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truthful tuesday

I am not a passive person, so when life is holding my happiness hostage and  hurling lemons at my head …I rant , rave and buck crazy. Today is one of those days and I really need to work through this frustration so I am going to list all of my grievances here, to get them off my shoulders ( so my head doesn’t explode)! If you don’t go for that sort of thing..stop now. Look away! I don’t want a post full of rage and anger so I am going to substitute the word “heart” for “hate” all throughout this post. You know in the spirit of turning my God damn (sorry but its just that frigging serious) frown upside down and all that shit! So be prepared, and feel free to expunge yourself here after I have finished my tirade! Happy Mothering my fellow POW’s!

  • I heart my husband being gone and me being alone!
  • I heart that my kids are acting like complete uncontrollable maniacs!
  • I heart that I am losing my cool and can’t handle it all.
  • I heart stupid ass people.
  • I heart waiting on others,for example, the people who interviewed my husband about a new job. I can not stand placing my forever in someone else’s power (its the impatient control freak in me).
  • I heart feeling fat.
  • I heart exercise, even more!
  • I heart never getting to see my friends.
  • I heart that we moved and moved back with not much say in it.
  • I heart that I got to see how my life could be only to have it taken away!
  • I heart that that bothers me so much.
  • I heart feeling envious of anyone.
  • I heart that bad things happen to good people; for example, good people dying young or little babies getting cancer.
  • I heart complainers; so I am hearting myself right now, a little bit!
  • I heart people who don’t know me at all pushing their unsolicited opinions on how I am suppose to feel (I’m referring to people in real life who don’t know me, have never read me, and don’t care about who I am or how I feel not y’all. You people get me!).Thanks..I  really need other people to tell me what I am supposed to feel when they have never taken 1 step in my shoes.
  • I heart perpetual cleaning! Seriously, is it impossible for a house with children in it to stay the least bit lean?
  • I heart all the dog shit in my backyard…Dog, can you please stop shitting so much? Don’t I have enough asses to wipe inside the house?
  • I heart being broke! It’s fabulous and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s so awesome having to decide what to do with that extra $10 in your account..I’m voting for cheap wine!
  • I heart finally knowing what I want out of life and having to depend on others  to achieve it.
  • I heart feeling old on days like this.
  • I heart feeling like such a shitty Mom, and not having enough hours in the day to do better!
  • Mostly, I heart that I just broke down in front of all of you. Now that I’ve shattered your image of calm, cool, collected me, please feel welcome to share what you heart today!
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Honesty , is the best policy ,right? Well, maybe not but it sure does help lighten your load. I hate holding things in and I seldom do, as you probably have already guessed. Here are my confessions for the day:

1) Still annoyed about being sick in the summer!

2) Super annoyed that I am sick here alone, with my the big guy out of town for business! Out of town on business sucks! When do I get to go out of town for business? Quick, somebody find me some out of town business!

3)I am really getting aggravated that I am finding out on a daily basis that people that I always thought I could count on, I can not. Then again, support and true friendship is sprouting up in the most unlikely places. I’m not going into specifics but I’ve been habitually let down by people lately and its stating to turn my half full into a half empty attitude. Don’t worry, I won’t let it.

4) Nosy/Gossipy neighbors! Now, I am all for suburban neighborhood bonding. Hell, one of my best friends is my neighbor and she ROCKS! Thanks for picking up the meds so us sickies didn’t have to venture out, you rock S! But what I can’t stand are neighbors who tell me in one breath that they are very private and like to keep to themselves and in the next tell me all the gossip of the neighborhood! Hmmm? What’s worse, their gossip and opinions are all skewed because they don’t actually talk to their neighbors…just about them. So, please Mr. Neighbor, please keep your false accusations and gossip to yourself. I actually know these people, and with the exception of one really big asshole ( other than yourself) they are all pretty  freaking sweet neighbors!

OK, enough confessing for tonight. I feel better already. Sometimes, you just need to to get it off of your chest!Happy Mothering!

