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walking dead, the walking dead, Carol, parenting, parenting tips

Parenting Survival Tips from the Walking Dead

by Deborah Cruz 2015/03/30

written by Deborah Cruz

I love The Walking Dead, as many of you know. Last year when I was in Boston and shared a brief moment on the elevator with “Shane” from the Walking dead, I nearly fainted and I don’t do fan girl moments. Well, unless you count that time I made a complete fool of myself in front of the Pioneer Woman at BlogHer.

Anyways, last night, I was watching the Walking Dead Season finale and spoiler alert, Carol is badass! In fact, as I started thinking about it there are a lot of parenting lessons to be learned from Rick, Carol, Michon, Daryl and the crew.

First and foremost, kids are a liability in the zombie apocalypse. If they’re not killing you during birth, they are crying to attract zombies but then again, they also get your back. I mean how many times has Carl stabbed a walker in the head to save his dad? Now, that folks, is love in the time of the Walking Dead. My kids have never stabbed a zombie in the head to save my life, but when my back was out last month, they made me a PB& J and really, isn’t it the same thing?

But seriously, I have learned the most from Carol. I’m talking lessons that can actually make me be a better, more effective mom. Here are my Carol-isms or

Top parenting lessons that I’ve learned from the Walking Dead.

Make sure that children respect your personal space

Carol literally threatened to hurt a child if he didn’t stop trying to hang around her. I think she may have gone overboard but he knew that she was serious as a heart attack when he looked up and saw those dead eyes looking back at him. She made her boundaries crystal clear and that is something that I could use some help with.

Don’t make idle threats and always follow through

If you want children to learn to finish what they start and to respect your time and you as a person, you have to hold up your end of the bargain. Never make idle threats because you will undermine your own authority and never( ever,ever,ever) break a promise because then you lose the child’s trust.

Actions speak louder than words

Don’t talk it to death, just do it! When Carol thought 2 members of the new group were sick and could hurt her family, she thought they were a threat. She didn’t discuss it or take a vote. It wasn’t a democracy. She did what she thought was best and simply took them from their beds, killed them and then burned their bodies. I’m not saying to hurt your children but parenthood is not a democracy and sometimes the right choice is not the popular one.

Let it Go

When Carol’s daughter turned, as much as she hated it, she had to let her go. Her daughter turned into a walker and she knew she had to let Rick shoot her in the head. She couldn’t change her back. She had to make the merciful, loving decision. She put her child first.

“That’s not my little girl. It’s some other…thing. My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time, I thought. She didn’t cry herself to sleep. She didn’t go hungry. She didn’t try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago.”

Whispering is Way Scarier than Yelling

When the little boy, Sam, in Alexandria makes a pest of himself asking Carol to make him cookies. She never yells, though she is clearly annoyed, she simply whispers her threats to him and that was scarier than anything she could have yelled. I’ve realized if I whisper, calmly when disappointed or upset, my children are terrified.

Always make them feel safe with you, even when you have your doubts

Remember season 4 of the Walking Dead when Carol took Lizzie out to the flower patch and shot her dead? What were her choices? The kid murdered her sister and liked to play with dead things. She was an apocalyptic sociopath. It was just a matter of time before that crazy little bish was killing all living people to make them her undead pets.

Look at the pretty flowers…it’s going to be all right….Bang, bang…. you’re dead.

At least Carol did the kind thing and didn’t scare her before she did it. (I told you kids were a liability.)

Prepare them for the “Real” World

There is no way Carol would ever let her kid play on a no winner or loser soccer team. Life is hard and you need to know that it will let you down. Things don’t always work out the way you planned it and sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to like eat dog or shoot the walker that used to be your neighbor. That’s why she taught the kids at the prison to use guns and knives to survive the zombie apocalypse. In the end, it’s every man, woman and child for themselves.

And my husband says that television rots your brain. I’d say that these parenting tips could make me a better parent….now, or in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

What parenting survival tips have you learned from the Walking Dead?

Photos via Walking Dead

2015/03/30 9 comments

Zayn Malik, One Direction, career, choose happiness, life choices

What Would Zayn Malik Do?

by Deborah Cruz 2015/03/26

written by Deborah Cruz

“Zayn Malik QUIT One Direction!” her voice cracked as she spoke these words. There was no talk of “flabby arms” amongst the ballerinas tonight only distress that Zayn quit One Direction. My girls are too young to care. I like One Direction. They won me over with Little Things. But this situation made me think, would you leave a high paying career behind to be happy?

