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The Mommy Club;Imperfect parents need not apply

by Deborah Cruz

There is a club, it is a large club with a very rigid initiation process.One obvious and arduous requirement; you must conceive, grow and birth a baby. At first glance, you would think this group would be a little more selective in its member selection process, or at the very least a bit more exclusive but alas, one more of the great mysteries of the universe. Of course, it sounds much simpler to join this group than it actually is. If you read the fine print a bit more carefully, you will see that the conception, growth and deliverance of the aforementioned baby only gets you considered for membership in “the club”.

This photo courtesy of Google Image

The “club” of which I am referring to is one that I’ve always felt my invitation to got lost in the mail. It’s the species of Mommies who parent with ease and confidence.They are baby wearing, organic food making, breastfeeding until their children are 5, unwavering patience,non mom brain having, beautifully/impeccably coiffed, healthy, date night having, adorable dressing, PTA loving, scheduled/organized perfection. You know the ones who buy all the educational toys and actually have the time and patience to explain it to their 3 year old 50 times in one day. The ones who always pack a nutritious picnic for the park and also manage to squeeze in a valuable lesson..on a spontaneous trip to the park.I know they don’t do it on purpose ( or maybe they do) but these mommies,with their graceful ease of breezing through Mommying, make me feel like the ugly girl at prom who had no date and, to add insult to injury, had to wear an ugly dress.

This photo courtesy of google Image

I see them everywhere;in the drop off lines patiently waving goodbye, at the grocery store shopping with children in silence, at church not bribing their kids with Barbies and firetrucks to stay quiet, at the park running with their jogging strollers,working out in their yoga pants, at restaurants eating..at the same time as their family ( warm food). It makes me think, am I the only one who missed the parenting class they must be giving out with each baby you birth?I’m assuming upon graduation of that course is where the invitations are being handed out. I missed it.I think it had something to do with the shock I was experiencing as I left the hospital. I couldn’t believe they were actually relinquishing this baby into our care. Both times.I was shocked.Who the hell would give us a baby? We had no real experience. Damn it.I missed all of it.Does this mean I am doomed to this outsider perspective forever? Because, I’m not embarrassed to say ( shhh, come closer) I want in! I’m serious.I’ll do whatever it takes.Who’s bitch do I need to be? Bring it on. No hazing you could inflict could be more torturous than this being on the outside alone. I can’t take it anymore. Someone let me in.This Mommy needs some like minded war buddies.

But the more I think about it, who are these perfect Mommies? Are they really perfect or are they just working harder at concealing their imperfections? I love big and I love hard on my littles.I’m sure I could do better at the mommying on some days but on other days,I’m pretty freaking good at it. I wish there really was such a thing as a perfect parent or an easy button for parenting but it just doesn’t exist. Just like the unicorn and the liger,perfect Mommy club is exclusive because it doesn’t exist or it went extinct back int he 50′s.I just wish there was a memo sent to all the mommies of the world that read: Be ye not afraid of who you are, love your littles, stomp in the puddles, dance like no one is watching, sing like the whole world is deaf, love your Big Guy, have fun, be happy..the end. P.S. The dishes and laundry will wait and nobody’s perfect but …go brush your hair and teeth before leaving your dirty house:) Big Hugs, Reality

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Bruna 2011/01/12 - 4:42 am

I’m not a perfect Mommy and … I’m glad.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:06 pm


I think you are perfect:) But if you ‘re not, you are certainly in good company! Happy Mothering!

Statgrrl 2011/01/12 - 5:00 am

For a long time I was scared to death of the Perfect Mommy Club. They were like the pretty, popular girls in High School but nicer (to your face anyway). Heck some days I still am. I have this irrational belief that they are judging me. The cynic in me says, “Dahhhling that’s because they are judging you.” In reality, we probably Do judge each other and compare ourselves against an idealized version of motherhood. What is great about this post and others like it, is that it reminds us that Perfect Mommy is a myth. We’re all trying to look the part. Somedays, I feel so close to the edge, the only thing that keeps me sane is putting on some makeup and looking the part. Fake it till you make it (or something like that). Thanks again, I really needed this today.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:11 pm

I love the “fake it til you make it” credo, isn’t that what we are all doing to some extent? I have days when I feel like I am the queen bitch of the Mommy Club, when everything’s in sync and the girls are listening and I look like a human. But other days, like today, I am exhausted and I feel like I’m half assing EVERYTHING.Those are the days I feel like I’m on the outside trying to get asked in to the club.But I’ve noticed, the more you get to know the other mommies, the more the “fake it” comes down and the “make It” begins because we can support one another. I agree the worst thing we can do is judge one another or be compare ourselves to another mommy.Because even if she looks perfect, we don;t know what’s in her heart.things could be falling apart, it could be that she’s just got really good at faking it:)

Christan/MamaBearPing 2011/01/12 - 5:34 am

Love! Love! Love! Please come join my club where we laugh at our imperfections, nod knowingly when that three year old just won’t potty train, and our motto is “Pony tails are sexy.” Plus, you said liger. And anyone who can make that reference rocks in my book.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:13 pm


I think I am the leader of that club..the pony tail,yoga pant wearing, exhausted, barely getting by, cereal feeding for dinner Mommies club:) I think the “imperfect” parent is the new “perfect” parent. I don;t mind being imperfect,I;d just not to look like the chaos that is playing out in my head.Maybe there is a happy medium where I can be a hot looking mess vs. just a mess?

