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This is my beautiful daughter who is about to be 5 years old on the 10th of March. We just had her 5th birthday party on Saturday, with all of our friends and family. Her theme, completely of her own choice, Moulin Rouge. Yes, that is right, my 4 year old chose for her theme….Moulin Rouge. The entire party was done in pink and black , complete with pink and black cake…made by Daddy, as he does very year. The Pink Diamond costume was made by Grandma and Bella was tickled pink, pardon the pun.  It’s amazing how easy it is to make children happy. I love her smile and will do absolutely anything in the world to see it. All was moving swimmingly until she was opening gifts, such an innocuous thing. I was taking photos and  it was like she was literally growing up before my eyes. All I kept thinking was, hold on a minute….slow down, wasn’t it just last year when you were eating cake for the first time on your first birthday? Then she’d say something so grown up like, “Oh my gosh, thank you all so much. I wasn’t expecting so many gifts!” Then, she got to the gift from us. She squealed with delight and then…. she opened the card. I had purposely gotten her a musical card, her and her little sister are simply over the moon for those cards.This it what it said; “Imagine a perfect day, where happiness and love feel as bright and warm as the summer sun and all the dreams in your heart come true…and you’ll know what its like to spend a day loving you!” Obviously, I know the card was meant for a couple but the sentiment was so perfect. She opened it and it played “It’s a wonderful world” and I about lost it. I was all in hysterics (on the inside). I was holding back tears and biting my lip, while snapping photos. When all I really wanted to do was go over and give her a big ole snuggle and keep her in that moment…forever. She was so happy and over joyed in that moment.She thought it was awesome and was thrilled that I had gotten her a card that made music,never mind what the card said. NO, the contents of what that card said and the message I wrote in it will all mean something much more important to her in 20 years or so.There is nothing so magical in the world as seeing your child genuinely happy and smiling their “real” smile. Her actual birthday is Wednesday and we will be celebrating Bellapalooza in style, as we always do. It is one of the most important days of my life and I think it should be celebrated and commemorated. I feel like it is my birthday too, as it is the day I became a Mommy.It is the day I was born a Mommy! In that moment when I first held her, I was transformed and changed forever. Happy Birthday , my beautiful amazing princess!

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I still don’t understand how you have to be 18 to vote, 21 to drink, 16 to drive, you have to pass a test to see, a test to drive, a test to do everything except to have a child. I think there should be classes offered for parenting before you are actually pregnant and even for being around children in general, and one must pass a test at the end of the learning period to proceed. As it is now, any fool can have a child and be around children; barring any felonies related to child misconduct but by that time the damage has been done. What I am referencing are people saying stupid things to children or not thinking before they speak to children.

Case in point; little boy and his brother 4 and 6 sitting in a room playing, visiting relative says ,”Oh look, its the cute one and the ugly one!” Before you ask, the parents, stood idly by as this train wreck took place and the “ugly” ones self esteem went up in flames.If I would have been there, I can assure you that I would have promptly punched said relative in the face!

Another case, little boy and his same-aged cousin run up to their Grandmother.Grandmother is annoyed with one of the boy’s Dad.The little boy says,”Grandma, I love you!” Grandma says,”I’m not your Grandma!” the little boy is devastated and left feeling unloved and inferior. No one says anything.WTH! Can you really be so loathsome and evil as to say something so obviously hateful towards a 4-year-old? You see what I am saying? I could go on forever with the things I’ve heard but instead, I’d like to illustrate another case.

A little girl is hyper and excited to see her grandparents and is jumping around and talking a million miles a minute. All she wants to do is catch them up.She is asking for Grandma because she wants to share all the details of the past couple of weeks. Grandpa looks at little girls and says, “She doesn’t want to hear about it! She has to go to bed, it’s late!” This was not said in a pleasant tone, it was short, it was curt, it was rude. Little girl’s heart is broken in that instant, she is deflated, she is confused and about to cry. Mommy speaks up,” Excuse me, don’t speak to her like that.She was excited and trying to share with you because she loves you.If you can’t appreciate that, your loss but DON’T speak to her like that ever again!”Mouth agape, tail between legs,in silence he agreed. It may have taken balls to stand up to the little girl’s grandfather but it had to be done in order to preserve her daughter’s self esteem, self worth, and self respect. The moral of the story is some people should NOT be allowed to be around children…ever! Seriously, there ought to be a law and a test. Bonus moral, if you ever over hear an idiot thoughtlessly berating a child, insert yourself into the situation, stand up for the child, and by all means, punch the mean bastard who is breaking the child’s heart square in the neck! Call it a service to mankind!

