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women’s health

hysterectomy, uterine fibroids, fibroids, endometriosis, gynecological issues, perimenopause , uterine biopsy, cancer, poor man's d and c, D&C

As a woman, after a certain age, that age is 30, seems like for every gynecological issue the final solution for everything is a hysterectomy. You’re spotting. Let’s give you a hysterectomy. Cramping. Hysterectomy. Heavy periods. Hysterectomy. Uterine fibroids or endometriosis? Hysterectomy. You stub your toe? Bump it, let’s throw out your uterus.

It’s not just me. I have loads of friends who have suddenly been recommended to get an “elective” hysterectomy. I don’t mean elective like getting your teeth whitened or vaginal rejuvenation. They mean, “well, you’re done having babies. You don’t need that thing anymore. Crampy? Tired of periods? Why not try floating ovaries on for size?” So does that mean since I won’t be breastfeeding anytime soon, we should just cut those off too?

I feel like it’s jumping the gun a little to offer to remove my parts just because things don’t run exactly as they used to. I mean, I’ve been pregnant three times and each time I was, it was like there was a little Oprah here in my uterus going, “And you get a uterine fibroid and you get a uterine fibroid and YOU GET A UTERINE FIBROID!” Heaven forbid you find out that you have endometriosis, they may not even ask. They’ll just go ahead and schedule you an appointment.  As early as possible, it’s best to already educate yourself with the Treatment for uterine fibroids.

READ ALSO: The Gynecological Misadventures of a Millenial- ish Mom

There were two births and a D&C, things are not what they used to be. But, every 28 days, menstruation happens and every 14 days ovulation happens. My fatal mistake was that at my last appointment, I went in there complaining about my “heavy” periods. You know because I was getting tired of 5 days of heavy bleeding. Next thing you know, ” How about a hysterectomy, Debi? You have uterine fibroids that aren’t growing. You said yourself that you’re not going to have any more babies. Why not just get the “procedure”?

So the gynecology expert did my exam and lo and behold, my irritable cervix decided to have some breakthrough bleeding right during the exam. How damn rude. My doctor, knowing that I am a complete freak about these things sprung a surprise biopsy on me. Ironically, not the kind of surprise you want. It was like a painful pop quiz for my cervix. Remember, that deep cervix who is a major priss? She does not like to be poked and prodded. She needs a little tenderness.

I went from waiting for biopsy results, Mama’s first cancer scare, to biopsy-induced bleeding. My doctor said the heavy bleeding was most likely from the fibroids that are not growing but are pressing on my uterus and when I menstruate are causing heavy periods. These were my options. Can you guess the first one? A hysterectomy. Absolutely nothing wrong with me but since those pesky periods were annoying, let’s just take out that uterus of yours. Nope. Pass. Next, up, we can go in and surgically burn them to make them smaller. Lastly, we can just put you on some low dose progesterone birth control pills. Yes, I said. I will take option C. Also, why was the least invasive option given last?

READ ALSO: How to Explain Where Babies Come From

The catch was that I couldn’t start my birth control pills until I started my next regularly scheduled period. Which never came. Three months later, walking around feeling 13 months pregnant because I was so bloated I called my doctor and gave her the scoop. She said these things can happen. My uterus and cervix got all freaked out from the biopsy and like an anorexic’s body goes into starvation mode and tries to hoard calories, my uterus and ovaries were holding on to my eggs and lining like they were the last in the world.

Finally, I had a period. Oh and if I thought the “heavy” periods of before were bothersome, let me tell you what 3 months of built-up uterine lining exiting your body feels like. It was painful and “heavy” can not even come close to describing what happened to me. I was afraid to leave my house. It was like having spastic bowels but in your vagina.

I stuck it out for 3 months but basically, it felt like I was hemorrhaging all month long and remember the severe anemia I had? It’s back with a vengeance because my gynecologist made the connection, the uterine fibroids are causing the heavy bleeding which is causing the anemia. Iron and I are in it for the long haul.