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OK, Ladies it is Tuesday and time for all of us to expunge all the crapola on our minds..lighten our load by getting rid of all that Mommy guilt! Move back, I am really about to unload  and I don’t want any of you to get hit by all the shit that will be flying.
1) I really hate Mommy guilt. It is a useless emotion, it serves no purpose, and it only incurs more guilt. From the comments I received on my last post, I’d say I may have contributed to a few of you feeling some pangs of guilt. So, forgive me and don’t feel guilty about not getting that baby book up to date. Feel great that you are so engaged with your children that you have NO frigging time to sit on your ass and organize a baby book. You girls rock!
2) In the spirit of throwing the Mommy guilt out of the window, I HATE that I don’t take my kids outside nearly as much as I should because its too frigging hot. I know that is no excuse but I do make sure they are engaged and active. They have been working out with me. Plus, we still do fun stuff. For example, today we pitched a hello kitty tent, dressed in our finest dress up dresses, snacked on homemade granola and watched Shirley Temple’s “The Little Princess” ( yeah, I know it is as old as dirt but its wholesome and its based on one of my favorite books in the world..Sara Crewe!) The girls loved it. The only reason I feel any guilt at all about this staying indoors is because a nosy old neighbor came over the other day, introduced herself( yes, I had never met her before), and said ” Why don’t you have your girls outside that often?” As I found myself explaining that I don’t fancy letting a 3 & 5 year old loose in a yard unsupervised and I have things to do inside ( like clean, and work…I actually have a job online), I saw that disapproving look in her eyes and then she said. “Well, if they ever need to get out and play and you are BUSY ( I could so hear the implied too before the busy)….come get me. I can push them on the swing set.” Nice old lady? I think not.As if I am going to leave my girls outside under the supervision of some crazy old lady. Hey, being 100 isn’t a background check. I don’t know you! But she did leave me feeling like a complete shit. Here is an , albeit complete stranger, old lady chomping at the bit to push my kids on the swings and I am “too busy”. I felt like dirt.
3) I love when I get more followers and comments, it feels empowering and I feel like I am secretly moving towards my goal of being a published writer. SHhhhhh,lalallalala..I can’t hear you. I know you are thinking to yourself..it’s just a blog…get a grip! I know, but one has to start somewhere. Ponder this, the entity that is Dooce started with a blog.
4)I love my girls so much and worry on a daily basis that I a fucking them up. You know sort of like how a car starts depreciating the moment it leaves the lot..well, I feel like due to my inexperience, my kids are depreciating every second since they left the womb. Lord give me guidance and help me to keep them safe, healthy, and happy…..and to give them the world! No pressure or anything.
5)With full disclosure, I must add. I have been known to roar, complain,labor, on the fine points of Motherhood. For the last couple of weeks, some new power has come over me. I am not complaining, I’m just a little freaked out by it. I have actually found myself being able to remove myself from the moment, think, and then react. It’s quite amazing. I do, in that respect, feel like a much better Mommy. Remember, just last month I was roaring at the girls. The only thing is now..I’m waiting for my super power to leave and all hell to break loose!  No judging, Judgy McJudges. This is a place to get it out and get it off your chest. Not a place to be analyzed. Happy Mothering!

P.S. Did I forget to mention how awful I feel that I have clean laundry folded and stacked up to the ceiling( Not really, but it feels like it)! I swear I’d put it away…if there were any room left !! I feel like I am playing a losing game of musical laundry, every time I have people over I have to find somewhere to ‘hide’ the laundry. I have a play date tomorrow, guess Mommy’s closet will be bursting. Note to self, shut your bedroom door before company arrives.