It may have taken balls to stand up to the little girl’s grandfather but it had to be done in order to preserve her daughter’s self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. The moral of the story is some people should NOT be allowed to be around children…ever! Seriously, there ought to be a law and a test. Bonus moral, if you ever overhear an idiot thoughtlessly berating a child, insert yourself into the situation, stand up for the child, and by all means, punch the mean bastard who is breaking the child’s heart square in the neck! Call it a service to mankind!


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My oldest is about to be 5 (sniff sniff) and she is at the age where she is starting to really refuse her naps. I know, some of you are saying to yourself, “What? Her kid still takes naps? Lucky bitch, she should be happy its lasted this long.” Well, its lasted this long because she is still tired in the afternoon, ergo I make her take a nap. Now, I know there are those of us who have taken away the nap in order to have some quiet time in the evening. I am all for that, if your child is not needing a nap anymore but that is not the case in my house. No, my children need naps like most people need air…for survival. But there are those days when they fight me on the nap, those days when they want to stay up and not miss a thing! On those days, I sometimes give in…to my four year old. Of course, absolutely everything my four year old does..my two year old feels she is also entitled to. I am absolutely, without a doubt, against this behavior none the less it has happened on occasion.That being said, yesterday was one of “those” occasions. I knew when it happened it was a bad idea but they were begging, we were out and running late getting home,things needed to be done and I gave in. Soon, it was 6:30 and ,in no uncertain terms, time for bed…so we thought.The four year old went on and on about how I don’t love her, and I don’t care about her. This is all compounded by complete hysterics. I can’t even get a word in edge wise. I try to console her, I know its the over tiredness talking. I’ve seen this before. But she keeps on going,” You don’t love me. You only love her. I hate her.(her being her little sister). ” The little one, sensing the meaning of her sister’s unkind words, decides she will physically attack. I believe there was some face grabbing, and perhaps a bite was exchanged. I’m trying to hold it together. I stay calm, try to placate both girls. I just know if I can get them still for 5 minutes…they will fall fast asleep. This continues for 45 minutes. I am at my wits end. It ended up, my husband, myself and both daughters in our king size bed; apparently it was the only way to prove that I loved them equally. After all the tears and drama, there are two things I am certain of 1, my four year old certainly still needs naps. I don’t care what anybody says. If they want to argue, I’ll let her miss her nap and then send her to their house around 7 pm.Take that, judgy Mommies:)2)No matter how sweet and lovable my kids are during the day, no matter the promises they make about going to bed without a fight if allowed to miss their nap…NEVER, EVER BELIEVE THEM! They are crazy little liars who can’t be trusted and it is my job to know better! No Nap , late night meltdowns are our own faults…nap responsibly!