I started getting depressed, remember the old nurse who asked me if I was perimenopausal at that last visit? Yeah, I just called her old because she called me perimenopausal. Well, I started thinking maybe I was and if I was, there is no way I will survive menopause. No effing way I can go 3 months without a period and feel like a Thanksgiving day parade balloon or bleed out for weeks at a time. My anemia got so bad I was having blurry vision and feeling fainty.

I quit the birth control and just like when I got the biopsy, my angry cervix and uterus got together and mutinied on me and had some weird rando 5 day period like experience and this past Saturday ( while I was on vacation because my period has wanderlust) I get my period…28 days later. Is it just me or do you see why they named that zombie movie what they did?

Anyways, the day I got my biopsy, I had spoken to my bestie (who is also a doctor) and she told me that she was having a hysterectomy and getting herself some of those fancy newfangled floating ovaries and I should do the same because periods are for losers. I felt kind of peer pressured, like in high school when some cool kid offered you a blunt at a house party and you didn’t puff and you just gave but you second-guessed that decision for the rest of high school. Maybe floating ovaries are for me? But then, if I let them take my uterus the terrorists win and by the terrorists, I mean that fucking 60-something-year-old nurse who asked me if I was perimenopausal. I got really offended, and now, I just want to keep having my 28-day cycle forever and hear my gynecologist tell me that I have the uterus of a 25 -year-old.

I guess the moral of the story is don’t complain about a 5-day “heavy” period because it could be way worse, by like 3 months. And also, even though I know all the cool kids are doing it, I’m not sure floating ovaries are for me…yet. What about you?

Has your gynecologist offered you vaginal rejuvenation with a side of hysterectomy?

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cancer, cervical biopsy, when cancer's on the table, waiting for biopsy results, FemiLift, vaginal lift, pap smear, cervix, xanax, miscarriage

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post written in collaboration with FemiLift. However, all opinions are my own.

A couple weeks ago, I told you all about the FemiLift procedure and shared with you an interview I had with Dr. Ghozland who performs the FemiLift procedure. It was very informative but you know me, the proof is in the pudding and I wanted to speak with someone who actually experienced the procedure. Because who is going to give it to you more real than another mama?

I had a million, some very personal, questions and Jackie Jorge was a great sport and answered every single one of them.

All the questions about FemiLift you were too embarrassed to ask.

On a scale of 1-10, how painful was it?

I would say it’s a 2, if 10 was the worst pain ever. (Wow! Less painful than I expected.)

How invasive did it feel? I hated the early pregnancy ultrasound wands so how does it compare to that?

It’s way smaller than the ultrasound pregnancy wand, but there is definitely something going “in” you, so you can feel it. I think a pap is more invasive (and painful) than FemiLift treatment. (Good to know because my paps are pretty painful thanks to my extra deep cervix.)

How many treatments did you need?

Doctor recommended 3 FemiLift treatments.

What was your personal recovery time?

There is no recovery time. I was able to go about my day just as usual. The nurse said I shouldn’t have intercourse on the night of the treatment. (Definitely shorter than I expected.)

Can you tell a difference? How? Is it visible or strictly internal and a change in sensation? 

Yes! I can absolutely feel the difference. I had two major issues that I was trying to address. The first was stress incontinence and the other was dryness during intercourse. By the 3rd week of the first treatment, I noticed I wasn’t peeing when I laughed or sneezed.

By the second treatment, I had actually caught a cold and it was the first time I didn’t need a mini pad during my cold! Another great difference is when I take my daughters to the bathroom. I used to have to use the toilet first or I would pee myself! Now, I’m able to let them go first!

As far as intercourse… after the first treatment I noticed right away that I was able to “last longer” and I didn’t need to stop my husband to get the lube out!

What does your husband say? Has he noticed a difference?