I know the thought is terrifying. It’s a giant leap and many of you are shaking your head with a resounding, “Hell, no!” Money isn’t everything but it certainly is important. I’m with Zayn Malik on this one, life’s too short. You’ve got to get your happy! That’s exactly why I started The TRUTH about Motherhood. This is easy for me to say because I already took the leap. It’s always easier to be brave when you’re safely looking up from the bottom of the cliff than standing at the top about to take that first leap into the unknown.

Why did Zayn Malik quit?

He’s 22, he’s a millionaire and he just wants to be a regular guy. He wants to live while he’s young. I don’t blame him. Money can’t buy you happiness and fame will never get you privacy. I think he’s brave to choose happiness over money. I get that he’s an artist and from the outside looking in, he’s made it. He’s living the dream but maybe the fame part is too much to bear. Who knows, in a couple years, maybe he’ll come back as a solo artist. After all, he is only 22. Besides, there will still be a ONE DIRECTION, just minus Zayn.

Would you quit the job you have now to follow your dreams and pursue your passions if you had no children or responsibilities like Zayn Malik? Would pursuing your passions make you happier than what you’re currently doing?

For me, it was simple, I’d rather spend the rest of my life doing what I love and working my tail off trying to succeed than make a lot of money doing something that doesn’t make me happy. To me, success is defined by doing something I love and being there to enjoy the moments with the people that I love without having to run out, miss things or not be there when they need me.

I am a writer. I’ll probably never be a millionaire but I don’t care. I want to be happy. I am happy. I am able to be here for my children and the Big Guy when they need me. I get to travel the world, meet interesting people and do things that the average person doesn’t get to do in their entire lifetime because I write. I get to tell stories, share my life with others and get to know wonderful people all over the world from all walks of life. So, would I choose to take the less traveled path….again? Hell yeah.

I’m lucky. I am blessed because every single day. I get to live life on my terms and that is what I want for my children. I have to lead by example. I’m really lucky because I have a husband who completely believes in me and supports my dreams. I’m even luckier that he has a career doing something he loves that actually pays well. We have family around to help out when I need to travel.

Outside of my husband and daughters, I don’t think that most of my family and friends really understand what I do or how I came to choose this path. It chose me. I was presented with options, my fork in the road, when I was pregnant with my daughter. It took me 2 years to choose which path to follow. I was scared, just like you. What if I chose wrong? It wasn’t just about me. It was about all of us.

Still, I’m with Zayn, when given the choice always choose happiness. Choose to follow your bliss. It might not be the popular choice but if it’s right for you, you can’t worry about popularity. Be brave. Be happy.

Do you think Zayn Malik is crazy or crazy smart to choose his happy over money and fame?

2015/03/26 1 comment

Intuit Quickbooks, self-employment, freelancer

Entertainment Parenting

Coming Out of the Mom Fog and Catching Up on the Present

by Deborah Cruz 2015/03/07

written by Deborah Cruz

I am unbreakable. This is what I tell myself every day. Bendable, certainly but unbreakable. It’s been a crazy week. I’ve been completely and utterly useless. I was at an amazing conference last week but unfortunately, due to jetlag, my brain is fried this week. It’s the price I pay for one amazing conference full of learning. You know how they say beauty is pain? Well, learning is exhausting. I’ve been trying to take all the excitement that I’ve brought back with me and focus it into results.

Then Monday morning, my back went out. I was, literally, flat on my back for most of this week. So I was forced to let my brain and my back rest.

I reminded myself, ” You are unbreakable!”

Obviously, I turned to Netflix. I mean, who doesn’t binge watch House of Cards when they’re jetlagged and immobile? How lucky was I that its debut of season 3 would coincide with my return from Los Angeles and wonky back?

Not going to lie, I’ve not finished yet. Deadlines, ya know? This week I’ve felt like I needed one of those astronaut pens (in laptop form) because I’ve been typing from flat on my back. House of cards has been good so far. Lots of unexpected plot twists and turns and of course, the madness that is the interworking of the twisted mind of the Underwoods.

But today, I turned my attention to Netflix’s latest original series by TINA FEY (how could this not be good!)Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. It is awesome! I don’t want to give too much away but the plot is about Kimmy Schmidt a 20 something from Indiana who has been locked in a bomb bunker for the past 15 years with 3 other women and one crazy preacher under the belief that the apocalypse had happened in 2000. She finds out that her “savior” was actually her kidnapper. The show picks up as Kimmy and the others are rescued and they begin life above ground.