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It seems everything we need to know in life we learn in preschool. My 4 year old has been repeating, “Mommy, to have a good friend, you’ve got to be a good friend!” No doubt a piece of sage advice bestowed upon her by her wonderful preschool teacher.Anyways, Bella tends to like to share these words of wisdom with Mommy. Normally, I say ,”Yes, sweetie. That is right!” But, this time I actually took the advice to heart and examined some of my own relationships.I’ve come to the realization that you get out what you put in and if you don’t then cut them lose. So many of us go through life making acquaintances that we let pass for friends, but there is definitely a difference, as one of my closest friends told me, ” It’s like coming home.” It’s the feeling of being safe and secure to be yourself and be accepted and loved unconditionally. I don’t know about you but that’s what I want out of a friend. I’m not one for superficial friendships, I don’t have the time or energy to play that game at this point in my life.If I call you my friend, I genuinely think of you as my friend, as family. I know that acquaintances have a place and I do have those relationships but I don’t call them my friends. I don’t want to spend inordinate amounts of time with them or subject my family to them. I don’t call them, text them, email them. I’m a Mommy, my time is precious and few, so I decided that I need to put in what I want to get out and if its not there I gotta cut it lose. It’s always disappointing though when you put it all in, only to find out the other person is only half way in. It’s actually very sad and you feel let down. I don’t want to be responsible for doing that to someone, and I don’t want to be that kind of an example for my daughters.
I learned a lot of life lessons from my daughter and her wise preschool teacher, and those wonderful women in my life who are my friends. We have just recently moved home from spending time in a delightfully beautiful part of the country called Chesterfield, Virginia. I am convinced that it must be the closest thing to heaven on earth; it is gorgeous and the people there are amazing human beings. I don’t know how they go there or why, but it works.Its like a vortex for goodness:) I hope I don’t embarrass anyone but this has to be said. I don’t want to spend my life wasting time and not telling people how important they are to me. When we first arrived, I was new and knew absolutely no one. The people I met there, were by far the most wonderful and genuine women I have ever met. They invited me into their lives, their hearts, their families.They were supportive and amazing. They made me feel like I was at home, even though I was hundreds of miles from where my “family” lived. I have never experienced anything like this before in my life. Who knew you could form true friendships and bonds with other women in such a short amount of time, especially as an adult. We left Virginia without a job but much richer people. I left with a heavy heart, and will miss these women and their amazing spirits . We may be geographically apart but they will always be in my heart.They took me in , extended friendship and sisterhood, when they didn’t even know me. It wasn’t for any reason other than to be kind to another human, but they will never know how much that kindness meant to me at that time and will always mean to me. I will miss our talks, long walks, saying hi in the hallways, sharing our childrens firsts in life, our laughter,prayers, the cocktails when we needed to decompress, but most of all I will miss their sisterhood.
I don’t need to mention names, but you all know who you are and you know how you touched my heart. You have taught me that to have a good friend, I need to be a good friend. I just hope I can live my life living up to the standard that you ladies have set. If all Mommies, women , could have that kind of bond that nurtured and supported one another like you did me…the world would be a better place. Thank you, my friends, all of you. I must be doing something right, to have all of you wonderful women as my friends! Just remember, as my 4 year old once told me, “To have a good friend, you’ve got to be a good friend!”

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My 4 year old daughter has wanted to be a “movie star” since she saw Eloise goes to Hollywood. Not that I think she really knows what that means or what it entails but I have convinced myself that I will never be the shatterer of hopes and dreams when it comes to my girls. If they want to do it or be it, I’m going to support it because we all need a cheerleader.To help her achieve this lofty, if not almost impossible goal, I submitted her photos to a prestigious modeling agency, they called us in, and then they agreed to represent my 4 year old.She is pretty cute, if I do say so myself:), and I figured what a better place to start than some print work. Of course,fast forward a couple months later, she books her first job. Its a commercial. Amazing right? No, well, it was to us. She was excited, our friends were excited, our family was excited, myself, I was too exhausted from organizing an unexpected relocation to really comprehend how exciting it was. It was to be a commercial for a local car dealership. We were in set the mandatory 15 minutes early, of course we had been sitting outside in the car for a 1/2 hour before that but we couldn’t come in, per instructions from our agency. Apparently, its unprofessional.We walk in the door with our 4 outfits they asked me to bring, of course they left her in the faded jeans, ugg boots, and long sleeve t-shirt and navy polo she walked in with. Oh, that is with the exception of removing the polo (which was the only cute part of the entire outfit because it was the riding to the shoot outfit..not the actual outfit for the shoot:) I was all very surreal, hair and make up on my 4 year old.She sat straight in the chair , jibber jabbing the make up artists head off. We exchanged niceties and she told me how bright and beautiful my daughter was, something a mother can never hear too much of. Then we began the actual shoot, or what I’d like to refer to as “the train wreck of 2010”. My daughter was “the daughter”, to the family in the commercial. There were like 10 adult actors and my 1 child, did I mention she had never even done a print booking. Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket. Jeez. It starts out the pretend Dad has to lift my little girl into the back of a pickup.Oh my, poor guy. My daughter is very tall for her age, she is like 45 inches tall and around 53 lbs. She is rock solid. This guy was about 5’10” and having trouble lifting my child. She was more than half his length and its awkward to lift a kid that tall, I should know. I looked on with pity and horror as this man struggled.My daughter just sat there, like a deer in headlights, except for the occasional cheese she tossed in the general direction of myself or the camera ( which she was not suppose to be looking at because she was supposed to be looking at her damned fake parents!)But I stood there, silent watching it all happen because Mom’s (like children) are on set to be seen and not heard. I was there strictly for moral support and legal reasons.They eventually finish the 15 or so takes, my daughter is totally confused by the people moving their mouth feigning conversation with no actual sound coming out.It was all very overwhelming for her. The bright lights,the strange man lifting her up..which by the way, every time he lifted her up, her shirt lifted up on her belly.She’s 4, so she paid no attention, but the adults (not even the fake Mommy…oh, you so know she doesn’t really have children)not one of them thought to pull her shirt down or tell her to do it. It was very frustrating.This could go on for days and it felt like it did. Let’s just sum it up by saying she is 4! She was tired , she was hungry, and she was overwhelmed but she didn’t have a meltdown, and she didn’t cry, and she didn’t act like a brat.She did everything they told her to do, to the best of her 4 year old ability. That was a long day and there is so much more that I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you:) She did ,however, at the end of the day, as we were leaving the shoot look me in the eyes and say, “Awww, dang it Mommy.It was my first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin!” I chuckled to myself, I guess that paycheck and all that excitement didn’t count for much..because , in her mind, all she got out of the day was “that sparkly new hairpin”. I asked her if she wanted to still be a “Movie Star”. She said ,”Sure Momma. I bet when I’m on Disney channel, they’ll give me all kinds of sparkly(SPark-A-LEE) new hairpins!”LOL. Keep on dreamin big, baby!
Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a dig at the process or my agency, this was about the train wreck that I had to watch my kid be part of because of her inexperience. It was like helplessly watching a car slide off into the ditch.Or watching your baby fall when learning to walk for the first time.It was inevitable, and you couldn’t stop it, it was just the circumstances and our naivete. We are looking forward to the next time, we’re going to fishtail…on purpose!

