Growing up too fast is no bueno. Yeah, I heard that collective groan. I did it myself today. Today was the Mommy equivalent to premature evacuation. You know what I mean about growing up too fast? Those days when your kid does something ahead of schedule? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes growing up too fast is awesome. 5 year old picks up her clothes, toys and fixes her bed..ahead of the curve. Awesome. 1.5 year old potty trains on her own. AWESOME! 3 year old can read…AWESOME! 4 year old can wipe her own ass! SUPER AWESOME!
But then there are those instances of growing up too fast that just plain suck. Having your child realize that there is no Santa, Easter bunny or tooth fairy…before they are 18 sucks. Having your little girl notice boys at the age of 5, not awesome. Having your little girl go through precocious puberty…definitely NOT awesome. Not being the biggest, brightest, end all be all to your children…so not awesome. But having your little one let go of you before you are ready to let go of them, may be the absolute worst case of growing up too fast! Growing up too fast is my least favorite thing about children, it goes hand in hand with all of this letting go business.
This morning, after dropping both girls off and leaving my husband at the airport, I braved the drizzly, cold morning and ventured back out to pick up my preschooler. She is sunshine on any rainy day. Her little smile grabs hold of my heart and wraps itself around it and hugs me from the inside out. It’s magical. I look forward t picking her up from school because I know when our eyes meet, I’m going to get the smile and that means that much needed hug from the inside out..especially on a cold, rainy Monday.
Today, after only 2 weeks of needing me to walk up to the door at pick up and begging me not to leave her alone at preschool every morning, she practically rolled her eyes at me. She walked out the door, side by side with another little girl. I was so happy, she’s made a friend. My heart swooned but the swooning didn’t last long. Her eyes met mine, she let go of her friend’s hand,promptly rolled her eyes “the OMG,this needy bitch again” was audible to my Mommy heart. She grabbed my hand to lead me to the car. I could feel the ” Well, come on let’s get on with it already. Let the ruining of my life commence!” Remember when you were in high school and you were in a relationship and it was over but neither on e of you had the balls to say so. The feeling of you’re holding me back find a new project already.Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been the giver and receiver in this scenario. I just never thought I’d be receiving it from my 4 year old, maybe when she was 15 but not now. It’s too soon. This is a prime example of GROWING UP TOO DAMN FAST!
We made our way to the car, she hurried me as if I had embarrassed her in some substantial way. When we arrived at the car, she quickly ushered me in and left me wondering, when the hell did I become an embarrassment. Wasn’t it just this morning that I was her everything?
Abbi: “Mommy, Guess what?” She sounded really serious, like we were about to have the birds and bees talk.
Me: “What, sweetie?”
Abbi: “Uhhhm, I don’t think you need to pick me up at the door anymore. I’m a big girl now. I’ll just walk out with my friends. OK?”
WTF? Isn’t the 4 year old version of it’s not you, it’s me speech? My head was spinning. I won’t lie, I was a little offended. Did I tell you that last week , she said it’s okay if I don’t lose all my weight because she’ll just tell people that I’m having a baby! Holy hell, who is this kid and what did she do with my sunshine? Give her back…now!
Me: “But don’t you want me to walk up to the door and walk you to the car anymore?”
Abbi: “Naaahhh!” Translation: What the Eff every Mom, get over it! I’m a big girl now!
With that, she tossed her hair, walked away, got in the car and buckled her own car seat. I’m pretty sure I was thrust 10 years into the future in that moment and I’m also pretty sure that I sprouted a new gray hair! Has your kid already cut you loose? What was it? How did they do it? How did you survive being broken up with by your little one? I’m not sure how much my Mommy heart can handle of this growing up too fast.