This morning, I was all excited walking around the grocery store.You know, it was Monday..my favorite day of the week.I was in desperate need of replenishing the fridge, since we had been gone all of last week. I was walking around, patting myself on the back because I was buying all organic and free range this and that. I spent a small fortune in the grocery but no worries. I was trying to find redemption with the food gods from all the hydrogenated, greasy, fat that I had put in my girls bodies over Spring break. That is nothing to speak of the damn burrito as big as my head that I consumed. (Shhh, it was totally worth the 1.5 pounds I gained.) That thing was sinfully delicious.But I digress…..yumm….burrito.
So,I’m walking around the grocery all head up my ass in a great effing mood for a Monday and then it happened.As Gabs and I were perusing the cereal aisle, contemplating which cereal would be the best tasting and the healthiest ( because today that was way up the list)and a mommy with a newborn happened toward us.She looked haggard and exhausted.Oh how I remember that feeling.Of course, I extended the Mommy olive branch and gave her the sympathetic “I feel your pain” smile and said, “Hi,I’m sorry are we in your way?” Which we clearly were not but I was trying to segue into “How old is your baby?’ “OMG, she/he is so freaking adorable”
What did she say? NOTHING.She completely ignored me and to add insult to injury pushed past me with the “You are such an asshole” look. WTF? I was flabbergasted and then I set straight to finding the “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario. Because clearly, it was HER!This is what I came up with:
- Perhaps, she was deaf and did not hear me speak to her.
- Perhaps, she doesn’t speak or understand English.
- Maybe, she was so exhausted that she was incoherent, on Mommy autopilot.
- Maybe she had a raging case of explosive diarrhea that was about to erupt.
- Perhaps, she was heavily sedated.
- Maybe she was rushing to get outside because her 3 year old was locked in the closet at home?
- Maybe her dog was projectile vomiting in the car?
- Maybe she was part of some weird scavenger hunt in which she was supposed to collect peoples happiness and dash hopes.
- Maybe the baby was stolen.
- Or maybe,she was just a mean Mother Focker.
Either way, you never know what’s going through someone’s head or in their lives so I can only worry about me. I was annoyed for a minute ( maybe a couple more) but I went home and had a fabulous free range, grass fed, organic lunch with my girls and replenished my joy knowing that as she rushed passed me she carried with her a trail of toilet paper.I told you maybe she had explosive diarrhea. I would have told her but ,you know, she was so busy being deaf and making ugly faces at me that she probably wouldn’t have heard me anyway.
In case you missed it…I was featured on SheKnows Top 10 Blogs that will make you think. I am so thrilled and honored to be on this list among so many great bloggers and it was written by one of the bloggers who I respect the most, Naomi AKA Cool Whip Mom.