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Ok, Ladies its Tuesday and ,as I said, today is the day we can all vent “anonymously” if preferred, and get everything off our minds..without judgement:)I will start the ball rolling:
Is it wrong that sometimes I wish I was brave enough to dose my kids with ibuprofin, so they would go to sleep at a reasonable hour without me having to lay down with them?
Sometimes, I really miss my life before I was married or had kids, so much so that I fantasize about who I used to be:)LOL
OK, Ladies those are my two for today. Please share yours in the comment section. Come one! Come all! Don’t be shy, no one will judge you here. No one thinking how you are not up to par or dropped the ball in Mommyland.Just pure support and sisterhood!

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Yesterday, I was shocked by the news of the day. I spent the next 24 hours “feeling” my feelings. I’d be calm, then cry, then sad, then shocked some more, then irate.As I was packing the girls room up, while Bella was at preschool (so she wouldn’t notice that it was being packed up), I packed while she was at school so she would have no idea things were going into boxes rather than into drawers and closets. While I was rushing to do this before she got home, I couldn’t place why I kept getting angry and falling to pieces. Surely, cleaning their room wasn’t anything to cry about.I just couldn’t place what was making this time, the third time in 17 months that my husband had gotten the news of a lay off, so much worse.Then ,I figured it out. This time was different because this time one of the people that I love more than anything else in life, my 4 year old, Bella was old enough for this to actually affect her. I have been reassured that children are resilient .In my mind, I know this. I know that when she is a teenager, she will have no recollection of this entire situation. She won’t be scarred for life, need therapy, or even care but that doesn’t help me ..now.See, this has happened before.The first time, she was pretty unaffected. She was 3, she was oblivious. But the second time, I was so distraught myself that I forgot to filter my actions and words and she knew exactly what was going on. Bad, bad Mommy. I felt horrible about the whole thing.No 4 year old should be aware of finances and the family economic situation, let alone be afraid of going without..anything. When we had to relocate, she was sad and full of trepidation at the thought of leaving “her” best friends, “her” ballet class, “her” swing set, “her” bedroom, “her” toys,”her ” house etc. etc. It was all very overwhelming to her and it was all my fault. If I would have kept “MY” mouth shut, she would have been unphased. It’s kinda like when your kid falls, if you don’t gasp and run to their rescue..its as if they never even fell. They usually don’t even cry. They are tough, they are resilient. We, however, are not apparently. So, last time we had to uproot, I kicked and screamed all the way ( metaphorically, of course) and she did it literally. Good example Mommy. Worse, above all else, was the fact that she was so afraid of the whole experience. I did that. This time, I promised myself that I would hold my tongue and she would not see me cry. She would be blissfully unaware. Her and her sister will not know that Daddy got laid off and we are scared to death in this economy. No, this time I will smile and just tell her that we are going home to be closer to our old friends and family. This time, I will be an adult and spare my child the fear and uncertainty that she does not need to experience at the ripe old age of 4. This time I will be the adult and protect her from this awful thing called life. She has the rest of her life to find out that life is not perfect and we don’t always get what we want and sometimes we have to struggle. But today, she is four and today, there is Santa, the Tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Daddy is the strongest man in the world and Mommy is the most beautiful woman and we both are perfect..in her eyes.Life is perfect.Today, I will guard her innocence with my life. She is my baby and she has the rest of her life to be disappointed, but for today I refuse to let her be anything but happy. Today, I will be your Mommy and your umbrella from all of life’s rain. I love you Bella and Gabs! You are my sunshine!!