I actually wasn’t expecting this… but he said last week that he thinks I’m tighter. He never complained before, but it was nice to know that he is enjoying the benefits too.

Has it improved your sex life? How?

OMG… 100% yes!!! After the second treatment, sex feels incredible!! It is a gift to be able to really enjoy and want sex at 40 (Something)… You have no inhibitions so you’re able to reach climaxes that you never knew existed (and in record time).

Has it made you more confident in bed?

Yes. See above statement 🙂 I’ve never really had confidence issues in bed, but I can say that after FemiLift, I am so much more excited to have sex!

Has it made it easier to achieve orgasm through penetration?

Yes. I am like totally blown away how much more sensation I have. It’s like FemiLift has re-awakened my vagina. It’s pretty amazing!

Would you recommend it to your friends? Sisters?


Just a side note the entire interview was in All Caps, I corrected it. I thought it was a caps lock issue however, now I realize Jackie just thinks that FemiLift is ALL CAPS AWESOME!

Hope this has been helpful to anyone who might be interested in taking action to reverse time and babies effect on your lady bits.

For more information about Femilift please check out my previous FemiLift article that goes in depth about the procedure itself.

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FemiLift, vaginal rejuvenation, the changing female body, laser vaginal tightening

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post written in collaboration with FemiLift. However, all opinions are my own.

As I get older, I’ve been considering things I never considered before like what I would look like as a blonde or what if my boobs were back to where they were before I breastfeed. Time is a fickle broad and she takes us all down eventually. It’s not even really about how old I am so much as the use I’ve gotten out of my body.

I’ve had a life full of living, loving and laughing and I’m hoping for at least another 50 years or so of more. I laugh loud and smile really big. I use my parts, people. What am I going to save them for? I don’t put much stock in being a good looking corpse. I want to enjoy life to its fullest.

I liken it to your favorite dress. Some people save those dresses for special occasions that never come. Me, I say wear that sucker every day. Why not? You’ve got it and it makes you feel special; do it. And boy, have I done it all.

The only thing is, even though you are enjoying every moment of living that life, the inevitable happens and you are putting wear and tear on your body. There are things we can do to counteract the “wear and tear” like working out, eating healthy and just enjoying life. Life is too short for stressing out and worrying about everything. Sometimes you’ve just got to let stuff go but not everything.

For example, as I get older, my body is changing. Things don’t bounce back like they used to. When I broke my arm when I was 13, it healed in 6 weeks. When I broke my leg in 2015, well, it’s still healing. On rainy days, I still walk a little bit like a pirate, but I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is never being able to wear heels again, so I will be having another surgery to remove the plates in my leg. Priorities, people.

But there are a host of things, like that, that need some upkeep. I’ve always moisturized but I smile A.LOT. so I can’t fight the crows toes that are starting to form in the crease of my eyes but there are options, such as botox and fillers, if I ever decide I can’t take the creases. I’m one of those people that needs to know there are options even if I’ll probably never use it.

One of the things that I thought I could never get back to its original state was my vagina after giving birth. Come on, stop blushing, we’ve all thought it. Hell, I even asked the Big Guy once, “Does it feel different (*ahem) down there?”

Obviously, he said no because he’s not stupid. Of course, he swears that I did not poop on the birthing table either. I’m not sure if either of those statements is true and (lalalalala) I chose to believe his version of the story.

My point being, I think most men would agree that a slightly stretched out vagina to play with is better than no vagina at all. Am I right, ladies?

Men, can I get an AMEN?

Then I received an email from FemiLift. I had never heard of it before. Have you?

Here’s the skinny, FemiLift is a minimally invasive, outpatient procedure that provides optimal results for a variety of feminine health concerns. The FemiLift procedure is performed in a doctor’s office in an outpatient setting, without surgery, anesthesia or downtime. It’s a ‘hit it and quit it’ sort of sitch.

