Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
I’ve seen a LOT of sarcastic TikToks of men telling women to “buy their own flowers.” Like these dudes are actually angry about it. Feels like that song hit a nerve with some people. I think those people missed the entire point. To me, “Flowers” by MiIey Cyrus is not a feminist fuck you anthem to all men but it’s actually all about female empowerment, self-love and being enough. What’s so wrong with women being able to boost their own self-confidence, provide their own happiness and depend on themselves?
Why can’t I buy myself flowers? Who says so?
Unfortunately, as women, we are conditioned to always put everyone else first, to our detriment and to theirs. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t put her children, her partner, her parents, and family and friends’ wants and needs ahead of her own. Sure, we are the cheerleaders of everyone else but for some reason, our default is sacrifice. Women are naturally martyrs. Call it maternal instinct or ridiculous, misogynistic conditioning to live up to societal expectations, Whatever it is, it’s real.
It’s so real, in fact, that I didn’t buy strawberry ice cream for almost 20 years because no one else in the house liked it. It’s my favorite. Why the fuck did I not just buy myself some strawberry ice cream. Why did I need someone else to want or need it in order for me to quantify buying it? Make it make sense. No one told met that I couldn’t buy strawberry ice cream. No one. Me.
I feel like the lyrics “I can buy myself flowers” is exactly that. I. Can. Buy. Myself. Flowers. If I love flowers, why do I need to wait for someone else to buy them for me? If I want flowers, I deserve flowers and I can buy them for myself. Fuck waiting on someone else to bring me what I can easily do or buy for myself. Do I love getting peonies for no reason on a random Wednesday? Yeah. Who doesn’t? But I can go to Trader Joe’s and buy them just as easily as the Big Guy can. I feel like waiting for someone else just adds pressure on them. It’s a lose-lose situation.
But you know, chances are most likely anyone else is going to buy red roses because that’s what society says women want. Wrong. I fucking hate roses, especially red ones. They remind me of funerals. If you’re going to buy me flowers, I want peonies, orchids, hydrangeas or daisies. Red roses are the most cringe flowers there are, in my book. The Big Guy knows that. But just like the Big Guy can make his own plate at my Latino parent’s household, I can buy my own flowers. It’s a new day. Gender stereotypes are bullshit. There, I said it.
I think the song is about loving yourself not NOT letting anyone else love you. Its true, who else is going to know us and love us better than we are capable of loving ourselves? Who is going to care about what we care about as much as us? Who is going to take the same measure of pleasure in the things that interest us? Look, I’m a quirky one and my interests run a wide gamut how could I expect anyone to be the exact same level of weird as me? It’s impossible and expecting that is expecting the impossible and, quite frankly, a bit selfish if I’m being honest.
The Big Guy and I are very much opposites except for one thing, we both try to be good humans and we both love and respect each other. That’s it. The thing we have in common is love and human respect for each other and everyone else we encounter. We give everyone a chance and everyone is equal, from the janitor to the boss. That’s the tie that binds us. We’re equal in this partnership. That being said, we have grown a relationship based on love, honesty and respect for one another. We are not perfect but we went into this knowing that. We keep working on growing together and bettering ourselves, for ourselves. We’ve also realized regular gender stereotype roles have never worked for us.
People getting upset that Miley dared to say out loud that she could love herself better than a partner is people with too much time on their hands. Let’s be honest, don’t we all believe that we know and love ourselves better than anyone else? Being loved by someone else is beautiful and amazing but if we can’t love ourselves, we are incapable of fully loving anyone else.
Why would anyone put all their happiness on the actions of another person? That’s crazy. It’s setting your relationship up for complete and utter failure. You can’t expect your partner to guess what you want and think you deserve in a relationship. That’s where the honesty part starts.
Be honest and communicate with your partner about what you want your relationship to look like. Be honest about what you expect. Be honest about everything because a lie to make things easy will just make it impossible in the long run. Lies are not for relationships. If you can’t be honest, or you can’t take honesty, then maybe you’re not really ready to be in a committed relationship and there is nothing wrong with that. Lying that you are or pretending to be someone you aren’t will only cause a much deeper wound later down the road.
Women, don’t be afraid to buy your own flowers, write your name in the sand, talk to yourself for hours or hold your own hand. Don’t be afraid to masturbate, buy strawberry ice cream, say no or an enthusiastic yes. Be honest with your partner and be honest with yourself. In the end, you will be a better, happier version of yourself and that is a win for everyone involved.