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What’s the love/hate relationship all moms have with yoga pants? Where does it come from?

Earlier today I am getting ready to take my girls to one of their classmates birthday parties, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I reflect on something ( excuse the pun) that just hit me like a ton of bricks. Who am I primping for? Who am I blowing out my hair, curling my eyelashes, smudging my eyeliner for? Well, its not my husband because he is at work and by the time he sees this lovely masterpiece, lets face it, it will look like it has sat out in the rain overnight.

It’s surely not for the 12 to 17 preschoolers and toddlers that I will encounter at this soiree. No, as far as they are concerned all Mommies look the same..we just seem to have our own special scents.You know the ones; baby vomit, baby poop, curdled enfamil, baby soap, and maybe the scent of stale cheerios, or a combination of the aforementioned and the ever popular soap and baby love. So, who am I dressing for?

It’s not completely for myself, because, try as I may, I just don’t have the time and energy to be that into myself anymore.T hough, I am making a very conscientious effort to invest more time into myself. I hear the more we put in, the more we get out.We’ll see!

So, again….who am I dressing for? I know its not for other men because, quite frankly, I think that radar went on the fritz the very minute that my wedding ring went on the finger. It’s like we are genetically predisposed or perhaps its more like pathologically brain washed from birth to know that once that ring goes on, we are no longer allowed to be aware if other men are looking or flirting. And so we are not. Sure there are the occasional, accidental flirtations that we nostalgically catch glimpses of and are flattered by…who wouldn’t be? We are, after all, married not dead. But as a rule, we generally are blissfully unaware.

Then it dawned on me for whom we are truly dressing for…other Mommies. Let’s take a look at the facts.They are the only people we normally see on a semi regular basis, their opinion does count to us, and we usually like to appear somewhat put together in their eyes. Whether we want them to approve or just don’t want them to disapprove, that is our target audience.I’m not alone in this am I?

I know most of us have tried the jump in the car in our Jammie pants and throw on a coat, go through the car drop off line and hope no one makes eye contact tactic. Well, actually I have not because I have heard too many times of the horror stories of the poor , unsuspecting Mommmy wearing her Jammies to drop off only to be suddenly called into the principals office or some other tragedy happening. It’s sorta like that warning your Mom gave you about wearing clean panties because heaven forbid you get into a car accident and there you are, poor schlub, with your period panties on. Yeah,because that is what the EMS notices when they are freeing you from your burning vehicle with the jaws of life! Thanks Mom!

Then there is , my very own personal favorite, yoga pants ( running shorts, tennis skirt..insert comfy athletic gear as you like) , t-shirt, and a ponytail.First,Come on, let’s be honest, when I pull my hair back into that ponytail..I know, in my heart, no grown woman should be rocking a pony!

Second, just because we are wearing our workout clothes..are we all actually working out immediately following drop off? I confess, normally, I am heading for a sweating session of Turbo Jam in my living room or a grueling walk around the neighborhood but on other days ( at least one), oh those “other” days, I drop my 4 year old off at school, walk back to my car, drive to my apartment, change back into my Jammies and have coffee on my sofa while reading Cosmo and I don’t even break a sweat. The scary thing is that I think I am making an effort by actually putting on the workout clothes, that is my step up! Lord, what has my world come to?

A few years ago, I would not have left the house for a million dollars without full face on and dressed appealingly to all who saw me. Now, who’s to say if I care, if I don’t, I think it depends on the day and my mood. How can we go from being so meticulous about our presentation to so profoundly unaffected? I do know one thing, Jammies and ponytails in public are unacceptable unless you are four or under.So that leads us back to my original question..who are we dressing for? We figured out its other Mommies, but why does some times it matter and sometimes it doesn’t? I know that I never want anyone to look at me and say,” Wow! She is really ugly” So, why wouldn’t I try not to be?

