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The TRUTH about Everything

by Deborah Cruz

Quietly, I sit here changing. Everything around me is different now. My perspective has changed. I am letting go and giving in; trying to become who I am meant to be. It’s hard to let go of the idea and live in the reality. People change, children grow up and we are ever evolving. The very world we live in is constantly developing so we must adapt and contour and change to find our place.

I realize that the life I am living doesn’t even closely resemble the life that I had planned for myself. I am not complaining. I’ve grown but there is definitely a process of grief that takes place when you face the fact that you are not who you thought you were supposed to be, that others are not who you thought they were. Always striving to be a better version of yourself because somehow the reality is always lacking from the fantasy. The fantasy is a moving target.

Obligation and minutia can drown your soul. Reach for the stars and never give up. The fantasy can become the reality. You only need to want it bad enough.  You have to be willing to work for it, make sacrifices and stay focused. You can’t have it all. All is too much. But you can have a lot and it can be amazing.

Looking back, the road has been long and twisted and beautiful and frighteningly ugly. It’s been deep and wide and steep and uphill, always uphill and then you realize that the journey is not over. It has only begun.

I am a writer and so I share my stories. These deep personal secrets cloaked in humor and rationale when what they really are is intimate vulnerability. I am exposed. I am naked. I do not hide behind my words. My words leave me on display and transparent. My flaws are under a spotlight and a microscope.

I chronicle these errors in judgment, these small victories of parenthood, my past, my present and hopes for the future. I’ve shared beginnings, endings, wins and losses. I’ve shared my life and my truth here.

This is how I process life, this is how I adapt and grow. This is how I become who I am meant to be. This is how I share who I am. There is liberation in honesty. This is my TRUTH about Everything.

There is nothing to writing.

All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

~Ernest Hemingway

Thank you for being here.

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The Sadder But Wiser Girl 2013/01/16 - 1:17 pm

I just love how you write. This is so relevant to me right now as I try to weigh some major decisions on how I want to change my life. Thanks for writing this!

Kristen Mae 2013/01/16 - 9:14 pm

When I read your posts I tend to feel like we’re living in parallel universes. I’m having the same kinds of feelings… anxiety, restlessness, uncertainty, anticipation, impatience… sometimes I feel like I could drown in my wonderment of the world…

Marnie Byod 2013/01/17 - 11:23 pm

I love to know the truth and I really love the way you write. By the way thanks a lot for sharing such a wonderful posts.

Jess 2013/01/24 - 12:20 pm

And I am glad to be a part of that and love your brutal honesty!

justbeingarlyn 2013/01/28 - 6:59 pm

I love posts like this. They’re real, raw, authentic. Posts like this will always spur me on to just keep on writing – as true as I can be. It’s very therapeutic.

I’ve had years of love/hate relationship with blogging/journal writing cos I feel like it’ll always be filled with melancholy.. But this time, I know it’ll be different cos each time, it’ll be stories of my life – at that very moment. And this time it’ll be one of my own personal growth.

Thank you for this post – it assures me.. Making me feel just alright inside. And that I’m not the only one who writes the things as they truly are.. – Stay Authentic!


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