This is the part that interested me, the procedure is performed by gently inserting a probe into the vagina with a 360-degree rotation capability allowing for select targeted treatment areas for specific feminine health conditions. Each procedure takes less than 15 minutes and three treatments are recommended at 4-6 week intervals.

But how does FemiLift work?

The FemiLift procedure uses breakthrough fractional CO2 laser technology to improve the function of the vaginal area by gently heating the vaginal tissue and stimulating the formation of new collagen, just like a labiaplasty procedure.

FemiLift was the first to market among feminine health lasers in the United States and Canada and is the only procedure that provides a single use, a disposable vaginal sheath that ensures patient hygiene. I’m imagining the probe wearing a condom. Safety first.

Women who have had the FemiLift procedure report a near-immediate return to activity, including sexual intercourse, with thousands of patients around the world reporting an improved quality of life and deeply enhanced self-esteem.

You know me, I don’t believe everything I read and to be honest, it sounded a like intimidating to me. So, I got some answers from Dr. David Ghozland, a board-certified OB/GYN with over 15 years experience, M.D. Board Certified OB/GYN who performs the procedure and a patient who has had the procedure performed. You can see my interview with Dr. David Ghozland below.

Femilift Interview questions

Are you awake during the FemiLift procedure?  

Yes, the procedure is performed completely awake with zero to minimal discomfort. I have performed hundreds of these procedures and have never given out a single pain medication for the procedure itself or the aftercare.

Is there any downtime in which you cannot be sexually active? 

We typically recommend waiting till the next day to resume sexual activity.

What is the average recuperation time?  

One of the many great attributes of this procedure is the no down time aspect.  Patients return to work or to their normal activity immediately post procedure.

How many treatments does one need in order to achieve a noticeable effect?  

Most patients need a total of 3 treatments to achieve their goals.  We will offer a 4th in more complex cases in order to achieve our desired goal.

Are there any issues with urination afterward?  

There is no change in urination afterward.   Although people do feel a quick improvement in urinary stress incontinence.

Does this help with urinary stress incontinence?  

This has been a huge benefit to my patients who suffer from mild to moderate urinary stress incontinence.   I used to perform on an average 15 slings a month prior to owning the FemiLift machine.   I have taken that number down to approx. 1 -2 slings a month due to using the laser in our patients with incontinence.

How do you measure whether or not it worked? 

This is a very subjective test and therefore no grading criteria is used.  However, patients themselves feel a tremendous difference and improvement in vaginal tightening, vaginal lubrication and improvement of urinary incontinence.

Is there a visible difference? How do you quantify change?  

Again, the visible difference lies in how happy and satisfied our patients are after receiving a treatment course with the FemiLift machine.

Is the change permanent?  

Unfortunately, this is not permanent but we have seen results lasting for over a year.   Patients return for a maintenance therapy session once they feel the symptoms returning to what they were prior to commencing the therapy.   

If not, how long before you need to get the procedure done again?  

On average one to two years before someone returns for a maintenance therapy session.

Can it help make achieving an orgasm from penetration easier? (you know I had to ask this)

People do claim improved orgasms for many reasons.  Improved friction from the vaginal tightening aspect leads to improved orgasms. The improved integrity of the vaginal tissue with better lubrication leads to improved orgasms and less discomfort.  Due to all the positive effects of the machine on vaginal health we notice improved self-empowerment and therefore more comfort during intercourse leading to improved orgasms.  

How many FemiLift procedures have you performed? 

We have now performed over 300 procedures successfully with zero complications.

Does it help with vaginal dryness?  

Yes, I use this therapy in many of my menopause patients for improved lubrications and improved vaginal tissue integrity (vaginal atrophy).

What side effects can a patient expect?


What are the risks? 


Is there a risk of permanent damage? Or deadening of sensation?  

We have not experienced any complications or changes in sensation with over 300 of our patients.

Has anything ever gone wrong during a procedure? What? (As you can see, I truly believe in safety first.) 