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Time to unload Ladies! Seems I am not great at the memes per say but I have decided there are two weekly posts I will revisit..Tuesdays are for being super honest and unloading all the bullshit that is weighing me down (metaphorically speaking of course) and Thursday will be for throat punching and ass kicking any and all imbeciles who are deserving of such treatment. It’s cathartic and I need some catharsis in my life! So let’s commence with the unloading of the proverbial bullshit! Remember, no judgment. You hear me Judgy McJudgement? I’m talking to you! If that’s what you’re here for, turn around and walk away. This is for us to feel better, lighter, healthier and happier not guilty! Boo to guilt!
I am sick of feeling guilty about not exercising! There I said it! I do love to  like   not absolutely hate to exercise, but I hate getting started. Seriously, its such a pain in my ass to get into the gear and locate the workout dvd, shoo the girls out of my way and fully engage! Of course that brings us to point #2, I am sick of worrying about my weight. Look, I’m not going all 900 lb. mom on you or anything ( love the TLC specials) but damn is there ever a moment when women can just let that go. Seriously, I know it will never happen but for once I’d love to look in the mirror and say “PERFECT!” No matter the size or shape I am ( and believe me I think I’ve seen them all) I am NEVER satisfied. There are days when I am more or less satisfied than the previous day but never just completely happy with what I look like. I just want to get off this roller coaster…I don’t want to perpetuate this madness. HELP!!! Dr. Phil…can you fix me? Can you say body dysmorphic disorder? Enough already! Sheez!!!!
Next, I am so monstrously sick of all the complete idiots that have been allowed to procreate and interact with children as of late! Between the Texans who don’t watch their children, the men in Bangkok using the kids as human shields, the bullies in New Hampshire, and the teacher in Texas beating the student in Houston, ( all in the last couple of weeks) I am seriously becoming afraid to watch the news. That’s to say nothing about sending my children out into the world with these people !Hell, I’m getting pretty afraid to go out there myself knowing what kind of imbeciles are roaming free in the world.What is this world coming to? Can we get some protection over here from the morons? They are loose and coming for our children!
One more thing, is BP ever going to get a hold on this oil spill? My God…how bad does it have to get before they actually fix this disaster? Hasn’t Louisiana been through enough?
On a positive note, in complete honesty, my husband and girls are pretty much awesome this week! That could have something to do with the fact that my husband is keeping a safe distance  4 hour travel time between us and I’ve pretty much been giving into all the whims of my girls this week. I’m just too damn exhausted to fight them. I wonder if this is how all wars are won? Oops, hope I didn’t speak to soon!Shhh! Maybe nobody heard!
Now its your turn! Time to bear your soul and unburden yourself! Happy Mothering!

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Ok,  I know I am not so good at always remembering to vent on Truthful Tuesdays. How am I suppose to be a good example if I don’t even vent myself? So here, I go. Keep in mind, I had to dig deep to find something that made my life not perfect today:)

I’ve decided that I hate, absolutely hate, splinters. Yes, seems the little bastards have declared war on my girl,Gabs. Pobresita. Any idea how hard it is to remove splinters from a 2 year old drama queen in complete hysterics? It is absolutely  exhausting , for all involved. Did I mention she had 6 splinters in 2 days? Oh my, hate to say it but its looking more and more like she will be wearing gloves and socks and shoes all summer long. The trauma the splinters are causing is too much.
I’ve also have to confess that I saw a blog the other day titled something like  A Mommy blog that is about more than just complaining! WTF?? Seriously? I don’t spend all my blogging time complaining. I try to be truthful, it’s not all sunshine and roses but its not all dark clouds and doom either. I think its pretty shitty that she would just assume that all other Mommy Blogs are riddled with complaining! I think that she is kinda a douche!
I’m also going to be honest about the fact that the crappy monsoon weather coupled with the bitter cold has had me in a funk. I’ve pretty much not felt like leaving the house and my children have been working my very last nerve. Oh yeah, tonight my 2 year old decided to piss my bed. She wasn’t sleeping when it happened. I asked her why and her answer was this ,”Actually, I made up my mind and I did it!” What? First of all, where did the “Me” go? Usually, its “Me, this or Me that”. And why so defiant today? Why you gotta kick Mommy when she’s down? Couldn’t she have taken this stance about something like human rights, or the ethical treatment of animals, becoming the first woman president…why just randomly pissing on my bed?? What did I do to deserve the honor of being her first decided asshole maneuver? After much probing, she changed her answer to say that she couldn’t get in to the bathroom so she peed my bed. Seriously, did she just think to herself…”Hey, Mommy’s bed kinda looks like a toilet. I think I will piss there!” Yes, this has been the kind of day it has been. I’d say its been shitty, but I guess its really been pissy.
Screw you non complaining Mommy blogger..you’re just not complaining because either you are in denial or you are an effing LIAR!!! That’s right, I can say that…its my blog!