I ended up at the party looking somewhat presentable, clothes were cleaned, hair was blown out, icing was on the cake and it didn’t take too much effort. So, why don’t we do it every morning? Do we really think that the other Mommies and teachers deserve to be visually assaulted by our Jammies, bed head, ponytails, and (hmmhmmm) workout clothes? I, for one, say no. So, I am making a pledge to try and dress …before I take my girls to school and greet the fine folks at preschool..and at the very least,I will definitely try to do so before my return visit of the day to pick them up from preschool:)See you all at 12:30, hopefully looking considerably better than I did at 9:30!

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back pain

back pain

Back Pain ~This morning was a morning to end all mornings. I woke up, in our apartment in Virginia, where we are residing temporarily until we relocate from our home in the Midwest. The morning was progressing normally until the coffee machine, percolating my much needed fuel for the day, decided to explode. As I was texting my friend, back at home, having a great chit chat I heard a gurgle, followed by a distinct sputter, followed by a pop and a long hiss. I turned around, just in time to see my, much needed, life line turn into an eruption of Mt Saint Dunkin Donuts coffee…all over the pristine white cabinets in the corporate housing that my husband’s new company is paying for.

Back Pain is incapacitating

In true “Mommy can do everything” mode without breaking a sweat, I turned quickly, discarded my phone ,mid text,ran for the laundry room and grabbed a towel to soak up the mess and avert any real damage. I was on it, little did I know that in my haste, I had pulled my back. All that animated mad dashing was not tolerated so well by my not yet fully awake body. To add insult to the back injury, the aforementioned towel that I used to throw on the floor to soak up the eruption, it was fully loaded with sand from our weekend beach trip.

Amidst all the chaos that is unfolding, my 4 and 2 year old are eating breakfast and watching cartoons, looking over at me only briefly, as if to say ” That nutty Mommy, there she goes again.That crazy kid is always into something!” Not until midway through cleaning up the mess did I realize that I had pulled my back. While I was soaking up the mess, I was putting the shrapnel of the morning away. As I half heartily set my large, toffee flavored coffee creamer into the fridge ,atop something or other, it came tumbling back at me and crashing onto the floor, where it oozed its contents all over my newly cleaned floor. To be honest, it was more like it was hurled at me by some unforeseen, Mommy hating entity living within the confines of my refrigerator.

Back Pain is violating

When I tried to clean that mess up, that is when my back began to spasm uncontrollably and I could not regain the upright position. As I inched across the kitchen floor, walking in a position that very closely resembled the evolution of man, whimpering and wincing in pain, I called to my eldest to come to my aid. “Bella, help Mommy! Please get another towel and soak up the creamer.” Her response,”Shua Momma,” I don’t know where or how she does it but sometimes she speaks with a distinct Brooklyn accent.What a little angel, I thought to myself.

I make for the bed and lie down, and try to gently stretch the charlie horse that is in my lower back out, but it is refusing to cooperate. In tears, I roll myself out of bed, after all I am home alone with my 4 and 2 year old. I slowly make my way back to the scene of the crime, the girls are back to eating breakfast. I choke down 3 ibuprofen and realize , I am in a strange place and do not have access to my heating pad and my husband won’t be home for about 8 hours so I’m definitely going to need to get some physiotherapy done.

Oh, the humanity! At this point, I realize I am so far beyond being up a creek without a paddle that I am more closely to being in the ocean without a life preserver. I know for sure that I needed to opt for osteopata savona to end this agony.

Back Pain is Humiliating

Up until this point, my girls were behaving pretty well. Then they finished breakfast and realized that I was incapacitated and could not effectively enforce any of my rules;like no running in the house, no writing on each other with marker, no eating snacks like Cheetos and cookies before lunch, no wearing your bathing suits around the house as clothing, no laying every DVD in the house out on the floor as you play hopscotch on them, no yelling every single sentence at the top of your lungs, or no washing your entire body down with the foaming hand soap if you can’t reach the faucet to rinse off. Yes, they realized I could do nothing and they did everything they wanted, and all I could do was watch and cry a little.

I never thought coffee could leave me completely incapacitated and totally dominated and at the mercy of my children. Now that I do, I may have to give it up.That’s a pretty heafty price to pay for a little get up and go! I got no coffee but my morning sure got up and went… straight to hell real fast, taken there by my two ,otherwise, little angels. Lesson learned; apparently when Mommy’s incapacitated (back pain running rampant), there is hell to pay.