We have never had a complication in any of our cases and truly believe that this is a safe and effective procedure.

This is my interview with Dr. David Ghozland. I hope I answered any questions you might have about the FemiLift procedure. If not, leave them in the comments section below and I will see if I can get you the answer.

Also, I did interview a patient and I know you want to hear her answers but this post is getting a bit long so I will post a separate post tomorrow with her interview.

What’s the one procedure you’ve been curious about but were afraid to pursue? Ladies, have you ever considered FemiLift or a similar procedure?

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sexual health, women's health, women's bodies

Sometimes as a busy wife and mom, my life can get pretty hectic. Probably a lot like yours. It’s not easy when you have to be 100 places at the same time and you have little people depending on you for survival. That’s a lot of pressure, in and of itself, add to that work, errands, husband time and the fact that I am not as young as I once was and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed pretty quickly. That’s why I trust sites like anipots.com to provide me with the right knowledge regarding health supplements and remedies.

The thing is that this happens quite frequently and when it does, I don’t feel like myself. Does that happen to you? I’ve noticed that whenever my life gets busy and I’m experiencing a lot of emotional stress, there are always accompanying physical ramifications. For example, when you’re stressing out over why the baby isn’t sleeping through the night and the next thing you know you get a monster pimple between your eyes or you remember in the middle of the night that you have to bake 50 cupcakes for the PTO bake sale and then you fall victim to a migraine.

I’ve had an extremely stressful few months recently. I broke my leg last fall which created a host of other issues, as you can imagine mostly because when you are confined to one place and can’t bear weight, you start to feel like a ghost in your own life. You can’t imagine the emotional stress that feeling irrelevant can put on someone. Makes you appreciate what it must feel like to be elderly.

Then this spring I started having gallbladder attacks which led to a surgery to remove a diseased gallbladder. If you’ve never had a gallbladder attack, I don’t recommend them. They feel like an induced labor with no epidural. This caused more emotional stress that manifested itself by physically wiping me out. On top of all of this, I’m pretty sure that I’ve entered perimenopause land. They say it can start anywhere from your thirties through your forties (or even earlier for some) and can last anywhere from 10 months to 10 years, so that makes it a definite possibility.

I haven’t noticed any major symptoms like hot flashes, irregular periods or lower sex drive but others like urine leakage (hello, giving birth to two babies with huge heads), fatigue (a mom’s work is never done), mood swings and trouble sleeping (well, I’m a mom and a diagnosed insomniac so this has been part of my reality since having kids) but other than that I feel like I’m 25-years-old. Well, except for the occasional vaginal dryness but I blame that on the stress. Not to be too graphic but sometimes it’s like a slip and slide down there and sometimes it’s like the Sahara. I adjust. I’m not giving up my sex life because my vagina is being bipolar. Hey, 2 pregnancies, a broken leg and wonky gallbladder didn’t stop me. I’m not about to let aging win the war. I’m not dead yet.

The thing is life slows down for no woman so we have to make time to take care of ourselves. Sometimes that means getting some extra sleep, sometimes that means taking vitamins and exercising, sometimes that means sneaking away to pee in silence and sometimes that means giving yourself a little help in the lubricant area. Hey, my mama always told me, “God helps those who help themselves.” I have no shame in helping myself to the sex life I want. If that means picking up some Vagisil ProHydrate then I will. Vagisil ProHydrate Natural Feel helps make my love life feel natural again without the dryness that comes with perimenopause.


Unfortunately, it quite literally, took me falling and breaking my leg and being completely bed ridden for 4 months to learn that lesson. So when your body is telling you to slow down or take care of it, do it. You only have one body and one life. Enjoy!

What do you do to relieve stress that’s just for you and nobody else?

Comment below to win a $100 Gift Card!

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Lubrigyn, feminine hygiene, lubricant, cream, vaginal moisturizer

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Lubrigyn, a new way to keep moisture where it belongs. All opinions are my own!