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Here we go again! I don’t know about you, but I need to expel some baggage. It’s Tuesday and this week is blowing already.
First, I am a bit irrate at the fact that spell check had disappeared from blogger. Look, blogger, I love you but I ‘spell check’ for a living, I don’t want to have to do it in my leisure! Give me back my spell check!
Second, I am not digging the dream part of sleep (refer to previous post). I love sleep, but sleep is not my friend. Normally, she illudes me and flees into the night and I can seldom catch her. When I do catch her, I’d prefer she not be wrought with insanities and riddled with threats. Bad sleep! Me no likey!
Third, still annoyed with the whole  “out of town” gig my husband has. Completely happy we can feed our children, pay our bills, and live like normal people (well normal people who don’t see each other 5 days a week). But certainly not loving the fact that I am alone in my chaos, this isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t get married to be alone, and especially not to raise our kids alone. Not fair!
Fourth, frusturated that there is not enough time in the day, the week, the year…to get done what I need to get done on a daily basis. You try to do something nice, raise a family, make a home, be a good wife,stay healthy, have friends, engage your children, work, use your mind, but apparently…you are only allowed to choose 3 things off the list, there is no time for the rest. Make your choices ladies!
OK, I will stop now. I could go on but I will save some for next week:) Happy Mothering!

Oh yeah, one more thing, I HATE when my coffee goes cold while I’m trying to type a posts!ARGH! I’m done now:) I promise.

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It’s Tuesday once again. Time for us to unload some of the things weighting us down in life. No judgment, just an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on, and a helpful hand to help you up when you feel as if you have fallen in the proverbial crap of life. I missed last week, but I need to expunge today!
Let’s start by confessing that I am a miserable sick person. When I am sick, I just want to be left alone in a dark room to sleep it all away. Just let me sleep for a week straight with nothing but liquids pushed under the door to keep me alive. I know I’ve been cranky and grouchy with the girls.Hell,I even called my husband at work 3 states away to unleash my miserableness on him. Not my proudest moment. Sorry. I even bit my brothers head off, who is visiting and helping me with my girls this week. I am truly a wench!
I also would like to confess that it’s a little embarrassing walking around town with my little brother (who is 19) and my 2 girls because people are looking at us as if 1) he is my “boyfriend  or husband” and I am a friggin cradle robber .Ewww, gross! Or  2) I am his Mother! Which is equally as EWWWW, because it makes me feel not only old but like I was promiscuous in my early teen years, to boot. Which I don’t really care about  now except for how hard I worked to obtain that ‘Good Catholic girl’ image back then. The worst part is either way you slice it..it makes ME feel old!
Next, this list could go on for days this week, I am about to tear my hair out with all this crap I am having to do by myself. It is making me feel overwhelmed and like I can’t accomplish anything I start, like I am a loser! I know I usually bite off more than I can chew (its the nature of the beast) but I muddle through , spread myself as thin as possible, and I get it done. That’s me!It’s how I work. But this week, for some reason, I feel like a bumbling idiot who can’t get anything done. My husband is encouraging me to eliminate some of my extracurriculars with the girls, so I don’t have a meltdown. I get insulted that he thinks I can’t do it all. WTH is going on with me? He may be right, at least this week. I’ve worn myself, metaphorically, paper thin and one wrong pull may be the one that breaks me down.
Thank God for Truthful Tuesdays and wonderful friends.If it weren’t for your emails, phone calls, texts, comments and unconditional love and support…I’d have hit my breakdown threshold a long time ago!