She is definitely unbreakable.

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone but the preacher is someone who you would NOT expect and *Spoiler alert* Tina Fey might make an appearance! I binge watched the entire season in 1 day. I love Netflix but I really have to learn to pace myself. I found this funny, sweet show to be uplifting and inspiring and it made me think, why shouldn’t we live every day like life is new and wonderful?

Kimmy emerging from her 15 years underground reminds me a lot of motherhood. I’ve been a mother for ten years ( on Tuesday) and on some days, I feel like I have been living in a hole for those 10 years; a beautiful, cozy, full of love, void of sleep and regular meals hole but a hole just the same. For the past 10 years, my entire life has selflessly revolved around my two young daughters and that’s okay. It’s everything I ever wanted. I’m proud of that. They truly have made my life better and more purposeful. My priorities have shifted in ways that I couldn’t even have comprehended before I gave birth.

I put my career and my life on hold, to stay home and be their mother because it really is the most important thing that I will ever do. Growing and raising human beings is a miracle and a privilege but it takes your everything, especially when children are young. I willingly give everything. I see the dividends in my daughters, every single day.

But now, the girls are getting older and they don’t need me as much. They can do almost everything menial for themselves. I am only here to guide the way, be their constant source of continued unconditional love and support and their biggest advocate. Suddenly, I’ve found myself with a few hours a day of quiet, personal time. I’m able to attend conferences and travel for work.

It’s like a fog is lifting and while I may not be needed to kiss booboos and scare away things that go bump in the night as often, I am now becoming the example of the kind of woman I want my daughters to look up to as a role model. The fog of exhaustion has lifted and I can clearly see what my purpose in life is and it feels incredible to be able to know something so certainly with such clear perspective. I will always see the world through mom colored glasses, I am a mom but the role is evolving and so must I adapt too.

What has been your biggest defining moment in life so far?

Disclaimer: I am a member of Netflix Streamteam but all love of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and House of Cards are all my own.

2015/03/07 0 comment

lola, Netflix, Dog , bulldog, love, family pet

Entertainment Pets

Dog is My Co-Pilot

by Deborah Cruz 2015/01/30

written by Deborah Cruz

My dog, Lola, is more than just a pet. She surpasses anything I would have ever imagined that a family pet could be. She is part of our family. In fact, with the girls in school all day now and the Big Guy at work, she is my closest companion and that is the reason why I give her cbd oil to enhance her well being, read more at the link to learn its benefits.

Lola came into our lives one Christmas 2 years ago and filled a great big gaping hole left in our hearts from the loss of our first family dog, Saffaron. Saffy was our practice for children. She was the puppy who taught us responsibility and how to love and nurture something beyond ourselves and she returned that love ten fold.

We adopted Saffaron about a month into our marriage and she was our constant loyal companion for thirteen amazing years, up until the moment her heart just couldn’t go on. Saffy was with us as we moved around the country and grew from a young naïve couple into homeowners and then parents. She welcomed home each of our daughters with love and enthusiasm, gracefully moving aside as our family grew.

Never malicious or jealous, always filled with just a little bit more love and cuddled as close as she could get to our hearts. We loved that dog. She was more than just a “dog” she was a vital part of our family. When we lost her, we lost part of ourselves and it was hard to imagine life without her cold nose and warm kisses, especially for our children who had accepted her as one of their own.

4 months later, the hole was still gaping and the wound fresher than ever. The scab has busted off and the only way to begin healing was to welcome a new canine member to our family; enter, Lola. It’s been 2 years since she came to live with us and I think we’d all agree, life is sweeter with Lola sitting next to us.

She cuddles right up to us on Friday Family nights with her dog blanket as we gather around the coffee table playing a rousing game of Monopoly or just watching Gilmore Girls, Once Upon a Time or my daughters’ favorite new Netflix series, The Adventures of Puss in Boots. Just like next month, you can bet your sweet tukus that she will be sitting on my lap while I binge watch House of Cards Season 3 ( February 27th..Don’t miss it!)Lola is always there with us. Wherever we go in live, there she is.

Dogs are smart. If I’m watching a movie that tugs at my heartstrings and I find myself crying, Lola cuddles in just a little closer and licks my hand. It’s as if she’s telling me that it’s ok. When we laugh, she doesn’t laugh but she certainly does get excited. Lola is just as much a part of our family as any one of us.