I have used special moisturizers on my face, neck, arms, legs and hands since I was 18 because I want my skin to be soft and supple. I use sunscreen on my face; wear huge Jackie O-style sunglasses, and I should own stock in giant sun hats…the bigger the better.

I take care of my skin because I want to grow old gracefully but, for some reason, I never even considered extending the courtesy to my lady bits. Who knew that you needed to moisturize your vagina? Did you know that your vagina could dry out just like the skin on your face? Not that it’s the first thing people see when they meet you, but I don’t want to look youthful in my face and feel 87 in my bits.

Apparently, vaginal dryness can happen at anytime but it gets worse as we get older, especially after menopause. Menopause can cause vaginal dryness, but so can diabetes, antidepressant drugs and birth control pills.

Really, I should have been moisturizing my vagina just as long as I’ve been moisturizing my face, but no one ever told me. No one spoke of it. It’s not like my mom gave me a bottle of Lubrigyn and instructions when I turned 18!

What is Lubrigyn, you ask? Lubrigyn Lotion is a cleanser, moisturizer and lubricant that can be used with or without water. A packet of wipes is included with the lotion for on-the-go use. Lubrigyn also comes in a cream, which is a more concentrated version of the lotion, and is especially effective for lubrication.

Lubrigyn has been successfully selling across Europe since 2004, and is now available at CVS.com and in many of their stores. The cream is FDA approved but does not require a prescription.

A creamy, lubricating, moisturizing and cleansing formula, the lotion can be used everyday, in the shower as a regular soap substitute or applied without water. Besides its soothing, softening and refreshing ingredients, sodium hyaluronate attracts and holds on to water.

Lubrigyn Lotion doesn’t foam like most feminine hygiene products; instead, it maintains the natural protective barrier of our vaginal tissue. The vaginal tissue retains moisture and protects the skin from germs and fungi. As we age, vaginal tissue dries out and loses elasticity, which can lead to itching, bleeding and pain during sex. I’d prefer supple and moist, any day of the week.

If, like me, you never thought about moisturizing your lady bits before, maybe now you realize that you should. It’s about more than vanity, it’s about being comfortable and sexually healthy at every age. I encourage you to try it today.

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breast health, violet iodine, menstrual breast discomfort

With everything going on with my leg lately, I’ve neglected a lot of other things, even other parts of my body. Apparently, when your body is traumatized in such a horrendous way, all of your brain focuses on the injured party. But as I start to heal, I begin to feel all the feels that I have been suppressing.

For instance, I’ve barely felt any pain in my severely sprained right ankle because all my attention has been directed at my broken and dislocated left leg. Now that I am healing, I am suddenly feeling the aches and pains of all the sprains and pulls that I incurred in the rest of my body in the fall. I am even feeling my monthly migraines, cramps and breast sensitivity.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Menstrual-related breast discomfort caused by hormonal changes that occurs during a woman’s menstrual cycle can lead to the buildup of breast tissue, resulting in breast lumps, tenderness, swelling, heaviness and aches. It’s awful and if you already have dense breasts, it’s that much worse.

I know I’m not alone because approximately 37.5 million women (an estimated 50 percent of all women during childbearing years) experience this, yet most of us don’t even know that there is anything that we can do about this situation. We just accept it and push through.

But what if it wasn’t something we had to suffer through? What if we could alleviate that discomfort? I mean being a woman shouldn’t feel like a punishment once a month. Being a woman is a beautiful thing.

Well, recently, I found out there is an option for relief from menstrual breast discomfort. There is a product called Violet iodine. It’s a once-daily, non-hormone supplement that is taken orally and made specifically for women to promote breast health and alleviate menstrual-related breast discomfort. It’s the first non-prescription molecular iodine supplement specifically designed to address this discomfort.

