Blogging~ I started blogging because I am a writer, or so I fancy myself to be anyways. I started blogging because I was told that it was the thing to do to build my online presence; to build a portfolio and to network. Instead, blogging has become friends, support, social media, cheerleaders and camaraderie. Blogging has become so much more than I could have expected but in the end, the goal is to be a writer. Blogging was supposed to be the gateway drug to a regular column somewhere,online or in print, I didn’t care; a book about nothing; a way to make a living doing something that I love, sharing my soul. My goal in blogging is to be seen as a writer, not a journalist (I’m no journalist) but perhaps a storyteller who tells a story that is relate-able and thought provoking. Blogging was supposed to parlay into something more.
I know everyone says, there’s no money in blogging unless you are either 1) a huge famous blogger 2) you are selling your space for advertising 3) you are selling your soul for sponsored posts (let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with sponsored posts if you believe in the product, I love to share a good product. And we all need to eat. I just can’t do ONLY sponsored posts.) but I wanted to be the exception and be a writer. I wanted to bloggy style leap frog my way into the writing world. I guess it’s the difference between working on a sitcom and starring in Les Miserable on Broadway. It’s all how you look at it. I love blogging but I love Broadway. I think that I’ve done pretty good with figuring out this blogging stuff. It’s been over 2 years and people tell me that my content is good. I want to believe them but then I realize, maybe, they are just blowing smoke up my ass. It’s not unheard of. You know unicorns and rainbows and all that? Of course it’s nice to hear nice things said about yourself but if what you’re doing is not working and no one gives you any constructive criticism how can you fix the problem. You won’t. You will stay stagnant. I don’t want sunshine and unicorns blown up my ass, I want the truth.I want to move forward.
I see my friends getting writing jobs. I am thrilled for them. I really am. Hell, I’ve even put people in touch with other bloggers to do jobs that I think they would be a good fit for. Why not? What goes around comes around , right? I love helping my fellow bloggers find success. Of course, I’d like to reach some of my goals too. But I feel like I’m treading water and I don’t know the next step. I find amazing opportunities and then they never come to fruition. It’s frustrating. Initial contact only to never have my response email not responded to, lofty promises that always fall flat, and potential writing jobs that never materialize.Maybe the problem is that I want to be paid but I can’t be bought. I know many of you have been there, or are there right this moment. I find myself sometimes wondering if it’s worth it. The time away from my girls, the lack of sleep, the time away from my husband…I feel ,on some days, that my blog is a metaphorical money pit and the currency is my soul. I’m constantly putting into it but I’m not really getting any substantial return. I feel like every opportunity is forced and I have to push and claw my way into it, just to be considered. All of these vote for me popularity contests, how do they gauge what kind of writer/blogger you really are if the person who annoys people the most for votes is the one who wins. That means they should rename the contest to most annoying blogger, right? The bigger your blogging numbers, the more opportunities that you will be provided, right? Traffic costs time. You have to dedicate a good amount of time socializing and how are you supposed to be a good Mommy blogger, if you are not being a good Mommy? They say content is king, but if that is true and if people are being honest with me about my content…then shouldn’t I be further along?
I’m nowhere. I’m nobody. I’m a woman behind a computer screen giving away bits of my soul but maybe that’s not enough. Maybe I’m not confident enough or maybe I’m overconfident. Who knows? Blogging is a field that is a mystery cloaked in secrecy and hidden by competition, for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some AMAZING bloggers who have given me great advice. Genuinely wonderful women who freely answer any and all of my countless questions about blogging, without them, I would be lost. You know who you are. I won’t name names for fear that your Twitter inboxs will blow up. But I need honesty. This is your chance, I want HONEST feedback. What do you really think about The TRUTH about Motherhood?
Have you ever felt this way? Like everyone else has it figured out but you? Like everyone else is getting the opportunities but you? Like everyone else is doing it better than you are? I know that it takes hard work and that people earn their opportunities. I just want to know what I need to do to prove myself. Can’t wait to hear your feedback, criticisms and commiseration. What did you do to push past the plateau? Have you made the leap from blogger to published and paid writer? Any advice? I feel like I am becoming the Howard Hughes of blogging over here alone with my kookie ideas and reclusivity, minus the money… of course!