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How a Backbend Almost caused my Untimely Demise

by Deborah Cruz

I hear friends say all the time, “Oh ,how I would love to be 18 again!” I never really thought about it because, to be honest, I feel about 18 on most days. But this past weekend, I was trying to show my girls how to do a back bend. Yes, you heard me a right…a back bend. I have every intention of showing them how to back bend, somersault, cartwheel, back flip, split, roller skate, ice skate..all of it. I never , ever took into consideration that I am not actually 18 anymore. I am more like two 18 year olds.Fuck, I am the sum total of two, non jail bait, grass on the field ( well, technically not) Miley Cyrus’. Shit, I feel old. After,I commenced to show them how to walk down the wall and gracefully (ahem) and easily (bwahahaha) come into a back bend. I stood up and not only did my back hurt, my thighs hurt, and not only did they hurt, my wrists hurt ( from bearing the weight of my entire body) and even my shoulders and clavicle ached. WHAT? Who am I? When did this happen? I work out and I have been lifting littles consecutively for almost 6 years but obviously there is no substitute for youth. You know that thing most of us squander on late nights, tanning beds, one night stands, hangovers, and making complete asses of ourselves?

So, it got me thinking..maybe I would prefer to “go back” but not to 18 ( No way..that was high school before all the “real” fun began) Here are 10 reasons that I’d want  to be 25 again:

  • I was in the best shape of my life.I’m not going to lie;I was working out like a maniac and I was a whopping 113 lbs at almost 5’8″. I was hot! ( Did I really just say that?) I could eat just about anything I wanted without ramification. Between my high metabolism,constant working out and an unhealthy side order of eating disorders I was set ~Of course, if I were still that size, there is no way I could wrangle these two beautiful giants I have given birth to. They’d pull me off in every which direction, like the dog does.
  • I could function on NO sleep and still look glowing and be in a pleasant..honestly chipper mood. How I could use this trait now. I never sleep, my eyes look like I am hoarding luggage, not Louis Vuitton luggage some really cheap knock off JC Penny  luggage, it is not pretty. How I would love to be able to wake up and not need to head directly for the Keurig. Or just wake up and be in a great mood for my girls.
  • It was the year I had my first very own apartment BY MYSELF,with no roomie of any sort.Do I even need to say more? Not that I don’t love sharing my life with the Big Guy and my girls, but does it have to be EVERY waking moment. I just want to be able to walk into a room, sit down in a chair and take a breath for 5 minutes without someone or something needing something from me. To just be. I hear all of you sighing, I know you know what I mean.
  • I had a million friends. I had so many friends, it was ridiculous in a really fabulous way. I always had plans and places to go , people to see…people and things I actually wanted to do, not was obligated to do. You know how hard it is to make a good Mommy friend. It’s like winning the lottery. First you have to find a woman that you like,then she needs to have kids that you like and your kids can get along with ( no punching, biting, body slamming or fights tot he death over sippy cups or Barbie dolls) and then ( If the fates allow) your husbands have to get along. In 11 years of marriage and almost 6 years of having children, I have 2 friends who meet this stringent criteria. 2!!!! Oh, how I miss my million friends.
  • I had a killer wardrobe. I didn’t have a lot of money because I was still in college BUT I had that rocking body and great taste.I’m not sure if it was the rocking body that made everything look good ( you’ve heard the saying “She’d look good in a paper bag”? Well, that was me for a few years), or that damn fresh glowing skin, or if the clothes were just that cute. Maybe it was because I actually bought myself clothes.Or maybe it was because I was always out and was super aware of what was in style and what was not. I don’t know. All I know is I had a smoking wardrobe and shoe collection. Man, I miss being selfish.
  • I was free spirited and fun loving.I could nap if I was tired, eat when I was hungry, go out, stay in, hop in the car and go for impromptu road trips. Now, everything I do has to be scheduled and coordinated in advance. So much for  spontaneity.7 bags and a stroller have to be packed. Snacks, DVDs, kids music, milk,toys, games, babies, extra clothes, umbrellas, jackets,boots,…my head is spinning just writing this list. I always have to be expecting the unexpected and more than that, prepared for the unexpected.It’s exhausting.
  • I had no responsibilities.I had no bills! NO BILLS! Rent and cable, that makes me laugh.I can barely keep a straight face thinking about how simple I was. I would actually blow a damn donkey at this point in my life to have NO BILLS! No mortgage.No utilities.No SCHOOL loans. No tuitions. No car payments. NO SCRIP. No credit car bills. No consolidation loans. No  organic groceries. No ballet.No Homeowners association dues.Of course, with all these “bills” comes the  life we want for our girls so I guess this is the price of suburban domesticity.I have a love hate relationship with it. I love it. I hate paying for it. Well, I hate paying through the nose for it.
  • My skin was glowing, my body was supple and flexible.Youth! Talk about not knowing what you’ve got til its gone ( Damn you, Cinderella and your crazy lyrics) I took everything for granted because it was just there at my disposal. Now, I am having to work double time to moisturize me skin, stay fit and healthy the right way, and be able to do simple things like teach my girls the back bend and splits without herniating something or ending up in traction. I just wish I wasn’t having to spend more time of the less time I have available to simply do maintenance.
  • I had finally figured out my place in the world and I was full of self confidence ( not as much as I am today but pretty close).More importantly, I exuded confidence. I actually felt comfortable in my own skin or as close as I could at that time. Then motherhood came along and, even though it is the most awesome thing I will ever do and it is so important to me, it knocked me on my ass. It made me lose confidence in who I was and what I could do. I had no training and I am a perfectionist. By becoming a mother, in a lot of ways, I had to relinquish control. This leaves me feeling less than adequate at times and not so comfortable in my skin. But I’m working on it and I’m getting there. It sure would nice to have some of that confidence  or maybe it was blissfully, happy naivete back.
  • I spent every waking moment with the Big Guy.The Big Guy and I met and within a week we were dating exclusively. We literally spent every waking moment ( with the exception of when we were supposed to be in class) together and it was never enough. That year is when we got engaged.He was my drug and I could not get my fill.There was never a lull or hesitation, just constant inquisition and even our quiet was full. These days, we only get to see one another on the weekends. The problem is we feel the same.He’s still my drug and I can’t get enough of him in my life. I love him and like him with every fiber of my being, even when I am exhausted and overwhelmed and overextended. He is my reprieve. He is my soft place to land. I want to spend more waking moments with this man. What a great example of a strong relationship for our daughters we could be if we were in the same place. I’m working on that too.

