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Mommy Friends; Worth their Weight in Gold

by Deborah Cruz

We all know that our friends are priceless. A good friend to share your thoughts with and have some camaraderie with really can make life a lot happier.It makes things fun. You have a cheerleader, someone who always ‘gets’ you.Someone, aside from your husband, who you can be yourself with and they still love you…perks and quirks.

There is something even more precious than a friend and that is the rare mythical creature called a Mommy friend.I’m not referring to the ladies in the  drop off line that you share nothing with other than being mothers of kindergartners. I am not referring to the ladies in the Moms Groups that have to be nice to you because you go to church together.I’m not even referring to those Stroller Striding, Gymboree, baby wearing mates that you spend your days with. Hell, I am not even touching on the Moms you met through common friends and who you have coffee and gossip with while the kids run a muck.The group I am referencing is that very small piece of the population that you meet through some kid like function, your eyes meet, she looks normal, your kids like her kids, her kids like your kids, and you actually can have a conversation outside of your children about, you know, the other things in your life. *gasp*

I know its verboten to speak of such things but it happens occasionally. You know the lady you unsuspectingly meet at ballet class or while at the library checking out dvds books and you have the same parenting technique, you are both drowning in the velvet sea of children and someone takes mercy and tosses the other a flotation device…you know, to save her life!And its like falling in love, but without all the sex to mess it up. You recognize her by her nervous smile and exhausted sighs. In that moment, she rescues you from the isolation that was your island of parenting solitude.

I’ve always had a lot of friends.That’s just who I am. I come from a large family and that’s what we do..people and relationships. When you’re from a large family with not a lot of money, you have to develop a personality.It’s the only thing that you’ve got to offer. I noticed as I had children, loads of my friendships fell to the wayside. Not because I chose it, or even they did, but we grew apart. Either they didn’t have kids or our kids were at vastly different stages in life, leaving us in vastly different stages of motherhood.It makes a difference.It’s like being at the beginning of life or the end of life. Of course we could benefit from that relationship but who has the time or energy when you are trying to chauffeur, cook, fold, clean, wipe asses, comb tangled hair,stop littles from eating the toothpaste and running into the street, and about 2000 other things simultaneously.

Its a little scary. I have two children and in the 5 years that they have been alive, I have made 5 in real life Mommy friends. Yes, of course I’ve met plenty of wonderful ladies to have play dates with or chat up during drop off and pick up but only 5 have I shared a real connection. Only 5 do I want to sit down and talk about whats really going on in my life. Only 5 that would want to share a glass of wine and  get my advice. Only 5 that I can unleash my verbal diarrhea on and them actually engage with a thoughtful answer and not a head shake, blank stare and a “Right, right”. These ladies are my village. These ladies are the ones who have seen me at my best and my worst and don’t judge me for it. Don’t think less of me for being human.These friends are worth double their weight in gold. They are my tether to sanity.They are amazing.

Who are your Mommy friends?How and where did you meet them? What do you think qualifies a true Mommy friendship?

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Laura {A(n) (un)Common Family} 2010/11/12 - 12:22 am

Love this post. Love it. Good people attract good friends, so that speaks volumes about you. And your friends are beautiful…outside and clearly inside.

Amy Pryor 2010/11/12 - 12:12 am

This is a wonderful post. I have the friends you write about. I love them so much and couldn't get through each day without them. What a great way to honor them.

Amy Pryor

Justthe10 2010/11/12 - 10:46 am

Out of my 14 years of parenting I have only had 1 friend like this. I love having someone that I never have to second guess what I am saying, one that understands me and accepts me, even when we don't agree! Good post. 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2010/11/12 - 7:08 am

Thank you! I agree,these friends can save your life, your children and your marriage on occasion just by being there to talk you off your ledge sometimes..that's what friends are for. I am very lucky to have these ladies in my life.

Truthful Mommy 2010/11/12 - 7:10 am

Aww, thanks! I do love these ladies,they have been my rock when I've needed it and my cheerleader and my sanity ( when I had lost mine). They inspire me to be a better woman, friend, and mother.I only hope I can return the favor someday.Love these girls!

kim gellman 2010/11/12 - 1:51 pm

Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing!

Busy Working Mama 2010/11/13 - 8:30 am

So glad you have found your five! I can totally relate to growing apart from certain relationships after you have children. I lost a few (not great but decent) friends because they simply didn't understand that I'd rather head home after work to see my daughter than to go out once a week. Sorry, my priorities differ. I do have several wonderful mommy friends. One is my best friend from Chicago so we only converse via phone except for the once a year visit (sniff, sniff) but we trust each other's advice on all matters. The rest are probably women I've reached out to through daycare….if I see that Lily gets along well with a child, I slip a note with my email to the mom and arrange a playdate or BBQ or something. I have met many wonderful women that way that I might not have met had I not reached out to them. Are they as good as my Chicago friend, no, but nothing can replace a true BFF!

Happy Saturday! I better get back to my laundry…sigh.

MamaBear 2010/11/14 - 11:57 am

I'm a first time reader of your blog, and you are a great writer! I look forward to reading more!

Anonymous 2010/11/16 - 11:46 am

like you i believe we will meet a lot of people in life, but only a choice few who leave a mark. i am so glad we have met in our lives, you have left a mark on my heart and i always wish you well no matter how much or how little we talk. i hope we can continue to "save" each other from time to time. take care. Sarah

MommaKiss 2010/11/16 - 10:24 pm

I've got my 'hood mamas and they have been so amazing. They cook for my husband when I'm out of town. Bring me wine when I'm out and am in 'jail' [kids sleeping]. We go for walks, care for each others kids. My girls. They're good.


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