The shit my kids say no longer shocks me, though it probably should.Since becoming a mother, I have said and heard a lot of crazy stuff come out of little mouths. Things that I never thought I’d hear before, never mind say..out loud! Seriously, I do a lot of double takes in my house because I can seldom believe the shit that comes out of my kids’ mouths. It is incredible and the older they get the more preposterously outrageous the things out of their mouths and my responses become.
My girls say some of craziest things, here are a few gems I’ve heard in their lifetime.
Out shopping for a smaller size shorts for myself during shark week, never a good idea by the way, my daughters commentary had me doubling over in laughter, nearly popping the buttons off the new shorts. As I was trying on pairs 2 sizes smaller than last summers, I was leery whether or not they were going to fit. They fit but dependent on the style some were snugger than others. So as I stand there flustered by my water retention, I hear Bella say, from the corner of the dressing room, “Good luck with that!”
Me: “Good luck with what?”
Bella: “Good luck getting those suckers to button!”
It’s like she’s like my conscience walking around taunting me. I laughed so hard, there was no way I was getting those suckers buttoned.
Once during a 5 minute nap warning, the girls were being particularly thorough with their ignoring of my voice. I repeat for the 5th time,
“5 minutes til we go in for naps!”
My then 5-year-old looks directly at me and very seriously says, ” Mom, just because I am talking to Gabs and not looking at you, I CAN still hear you….I have a super power!”
Me: “Oh , yeah. What would that be? (besides the obvious power to completely ignore the sound of my voice)”
Bella: “I’m a SUPER LISTENER! I hear everything!” OK, that’s news to me because she may hear me but she certainly does not always listen.
Once at a crowded family dinner, in which we were discussing the topic of my husband and I going on a much needed date night, my then 5-year-old interjected ( in her loudest possible voice),
” Mommy, you should go out with Daddy. Have fun! Stay out as late as you want. But NOT TOO much fun or you’ll come back with another baby!”
Thanks a lot for the warning. I’m sure your Grandparents loved the information, as well.
If you think the things that come out of their mouths are crazy, you should hear the things that have been coming out of my mouth in the past few years.
“Stop chewing on the dog!”
“Stand still so I can get this poop out of your hair!”
“Stop screaming or the police will come and take you away.”
“Get back in bed and I will spray Lemur spray under your bed!” ( Lemur Spray Kills Imaginary Lemur’s Dead!)
“Stop putting your butt in your sister’s face!”