Periods, Pregnancy and Hot-flashes

It seems like womanhood boils down to phases of life; periods, pregnancy and hot flashes.

Now, if I’ve scared you to death that was not my intention. For those of you who have been through this already, you’re laughing because it’s true (and believe me you, misery enjoys company) and if you’ve not been through it yet; you’re either laughing hysterically thinking, this lady and her metaphors are hilarious, or you are heeding my warning and doubling up on the birth control. Either way, I speak the truth.

So, let’s get started. Nothing in life is free; yes, our mothers told us this. And when speaking of being a woman, well, all I can say is damn that Eve. Let’s see, we get our periods, which means we can get pregnant (theoretically). So there is that.

Of course, if we’re young or single the chances are greater because it’s not enough that we are blessed with bleeding every month, we must be on constant alert and taught a lesson. If you don’t want to get pregnant and you are young or single, be extra cautious because you are in the highest risk category of those first blessed with pregnancy. Don’t know why, but you are.

Now, if you are a married woman, in your mid 20’s or 30’s, with the closest thing to sufficient income trying to get pregnant, now it’s a little more difficult. How badly do you really want it? Because, sometimes it’s easy with a little careful charting and planning (isn’t that sexy?) but other times you have to work for it… hormones, in-vitro, etc. Why, you ask yourself? Let’s ask Eve, that bitch.

And then the older you get, the easier it would be for you to actually take care of a child, the more you might want it, the harder it becomes. There is, however, a group in there (who I hope you all fall into) that has a wonderful, loving marriage and after celebrating their fifth year anniversary decide that it is time to bring a child into the family. They go on a nice, sexy vacation somewhere; have a little drink, do a little dance, get down tonight and wham, bam! 10 months later a baby changes everything, but you planned for it (well, the best you can plan for such things in life). That’s the fairy tale, it’s the dream we all had right after we planned our weddings, when we were twelve.

Here we are 18 years and a master’s degree later. Now, we all know that in our hearts this pregnancy/motherhood gig is what puts us over the top. We rule. We forever are on a pedestal for giving our husbands their beloved children (they cannot do that by themselves).They can do a lot of shit, but without us there would be no propagation of the species and there is no substitution for what we can do!

Motherhood turbo launches us into sainthood. But it’s a slippery slope because; the same is not guaranteed for those poor unfortunate (I only say unfortunate because you never know how the guy’s going to react in that situation) girls who get pregnant on accident. Then you run the risk of some jackass taking away your glory and treating you like you owe him, for sticking him with a baby. Be careful!

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Comments (1)

I am laughing so hard at you…you never let me down!

But it is all so true..so very very true!

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