Violet iodine addresses the underlying cause of the symptoms rather than temporarily masking the discomfort. Most women begin to experience symptom relief after taking Violet iodine for 60 days, although some women may experience relief sooner.

Its completely drug-free, composed of two forms of iodine, that – when introduced into the acidic environment of the stomach – combine to form molecular iodine. Molecular iodine binds with other molecules in the body and targets the breast tissue via the bloodstream. It has been shown to restore the natural, healthy balance of breast cells and relieve monthly breast discomfort.

breast health, violet iodine, menstrual breast discomfort

Violet iodine is available over the counter at CVS, The Vitamin Shoppe and at Drugstore.com and right now you can try Violet for 30% off at participating retailers. For more information about Violet Iodine you can check them out on Twitter and Facebook.

Do you experience monthly breast discomfort? What do you do to help ease the pain?

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post written on behalf of Violet Iodine but all opinions are my own. 

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cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps


cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps, honeymoon

Happiness is….

Remember your honeymoon?

My wedding and honeymoon were 15 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve been helping my baby sister plan her wedding and I won’t lie it’s been taking me back to my own wedding and honeymoon. Weddings and honeymoons are all about new beginnings and starting your life and for us, a new beginning couldn’t have happened without a series of unfortunate events preceding it. Into every life a little rain must fall, of course, for me it was more like a monsoon wedding. It’s funny how when you look back you only ever remember the good parts of your wedding day.

Our mishaps began the night before the wedding; it started with a rehearsal dinner that ended up at a local club, which ended with a giant blowout between a couple in our wedding. Long story short, I spent the entire night before my wedding driving my bridesmaid around the city looking for her husband, a groomsman.

I got home around 5 am. My alarm for the biggest day of my life went off at 8 am; I woke in a hurried rush, grabbed my baby sister and the luggage under my eyes and barely made it across town to my 8:30 a.m. hair and nail appointment. Then the day just got crazier; lost bridesmaids, missing flower girl, a dad who wouldn’t take off his sunglasses, exes at the church and a bride who hadn’t eaten in 3 days and was having a full on panic attack but through it all, one thing was for certain, I knew the Big Guy was waiting for me at the end of that aisle and I couldn’t wait to be there…with him.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps,honeymoon

Father wears sunglasses in church because he’s too cool to cry in public.

At one point at the rectory, when I should have been sipping on champagne and being fawned over, I instead was struggling to find my way into my huge Cinderella-esqe dress on my own and had a mom on each butt cheek fastening my garters to my thigh highs. Talk about getting close with your mother-in-law. That was a bond sealing moment to say the very least.

Finally, I made it down the aisle but not before my ring bearer had a complete meltdown and wouldn’t walk down the aisle. 3-year-olds, what are you going to do? At that point, I was so nervous that I jumped the gun and nearly ran down the aisle into the Big Guy’s arms before my music even started playing. Just an FYI, if you ever find yourself in that situation, the organist, flutist, violinist and musician will all change their tune (quite literally) to keep up with the bride. I am sure it was amusing as an attendee.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps, honeymoon

3-year-olds are the best!

Once down the aisle, not once but three times did I almost take out the priest and entire front row of the church with my enormous gown. Think, Godzilla with a 10-foot train, in a China shop made of delicate Catholic souls. Thankfully, the presiding priest had a very in tact sense of humor and offered at one point to shear off the back of the dress to prevent any harm being done to women and small children. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the making of this wedding or honeymoon.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

The groom looks debonair. The bride looks like maybe she needs to go peepee.

Of course, a bride who hasn’t eaten in 3 days, had a near miss with a panic attack and ran down the aisle as if she were Cinderella about to turn back into a pumpkin probably should not have been given celebratory cocktails. From what I remember of the evening, there was a trolley ride for the entire bridal party that included alcohol on an empty stomach, then there was an arrival to Star Wars Music (it was my one compromise) and then a bouquet thrown before anyone had a chance to take a photo (waiting is not my strong suit) and the combining of champagne glasses. Let no man put asunder what a bride has combined into champagne flutes.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

No sleep, no problem. Bride takes quick nap on way to reception.


