There are lots of things about Motherhood that we are never told beforehand; like how truly horrible transition labor feels, how a person can actually go 24 hours without sleep because a newborn requires almost round the clock feeding, how such a tiny person can hold your heart in their tiny little hands, how elating and exhausting motherhood really is, or perhaps what becoming a Mother entails physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’m sure that no matter if they had warned us, the warnings would have gone unheeded and fallen on deaf ears because we simply could not have been capable of wrapping our brains around such terrifying notions, speaking for myself at least.
For all the things that pregnancy and Motherhood have taken away or changed about me, it has replenished with boundless amounts of gifts from life like the delight and joy that the true smile of my daughters bring to me, the pride that swells within my chest knowing that I helped make such an awesome little miracle, the unconditional and endless love that my heart provides for these children, the feeling I had the first time I held my daughters in my arms or the first time my child called out “mommy.” The way it feels when you can kiss their booboo’s and make the whole world right again. Such love and trust is an awesome responsibility, it both humbles and scares the hell out of most of us.
Still, there are some things that pregnancy and Motherhood changes about ourselves that we can’t help but miss. For example; our sanity ( have I told you that I sometimes talk to myself asking how I got here ( this point in my life where I can’t rationalize with a 2 year old and am almost to the point of tears?), our short term memory ( I personally now have the attention span of a fruit fly), our hair ( between pregnancy hormones and then the stress of raising my munchkins…well, all I’m saying is thank God my hair grows like weeds. I am not exaggerating. The other day my husband cleaned out the vacuum and it looked like someone had vacuumed up a chinchilla!), our figures ( ass, thighs, belly, stretch marks…everything shifts and realigns…reshapes itself) , our hygiene ( who has time for a shower? And if you do….who has time for make up and shaving?) . All these things, I can forgo. But everyone has a breaking point… Mine is my boobies!
This is where I draw the line. I always had a great pair of lovely, perky, firm, round boobies! I mean I was pretty famous for them. People would come from miles around to look upon them. Yes, they were that fantastic! Then, I had my girls! Oh yeah, I tried to granola Mommy it and breast fed. Come on, we all want to do whats best for our children. No one told me! No one told me what breast feeding does to the twins. La Leche league needs to add a disclaimer : May cause boobies to relocate further south than once thought possible. You know the old adage the Bigger they are the harder they fall….I am proof positive someone was talking about boobies when they said that! I went from perkilicious tatas to looking like some Yummy Mummy out in the African jungle. Not cool! I specifically invested loads of money to know Victoria’s secret to keep the girls in their northern glory. But there is no fighting Mother Nature, that bitch has my arch nemesis gravity on her side! Fickle bitch. Now,what was once my shining glory has been reduced to what I can only liken to as utters. So, here I sit feeling such love as I watch my gorgeous little girls as they sleep like little angels. Then I look down( about 5 inches lower than before) and though I know this is a battle scar that I should be wearing with pride…like a lost limb or a bullet wound from war, I am looking with inquisition. Wondering just what the hell I have to do to rectify this situation. The girls use to be for fun, like a cute pair of heels…nice to look at and fun to wear but never did you really ever put any real mileage on them. Then they became for function and now they look like they have been rode hard and put away wet, like a pair of your favorite running shoes. Poor babies boobies, don’t worry..Mommy’s going to restore you to your former glory with a little help from Mr. Plastic surgeon and Ms. Victoria’s secret. Of all the things I lost, I miss my boobies the most!