That kind of loyalty and devotion deserves a treat.

Homemade Peanut Butter Cookie Treats for Your Dog

Ingredients
Vegetable oil cooking spray
2 cups whole wheat flour, plus more for dusting
1/2 cup old fashioned oats
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
1 cup creamy peanut butter, at room temperature
1/4 cup grated Parmesan
Directions
Place an oven rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 375 degrees F. Spray a heavy baking sheet with vegetable oil cooking spray or line with a silicon baking mat. Set aside.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, oats and baking powder. Stir in the broth and peanut butter until the mixture forms a crumbly dough. Press the dough together to form a ball.

On a lightly floured work surface, knead the dough for 30 seconds until smooth. Roll out the dough into a 10-inch circle, about 1/2-inch thick. Using a bone-shape cookie cutter, cut out bones and place on the prepared baking sheet (any scraps of dough can be formed into a ball and re-rolled). Sprinkle with the Parmesan.

Bake until light golden, 20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and cool completely. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

Your four-legged family member will adore you for this treat!

Pets are part of our family. As long as these four-legged family members live with us, we are never quite alone. I don’t know about at your house, but at mine, Dog is my co-pilot in life.

What makes your pet special to you?

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix StreamTeam but all love for Lola and opinions are my own!

2015/01/30 0 comment

Christmas, rudolph, 50th anniversary, rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, holiday classics

Entertainment

The Holiday Tradition that Every Kid Will Love & Giveaway

by Deborah Cruz 2014/12/09

written by Deborah Cruz

I’ve been crazy busy with holiday running. There’s been the city tree lighting, caroling, Nutcracker performances, violin concerts, holiday parties, tree decorating and cookie baking. It’s all been a blur; a great big beautiful blur of joy and family togetherness. Sure, there has been that overwhelming feeling of impending doom that comes with overextending yourself and forgetting where the damn elf was last or where it should go next but overall, we’re all embracing the holiday madness.

One tradition that we never skip is watching the holiday classics together; White Christmas, Christmas Vacation, It’s a Wonderful Life, Frosty, The Grinch who Stole Christmas and our favorite, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Did you know it’s the longest-running and highest-rated holiday TV special of all time and this year it’s celebrating 50 years?

I’ve grown up watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with my parents when I was a child. I always remember that warm feeling I’d get in my stomach when the opening credits would begin to roll. It signaled the beginning of the holiday season. As far as I was concerned, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was Christmas.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” started out as a song made famous by Gene Autry but then he came to life in an animated special that has charmed generations. This year, Rudolph will run for the 50th straight year.

For a Christmas special to be a classic, it has to have cross-generational appeal and who doesn’t love Rudolph?

Rudolph first aired in 1964, it was the creation of Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass, using a technique they called “animagic.” It was stop motion at it’s finest. It lacks fluidity and the bodies and heads don’t match up and their movements are very awkward but we love them still because Rudolph is about magic and imagination, hope and belief, not perfection or reality.

Rudolph has influenced a number of contemporary filmmakers from Tim Burton, Wes Anderson and even Oscar -nominated director Henry Selick who is the genius behind, “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” Selick says that he was highly influenced by Rudolph and there are several nods to the classic in The Nightmare before Christmas.

As a mom, I watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with my girls. Every year, we cuddle up together in front of the fire and watch with the Big Guy. There’s lots of giggling and laughter on the girls’ part and lots of nostalgia and retrospection on my part. The Big Guy usually sits there smiling from ear to ear, soaking it all in. I watch them enjoy these moments and it truly does warm my heart. I want to freeze these moments but sadly they are fleeting, as is their childhood so we have to embrace every single moment. There are only so many of these Christmases that we will get to cuddle together and watch these holiday favorites before they outgrow these magical years so we’ve got to make the most out of each one. We must suck the marrow out of every moment of parenthood.

If you feel like you’ve been seeing Rudolph everywhere, you probably have and I’m alright with that. The year’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer anniversary celebration includes a major tie-in with the U.S. Postal Service, tribute promos from CBS, a collector’s edition DVD with new bonus material, a new stage musical, theme park and in-mall entertainment, and a social media campaign – #ShineBright – that celebrates uniqueness in association with PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center. Rudolph really knows how to celebrate 50 years. I’ll have to keep this all in mind for my own 50^th birthday in the future. Debi the stage musical has a nice ring to it, right?