I vaguely remember it taking 4 bridesmaids to assist me in the peeing process ( 2 to hold each side of my ball gown wedding dress, one to hold my hands and balance me as I hovered over the toilet and one to pull my panties down and dab) and something about a 10 foot train that kept coming unbustled. Boy, do I have some good friends. Then it gets blurry.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

Wind blown, no food and keeping it classy with a can of beer. Ain’t love grand?

Next thing I remember was leaving our reception to find our SUV saran wrapped covered in condoms, rice and Vaseline. We were in our early 20’s and apparently our friends were infantile. We had to cut our way in and then make a quick stop at a car wash before heading to our honeymoon suite at the hotel downtown. I remember doing the peepee dance in my stark white wedding dress, in front of our SUV and it’s fuzzy but it seems there was some hanging on to the bumper and trying to balance myself enough to pee while my brand spanking new husband help up 50 pounds of satin and tulle. Champagne goes right through you.

Next stop, the fancy downtown hotel. By this time, I am barefoot and running around the hotel lobby in search of a restroom large enough to accommodate my dress looking and behaving anything but fancy. My bridegroom rushed to check in before I ended up on the evening news.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

Bustle broken, bride busted; time to hit the potty! NOT 1987…1999 & we partied like it was. I was scaring small children with this monstrosity of a dress.

We got up to the honeymoon suite to find more champagne and a basket full of wedding night sexiness but all I could do was the peepee dance and order my husband to get me out of the dress as quickly as possible so that I could pee in peace. Finally, I got to pee and then I promptly passed out leaving my husband to drink champagne and feed himself chocolate covered strawberries.

The next morning, I awoke to discover my wedding dress and trousseau on the floor and my overnight bag and shoes curiously missing apparently in the hurry and chaos, no one remembered to pack MY (the bride) overnight bag. There was no way that I was putting that dress back on, so I wore my husband’s (who is 6’5″ while I am a mere 5’7″) tuxedo back to my in laws house where we were opening gifts in front of friends and family before departing on our official honeymoon. I looked like the kid in Big when he changed back to a kid. It was embarrassing and ridiculous but that night we had a honeymoon reboot and it’s been awesome ever since. The rest of the honeymoon and the marriage have been easy compared to the wedding.

I guess it could have been worse; I could have gotten a UTI on our honeymoon. Yikes, that would really put a damper on romance; not exactly the type of “burning love” that I was looking forward to on my honeymoon! We know that having a lot of sex in a short period of time without letting your body recoup can cause irritation, which in turn can make it easier for you to get a UTI. Also, certain positions such as woman on top cowboy or reverse cowboy can increase the risk of contracting a UTI. Isn’t lots of sex in various positions in a short period of time the exact definition of a honeymoon?

Luckily, there is Cystex PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets, an OTC UTI medication with an antibacterial agent that helps to contain the progression of infection, as well as help reduce the pain and burning sensation with an analgesic while you wait to see your physician. For recurrent UTIsCystex Liquid Cranberry Complex is a great-tasting, drug-free, daily supplement that is clinically proven to promote urinary health with its convenient Proantinox cranberry formula containing vitamin C!

Enter the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway hosted on www.facebook.com/Cystex for three winners to have a chance to win a gourmet dinner for two delivered to your door with a gift certificate from GourmetStation.com, a $150 gift card to Victoria Secret to create more honeymoon moments and a box of Cystex® PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets and Cystex® Liquid Cranberry Complex. Entry period for the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway will occur from 7/24/2014-8/21/2014.

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

For more information about Cystex® and to learn more about burning love visit www.cystex.com

cystex, burning love, UTI, honeymoon mishaps

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cystex®. The opinions and text are all mine.

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