Quietly, I sit here changing. Everything around me is different now. My perspective has changed. I am letting go and giving in; trying to become who I am meant to be. It’s hard to let go of the idea and live in the reality. People change, children grow up and we are ever evolving. The very world we live in is constantly developing so we must adapt and contour and change to find our place.
I realize that the life I am living doesn’t even closely resemble the life that I had planned for myself. I am not complaining. I’ve grown but there is definitely a process of grief that takes place when you face the fact that you are not who you thought you were supposed to be, that others are not who you thought they were. Always striving to be a better version of yourself because somehow the reality is always lacking from the fantasy. The fantasy is a moving target.
Obligation and minutia can drown your soul. Reach for the stars and never give up. The fantasy can become the reality. You only need to want it bad enough. You have to be willing to work for it, make sacrifices and stay focused. You can’t have it all. All is too much. But you can have a lot and it can be amazing.
Looking back, the road has been long and twisted and beautiful and frighteningly ugly. It’s been deep and wide and steep and uphill, always uphill and then you realize that the journey is not over. It has only begun.
I am a writer and so I share my stories. These deep personal secrets cloaked in humor and rationale when what they really are is intimate vulnerability. I am exposed. I am naked. I do not hide behind my words. My words leave me on display and transparent. My flaws are under a spotlight and a microscope.
I chronicle these errors in judgment, these small victories of parenthood, my past, my present and hopes for the future. I’ve shared beginnings, endings, wins and losses. I’ve shared my life and my truth here.
This is how I process life, this is how I adapt and grow. This is how I become who I am meant to be. This is how I share who I am. There is liberation in honesty. This is my TRUTH about Everything.
There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
~Ernest Hemingway
Thank you for being here.
Leave a Reply