Anyways, Square Fish, an imprint of the Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group, has released 6 new Rudolph-themed books that span a variety of formats, including the first ever graphic novel starring Rudolph and company, RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER: THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS, by Brendan Deneen. Other formats include a classic storybook, a picture book, slide-and-find and lift-the-flap board books, and a ‘My Reader’ edition specifically designed for beginning readers. There’s something for the entire family, no matter the age or reading level!

The Rudolph books are

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Classic Story
Deluxe 50^th Anniversary Edition for ages 4-8
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Slide and Find
Board Book for ages 2-4
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Life-the-Flap Board Book for ages 2-4

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Rudolph Saves the Day
Paperback picture book for ages 3-7
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: My Reader
Level 2 Paperback Reader for ages 5-7
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Island of Misfit Toys
Middle-Grade Graphic Novel for ages 7-12

We were provided the Rudolph books for review purposes by Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group and my girls fell in love with them instantly. I’m betting that your kids will too so I am providing a full set of all 6 new Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer classic books to one lucky reader. All you need to do is leave a comment telling me your favorite holiday classic and follow The TRUTH about Motherhood on Facebook. Open to U.S. residents. Giveaway ends December 16th at midnight EST. Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I have partnered with Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group for this compensated campaign but all love for Rudolph is genuine and our own.

2014/12/09 5 comments

Gilmore Girls, #Streamteam, Netflix, mother/daughter relationship

Entertainment

How the Gilmore Girls Ruined Me for Parenting

by Deborah Cruz 2014/11/21

written by Deborah Cruz

As I walked around downtown earlier this week with my daughter and her friends, I watched her. Not like a crazy stalker or anything, but like a sociologist studying human behavior. Have you ever really watched your children, when they don’t know anyone’s paying attention? They are pretty incredible.

She’s 9-years-old, she’s growing up so fast. She’s not the little kid who clung to me anymore. She is independent and funny, quirky, smart and kind. I see her give hello smiles to elderly women, I watch as she holds the door for the mother with small kids and I see her begin to think before she speaks. My heart is filled with pride. I did that or at least, I had a hand in it.

With Thanksgiving approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about all the things I’m most thankful for and there is nothing I’m more thankful for than my girls and the gift of being their mother. I know parents are not supposed to be their kid’s “friend” because it blurs the line of authority but I’m not sure that I believe that entirely. I want my girls to know that no matter what, I have their back but I also want them to respect me enough as their mother to not take advantage of that relationship.I want them to feel comfortable talking to me about anything without fear of judgment. Motherhood is a tricky balance of full on never-ending, unconditional love, complete trust and respecting the relationship just enough to listen to one another, even when they don’t want to.

When Bella was a toddler, the Big Guy and I used to watch the Gilmore Girls. Every week the theme song would start playing and my toddler would get super excited (in that way that only toddlers can) and start dancing in that bouncy little way that cruisers do; with a smile from ear to ear. That child made me fall in love with the Gilmore Girls.

I remember watching and imagining having the kind of mother/daughter relationship with my girl as Lorelai Gilmore had with her daughter, Rory. My toddler was dancing and I was dreaming about 15 years down the road, secretly hoping she’d want me to be her best friend one day.

The show ended and time passed, I had another daughter. Life moved on. We stepped on this ride of children growing up and it just keeps speeding up. There is so much going on in our day-to-day that it’s hard to ever see the big picture these days. Parenthood is truly the definition of not being able to see the forest for the trees but once in awhile when we slow down, for just a moment and notice, we can see all the potential of what this all means like when I watched my girl on the field trip, navigating the city, catching snowflakes on her tongue and being just a little silly but still cooler than I ever was at her age. I can see the Rory she is becoming.

I still see that toddler bouncing around to Carole King singing Where You Lead. It gets me every damn time. This is what parenthood is; misery peppered with profound moments of bliss. Honestly, its more like hours on end of minutia where all the real memories are made; the menial tasks of the day-to-day. The long talks about nothing, the goodnight kisses, the laughter and the tears. The good stuff happens when you aren’t even paying attention; the growing up and the growing closer . I’ve come to realize that there is something closer than a toddler’s unadulterated blind love for her mommy and that is a child, a young lady, a woman …a daughter, who chooses you. I blame the Gilmore Girls because it made me believe that moms and daughters can be best friends. That’s what I’ve hoped and planned for.

For now, we’ll be cuddled up on the sofa with our girls watching the Gilmore Girls together on Netflix because BONUS, Gilmore Girls are on Netflix and in January Friends is coming!

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team but all opinions are my own.