In recollection, my 25th year seems like it was my golden year ( which literally it was) but there was one thing seriously lacking from that year that I would not trade all the rest for, not even all the wonderment and freedom of youth…my girls. If I need to work a little harder to lose 10 pounds, sleep a little longer, moisturize a little more, eat a little less, save a lot more, it’s all worth it in the end.I’d rather be right where I am today than 25 and not with my girls. Babies, even at my best…I’m better with you!

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Bruna 2011/01/24 - 5:13 am

Aww, 25 WAS a good year! You have brought me back girlfriend in this awesome post of yours. I do miss all the things you listed and think back to those days a lot. I agree with you though, there’s no trading our girls to get that all back. What we have now is way better than any HOT BODY we use to have!

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:25 am

25 was an amazing year for me. only made sweeter by the fact that I met the man I would marry. I think 25 was so “special” because I finally found the missing part of me…the Big Guy!

Karissa 2011/01/24 - 1:19 pm

Hi Sweets, absolutely loving the blog!
I am your newest follower and would love it if you stopped by and followed back! Thanks!
Oh btw here from the MBM hop!

Krysta MacGray 2011/01/24 - 3:39 pm

25 was 4 years ago for me. And let me just tell you that MY life at 25 was nothing like your life at 25! At 25, I already had 2 kids, a husband,responsibilities, etc. I am not complaining by any means, because I love my life but you make it all sound so fun! Like what in the world did I miss out on? 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:28 am

You are so young, when I was 29 I didn’t have any children yet. Just think, I may have had 25 but when your kids are 18 and you are in your 40’s,I’ll be old:) LOL YOu are such a beautiful lady and have such a beautiful family, I am sure that you missed out on nothing. It just took me longer to find my prince charming:) *hugs*

Tammy 2011/01/24 - 3:44 pm

Dropping by from Twitter to say “hi”! Love this post, so true!! 🙂

Teresa 2011/01/24 - 4:46 pm

Like I needed another reminder of how parenthood has aged me.