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Road Tripping with Toddlers

Road Tripping with Toddlers  is not for the week. We are on a mini vacation/ look see around town for my husbands potential new job, in Virginia. First, let me start by saying, this is one of the most gorgeous parts of the country that I have been to thus far in my life. The weather is awesome, the foliage abounds, large cities are concealed by an enveloping plethora of greenery. Essentially, you have big city life with the look of the country and all the amenities of a Beaches all inclusive resort. So, that is where we are Today!
On Saturday, however, we were road tripping with toddlers for 12 glorious hours. Yes, that is correct, 12 hours with a 4 and newly turned 2 year old.Can you say a little touch of hell on earth. My ,otherwise, sweet loving girls do not like to be confined in those 5 point harnesses on a good day on a trip across town. So, imagine their state at taking their very first long drive trip imprisoned in those wonderful harnesses.

My oldest, rambunctious as ever, insisted on asking, every 20 minutes or so,”Are we there yet?” I always thought that was a funny spoof on parenting but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought “those” moms have no patience. Just say ,”Not yet, in a little while.” Why all the overreaction? Then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman, such as myself, cry, almost inconsolably, if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12 hour period.

While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of “Are we there yet”s the youngest was freaking out of her ever loving mind about a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because , god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip.Oh, the humanity! So, to sum it up, my 4 year old is wondering if we are there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road, my 2 year old is being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery, I am at the brink of insanity on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband is trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pull out my bag of tricks because obviously the 1200 DVDs that I brought are not holding their attention. First , we color ( you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else..that’s what you think, but that’s another story entirely), then we color the glittery ones, then we color My little Pony. We sing, only the songs that they know so we had Bella’s favorites, “Twinkle ,Twinkle” and “Mary had a little Lamb” and Gabi’s favorites “Happy Burtday to you!” and ” Five, Five DOlla..Five Dolla foot long!” Yes, my 2 year old is obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they play that thing? I do , because she sings it incessantly. Don’t get me wrong, in the right context, it is absolutely adorable. She is the cutest thing that has ever walked this earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the “Are we there yet?” inquiry of her sister. OK, so brink of insanity on way to gun shop, we stop at lunch and we try and let them stretch there legs at some wayward Wendy’s in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We get lunch, they have ants in their pants and can’t keep still. We get the food, the chicken flavored whatsamanuggets are not done, still doughy,”EWWWW, gross”, as my daughter like to say. I return them. We wait, I return with nuggets, all is good in the land.

Road Tripping With Toddlers

Road Tripping with Toddlers is Hell on Wheels

A ‘fly” dares to descend upon the table. All hell breaks lose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. I did mention it was a fly and not Godzilla, right? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I take off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensues. All is good in the land, and then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough for her, screams, at the absolute top of her lungs “EWWWW, FAARTED.Stinks”. Absolutely, mortified , I say ” OK, honey, it’s OK.” Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently, she just thinks it’s funny and likes to take credit for such occurrence. She is really better than the dog. This is a quirk I am hoping she outgrows.

Bella, my older one starts asking, “Mom, what are we going to do on our vacation?” I say, because I am out of the car and somewhat rational and overly sweet because I am trying to gain redemption from being “Crazy Mommy” from in the car,
“Well, sweetie.we’ll look around the town and eat out, maybe go to Busch Gardens, and we will take you girls to the pool at the hotel.” She look at me with wide eyes,” Even you, Mommy?”

First lets put this into context, I am a Mommy in my mid 30’s, I am a little over weight and a little out of shape, and I hate swimsuits with a passion. I have since I was a teenager. It’s like a taunting suit, it takes every possible flaw you can possibly have and flaunts it to the discriminating eyes of the world. But I do occasionally wear these horrible contraptions to play with my children and because I am determined not to pass my body issues on to them. In response to my daughter, I say “yes, sweetie, even Mommy.” I look at my husband and say ” What the heck, I don’t know any of these people.I’m going swimming!” To which my daughter responds in her most defiant voice “Yeah,I don’t know these people either, so I’m going swimming too!”

How funny, she has no idea about the context but dammit, she’s going swimming!! I’m still in the throes of this mini vacation that teeters between heaven and hell, I’ll post more when we all arrive safely at home, by passing any and all asylums and gun shops…save for that poor Godzilla fly at the Wrong Turn Wendys. The only thing more difficult than Road Tripping with Toddlers is road tripping with TWO toddlers.

How have you survived road tripping with toddlers?

Road Tripping with toddlers Only the Strong need Apply

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