2014/11/21 3 comments

miscarriage, How to get away with murder, Viola Davis, ABC, Shonda Rhimes

Entertainment

ABC’s How to Get Away With Murder finds Miscarriage Funny

by Deborah Cruz 2014/11/07

written by Deborah Cruz

Do you think miscarriage is funny? Do you joke about it? Do you make flip remarks about women who lose babies or the act of losing a pregnancy? If not, then maybe I wasn’t the only one whose jaw hit the floor when I heard this sentence on prime time television earlier tonight.

“Makes me grateful for the miscarriages.”

Those were the words said matter of factly by Viola Davis tonight during an episode of ABC’s How to get away with Murder. These words were tossed around in passing, facetiously even, and it made my stomach turn. Until tonight, I liked the show. I looked forward to it every week.

Maybe it’s because it’s November or because I read this post today by parents who are still suffering from the stillbirth of their baby girl Ruby, or maybe it’s just because it was one of the most insensitive things I’ve ever heard uttered on primetime television but I feel like I could vomit. I cringed as the words were being said. As someone who has actually ~~suffered~~ survived (barely) a miscarriage, I can assure you that I have never been grateful for the one. I mourn that loss every day. When it happened, I wanted to die too. I would never joke about miscarriage, no more than I would joke about someone’s mom dying or having cancer. There are some things that just aren’t funny in any context.

Obviously, these are not Viola Davis’ own words. There are writers who write scripts. I would venture to guess that the writer is not a woman. I don’t think a woman would ever think to write such an insensitive thing. Honestly, I don’t know how the hell that line made it into the script at all when a woman, Shonda Rhimes, creating it and the star of the show being a female. With a little investigating, my hunch was confirmed, the episode was written by a man. It was in such poor taste that I am truly offended, I am shocked and repulsed and that is saying something because not much shocks or offends me.

Any woman who has ever suffered a miscarriage, could assure you that no woman would ever consider herself “grateful for the miscarriages” much less say those cringe worthy words out loud. Maybe I’m a little more sensitive to this because I’ve been through it. It’s personal for me. It’s more than just a line to be read. Words have weight and that sentence is crushing. The words came unexpectedly and blind-sighted me. I was not expecting to be reminded of one of the worst days of my life in such a flippant way.

I’m still flabbergasted, an hour later, still picking my jaw up off the ground; that’s why I’m writing this post. I am so disappointed. I feel like I was hit over the head. I was watching the show, like I do every Thursday and there out of nowhere, I get over the head with that terrible, no good, very bad sentence. People, your fans are watching and words hurt. No one wants to be enjoying their weekly drama only to be triggered and/or reminded of one of the most hurtful experiences a parent can go through. Loss and miscarriage is not something that should be taken lightly. It may have just be a line in a script to you but to me, and many like me, it was a blatant disregard for the trauma and tragedy we experienced. It may have meant nothing to you to say it, but it meant everything to us to hear it because when you lose a pregnancy, it feels like you’ve lost everything in that moment.

What do you think of using the word “miscarriage” to express gratitude for dodging the bullet of motherhood?

2014/11/07 0 comment

Entertainment

Lena Dunham and the Over Share Heard Round the World

by Deborah Cruz 2014/11/05

written by Deborah Cruz

I’ve read all kinds of posts on the Lena Dunham debacle. At first, I thought surely people were overreacting. I mean, come on, it’s Lean Dunham. She’s made her name by pushing the envelope, by making us go to those unpleasant and uncomfortable places. Seriously, did anyone want or need to see her running around 80% naked for most of all the seasons of Girls? Of course not but we watched anyways. In her own weird, melodramatic, neurotic way she is really endearing. She’s slightly annoying and incessantly talking to hear herself talk but there is something about her that makes us feel better about ourselves.

The problem with Lena Dunham is that she reminds us a little too much of someone we might know or worse, someone we might be or were or might be one day. I’m chunky, I’m pale and I do not dance around the house naked. I wish I could. I can’t because I’m so screwed up that I can’t even love my own damn body. I try, I do but I fail, over and over again. It is a battle that I can never win. In that way, I am envious of Lena Dunham. She is intelligent, articulate and obviously, pretty fucking comfortable in her own skin. I envy anyone who can honestly love themselves like that but in other ways, she is wounded ( ain’t we all).

