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I want it all

by Deborah Cruz

I want to be the best Mommy with all the right answers, the patience of a saint, only feed my kids organic food, occupy their time with mind expanding activities, make sure they get enough sun and exercise and be a good life role model for them. Isn’t that what we all want?
I also want to be able to maintain friendships, my sanity, my marriage, and possibly contribute to society in some small way. I realize that there are some of you out there who have this all under control. That is awesome for you. I am glad you have found your healthy balance. I ,on the other hand, have moments when I get really ambitious and decide that this is it. This will be the day that I make a list and pursue my dreams, be the Mommy I want to be, the friend who actually has time to listen to her friends when they talk, to workout and watch what I put in my mouth, to take the time to get dressed and get ready before I go out in to public view. I do. I get really optimistic and I just do it. The longest it lasted was for 7 months. It was awesome. But lately I feel like I am all talk and no action. Too tired for action. I am full of ambition and good intentions but it seems an impossibility to bring them to fruition. The day to day minutia is starting to feel like quicksand and I’m sinking.
The thing is I notice that there really is no such thing as having it all. You can have a whole lot of little pieces of everything, basically do everything kinda half-assed or you can pick one thing and do it really well. This is as it pertains to me, anyways. The rest of you may have a more astute  grasp of your limitations and be able to balance things a little better than I. To my detriment, I tend to be an all or nothing type of gal.
When I have all my balls in the air and everything falls into place, it is wonderful. But I have to find a steady rhythm, and place my energy very strategically. It’s hard keeping all those balls in the air at the same time but it is totally worth it. The problem comes that once you get one iota off balance the whole thing comes crashing down.So, that doesn’t work for me either.
On the other hand, focusing on one task at a time has never been my strong suit. It feels like wasted time. I am a multi-tasker. How then can I find a way to balance it all? I feel that if I focus on only my children, I am doing them a disservice as a role model.Though I would be an awesome example as a Mother.  I feel that if I focus on a career, I am not only missing out on my children growing up but am also teaching them that a career is more important than family. I know it shouldn’t have to be one or the other but that’s the way it feels.
I want all my balls in the air in perfect symmetry; I want to have all the time in the world to see everything my children do as they grow up, I want to be revered for my mind and want a career that recognizes that, I want to be able to give my husband my undivided attention when he talks to me, I want a clean house, a healthy lifestyle for my family,a working relationship with God,friends, and family, and to breathe the fresh air of a beautiful country.I want happiness and fulfillment; not just contented pacification. I want it all! Any suggestions?

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Angelica 2010/04/29 - 2:33 am

If you figure it out, please let me know! 🙂

~J 2010/04/29 - 10:25 am

Like Angelica said…if you figure it out.

I venture to guess there is no such mom…no one who can keep all the balls in the air gracefully…no one is perfect…that's what makes the world go 'round!

Boobies 2010/04/29 - 10:25 am

Like Angelica said…if you figure it out.

I venture to guess there is no such mom…no one who can keep all the balls in the air gracefully…no one is perfect…that's what makes the world go 'round!

Nikki 2010/04/29 - 8:04 pm

It all sounds perfectly wonderful….I would love to give you the answer but I am just like you. I totally could have written this post! I go to bed at night and think of all the things I want to do to "better" my life and my families. They are great ideas…my problem too is it's all "talk" and no action. Lets come up with a way to make it action!!!

Truthful Mommy 2010/04/30 - 12:50 am

Well, girls I guess we all want the same things and we are all having problems keeping all those balls in the air.IT really does help knowing I'm not the only one:) I think we should just aim for small victories and enjoy the journey. I know it sounds so cliche but its true. Today,I totally took everything in stride and didn't freak out when the kids started whining or arguing, or fighting their nap; I simply took a breath and tried to focus on what was more important..the fight at hand or the war? I did a lot of positive reinforcement versus flying off the handle and here I am..not hating how I behaved today. I cleaned after they went to bed, so my house is in order and I have a plan in place for tomorrows errands. Now if I just had the energy left to write a post…oh well, something had to be put on the back burner. Happy Mothering ladies!! Hope you have an awesome weekend with your beautiful families!


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