to everyone else you look like you need to gain weight. When you are in that part of recovery…you truly do need to learn fat acceptance.

Disfigured Soul

Of course, the anorexic walked in the room and the women who were moments earlier preaching acceptance, just as quickly threw her out. She was reaching out for help and they wouldn’t help her because she was too thin. I guess acceptance is a one way street. They wanted acceptance but only for themselves and only on their terms. This pissed me off. I have been on both sides of this spectrum and both are equally as hard, as dangerous, unhealthy and both leave you feeling ugly and disfigured.Unwanted.Unworthy of happiness. Both make you feel like you are weak. Both fill you with shame and cause your quality of life to suffer. The two main characters became an unlikey pair trying to help the other find acceptance of herself through accepting one another,even though they were one another’s biggest fear. They had everything in common even though their respective situations would lead you to believe otherwise. They both were uncomfortable in the skin they were in.

The identification with both characters had a very profound effect on me. It’s so hard to look at yourself when you are ashamed of what you see in the mirror, too fat or too skinny. It’s not physical at all, it’s all what your perception is of yourself. It’s hard to accept responsibility for making the choices that make you feel so worthless. Unhappiness with what I see in the mirror comes from putting conditions on my own happiness and hiding behind self imposed superficial limitations. The reason that I can’t be happy with my body is because I am hanging the success of my entire life on what I look like. How ridiculous is that? How has it taken me all this time to finally see what the obstacle truly is? It’s me. I need to get out of my own way.

I need to accept that I deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer. Not when I get the perfect body, the perfect life or only when what I see reflected back to me is acceptable by my impossible standards. I am good enough now! Right now. I have not thrown up or restricted my calories to dangerous levels in about 12 years but I’ve also not allowed myself to fully enjoy my journey. I have to learn to love and accept myself with the unconditional love that I have for others.

What stops you from reaching your bliss? Do you make your happiness conditional based on money? weight? your partner? your house? degrees of success? your child?  Why do we have to wait for tomorrow to enjoy our today? We have been misguided. We are not disfigured.

Disfigured Mind

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any of my truisms so I may have went overboard. Of course, they are all true and we all need to know that we are not alone in this crazy ride we call Motherhood. So, hang on to your cute little crocheted hats ladies…it’s going to be an exciting and bumpy ride!Happy Mothering!

  • No matter how much you spin, Turbo Jam,  or Zumba your body will never go back exactly the way it was before babies. It may be just as good but it is changed forever.
  • If you’ve given birth, you WILL pee just a little if you sneeze or laugh too hard. Expect it. If you don’t like it…Kegel it and/or get yourself some Mommy type pantie liners.You can not prevent this from happening, no more than you can prevent your stomach getting large when pregnant.
  • Once you have a child, you will NEVER get enough sleep again…ever..for the rest of your life!
  • Children can live on cheeze-its, string cheese and apples alone. I call it the connoisseur in training program. Add some grape juice to that combo and you are raising a child with a discerning palette.
  • Stretch marks are not sexy…to anybody.Anybody who tells you they are is either a) a liar b) a liar or c) really desperate for sex and totally in love with you for giving birth to their big headed child:)
  • If you ask your child a question and they a)smile…just a little bit ( more of a grin really) b)look away and say “I don’t know” or “No” c) if they blush even the slightest whilst avoiding eye contact and  grinning; they are lying to you.
  • Kids can be unintentionally cruel because half the time they know not the meaning of the words they are using, so always remember to take any insults they hurl at you with a grain salt.I realize it still hurts your heart but they DON’T mean it! If they did, I would have already thrown myself in the river as many times as my 3 year old has told me “Mommy, me hate you!”, today alone.
  • There is NOTHING, absolutely nothing, in the entire world that is sweeter than a two little arms hugging your neck and telling you “Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole wide world!”Of course, their world usually only includes your house…but hey, its nice to be queen:)
  • NEVER underestimate the power of a good Mommy friend, no Mommy is an island. You need her more than you know. When you find a real one, put yourself into her loving hands. She could possibly save your life.
  • When your little girl has her first crush and the little boy’s Mom informs you that they will be attending the Nutcracker solely to see your daughter perform ( because the little boy has demanded it) try not to flash forward to her wedding and tear up.They really do grow up too fast, don’t relinquish one moment of their childhood..in your head or otherwise.
  • Some days, you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, exhausted and like you have completely lost your mind..you probably have but take solace in the fact that there are many more of us out there like you than you think or could possibly know.
  • There will be a time in your Mommy life when you are on the fence whether you want another baby or not, when that happens and your ovaries start twitching and your uterus begging for a tenant, take a minute and think it over honestly. Remember, all the long sleepless nights, breastfeeding issues, explosive diarrhea diapers and then ask yourself… do I still want to go through that again?If the answer is yes or I don’t mind…Go for it!  ( well, after consulting your spouse of course:)
  • There is nothing more cute than a 5 year old and a 3 year old in their new dresses at a tea party, and nothing as lovely as the excitement and wonderment in their eyes when they watch the Nutcracker ( or anything to do with Christmas for that matter) ballet for the first time.
  • As a mother, sometimes you will have to say, do things, be friends with people you don’t like for your children’s best interest..learn it, live it, love it!
  • It is your right as the Mommy to refuse to let your child go on a field trip that has no chaperones, two teachers and 47 kids.Do not buckle under peer pressure. It’s your child; it’s your decision..final answer!
  • In all things concerning your child’s well being, trust your gut.It’ s not just there for show, its there for a reason.
  • There is something unresistably precious about a half asleep baby stumbling out of bed and climbing up into your life( Freudian slip) lap and cuddling (even if it is 10:30 and you’re trying to write a post) let them. Savor the moment. Kiss the top of their head and bask in their cuddles.Soon, they will outgrow your lap.
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Blog Bash