Which brings me to the next and more pressing matter, her new book, Not that Kind of Girl. She shocks us. I think most of us expected that, right? She is the kind of person who takes the truth and shoves it in your face and holds you there daring you not to look away. She forces us to see what we might otherwise go through life ignoring, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s just easier that way. However, this time her in your face approach has gone too far. She’s tapped into something that has down right freaked people out.

Now, as someone who tells the truth on a the regular, I know that it is scary. 50% of the time, people will hate you, mock you and fear you. 100% of the time, they will judge you. But 50% of the time, they will support you and let me tell you, that support is priceless so we take the risk. Maybe they’ll read it and get to see a hidden side of us and embrace it or maybe they will see a hidden side of us and turn away in disgust and anger because we should have known better and just kept it to ourselves. Believe me, I’ve been there too. You have to learn to take your lumps like a grown up and have a mature, intelligent discussion. I try to rise above it because sometimes I might learn something, even if it’s that I knew I was right and the other person was an idiot.

I have not personally read the book (though I do want to) but I have seen out of context passages and read many a scathing piece on the book so my post is based solely on my own deducement without all of the facts. The part about a 7-year-old Lena Dunham curiously looking into her 1-year-old sister’s vagina, I find harmless. I mean seriously, she was 7. It was curiosity and thank goodness she did, she found pebbles in the kid. Has no one asked what the hell the toddler was sticking pebbles in her vagina for? It wasn’t like Lena Dunham was fingering her, excuse my vulgarity.

Then there is the part about bribing her little sister to “rest on her” or to kiss her for 5 seconds..both of these wreak of a little girl who needed affection. Her comment,

“Basically anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.”

I honestly, think ( I Hope) was a failed attempt at humor and all of it was taken out of context. We can all sound like monsters out of context.

The situation of a 13-year-old Dunham masturbating in her own bed, after her little sister crawled into her bed while her sister was sleeping, while not necessarily appropriate was a solitary action. She was 13, she was masturbating, that is normal. Her sister crawled into her bed, it wasn’t like she invited her into her bed and then had the little sister participate. One had nothing to do with the other.

I think Lena Dunham over shared in a big, fat, freaking way but do I think she is a deviant, child molester? I don’t but then again, I am not a psychiatrist and neither are most of the people ripping her to shreds for being honest. I don’t necessarily think Dunham did anything wrong other than misjudge her audience and her own isolation from judgment. She forgot for a minute that she is still subject to the rules of the rest of us and that fickle fans and especially strangers can turn on you, just as fast as they can fall in love with you; sometimes even quicker.

I’d love to hear your opinion but I think we should leave the diagnoses to the psychiatrists.

What do you think?

Was Lena Dunham just a curious kid or a child predator?

2014/11/05 2 comments

theater, Dralion, Cirque du soleil, dralions, the arts, acrobats

Entertainment

Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion Farewell Tour

by Deborah Cruz 2014/11/03

written by Deborah Cruz

Two more days until I attend media day for Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; excited is an understatement. I’ve been planning this for 5 months. It comes right in the middle of a really busy week but I’d gladly forgo sleep for this. I’ve been waiting 15 years to go backstage to what I consider the greatest show on earth.

People need down time; moments of sheer enjoyment. You cannot go 100% all the time or you will crash and burn, says the manic mom typing this blog. As a treat, this week my family is attending Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; thanks to the good people are Cirque du Soleil. We’ve been fans of Cirque du Soleil since seeing La Nouba for the first time on our honeymoon in 1999. We even took our girls back to see La Nouba earlier this year.

Are you familiar with Cirque du Soleil? No? What???? Cirque du Soleil is a circus of artistic beauty and creativity beyond anything else. We love the ballet and opera, pair that with some wicked acrobats, international arts and astounding trampoline artists and you’ve got a small taste of what Cirque du Soleil is.

I’m not a fan of the traditional circus because of the use of animals. You know cages and whips and all that kind of kill my enthusiasm for the entire thing but Cirque du Soleil is something that the Big Guy and I gladly share with our girls and will for years to come.

Cirque du Soleil is a Quebec based company recognized all over the world for high-quality, artistic entertainment. Since its dawn in 1984, Cirque du Soleil has constantly sought to evoke the imagination, invoke the senses and provoke the emotions of people around the world.

As someone who has seen every Cirque du Soleil either on video or in person, I can tell you that it is ethereal and magical every single time. That is the simplest way to explain it. What the people in the shows can do with the human body is spectacular; musicians who sing like angels, acrobats who defy gravity and trampoline artist who achieve the unimaginable with ease and grace. Cirque du Soleil makes the impossible seem possible.