Teresa 2011/01/12 - 1:26 pm

I like to think that in a world of the blogosphere this is becoming extinct, just because of moms like you. Yes, there is now way more exposure of opinions and some moms are just plain mean to one another for not doing things “right.” But there are people like you, motherhood uncensored, mommy nani booboo, bueno baby, and shit, even DADS (gasp!) like The Daddy Files are out there telling real life stories so we all feel better about that time we actually taped our kids’ door closed so they wouldn’t keep coming out at bedtime or when we really did get tipsy because they were driving us nuts or the time (X1000) that we snapped at our beautiful wonderful perfect littles and made them cry.

That’s what this community is for. To talk about the REAL truth. Thanks for being a part of it.

P.S. your comment box won’t let me type in my web address. Says its not valid. lovemylovemyfood.blogspot.com

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:17 pm


Thanks for the kind words and for listing me in such good company ( I love all those bloggers that you mentioned:). I hope you are right, I hope that type of MOmmy CLub mentality is becoming extinct.I do see a shift in the blogosphere but what about in real life? Wish I could let the whole world read the blogosphere:)

Thanks for letting me know about the website, I will look into that. Happy Mothering.

Melisa 2011/01/12 - 2:42 pm

I’d like to say I am perfectly imperfect at motherhood. I too thought I missed the invite. And I try not to care but when I am out and my kid is screaming and acting a fool and I can’t control or calm him and there is a mother there with several kids and none of hers are acting up…I cringe. And now I am expecting #2 and realize part of the reason I can’t sleep (besides my big ole 32 week belly) is that I am scared! I thought I had a hard time with 1, what the heck am I going to do with two???

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:19 pm

You will be fine with 2. You figure it out. We all learn as we go. I really do wish they would start giving us a crash course in being Mommies before we left the hospital:) WOuldn;t that be awesome? Congratulations on the impending arrival of your newest arrival ,May God bless you with a quick painless labor, an easy recovery and a baby that sleeps through the night! HUGS!

Allie 2011/01/12 - 3:01 pm

Who are those people? I stay real clear of those moms. My mom friends are real people, with real kids that scream, with real husbands that ignore them most days. Real life. If someone looks perfect their hearts are empty and their lives are falling apart.

Can you tell I have had experience with the fake moms? The ones that go to the salon ALL the time, Claim their children are Honor Students-all the time. Claim they have sex-every day. Get botox and stomach tucks. Drive big SUV’s (wait, I fall under that one. But I just like big vehicles.) The big one: cheats on her husband, but thinks it’s ok because she confessed it all away. Sure, she is perfect on the outside. They smile but they are more broken than a fat man’s butt crack. (i just mad that up, ha ha)

Moms, don’t fall for it. When my kids were babies, I did. And almost got divorced over it. I love my kids, I love my hubby (most days). i love my friends, they are there for me. I try real hard to just focus on what MY family needs and screw the rest.

Now that I have practically written a post, I’m gonna go have a Bloody Mary, Just Kidding.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 3:26 pm


MORE BROKEN THAN A FAT MAN’S BUTT CRACK? LOL! I think perhaps you shoudl go have a bloody mary after conjuring up that doozie:)
I agree, these impossible standards are not doing anyone any favors! I try to focus on my girls and the Big Guy,they are my priority. Usually, the mommy club doesn’t bother me. I won’t lie,I’ve always been popular in my circles BUT since I’ve had my girls the circles have changed and some times I’m just too tired to schmooze and charm.Who has time and energy to be blowing all that smoke up peoples asses?Not me.
So I think that makes it even harder because I know exactly what its like to be on the “inside” but really, I think its all a myth.All of us are struggling to figure this mommying gig out. No one’s perfect. i just wish we could all admit it to each other:)

Krista 2011/01/12 - 3:46 pm

I am so not a perfect mommy – and will never be one. I still remember posting on my blog about preparing food from scratch for my little guy – and was told I should be steaming rather than boiling – felt like I couldn’t do anything right.
If you don’t mind me criticizing though – as an mommy through adoption, I think you may need to expand your definition of how one becomes a member of the Mommy Club – since conceiving, growing, and giving birth isn’t always a requirement to becoming a mommy.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 6:04 pm

Leigh Ann,

Thanks Mama. I give you major kudos for handling twin 2 year olds and a preemie.I had a 2 year old and a newborn and it was like having 10,s o I can only imagine how the number doubled exponentially with twins:)
I do believe we all have to fake it til we make it, if not we would be in a corner in a pile of our own tears and misery. I bet you are impressive to most of your mommy friends.i know if I saw a mommy breezing through w/ twins and another ( after a year or so maybe,once the hang of it and routine was developed:) I’d think ..dang, look how easy she makes it seem. I gotta step up my game with my singles:) See you are inspiring others to be a better Mommy. Hugs!

Elizabeth Flora Ross 2011/01/12 - 7:07 pm

I will be the first to admit I’m imperfect. And I’m fine with that. My daughter will be fine, too. I’m noi going to ruin her. 😉

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/12 - 7:27 pm

Im not perfect either, not even close. I have days when I am awesome at it and could teach classes and other days where I lose complete control and have to hang my head in shame. AS long as I still care that I am not doing my best, they will be fine:)LOL

Leigh Ann 2011/01/12 - 4:46 pm

I am a huge “fake it till you make it” believer! I didn’t have a clue what I was doing coming home with 2 preemies, then again coming home with a baby with two 2 year olds at home. There really weren’t that many people I could turn to for help the second time around, and when the twins were babies, I look back and think I relied TOO much on other people’s advice. So when I was struggling with twins plus 1, I had to figure it out on my own. And I’m proud of that! If some of my other mom friends judge about how I run things, you know what? They have NO idea what I am going through. You are an awesome mom, and it comes out in your writing!

Family Salmagundi 2011/01/17 - 8:49 pm

I guess I’ll actually brush and brush before I go out to blow snow, likely my only outing for the day.

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