First, to introduce myself, I am known as Truthful Mommy ( because I am painfully honest) but I also answer to Mommy(kids), Babe(husband), Honey(Mom), Sugar(Grandma), Sexy, (Eric from True Blood…in my dreams) and occasionally Debi. I am a 37 year old Mommy to two amazing little girls, Bella and Gabi, who are simultaneously my heaven and occasional sources of hell on earth. I am married to my college sweetheart and we just celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Random facts, I am equally addicted to  my children, my husband, my Iphone, my computer,and my camera…not necessarily in that order! If I could do anything in the world, I’d have the exact same life but my husband would not  have to live in another state for work (maybe he could co stay home with me:), money would not be an ever present thought, and I could write for a living while traveling the world with my husband and girls; experiencing the languages, cultures,religions, and beauty of the world.
I have finally realized what I want to do with my life, or rather just decided to have the guts to pursue it. It only took 37 years! I always knew that I wanted to be a Mommy ( I come from a family of 6 brothers and sisters) but the rest I’ve thought I knew but its changed over the years. I think, my entire life has brought me to this point and prepped me to embark on this journey to pursue my dreams with passion, enthusiasm and a no failure attitude and  to exhaust all avenues of potential afforded to me. It’s go big or go home! I’m not  a quitter, so I’m making my declaration of reaching for the stars!

1.) Why do you blog? 

I blog because I am a writer and my dream is to either have a column, a book, or both and in the end.. My dream is to follow in the footsteps of Dooce, Motherhood Uncensored, Finslippy,  and the Pioneer Woman!

2.) What do you blog about? 
I blog about what I know; my life, Motherhood, as I know it, being a wife and a woman. I try to do it all with honesty and openness because there is nothing I hate more than women making other women feel shitty about not being perfect. If I can make 1 woman feel like she is not alone in the trenches of Motherhood, and if I can do that through letting her laugh at me or see my flaws, I feel like I have exceeded my hopes!
3.) What do you find to be the biggest reward you get from blogging?
The biggest reward I have gotten from blogging is a surprising one. As I said, I started this blog as a means to an end ; a way to chronicle my girls as they grow up and the emotions, feelings, and enormity of all that Motherhood and this time of my life encompasses but also as a way to hone my skill in writing. In addition to these things,the reward I have actually gotten that means the most is the community of readers that I have had the pleasure of meeting. I thought I’d be helping other women through their difficult days but, through my honesty in my posts, I have gained a community of support and friendship that helps me get through the difficult days! Thanks Ladies ( and a couple brave gentlemen)!
4.) How long have you been blogging? 
I started my blog in May of 2009 at the urging of a friend of mine who is  a professional writer. She told me that it would be a great way to build my writing portfolio and fine tune my skills. Then life happened, we moved, and I didn’t get back to it full time until we moved again in February of 2010. So I guess I have been blogging full time for about 6 months but had my site up and running for 6 months previous to that.
5.) Let’s hear the story behind your blog title! 🙂 
The Story behind my blog title “The TRUTH about Motherhood” is that I want to give it to women straight. I am a no holds  barred, straight shooting Mommy who doesn’t sugar coat the bad days, but I also don’t hold back on the good ones. I read every book I could get my hands on before I actually had my first baby, but in the end nothing prepared me for the reality of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and Motherhood in all of its glory.  I want to change that. I want women  to have a place where they can come and read my truth ( which is likely very similar to theirs) not the truth according to Bree Van de Kamp! 

Happy Mothering!
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We will resume ot our normal schedule tonight! I have not abandon you! Road trip today to Davenport. I am sure I will have lots to tell you tonight! P.S. Truthful Tuesdays, I was running around like a maniac..so here goes…. Sometimes,hmmmhmm, wish my husband could calm down a little and not stress so much. I know, pot calling the kettle black!
Wish I was a better Mommy!  Feeling like I don’t do nearly enough constructive things with the kids. Decided to make schedule! We will see if that helps! I promise to limit tv to a minimum.
Thats mine. See  ya all tonight!!!

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OK, Ladies. I know we are all perfect Mommies, as perfect as we can be, on any given day depending on whether or not we’ve had our coffee and/or enough sleep the night before. But I think Tuesdays should be our new vent day. I thoroughly believe that all Mommies need to ban together and help one another fight the good fight. Let’s support each other and learn from one another. SO, hence forth..lets take Tuesdays to air our dirty laundry or lets say to be truthful about some of our not so perfect moments. It will help other Mommies know they are not alone in the way they are feeling and it will probably be good for a chuckle for all of us. So, lets meet here on Tuesdays…https://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/. Post something that makes you feel like less than a perfect Mommy, sign it anonymously if you’d like, get it off your chest and help someone else out! I’ll be here Tuesdays, I hope you will too!

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