This week, I will be seeing Dralion for the very first time in person.

What is Dralion you ask?

Fusing the 3000-year-old tradition of Chinese acrobatic arts with the multidisciplinary approach of Cirque du Soleil, Dralion drawls its inspiration from Eastern philosophy and its never-ending quest for harmony between humans and nature. The show’s name is derived from its two emblematic creatures: the dragon, symbolizing the East, and the lion, symbolizing the West.
In Dralion, the four elements that govern the natural order take on a human form. Thus embodied, each element is represented by its own evocative color: air is blue; water is green; fire is red; earth is ochre. In the world of Dralion, cultures blend, Man and Nature are one, and balance is achieved.

Maybe that’s what I really and truly love about Cirque du Soleil the meshing of all cultures, peoples and beliefs. It’s “hope” under a tent. It’s being transported to a perfect world for a couple of hours and I adore every single saturated in amazing moment of it.

Dralion is coming to Ft. Wayne, IN ( probably to a city near you too) and will run this Wednesday November 5^th thru Sunday November 9^th. There is even a family four-pack promo going this week, 4 tickets for only $100 using the promo code Halloween. That is a fantastic deal and worth every single dollar. If you are anywhere near the area, I would highly recommend that you go see this farewell tour. It may be your last chance.

Speaking freely and honestly, I will tell you, Cirque du Soleil is one of the coolest things you will ever experience. You will leave the auditorium with children who are thrilled and amazed and your mind will be thoroughly blown. I can’t wait to tell you more about the show after I attend opening night and media day later this week. Hope to see you there.

What’s your favorite Cirque du Soleil show?

Have you seen Dralion?

Image via Cirque du Soleil

Disclosure: I was given tickets to see Dralion but all opinions are my own. I have been in love with Cirque du Soleil for 15 years and would have purchased tickets to Dralion on my own had I not received them.

2014/11/03 1 comment

Entertainment Women's Issues

Yes, Renée Zellweger Looks Different, so What?

by Deborah Cruz 2014/10/24

written by Deborah Cruz

Like the rest of the world, I noticed that when Renée Zellweger appeared on the red carpet for the Elle Women in Hollywood Awards on Monday night, she looked different. I couldn’t quite place my finger on what it was, I just knew that she looked different. Then I saw all the terrible comments on Twitter. Social media was exploding in insults about the change in Ms. Zellwegger’s appearance. I hate that about the Internet, everyone feels entitled to be as insulting as they want to be because they are cloaked in the security of anonymity. They’d never say that shit to her face.

I don’t know what looks different, I just know she looks different. But, call me crazy, I think she still looks pretty. She’s not 25 anymore, neither am I. We all look different. Time and gravity changes us. Everyone’s face ages.

Look, I can’t imagine what it must be like living in Hollywood and being a celebrity having every single thing you do critiqued and criticized; every wrinkle and grey hair amplified for the world to see. So either you age naturally and the whole world gawks and rebuffs you for not trying harder or you get cosmetic surgery, plumping this, lifting that, dewrinkling that and the entire world criticizes you for not aging gracefully. As a woman, especially one in the public eye, you can’t win for losing. I say be happy and fuck the rest.

If being happy means aging naturally, go for it. If being happy means raging against nature, then Botox and lift all your heart desires. It would be awesome if we could all just look 25 forever or if we could find the perfect aesthetician or surgeon who could just make us stay looking 25 forever, minus the plastic, distorted, fake face but it seems it’s a hard combination to find. I’ve never had any botox injections or anti-aging dermal fillers not because I am opposed to it but because I just haven’t found the time or occasion to do it. If I ever feel like I need to have some botox injections, believe me, I will go for it. But for now, I am all-natural; for better or worse.

I can’t speak for Renee Zellweger but I can speak for myself, we live in a world where we are held to impossible beauty standards and some of us nearly die trying to fit someone else’s expectations of who they think we should be. When will we realize that WE make the rules. If we refuse to bend, contort and starve to fit these impossible standards maybe then we could all be just a little bit happier just living and being ourselves.

Please stop making fun of Renee Zellweger. Are you perfect? Would you dare make these jokes about her face to her face? If the answer is no to either of these questions, please keep your opinions to yourself and be a part of the solution, not the problem.
Isn’t the world already a hard enough place to live in with everything in media being photoshopped and nipped and tucked? Can’t we just give one another a break?

–

2014/10/24 0 comment

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