Mommy Moment Monday~There are these moments in motherhood where I stand in awe of these little people that I helped to bring into the world. They have done things that I have never done. Things that I will never do and that makes me stop and catch my breath. The moments when I cannot believe that I get to be a part of the tapestry of their lives. I know all mother’s feel this way but I am always gently reminded of this when I see my daughters do something for the first time, especially at this time of the year, being the raging christian that I am. This time of the year holds a special place in my heart.
This past weekend my Bella debuted in her third Nutcracker performance. This is amazing to me that she can be only 7 and have performed live on stage in this huge (named one of the top 5 in the country by Forbes magazine) production and in front of sold out crowds. I get stage fright so the fact that they can do this, blows me away and leaves me in the audience so emotional that I am usually moved to tears by my pride in their courage. I suppose it is the knowledge that with every new venture, they are growing up and I am letting go, even in this minimal way.
Bella has always been my child that sucks it up, no matter how afraid she may be of a new situation. She just does it. She is a lot like me in this way. We are the sort who were born wearing our big girl panties. I guess it may have something to do with being the firstborn.
She had her first reconciliation at 10:30 that morning, that was following performances the 2 nights previous and a grueling rehearsal schedule all that week. She never complained. She had a cold and pink eye in the past two weeks but she sucked it up. On Saturday, I could see she was a little trepidatious. I tried to ease her into reconciliation. I assured her that she would do fine and it would be painless. Unfortunately, she had to go first because she was due at the theater that morning for call time for her matinee performance. She sucked it up and gave the longest first confession that I have ever seen, no doubt throwing her father and I under the bus. It all ended with absolution and a fist pump from what I can only describe as the coolest priest ever. I sat there and watched, because she did a face-to-face confession out in the open, as her father snapped undercover photos on his iPhone because I begged him to. I was moved. She is getting so big and I am so proud of her. I held back the tears and when I saw that her trepidation was exchanged for absolution and a huge smile, my heart exploded.
But there was no time for congratulatory lingering. She had to be at the theater and we had to get ready to attend the matinee. The opening weekend performances are particularly moving because they are accompanied by the Philharmonic and a live chorus. For me, it is always amazing to see my baby on stage because I know of the process that she went through to get there; 5 years of dance classes, auditioning and a grueling rehearsal schedule. She made that choice and I could not be prouder.I was particularly excited to be going to see it with my father, who has never seen my daughter perform.
I excitedly explained the premise to my parents and told them to watch for my girl to enter stage right and then dance her way to stage left. Before we dropped Bella off at the green room that morning, I asked her to make it extra special for me. I know this sounds crazy but if you have a daughter who dances ( especially one who has a particular shade of blondish brown hair) you know that under lights and in their costumes, it is easy to get small children mixed up.
When it came her time on stage during the Battle scene, I saw her immediately and then I saw her look for me( even though I know she can’t see anything past the house lights). My heart was swelling so big that I began to tear up, for the second time that day. I was choked up and tears about to come gushing out when I noticed what she was doing. She was over animating and smiling harder than I had ever seen and dancing like it was her last show ever, and I knew it was for me and I audibly laughed out loud as my tears escaped. This feeling of pride that I feel for my girls is directly proportional with the love I feel for them. In some small part, I did that.
My girls are way more amazing than I could have ever imagined and they fill my life with more joy and meaning than I ever knew possible. I am proud to be their mother and blessed to be able to share their lives with them.
What was your mommy moment this week?