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Just perpetually doing the dishes and (random thought alert*) it occurred to me… Why does that song say ,”When you get caught between the moon and New York City”. Yes, I have been guilty of singing the lyrics to that elevator Muzak once or twice but really, what the hell does it mean? I understand stuck between a rock and a hard place because I seem to dwell there quite often. But where exactly is the space that occupies between the moon and New York city? Outer Space? Just wondering out loud, any ideas? Ok, back to resume regularly scheduled perpetual dish washing. Oh yeah, it bothered me so much that I am actually blogging on my phone from the side of the sink:) Oh how I love the advancements of technology! Happy Tuesday!

-Truthful Mommy xoxo

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It seems today almost slipped by without recognition; I forgot to vent for the week. I really didn’t have much to be truthful about today, this week is much like last week, or so I thought. That was until I was surfing around the web and came across this little gem. No, I will not link to the actual page for the sheer fact that I refuse to direct traffic in the general direction of ,what I consider, a crock of s*it. That which I am referring to was an article about Mommies complaining, more specifically Mommy bloggers complaining under the guise of enlightening others in on our ‘real’ life day to day happenings. Here I thought we were trying to make it easier on everyone.Apparently, to paraphrase, this author says that Mommy bloggers that operate under the guise of being honest and telling it like it is are actually not telling the general public anything they don’t already know. In fact, we are boring her with our complaining.Basically, you made your bed..now lie in it and take your medicine like a man! Oy vey, apparently, this broad is not a Mommy and has never had to defuse a toddler meltdown bomb in 60 seconds in the middle of mass! If she were, she wouldn’t be such a mean, sarcastic b*tch! Here I am preaching sisterhood and friendship and this woman thinks we should all keep our collective mouth shut and just keep on pretending that its all good ,because we are boring her; maybe even annoying her. You know what’s really annoying? Someone who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about telling me how I’m suppose to feel, or at the very least, react and deal with my life as a Mother. So, sufficient time has been spent being truthful about my feelings on this subject..now, off I go to take my medicine (code for deal with my lovely children). Oh wait, they are being angels today and have been sleeping for about 4 hours.I know, I will go write another post and perpetuate my bad behavior…after all, it is Truthful Tuesday (well, it was when I stated writing this post)!Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Once again, it is Truthful Tuesday. I am being truthful today about the fact that this Tuesday I will be in a right terrible mood. Why,you ask? Today is the first day in a long line of days of when my husband will be working a new job, out of town. What this means for me is that I will miss my husband, whom I actually like and will miss seeing every day. I know some couples are good with seeing each other only a few days a week but we have always been a very close couple and he is a very hands on Daddy. That leaves me lonely, busy, and probably quite crazy by the end of every week.I am not looking forward to Never getting a break within the 24 hours. I am a little scared of the ramifications it will have on my girls. Thank God we will see him at the end of every week, and that will truly be something to look forward to but that leaves me , the dancing monkey, trying to fill the space and time that will be left by his absence. We’ve done this before and it didn’t work out very well. There were meltdowns galore, tantrums, crying spells, misplaced anger and confusion and that is nothing to say of what it did to the children:) So , my confession today is that I will miss my husband terribly and , hoping not to sound ungrateful, I hope that something closer turns up sooner than later. I’d much rather have him close and here to kiss good night every night and for my girls to have him to run to every evening when he gets home from work with excitement and wonderment in their eyes (because to them Daddy is simply amazing).Today my confession is that I will miss my husband, my best friend, more than I am allowed to tell him for fear that he will feel bad about having to go. So, I am telling you girls to get it off of my chest.Happy Tuesday!

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