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The Boogie Man; he cometh to suck the boogies

by Deborah Cruz

I am NOT the Mommy who tells her kid about the Boogie Man. I decided this a long time ago because well, its just a tool parents use to scare their children into behaving well. I know, this coming from the same broad who tells her daughters that magical kneecap breaking elves are sent from Santa to keep a watchful eye over them and report back to the Fat Jolly guy, doesn’t make a lot of sense. So, why, you ask, do I draw a line at the “Boogie Man”? Simply because, I tell them monsters are not real and I think they are too young for the whole God/Satan discussion. Therefore, no one is allowed to even joke that the Boogie man is getting anyone in this house. Capiche?

Unfortunately, I had a little slip today. Yes, one of my girls did something ( I can’t honestly even remember what it was at this point) and I made the comment that the Boogie man something or other. As soon as I said it, I wanted to eat the words. I wanted to swallow them whole and push them deep down inside my stomach but it was too late. Those 2 words had fell on to the most astute ears of all time, the ears of Gabs. You know like the ides of March but much more dangerous.

What did I do? Well, I don’t lie to my children ( well, I don’t want to ) so how can I get out of this?I’d said it, she knew it meant something not good, so how the hell was I going to explain it all away? My thought process; Sesame street, Cookie Monster ( big blue friendly dude); Mommy fuck up,Boogie Monster; Crazy invisible guy who comes and eats the boogies of little kids who don’t listen. What a train wreck! Clearly, I should have put more thought into this craziness.

I know, its a terrible cover. One day she’ll know that the Boogie Man is a synonym for Satan but for now she thinks that the Boogie Monster is an invisible dude who comes around if he hears little girls talking back, fighting, telling their Mommy or sister they hate her, or being generally not good ..its the only time he is even aware of their existence.But if he hears, he’ll come and suck all the boogies out of their noses in the middle the night ( sort of like one of those giant bulb suckers which of course, they detest)but ONLY if they are not good.

What white lies have you told your children when caught in a compromising position? How did it work out for you?We’re you ever busted? I’m pretty sure this whole boogie monster thing is going to blow up all over my face. It’s just a matter of time.Bella listened to my explanation and gave me the “I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure that you’re full of crap Mom” look when she heard the whole sordid explanation. Gabs, on the other hand, she’s been the best she’s been since birth! Bella was pretty good too. She’s not taking any chances with Christmas being so close and all.That’s my smart cookie!Happy Mothering!

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The mad woman behind the blog 2010/12/22 - 1:57 am

Mommy Fuck up is right! But your explanation is pretty damn funny.
My lies usually involve the availability of milk at 3am and where the binkies may be. I'm sure I'll have to get creative soon b/c one, this kid is SMART and two, I have a fat mouth. JOY!

But the boogie man getting your boogers? Wow.

Truthful Mommy 2010/12/22 - 2:00 am

I know, I stuck my foot right into a crazy ball of shit is what i did!But Im telling you,my 3 year old has never been so on point:)Poor thing!I am terrible!

Brittney 2010/12/22 - 7:42 am

i tell little white lies a lot.. like there are no more cookies, your sippy cup is around here somewhere (its in the trash) santa wont come if you dont behave, …the list goes on.. wow thats pretty bad huh?

PV Lundqvist 2010/12/22 - 8:14 am

I have the same problem with Santa. One day, the baby is going to figure it out.

Abbi 2010/12/22 - 6:47 pm

Well, I wish the Boogie Monster would visit our house and suck all the boogies out of my sick little one's nose at night… it'd save me the trouble and save her sheets! I had to change them in the middle of the night because they were covered in snot. Bronchialitis freaking sucks in 1 year olds!! Not how I wanted to spending my Christmas… breathing treatments and a cranky 1 year old on oral steroids. Oye.

Bruna 2010/12/22 - 11:19 pm

If I mentioned the Boogie Man to my girls, they would never got to sleep at night. Litte white lies are harmless. We all survived on them and look how great we turned out!!!!!

The TRUTH About Motherhood – Mommy,Please Brush your Teeth 2012/03/06 - 11:34 am

[…] specific conversation about the benefits of brushing your teeth. Not unlike the big reveal of the Boogie Man, I said something that went into her brain and got completely twisted. She’s not unlike her […]


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