Yesterday, something exciting happened in my life, I went back on the Nutrisystem program. I am about come clean and get really honest with you about my weight. GULP! As many of you know, I was the poster child for eating disorders for 8 years. You know what having eating disorders for that amount of time does to your body? It really messes up your metabolism. My body was essentially in starvation mode for those 8 years and when I finally began to eat like a normal person, my metabolism dug it’s heels in and said, “nu-Uh bitch, you’re not starving us again. We’re holding on to everything.” Which, I deserved. My poor body has been through hell. Well, then it snowballed out of control.
I had to go on some medication and guess what those meds do to you? They make you fat! When you are in an episode of mania, you need your meds so my choices were sanity and my marriage or gain a few pounds. By a few, I mean I gained about 50 pounds when I stopped throwing up and starving myself. I gained another 40 pounds from meds. Then, I got depressed about the weight and I started eating my feelings and from then on, every time something bad happened or stressed me out, I found myself filling the hole with food without even thinking about it. And that puts me where I am today, the past year has been hard, I ate to suppress the aching in my heart and so when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning I weighed 248.6. The heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. That is about 111 pounds from where I want to be. It’s a person.
I’ve done every diet there is. Honestly, if it’s a diet. I have tried it. The only thing I don’t do is diet pills and medications because it would not be good for me. I’ve been recovering from eating disorders for 15 years and non-episodic for 10 years. I prefer to stay that way. My girls need me and I sorta love my life right now, except for the weight!
My big news is that I’ve been given the privilege of becoming a Nutrisystem Nation Blogger again and yesterday was day one. I am 100% on board and I am not quitting until I am at a healthy weight. My long-term goal is to weigh somewhere between 137-150 pounds. My short-term goal is to lose 5% of my body weight, so about 13 pounds.
Some of you might remember that I was on the Nutrisystem program in 2010 and lost 21 pounds. I’ve got to be honest, last time I didn’t take full advantage of the opportunity. I didn’t use the awesome online tools and I don’t think I used the program exactly as I was supposed to. This time I sat down and read through all of the literature before getting started. I am using the online tools along with my fitbit to track my exercise and food. I am measuring my food on my EatSmart food scale and I am planning my meals ahead of time. Ahead.of.Time!
We are walking as a family every night. I’m jumping on the trampoline with the girls and soon we will be hitting the pool. I am considered obese which frightens me because when I think of obese, I think of Gilbert Grape’s mom. This isn’t a joke. This is my life. I deserve better than being held prisoner by my weight and a number on a scale. I don’t want to have to consider my weight before I answer questions, travel or do the things I want to do. I just want to live…for a really long time so I am baring it all.
So, that’s me, completely honest and naked (metaphorically) in front of you. I’ll be sharing real photos, not the shot from above slimming FB profile kind. Wish me luck. I have a long road ahead of me but I think with my family’s support, Nutrisystem and all of you, I can finally conquer the one thing I have yet to conquer…my weight. Failure is not an option. I will be posting update photos and my weight the first Monday of every month. I will also be posting a vlog, the last Monday of each month plus I will be sharing my journey once a week throughout. Stick around. I am about to kick this weight’s ass, the right way this time.
Want to join me in losing weight and getting healthy on Nutrisystem? You can join Nutrisystem by calling 1-888-853-4689 or visiting http://www.nutrisystem.com/nsblog
Disclaimer: Nutrisystem is providing my program free of charge for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogger program but all opinions are honest and my own.