At 25, I struggled with bills even though I brought home more than my husband. I was not my heaviest, but certainly was overweight and far from my teenaged taut self. I barely went out and had very few friends, and was always tired.

25 was last year. I know I’m a young parent, but I DO NOT feel the 26 I am. I think I aged 10 years when I had my daughter. I would never take that back, but its so funny to me the stories people tell me about 25.

I’ve had bills and responsibilities since I was 18 years old. Phew. Grew up before my time.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:30 am

Just think you are a young parent which means, you will still be young when they are grown. So, while I’ll be ready to relax and rest, you will still be young and spry and ready to do cartwheels with your grandchildren. You go girl.

Crystal Jigsaw 2011/01/24 - 12:02 pm

Oh, to be 18 again! I could never back-bend but I was sporty and played squash at county level. Now, I’m in my 40’s, totally unfit and definitely unbendable! I think I’d be in traction if I tried a cartwheel.

I love your blog header, lovely photograph.
Found you via Monday blog hopping.
CJ xx

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:26 am

Thank you for stopping by. I too may be in traction when I try the cartwheel.Hopefully, I will be limbered up a little by summer time.If not, send all cards and flowers tot he nearest hospital:)LOL

parentingadabsurdum 2011/01/24 - 6:16 pm

I’m sooooo happy to be 37 and not 18!! 18 certainly had its moments, but I was so hormonally dramatic…today I’m much more level and grateful, and dare I say graceful. I could never do a backbend, though!

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:32 am

I have a feeling that you were a graceful and lady like at every age. I know what you mean though. I am more comfortable in who I am now. Or maybe its just that I have no modesty left after child birth and being peed and pooped on in public but I am no wilting flower. But I certainly enjoyed my 20’s:)

jess@straighttalk 2011/01/25 - 2:38 am

Silly girl. I’m 30. You’re post made me all types of nostalgic as I get ready to pop out kid 2. You’ve done that twice this week!

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 3:09 am

You know I was just giving you a hard time because you are one of my favorite people. Just think, you’ll still be a young thang when those babies are 18..me,I’ll be herniated from trying to clap to hard at my girls ballet production.I’ll probably break a hip from trying to shake my bootie at a wedding or something:)LOL

Jess@Straight Talk 2011/01/24 - 10:22 pm

Ahhh the olden days. Haha!

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/25 - 2:35 am

I suspect you are closer to 25 than 35,so you can mock me and my olden days…cause I love ya.Now bring me and my old achy self a churro. I’ll gnaw on it with my gums. CM I really do miss my 25 year old body, this one doesn’t bounce back quite as fast.I;m still sore from the pinche back bend! 🙂

Alicia @MommyDelicious 2011/01/25 - 3:31 am

Awww… that’s so sweet! I’m 26 now so I can relate to a lot of things on your list. It was a VERY good moment when I got my first apartment. Alone. LOL. Of course, my child came shortly after, but hey, it was still good. I often wonder how my life could be different, but like you said, I wouldn’t trade it b/c I’m better with my son.

Jess@Straight Talk 2011/01/25 - 2:04 pm

HA! But then yours will be 18 and knowing YOU you’ll be ready to go party with your man and enjoy! Ay ay ay. How many more years? Lol.

Coolwhipmom 2011/01/27 - 1:58 am

You hot mama you. And FYI. You still look 25. Those were the good ole days though when we could just do whatever we wanted however we wanted. But I wouldn’t trade them for the world because the love that fills my life with my boys now is something so special I had no idea it even existed before I was a mommy. And I know you feel that way too. Can’t wait to meet you in person one fo these days. You are such an amazing person and beautiful soul.

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