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how to have a better sex life

relationship advice, married sex, children and marriage, sex, marriage

You ever wonder if their are things that turn men off that we might think are sexy? You’ve heard the old saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right? We obviously speak a different language and process things differently. Does it have anything to do with having an innie or an outtie? I don’t know but I do know that what we think is sexy and what our man thinks is sexy may be two totally different things.

I’ve never thought about what turns men off. I guess, as women, we are lucky that way. Men usually pursue us so we don’t have to work as hard for it. But maybe we should. Maybe we should care enough to actually try to figure out what our men like or don’t like in bed. I think before I got married and had babies, I really tried. I wore all the skimpy lingerie like the ones from Cris’ Lingeries store, tried all the new things and was always up for anything.

Then I had children and well, keeping little people alive and being covered in bodily fluids has a weird way of making women feel super unsexy. Gradually, I just sort of stopped trying as hard. I won’t lie. I am exhausted 99% of the time.

For instance, I know we’ve all been guilty of wearing something super comfy but totally unsexy to bed. I once had these pajama shorts that were SOOOOOO comfortable but not very sexy. Not even cute. One day my husband outright asked me, “Honey, can you PLEASE  just throw them away?”

After I was done crying, I threw them away. I guess I could have kept them and used them as erection kryptonite but instead I threw them away because I don’t want to purposely turn my husband off. I want to be the woman who still turns him on. I need to put some effort into proactively making him feel wanted. I don’t think any of us want to make our partner feel unwanted, right?

Aside from my erection killing sleep shorts, here are a few other things that might be putting a damper on your sex life. No fear, we can fix them. And if your man is experiencing erectile dysfunction, you may support him by going to the ED Clinic with him.


Sure, a shy woman is a challenge and most men like a a demure flower so they can feel like they earned it but men also like to feel like the woman they are with actually enjoys sex and wants to be there. Own your sexuality. No more quietly lying there like dead weight or trying to hide beneath the cloak of darkness. That’s not doing either of you any favors. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. He wants you. He’s naked in your bed. You are the prize. Now, start acting like it. Throw those shoulders back, push that ass out and work what your mama gave you. He will love it. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be happy with who you are.

Teeth touching his manhood

Repeat after me, raking is bad! Hate to break it to you but teeth on sensitive private parts equals turn off, even if you are gentle. I know sometimes biting is fun and sexy. Biting his lip, his neck, his chest or even is ass are definite turn ons but when you get to his member, be gentle. You wouldn’t want him to find your clitoris only to bite it, would you?

Grabbing too hard

Sure men like to have their testicles touched, cupped and kissed. You can gently suck and even lick but testicles are not detachable. Never yank on them. It hurts. Just think of what it feels like when a guy twists your nipples. Hello! Tuning in Tokyo is so 1980. Word to the wise, be gentle unless otherwise specifically requested.

Inserting things without warning

Wow! This one could get us all hurt. Many men like their prostate massaged. It really is a turn on for most men but just like you don’t like surprise anal sex neither does your man. If he’s not expecting it, he might clench up and it could really hurt ( both of you). Never just randomly insert something into his anus whether it be a finger, a fist or a plug. There has to be a discussion, some lube, a warning and maybe a safe word. No matter how much you might dream about it, we are not all living in Christian Grey’s world. There are somethings that you just can’t spring on a partner during the act.

Licking it like it’s a lollipop

There is no denying that men love blow jobs. But licking anything like a lollipop can cause serious catastrophic chapping to the manhood. A chapped penis will not be a useful one. It may put your guy out of sexual commission for a week and ladies, they do not sell Carmex for your penis.

Continuing past the sensitivity

OK, I think we might all be guilty of this. If your man has already maxed out in pleasure and you continue to “pleasure”him after he tells you to stop, it’s actually painful. I know we think it’s more of a good thing but it’s actually too much of a good thing. Unless you want to get smacked across the head, I suggest you that you slowly back away from his manhood and no one will get hurt.

Talking too nasty

Men like women who talk dirty but not too nasty. For instance, “oh baby, I’ve been a bad girl.Spank me” = good. “Oh baby,pull my tampon out with your teeth!” = bad. Your nasty mouth may turn him completely off, luckily if you know what you’re doing with your mouth you can turn that frown upside down in 5 seconds flat.

Not trying new things

Sure there might be a couple things that you are really good at and hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it but sex is supposed to be a fun adventure for two, or three if that’s what you’re into, but if you do the same thing, in the same place over and over again, it gets boring for him and for you. I’m sure your man appreciates your professional grade strip teases or your perfected BJs but sometimes throw in an afternoon delight reverse cowboy and blow his mind. Spice it up. You have to try everything at least twice and then you can decide whether or not you like it and that applies to all areas of life. If your partner suggests some new positions, or role playing or just a new twist on an old favorite, try it you might like it.

Ladies, don’t feel bad, I have a list for the men too. I will publish that next week because there are things that they think are sexy and are totally turning us off too. But today, ladies, what’s your best, no -fail tip of how to turn your man on?

Men, what things that turn men off do we women do because we think it’s sexy?

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